Receiving Black Napkins, Squatting in Strangers' Kitchens, Slurping Smelly Foods, and More

Nick: Do you use the wrong side of your napkin? Do you shush your hosts? Do you not know how to count to ten? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey everybody, it's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse-bouche.

Leah: Ooh!

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about napkins.

Leah: I wish my facial expression could make a noise so our audience knows how I already know how wrong I am.

Nick: Well, we've already talked about napkins in one of our earliest episodes—I think it was episode 20. And it has come up again, where we talked about napkin rings or where to put the napkin. But there is more napkin ground to cover. So today I wanted to do Napkins 201.

Leah: Oh, okay.

Nick: Yeah! And these are just some extra things that I want everybody to know. No need to be afraid.

Leah: No, I'm excited to know them because we know I don't know them.

Nick: Well, you might. Well, we'll find out. And so in that early episode, we talked about how at a restaurant, when you're unfolding your napkin, you would put the crease towards you. Do you remember this, Leah?

Leah: Nope. [laughs]

Nick: Okay. So yes, you would put the crease towards you. So you would fold a napkin in half and then there's the crease side and then that goes at your belly button. So that goes under the table and that goes towards you. But we never talked about why. Why do we do this? Why is that the thing? Any guesses?

Leah: I'm gonna say why I would do that.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Even though as I say it, I know it's absolutely incorrect.

Nick: We'll see.

Leah: But it works for this as well.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: If you fold it with a crease towards you, then it opens like a mouth this way, right?

Nick: Right. Yes. Uh-huh.

Leah: So then you could take the other end of it, pull it up and tuck it into your collar.

Nick: Oh, okay. You kind of had me until we got to that point.

Leah: [laughs] Well, the other option is that way when you—that way it doesn't fall into it. So when you pick it up and fold it back and put it for when you're gone or stepping away, it doesn't have food inside of it.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. So here's the real story.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So we have two layers of napkin. And so we have the outer edges, which is facing the ceiling and is facing the floor. And then we have the inside of the book, the inside of the sandwich.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And so the idea is when you're lifting up your napkin to dab your mouth, you will fold down the top layer, and you'll expose the inside of the napkin. You'll dab, dab, dab, and then you can close the book again. So you are dabbing on the pages of the book inside. You're not dabbing on the cover of the book. Can we picture this?

Leah: Yes, but can I say how close that is to pulling it up and using it as a bib?

Nick: I mean, it's, I guess, similar idea. Similar idea.

Leah: But I would say in the same book.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Maybe not the same chapter. In the same book, though.

Nick: Maybe the same series.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: But yes, the idea is you will dab on the inside of the napkin surface, and you'll be able to cover your mess with the outside of the napkin so that other diners do not see your dabbing. And so that is proper. And so when you have it folded in half, this allows this book thing to be easier. And for anybody watching a video at home, I'm gonna be dabbing the inside—hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm—and then I can close it up again. And then you have not seen any of my dabbing.

Leah: I feel like I really learned something. And because there's a visual aid, which for people such as myself ...

Nick: Yes. For podcast listeners, so sorry. [laughs]

Leah: So sorry. But for ADD Leah, very helpful. Visual learner.

Nick: So the next thing I want to talk about are black napkins. Have you ever been to a restaurant, and instead of a white napkin, you're given a black napkin?

Leah: Oh, many times. I've been to a lot of events with black napkins.

Nick: Interesting. Okay, and any idea why this is, or it was just aesthetic?

Leah: I thought they were aesthetic.

Nick: So it could be, but sometimes at a nicer restaurant you might be given a black napkin because they see you are wearing dark colors, and they do not want to give you a white napkin that might leave white lint on your clothing.

Leah: [gasps]

Nick: Isn't that thoughtful?

Leah: It's so thoughtful. Because you know you're wearing dark clothing.

Nick: So if you're at a fancy-schmancy restaurant and they are giving white napkins to everybody, but then they're giving you a black napkin, it is because they think that that is better for your clothing.

Leah: How funny would it be if you didn't know that? Like me 30 seconds ago. And they're walking around, they're giving napkins and they give you a black one and you're like, "Oh, is this because you got, like, an Edgar Allan Poe vibe from me?"

Nick: Oh yeah. You're gonna be executed. Yes. You've been selected. [laughs]

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: No, it's just that they're being very thoughtful. I mean, that's very elegant. That is super rare. I think I've only been in a restaurant, like, twice in my life where that ever came up. So I don't know how common this is anymore, but like a lot of things on our show, I just want you to be prepared. So now you know.

