Flying the Danish Flag, Ducking Out of Weddings, Roasting in Cocktail Attire, and More

Nick: Do you leave without saying goodbye? Do you bring outside food where it doesn't belong? Do you make your guests pass out in the heat? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

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Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right on to it with our amuse-bouche.

Leah: Oh, let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to take you to Denmark.

Leah: I've always wanted to be taken to Denmark.

Nick: So I was in Copenhagen last week, and I was dining out and I saw something that I had never picked up on before. And what was happening is people were dining and there was a little Danish flag planted at their table. And I did not know what that meant.

Leah: Is this at all related to the link that you sent me that I'm not allowed to look at?

Nick: Yes, it is gonna be related to the link that I sent Leah shortly before we started taping that she's not allowed to look at yet. Yes. So people were dining in restaurants in Copenhagen, and there was a little Danish flag planted on the table.

Leah: At every table?

Nick: No, it was only at specific tables.

Leah: Hmm.

Nick: And so first a little history. So the Danish flag, if you can picture it, it's a red field and then there's a white cross in it. And so there's a legend about where the flag came from. And so there's actually a couple different versions of the story, but the one that is most often told, I'm told, is that in the 1200s there was a famous battle. And it wasn't going well for the Danes. And from the sky a flag fell—this flag!—and it rallied everybody and they won the battle. And so nobody actually probably believes this is actually what happened, but this is where the flag comes from. This is the legend.

Nick: And so it actually has the distinction of being the oldest continuously used flag in the world. Guinness Book of World Records says the Danish flag, oldest continuously used flag. And so in the 1600s, it was mostly a maritime flag. And then in the 1700s and 1800s, it was more of a military flag. And then in 1801, the British attacked Copenhagen, the big battle. And afterwards there was a Danish actor who went around the country performing patriotic songs in front of the flag to raise money for wounded soldiers. And this apparently is when the idea of the flag started to enter ordinary Danish life, so early 1800s. And then we have King Frederick VI, and he's seeing this happening and he's like, "Oh golly, people are using the flag." And he knew what was happening elsewhere in Europe. Like, do you remember Les Mis? Remember the flag in Les Mis?

Leah: Who doesn't?

Nick: Right? And so he knew that kind of thing was happening in France at the time and he was like, "Oh, I don't need that drama here." And so he banned the flag in 1834.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: And obviously it didn't go well. It was hard to enforce. Twenty years later it went away. And then in the late 1800s, Prussia, they occupied all this land and then they banned the flag. And so that link I sent you earlier, this is what some farmers decided to do to get around the flag ban.

Leah: I can't wait to look at this.

Nick: So open the photo, Leah. Tell our listeners what you see.

Leah: [laughs] What I see—I see a pig.

Nick: Yeah. And what does the pig look like?

Leah: The pig is—let me just say, it's a real handsome pig.

Nick: Good-looking pig.

Leah: It's a real good-looking pig, very well taken care of, with—its head is brown.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: And its body is brown, and then straight down the middle, we got ourselves a white cross.

Nick: Right. So farmers bred pigs specifically to create the flag on the pigs. They couldn't quite get the stripe down the back, but they did manage to breed pigs that had the stripe going around the body. And that's actually supposed to be more red than brown. I think the photo probably doesn't do it justice. I don't know if these pigs still exist. I don't know if this very special breed still exists in the world, but this is what farmers did. They're like, "Oh, we're not allowed to display the flag, but we will breed pigs that look like the flag."

Leah: I mean, I love it.

Nick: The Danes are quite clever. And so cut to post-World War II, rising prosperity. People had the money to have a flagpole in their backyard. And for a lot of different reasons, the flag really moved from political context into just more private ones. And so by the 1970s, this flag just became a general hurrah symbol. It was just for celebrations and good times. And for most people in Denmark, the flag is really associated with their birthday. This is really their first memory of their birthday: being awoken by their parents singing to them, coming down to breakfast, seeing special foods, and having the room decorated with the Danish flag. And so the flag is really about celebration.

Leah: So those are birthday pigs.

Nick: So those—those could be birthday pigs, but in the restaurant somebody was celebrating some occasion—an anniversary, a birthday, a job promotion. That is what the flag was symbolizing. And they even put the flag on Christmas trees. Like, this is a common Christmas decoration.

Leah: I love that now myself and all of our listeners—I won't say all of our listeners didn't know, but I'll say I didn't know. And for any of our listeners who didn't know, now when we go to Denmark and we see a flag and our friends will go, "Oh, I wonder what that is." And we go, "Oh, they're celebrating something."

Nick: Yeah. Or they're not. So you could also have the flag at half mast. That would signal to everybody that, like, oh, maybe you're in mourning. Something has happened.

Leah: I'm pretty into the pigs.

Nick: [laughs] The pigs is pretty amazing. Yes. The symbolism of the pigs.