Leah: No, I love it. Thank you!

Nick: And then the last thing I just want to talk about for Napkins 201 is that in a restaurant, when you sit down, you put the napkin in your lap first thing, right? We know this.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Now if you are dining in a private home, you do not do that.

Leah: Oh, interesting—interesting delineation.

Nick: Yes. And an important one, because if you do that in a private home—you sit down, you put the napkin in your lap immediately—basically what you're saying to the host is, "Feed me. Hungry. Food now. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Me want food."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so you do need to wait for your host to put their napkin in their lap first. That's your signal.

Leah: That is the vibe. That is the vibe.

Nick: Right. So that's why you do need to wait in a private home, private dinner. But in a restaurant, yes, you do sit down, immediately put the napkin in your lap, and then we begin.

Leah: Okay. I feel much more forearmed is forewarned. Isn't that what it is?

Nick: [laughs] Exactly. So napkins, so much to know.

Leah: So much to know.

Nick: And the more you know.

Leah: The more you know, the less you bib. I don't know. I'm still gonna tuck it into my neck. I still am.

Nick: Okay. I mean, etiquette, it is like poetry. You know the rules now, Leah.

Leah: I'll just—as people walk by, I'll go, "I know the rules. I'm just the e.e. cummings of napkins."

Nick: I'm an iconoclast.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and into a possible nightmare on a plane.

Nick: That's right. So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about this news that some airlines are now gonna be allowing you to make phone calls in flight.

Leah: I also want to say it's not just phone calls, it's Zoom business calls and Instagram livestreams for influencers.

Nick: Oh, it just got worse.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So yeah, let's talk about it. I mean, I guess the technology is there. We now have much higher speeds of connectivity in the air. And so the technology exists.

Leah: Just because it exists doesn't mean we should use it. It's the same thing when I say just because it's legal doesn't mean that it's morally correct.

Nick: Yeah. So I don't love this, because it's already a problem up there, people making noises on their devices. And so we already have an issue with, like, people playing videos on their phone, people playing music, people playing games without headphones. Like, we already have an issue. And so now what are we doing?

Leah: And I mean, even when people are making calls right before the flight takes off to check in with people, and even when they're trying to be quiet, it's still clear that somebody's having a conversation and it sort of takes over the area.

Nick: Oh, absolutely. And there are few things more maddening than hearing a one-sided conversation. And they've actually done research on this where our brain tries to fill in the gaps in the conversation because our brain has a hard time with just hearing one side. And so that is why a one-sided conversation is actually more annoying than hearing two people talk.

Leah: I also think that I believe I brought it up before on one of our episodes when I was on a flight and the guy did a business meeting Zoom call.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: It was a night flight and the flight attendant came over and was like, "Hey, you can't make calls." And he's like, "It's not a call, it's a Zoom." And she's like, "Well, same thing." And it was horrible.

Nick: So now on some airlines that's gonna be okay.

Leah: Yeah. I mean, this was the middle of the night. It took over, like, probably the six rows around us.

Nick: Yeah. No, it just seems like such a bad idea. Now to be fair, some airlines actually, I think, do currently allow it. And maybe it's fine. I mean, maybe we're being alarmist. Maybe everybody's gonna be on their best behavior.

Leah: In what world?

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I just think it's funny that they're like, this is also for—they want to make sure—like, this is also for livestreams. You can livestream us.

Nick: That I feel like actually is too far.

Leah: I don't want to be a part of somebody's livestream video. I don't want to hear somebody's livestream video.

Nick: I just don't want to be near it.

Leah: If we could have quiet cars on a plane?

Nick: I feel like that would be one of the solutions. We need to have—like, there used to be the old smoking section, so now there needs to be, like, the livestreaming section. So if you want to be on calls, if you want to be livestreaming your experience, then you're in the back 10 rows.

Leah: Yeah. Put him in the back.

Nick: Or like Japan Airlines, they have a thing where when you're selecting your seat, if an infant is in a seat, it actually shows you on the seat map that a child is in that seat. And so if you want to be as far away from an infant on an airplane as possible, you'll know that. So maybe if you want to be on your phone on a flight, you have to declare that when you're buying your ticket. And so that people know that they can stay as far away from you as possible.

Leah: I don't think people will put that because we would all try to stay away from it, and then they would just have open seats around this person.

Nick: Ugh!

Leah: The thing is I don't want to pay more. I don't want them to be like, "Hey, we're gonna charge people who don't want to be near people on business meetings."

Nick: [laughs] Oh, that's so true!

Leah: If we want to pay—you know, you're like, now I'm paying for—I'm paying for a seat, I'm paying for the flight, I'm paying for my baggage, now I'm paying for not to be next to a business meeting.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, it just—no good will come of this. Also, it puts flight attendants in a horrible position because let's say somebody is being obnoxious above and beyond. The flight attendant now has to decide are they actually? Because how do you create a policy that has some definitive line of how obnoxious you're being on the phone?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Like, what is that? A decibel meter? Number of hours you're on the phone? If you keep saying, like, "Always be closing!" into the phone, like, you only get two of those per call. Like, I mean, what is the line? So now flight attendants are in charge of enforcing civility. And we've already seen how this goes. And now they have one more thing on their list to do?

Leah: Oh, that's so true. They don't need another thing.

Nick: No. So, like, I can't imagine flight attendants are into this. And so what do we do as fellow passengers? Like, is there anything to do?

Leah: You know, the thing is is if we could trust everybody ...

Nick: Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, our show wouldn't exist then. [laughs]

Leah: I know. But if the idea would be like, oh, this is an eight-hour flight. This is a five-hour flight during the day. Obviously, sometimes people have a big thing that came up and they'll be on there for 15 minutes. That'll be the whole thing. Then it won't happen again. Okay. There's a world. I get that. People are gonna be on straight the whole time.

Nick: Oh, full workday.

Leah: Full workday.

Nick: Yeah. Full eight-hour workday. Absolutely. Yes. I mean, I've been on Amtrak from New York to DC and it's just like, oh, this is a WeWork. Everybody's just doing business the entire time, and it's so loud. And on an airplane with the ambient noise, you will be loud. You are gonna be talking louder.

Leah: Oh, for sure.

Nick: On this phone call.

Leah: You can't be quiet on a plane. All the things are too loud.

Nick: I think if an airline wants to do this, they need to take out one bathroom and turn it into a phone booth.

Leah: I literally was thinking, why can't we have, like, little booths?

Nick: That's the only way. And you can be in the phone booth and there's a time limit. You can be in there for 15 minutes if somebody's waiting. And you can go into the phone booth.

Leah: I don't want them to take out a bathroom, though, because I feel like there's already too few bathrooms.

Nick: Right. Yeah, as soon as I said that, I was like, oh, is there something else we could take out? Well, maybe take out some seats. Take out a row of seats.

Leah: Take out the back seats.

Nick: The last row that nobody wants anyway.

Leah: Make six booths.

Nick: Six booths? Okay. Yeah.

Leah: Boom, boom, boom, boom. And then with little plexiglass.

Nick: And have at it. Yeah. No, they need to have little doors. Yeah, soundproof. Yes. And then go in there, do your Instagram livestream. Yes.

Leah: And there's a time limit. You can't sit on there the whole flight.

Nick: If somebody is waiting, you get 15 minutes. If nobody's waiting, happy for you to be there the entire flight.

Leah: Also, but it's like now we have a sign-up sheet. Like, it's gonna get so complicated. "I was waiting next. I was waiting next."

Nick: Yeah. And then they're gonna charge more for that if you want to reserve a spot in the phone booth. Yeah. No good will come of this. Yeah.

Leah: Or we can have flights that are video call flights and it's just everybody's on their video calls. They're allowed. And then flights for the rest of us.

Nick: Because I do enjoy flying where it is sort of like one of the few times when I'm just not on my device.

Leah: Yes. That's what ...

Nick: And I'm not subjected to other people's other devices.

Leah: Yes!

Nick: And I get to be in my little bubble.

Leah: Yes. It's like, why is it so bad that we would have a small chunk of time with no devices?

Nick: Yeah. And I can imagine that the airlines that are introducing this have done market research and they're like, oh, you know what our passengers want? This. Our passengers want this flight experience.

Leah: Well, I think some business people who are probably already paying a lot, they want it.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Because they want to keep doing business.

Nick: So maybe we should just limit this to business class?

Leah: Yes. If you kept it in business class, wouldn't it make ...

Nick: Wouldn't that be interesting?

Leah: And then we plexiglass those people in their own area.

Nick: Yeah, we just cage them in. Yeah. Crate them.

Leah: Crate them.

Nick: Crate them. That actually—maybe that would be the thing. Yeah. If you want to be on the phone, then it has to be a business class seat because it's business. Business class.

Leah: Business, business class.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Fair.

Nick: Okay, finally. That actually would be the most bearable. My hope, though, is that everybody will be on their best behavior and this won't be such a bad thing.

Leah: I love that. I will also hope that with you.

Nick: I will be flying British Airways next week, and British Airways is I guess the airline that has first introduced this. And so I'd be very interested to see if my overnight flight to London is ruined by influencers streaming the experience.

Leah: Well, and the night flight is the worst one for it.

Nick: Yeah. Although the daytime flight, I don't want that either.

Leah: No, I know, but I definitely don't want it when it's dark. [laughs]

Nick: But I mean, at night I'll have headphones, I will have earplugs. Like, I guess I could probably cocoon a little better. On a daytime flight, I'm up and I'm more easily bothered. I mean, pretty easily bothered either way.

Leah: [laughs] Yes.

Nick: So maybe it doesn't make a difference, but yeah, I just—no good will come of this. Listeners, are we wrong?

Leah: Are we wrong?

Nick: Are we overthinking this? Is this a good idea? Do you want this? Does anybody want this? Will it be fine? Are we alarmist or is this the end of civilization?

Leah: Or did civilization end a long time ago and this is just yet another thing?

Nick: This is the final gasp. Yeah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Be very interested to see how it goes. Let's just put it that way. I will not be surprised if this rule gets rescinded real fast. So watch this space!

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back, and now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is, quote, "My wife's cousin called to ask if a friend of hers could stay with us while in town for a job interview—let's call her Lisa. Evidently, Lisa has had a very hard year with layoffs and a divorce. So wanting to be good sports, we said yes. Lisa would be arriving late Sunday after 11 o'clock, so I FaceTimed with her to show her how to use the code to enter our house through the back entrance, which leads directly to the guest room. I also explained that we rise early and we both work from home. Lisa arrives, and the next morning I enter the kitchen to find Lisa all set up with her computer and she's leading a webinar. She puts her finger to her lips to keep me quiet and continues without headphones for two hours. We couldn't get coffee or clean up breakfast dishes. When I heard she'd finished, I introduced myself, explained the kitchen is common space, and we had no idea she needed to work from our home. She didn't apologize, and she said she'd prefer to work in the kitchen, but did go to work for another hour in our basement. She also grumbled that we were exceptionally loud. She then went out for her interviews, a professional dinner, and then left the next morning before dawn. We didn't see her but once. She left stinky takeout trash in her bedroom, didn't strip her sheets, and left her towel mushed up on the back of the toilet. She did leave us a lovely thank-you note. Lisa wants to stay again for another round of interviews, and while this woman really needs help, I'm of the mind that I can call her and tell her directly and frankly our boundaries for her stay. My wife says it is a lost cause and we should just say no. Thoughts?"

Leah: I'm gonna tell you right now, if somebody—I woke up ...

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: ... and somebody was in my kitchen ...

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: ... leading a webinar ...

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: ... they would have me in the background getting my coffee, because you cannot keep me from my coffee in the morning. And shush me? You're gonna shush me? In my home?

Nick: That's the thing. The shushing. The shushing. I mean, the shushing, that sent me over the edge.

Leah: It would be so hard not to respond while the person's live. "Did you just shush me?"

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: "Did you shush me in my house? Did you shush me where you're staying for free? No, we're gonna talk about it now in front of these people. We're talking about it now in front of these people."

Nick: [laughs] The shushing is really wild. Yeah. I mean, no good deed goes unpunished. That's the first thing I wrote down.

Leah: I mean, you know I don't believe in that. I do feel that 90 percent of the world would not behave this way.

Nick: 99.99, yeah.

Leah: I would have said that in the beginning, but now after doing the show for six years, I'm bringing it down to 90 percent.

Nick: Okay, that's true. So yeah, Lisa? Yeah, Lisa is an odd bird.

Leah: And I don't think the stripping the sheets and the stinky takeout in her bedroom would be as irksome if she wasn't so insanely rude otherwise.

Nick: And the wildest twist is that there was a lovely thank-you note. I mean, what a twist.

Leah: Such a twist.

Nick: Such a twist. Was not ready for that. Ah, so what do we do? What do we do with this? I do feel bad for Lisa. It sounds like she's going through a thing, and she needs our help. Or she needs help from somewhere.

Leah: We offered help.

Nick: We did.

Leah: And we got shushed and our coffee taken from us.

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: I can see both of these options working.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I think if our letter-writer feels okay calling up Lisa and saying, "Hey, we recognize that you'd like to do this again and it would be very helpful to you. Here are the rules. You cannot be in our kitchen. It did not make us feel good when you shushed us in our own kitchen. Please leave the room as you found it. And it sort of is rude to say that we are loud when you're in our home."

Nick: Right.

Leah: As we are doing you a favor.

Nick: Yeah. And I think it should be mentioned that this is such a distant relationship. This is my wife's cousin's friend. This is so distant.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So I think setting those boundaries is actually easier because it is such a distant non-relative. Like, this is a perfect stranger, and you are under zero obligation to do anything for this person.

Leah: I do think it is nice that you want to help, and I think there's absolutely no problem at all with just saying all of those things.

Nick: Yeah. So I think if you do want to give this person another chance and put them on notice, like, here's the rules? Yeah, I think it would be fair to itemize it real clearly. If you're not into it, then I think you can absolutely say, "Unfortunately this round won't work for us, but we wish you all the best on the interviews." Boom.

Leah: And then I mean, I'm sure the cousin's gonna want to know why.

Nick: Yeah. And I guess, do you say, like, "Oh, we would love to host her again, but unfortunately it wasn't a great experience." And here are all the reasons. I mean, anything you say is gonna get back to Lisa. So I guess it's do you care or not?

Leah: I mean, it's quite possible she should know because it might help her in the future.

Nick: Yeah, I guess that's true. Is this important constructive feedback? Maybe.

Leah: But the thing is is that you're not giving it to her. You're telling your cousin, because you want your cousin to understand why you're not doing her this favor. You're doing the favor for your cousin. You don't know this person.

Nick: Right. Yes. This is a favor for your wife's cousin. Right.

Leah: And I think it's fine to let your wife's cousin know why you're not doing it again.

Nick: Although the wife's cousin knows. They know what Lisa's up to.

Leah: Do they know? They might not know.

Nick: Is Lisa only like this in certain aspects of her life?

Leah: We don't know.

Nick: I don't know. I feel like if you have this laundry list of etiquette crimes, you must be doing similar things in your entire life. You're not saving this for when you're a houseguest in a stranger's home.

Leah: I don't know. It's possible that you only know people in a certain circumstance.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, maybe they're just book club friends and they don't know what Lisa's capable of.

Leah: Well I mean, they might only know stories from Lisa's point of view.

Nick: Oh yeah. "Oh, I stayed at those people's house. They were so loud. It was so hard to get work done."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: "They were just clomping around all day and then they demanded to get coffee."

Leah: "They walked in on me."

Nick: Mm-hmm. Yeah. "And they had no hooks in their bathroom for me to hang up my towels, and oh, it was such a nightmare!"

Leah: But I think this choice between telling her directly and we should just say no, that's just a personal preference. I don't think Nick and I can make that decision.

Nick: Yeah, I think it's up to you. I would say, because I'm feeling oddly charitable today, give her another chance and be real clear with the rules.

Leah: That's what I would say as well.

Nick: Yeah. Because I think it does seem like she was really not in your house at all much. She sort of was there to use a bed, she sort of took over your kitchen, and we can address that, and then she was gone by dawn. So I think if she can just live a little lighter in your house, and you're just providing shelter and you have to do a load of laundry, then I think you could do it. And if she doesn't land the job now, then I think we're done. We don't have to offer a third round.

Leah: I also think it would make us feel better if we said, "We were a little taken aback that you shushed us and said that we were loud in our own home."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: It would just make you feel better.

Nick: Yeah. Also, I do like a redemption arc.

Leah: Yeah, I love a redemption arc.

Nick: And also, I think it will also make you feel better if you give the redemption opportunity and they don't take it, then you are so guilt-free and then you've got an even better story.

Leah: Oh, so I take back what I said. I guess we will make that decision for them.

Nick: Yeah, we made the decision.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So good luck with Lisa round two. Let us know how it goes. And to be safe, I think you might want to make coffee the night before, put it in a thermos and bring it to your bedroom just in case there are more kitchen shenanigans again.

Leah: No, it's not the same kind of coffee as when it just happens in the morning. And you really need morning coffee. And if they are in there again doing that, you've warned them you will be making coffee in the background.

Nick: In the nude.

Leah: Preferably in the nude.

Nick: Okay. Rules are rules.

Leah: Rules are rules.

Nick: [laughs] Our next question is, quote, "I've been friends with Lisa for about 15 years. We met as coworkers and have remained friends even after job changes. I have not seen Lisa in about three years due to life, schedules, et cetera, but we text often. Recently, she reached out and wanted to get together. We set up a time and location, and I texted her the day prior and she canceled as something had come up. This repeated four times over the next two months. The fifth time, I texted the day before and she confirmed. Then she texted me three hours prior to our meetup and canceled. I have no desire to set up another meeting. So my question is: when she reaches out again, how do I kindly say no thank you?"

Leah: I think we could come up with a nice no thank you, but I think we can also say, "Hey, you've canceled on me five times."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, this is so many times.

Leah: It's so many times.

Nick: So many times! I mean, honestly, letter-writer, I want to take your side, but I think this is kind of on you at some point. Like, you have put yourself in this position. After the third time, you had to be a little, like, do I want to schedule a fourth time? But you did, and then you got canceled on, and then you set up a fifth time. So I mean, I don't know, letter-writer, a little personal responsibility here. It's kind of on you. You allowed this to happen.

Leah: I'm not coming in that hard.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I'm saying I don't think we need to have a polite response. I mean, I think we can say it politely, but I don't think we have to gloss over the other person's behavior.

Nick: No. And letter-writer, I will of course take your side, because this is totally maddening. And you did want to see your friend, and who knew that they were capable of this amount of cancellation every 10 days basically?

Leah: I get always wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt and trying ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I'm in that boat. This is why I think now, though, it's fine to say, "Hey, you've canceled on me five times in a row."

Nick: Yeah. And I think the nice way to say it is, "Thank you so much for reaching out. I'd hate to be canceled on again. Please let me know when your schedule settles down and you know you won't need to change our plans." Boom. "But let's stay in touch over text. Let's continue our text friendship, which is working because it's asynchronous."

Leah: There's something about that that rings wrong to me, but ...

Nick: What?

Leah: Our letter-writer may love that.

Nick: I'm sorry. I think that was an excellent response. What doesn't do it for you? What's not resonating?

Leah: There's something about "let me know when your schedule calms down" that feels ...

Nick: Oh, I could see—I mean, the way I said it — I just have a naturally passive-aggressive tone. [laughs]

Leah: I think maybe it's your tone.

Nick: So I think if anybody else said it, it would actually maybe sound nice. Yeah. The let me know part ...

Leah: You're like, "Let me know when you get your life together." That's what that sounds like.

Nick: I mean, that is definitely the subtext. [laughs] Okay, you have a fair point. Okay. Yes. I could see how that does read a little aggressive. Okay. "I'd hate to be canceled again." This is good, right? We like this. That part is good.

Leah: That's fine.

Nick: Okay. Do we want to just leave it there, or do we want to leave the door open to the future?

Leah: Well, I want to see what they say in response. If they make me—if they try to make me feel bad for that ...

Nick: Mmm, are they gonna crasslight you?

Leah: Yeah. Are they gonna crasslight me or are they gonna immediately take responsibility, apologize, recognize their actions, and fix it?

Nick: Well, no, they're not, because every time they canceled, they probably apologized like, "Oh, so sorry. I can't meet up, something's come up." They did not do the thing which is required, which is make sure you do not do it again. Like, when you cancel on somebody, you really need to make an effort—if you're sincere about seeing them—to not cancel on them again. Like, you can't cancel on somebody this many times. You can't. Like, you just can't do that. So this person is not willing to make the effort required. The sixth time is not gonna be different, but okay.

Leah: I still want to see what they say when confronted directly with the facts of the situation.

Nick: Okay. So "Thanks so much for reaching out. I'd hate to be canceled on again." Period. Boom. Send the text. We leave it at that?

Leah: Um, ugh.

Nick: It needs a little something.

Leah: There needs to be another thing at the end of it.

Nick: Yeah. A little dollop of whipped cream or something, right?

Leah: Just a closer.

Nick: Just a little sprinkling of something.

Leah: The thing that is the thing that is basically like, "Are you sure this time? Is this a real date? Also recognize that you've canceled on me five times."

Nick: And can you really stick to it if we actually make plans again?

Leah: How about, "Thanks so much for reaching out. You know I'd love to see you. As our past five dates have been canceled, I'd prefer it if we knew for sure that this was going to happen."

Nick: Yeah. I guess that's the most fair, honest way to do it.

Leah: I feel like this is right.

Nick: And then if they cancel on you, well ...

Leah: That's it.

Nick: That is so it.

Leah: That's so it.

Nick: That is so it. So okay, good luck with that. [laughs]

Leah: But I also want to know what happens.

Nick: I do want to know what happens. So letter-writer, let us know. Yeah, let us know if you ever see Lisa again or if this is it.

Leah: And if Lisa takes responsibility and fixes her actions.

Nick: I don't think she will, but I would love to be proven wrong.

Leah: She may.

Nick: She may.

Leah: She may.

Nick: Stranger things have happened.

Leah: Stranger things have happened.

Nick: So you out there, any strange things happen to you? Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: Nick, I'm gonna vent.

Nick: All right, I'm ready.

Leah: So some of our Wolves family know about this because I Instagrammed it in live time on my story.

Nick: Oh, did I miss this? What happened?

Leah: I was on a flight.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I want you to know I feel slightly guilty because of how worked up I got, but it just pushed me past my limits.

Nick: Okay. Oh, I do not know what happened.

Leah: Okay, so cross-country flight, not short.

Nick: Sure, transcon.

Leah: So first off, this person who I did not know was going to be my seatmate.

Nick: Mmm?

Leah: The group of humans who was waiting for their zone to be called, we collectively have decided that we were all a certain amount away.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: From the—you know, the place where you walk through.

Nick: Okay. So we were geographically a certain distance from the boarding area.

Leah: Yeah. Everybody had sort of been like, obviously let's give the people who are actually boarding space and not be gate lice.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: So this woman ignores where everybody else is standing and pulls into the middle and stands, like, right in the middle.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Not when it's her time to go.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So I think, "Oh, here we are."

Nick: Mm-hmm. Yeah, we know this type of person.

Leah: So then, you know, the other two—we were zone three. Zone one, zone two, gotta go around her.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: Zone three, she—I mean ...

Nick: She's ready.

Leah: Was she a football player? I don't know. She just put her shoulder down and ran through.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: You know what I mean?

Leah: So then I'm a few behind her. I come up to my seat. We're seatmates.

Nick: Oh, fate!

Leah: She had pushed to the front, yet she was not ready to get into her seat.

Nick: Oh! Oh, that's a crime. Not being ready.

Leah: Because she had things that she wanted on the seat, but then she wanted to put other stuff in there. So she's repacking her bag.

Nick: Oh, I love that.

Leah: Standing in the aisle.

Nick: That is my favorite.

Leah: Now other people want to get past. So I don't touch her. I'm not in her space, but there is enough room in our section for me to sort of scoot by so people can try to get around her. It's not two people.

Nick: Right.

Leah: She looks at me and in a way that says—I'll just tell you what she said to me. She goes, "I'm doing the best I can."

Nick: [gasps]

Leah: So then I go through my mind. I'm like, maybe she's just having a really rough day.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: You know, maybe she really is doing the best she can, but that was not the tone that it was given to me. The tone that was given to me was she was irritated with me for trying to get out of the way for these other people.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Even though I didn't in any way invade her space.

Nick: Yes. And also, she had a lot of opportunity to do whatever packing, repacking she wanted to do, make sure the things she wanted for her flight were within reach.

Leah: Yeah. If it was so important for her to cut everybody else, you would think that she would have been fully ready.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Also, I can read a tone, and if someone is saying, "I'm doing the best I can" because they're having a horrible day, I get it.

Nick: Yeah. This was not that.

Leah: So then I was like, what? I'm gonna share this story, and then what if this person listens and she's like, "Well, Leah's a monster." But I'm sorry, but this is what happened. I sit down next to her.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Then she has a cup full of boiled eggs.

Nick: How? No! No, I don't want a whiff ...

Leah: With spices on top.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I'm an auditory person. Like, certain noises literally make me need to climb out a window. I cannot handle it. I cannot handle it.

Nick: So the slurpy egg sound wasn't doing it for you?

Leah: She put her earphones on, and then I think couldn't hear how loud she was. So then instead of biting the egg that obviously took up the whole area of egg smell ...

Nick: That is so wild!

Leah: ... she slurped her eggs.

Nick: Sure, gotta savor it. Suck that spice off.

Leah: And I just because of my own problems with noise, I was like, I might have to find a way to crack a window and take the whole plane down.

Nick: Well, because once the seal is broken of annoyance, you can't go back. Once you hear a little annoying sound, that's all. That's it. That's all you can hear.

Leah: That's all I can hear. I had earphones in. I turned it up.

Nick: I can forgive a lot. The not being ready before you sit down? Okay. That's annoying. That's kind of a rookie mistake, but okay, fine. Hard-boiled eggs on an airplane? Everybody knows—everybody knows that is not an acceptable plane food.

Leah: This was just a person who literally didn't care about anybody around them.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then she put her backpack on when we were trying to leave and continued to just hit me in my face over and over and over again.

Nick: Of course. Yeah, we saw that coming. Yeah. No, she definitely gave it a good swing. Wow! How delightful. How delightful. Well, speaking of—ugh! I would like to vent. And so I was at Eataly the other day. Eataly, if you're not familiar, it's sort of like a very expensive grocery store that features Italian products. And there's one in New York City—actually, several of them in New York City. And so I was popping in just to grab a salad for lunch and they have a self-checkout area near the salads that's like grab and go. How delightful! And, you know, it just sent me over the edge. And kind of like you, didn't need to, but it really did. And here is this woman who's using the self-checkout. And she's got a full cart. And it's sort of like, no, no, there's a big sign that says 10 items or fewer. And now I am counting her items.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I'm counting her items. And she had 12 items.

Leah: Ooh!

Nick: And I gotta say, those two extra—I mean, to have 10 felt bold because this is really not where you're supposed to do your shopping checkout. This is really like, oh, I grabbed a sandwich, I grabbed a salad, I grabbed a soda and I'm out the door. And they're being nice by going up to 10 because that's sort of like a supermarket standard number. But, like, come on, you should go to the other. But no, she had 12 items. And it was, like, too far. That is too far. You've crossed the line. And I say no! I say no. And she had an Eataly card, which I didn't even know existed, but she had, like, some frequent shopper card. So she knows. She's not even like a tourist who doesn't know how to read signs or English or any other excuse. She has been to this Eataly before. She knows the rules. And I think she deliberately wanted to flaunt them.

Leah: I wonder if it's the same woman, because I was on a flight to New York.

Nick: Was she buying eggs and spices? I would have to think.

Leah: Was she wearing, like, all dancer's clothes? Was she wearing dancer's clothes?

Nick: She kind of was actually. Yes. [gasps] Could it have—that would be so wild if this was the same woman.

Leah: It feels like the same woman.

Nick: Because actually this shopping was happening right before you got on this flight you're talking about.

Leah: I bet she was shopping for this flight!

Nick: Wild! I mean, I would love it if it's the same person. Yeah. Because also there's only one person in the world capable of this level of depravity.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] But it was just the 12 items, it just—and also she was incapable of shame. And it was really hard for me to look at her, look at the sign, look at her, look at the sign and try to do, like, a, you realize you had more than 10 items, right? And then there was, like, a security person standing nearby and I was like, do I say something like, "Oh, excuse me, is this for 10 items, or can I have more than 10 items?" Like, could I say something really loud? No, didn't really have the opportunity. So I just had to grin and bear it, which made it so much worse because there was nowhere to put this other than to here.

Leah: It's the same woman.

Nick: It is the same woman. So I salute you. You are bold. You are bold.

Leah: She's a bold woman.

Nick: Very bold. Bold choices. So that's our vent.

Leah: [laughs] Yeah.

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned three new levels of napkin. 2.0, 2.0A, 2.0B, 2.0C.

Nick: Okay. A lot of layers.

Leah: So many layers! So many folds!

Nick: And I learned that despite all that, you're still gonna use it as a bib.

Leah: Did you learn that or—if you had to guess, you would've guessed it.

Nick: I was just reminded. Yeah.

Leah: You were reminded.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, I want to make sure you're getting our newsletter. Are you getting our newsletter? I don't think you are. So sign up.

Leah: I want you guys to know that I'm getting it at every email address I have.

Nick: Right? Yes. You can sign up under multiple email addresses if you'd like, but we definitely announce things in the newsletter that you don't hear about anywhere else. Like, you might actually hear about it in the show, and we want to make sure you're in the loop, you're hearing about the new fun things we're up to, maybe the new live shows we're gonna be doing, other fun projects that we've got cooking. So we want to make sure you're getting the newsletter. And you can unsubscribe at any time. Like, no presh. It's not a big deal, but we want to make sure you're in the loop.

Leah: Be in the loop!

Nick: Be in the loop. So go to our website, sign up for the newsletter, and we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah, it's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So I want to thank my parents. I was home for a week, and my dad organized a trip for us to go see Pirates of Penzance.

Nick: Nice.

Leah: Which you know I am obsessed with.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: At the University of Southern Maine. And these young adults—and we had front row seats, which I love because I'd like to be in it. I want to see your sweat. I want to be a part of it. I'm also a great front row person because I have very alive facial features. And I'm with you. I'm with you. And these young adults knocked it out of the park. They're so talented. They were just terrific, and it was a wonderful night. So thank you so much to my dad and my mom!

Nick: How nice! And for me, I want to say thank you to all of you who have written a nice review recently. As you recall, I did beg for some nice new reviews to be posted, and many of you came through. And I gotta say, the dopamine hit I get every time a little nice five-star review comes in, it really makes my day. And so I wanted to say thank you, because these are so lovely to see, and I really appreciate it. And hint, hint—if you have not done yours, you are invited.

Leah: Thank you so much for doing it. We love it, we love it, we love you!

Nick: We do. So thank you.