Leah: Because it is a white stripe down the side, but then because it gets a little bit white on the belly, you can see the beginnings of where the cross would be, you know?

Nick: I mean, they really gave it a good shot with that breeding.

Leah: They really gave it a good shot.

Nick: They did. Also, what's kind of interesting, I think for a lot of Danes, it really just feels cozy. There's just something aesthetically cozy about it. Like you've heard of the concept of "hygge," right?

Leah: No.

Nick: Oh, it's the idea of, like, coziness. Think twinkle lights.

Leah: Oh, I love twinkle lights.

Nick: Cashmere blankets, snuggled up with some cocoa. Like, that very cozy quality that they do so well in Denmark.

Leah: Yes!

Nick: So they have a term for it. It's "hygge."

Leah: Oh!

Nick: So that concept, I think, also intersects with this flag usage where they see the flag as just like really cozy. Like, just a really cozy, warm, celebratory symbol.

Leah: Man, I'm just really stuck on the pig and the twinkle lights.

Nick: [laughs] Yes, I think this is right up your alley.

Leah: This is so up my alley.

Nick: And why I think this is really interesting is that this is not the relationship that we have as Americans to our flag. We do not associate the American flag with a birthday. Like, that would be weird if, like, a birthday cake had American flags all over it as just like a thing.

Leah: Yeah, we just associate it with our country's birthday.

Nick: Yeah, it's more of a patriotic symbol or it's more about the country. Yeah, it doesn't read to me as like, oh, that's really cozy. Yeah, we're all celebrating.

Leah: Yeah. No, it's like, oh, those people just got married.

Nick: Right. I would not think that if I saw American flags all over somebody's wedding, for sure. That would not be the read I would get on that.

Leah: Yes. No.

Nick: So I think it's just very interesting. And other countries do something similar. Like, there's a little bit of this in Sweden. There's a little bit of this in Norway but, like, it's not the same thing as in Denmark where, like, oh, it's a birthday, let's get the flag.

Leah: I love that we know this now.

Nick: Now we know. Yeah. And until last week, I didn't know this. So we're all learning.

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Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: [sings] Deep into a wedding.

Nick: That's right. So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about leaving a wedding without saying goodbye to the bride or groom.

Leah: I watched some really fun videos on this.

Nick: Oh, are there videos about this?

Leah: Yes, there's a video of—there's two videos going around. One is of a soon-to-be-married couple who suggested this is what they wanted to do.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then they would hand out cards with it, like, little cards on the table that would be like, "Feel free to go."

Nick: So, like, the rules of engagement were advertised. They were published. Okay.

Leah: They were asking people, "What do you think if we did this?" And then the other one was one of the best man speeches put it in his speech.

Nick: Oh, okay. Like, "Hey, feel free to just leave."

Leah: Feel free to just leave. And they said, "In fact, it would probably be nicer to the host if you just left so they could enjoy dancing at their wedding."

Nick: Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about it. So, like, traditionally it would be a little rude to just slip out of a party without saying anything, because then it's sort of like, will your host wonder, like, are you okay? Did another guest offend you? Like, you know, is everything all right? So, like, that would be traditional.

Leah: And I think that's what people worry about. Am I rude for leaving? Are people gonna be like, what happened to them? When did they go?

Nick: Right. But also if you're a guest and you wanna leave early, leaving very conspicuously, that's also not good, because sometimes what happens is there's a mass exodus, and you actually end up just, like, sucking the entire life out of the party and it all ends right there, because everyone else is like, "Oh, I wanna leave too."

Leah: Yeah. You're like, I don't want to cause a scene. I just want to kind of slip away quietly in the—in the night.

Nick: Right. And when we go real traditional, hosts at the end of an evening would actually park themselves near the front door to say goodbye to everybody. Like, that would be very traditional. And if they aren't doing that, then it's sort of like, I guess you could slip out.

Leah: Well, now I feel like a lot of people still do that, but then a lot of people have already left, so that's just for the people who stayed to the end.

Nick: Right. But I think the idea of oh, let's not interrupt the bride and groom who are having a nice time, I think there's something to that, for sure. Like, they're on the dance floor, like, they're having a nice time enjoying the party. And if every person went up to them and yanked them off the dance floor, that would be their whole, you know, final two hours of the event.

Leah: I like the idea of making this about the bride and groom and saying, for them, let's all just slip out.

Nick: Right. If they want that.

Leah: If they want that.

Nick: And I think they do need to specifically state that. Is that a requirement? Does the bride and groom have to state that somewhere? Because it is sort of like not the convention. And so if they want to go against convention, then are they obligated to say something? Like, we can't just slip out if they haven't given us permission. Or can we?

Leah: Well, I was surprised, because the woman who put out, "Hey, we were thinking about doing this so people know in advance if they want to go, they're welcome, and we're just gonna keep—" you know, apparently they decided not to do it because so many people were negative about it.

Nick: Oh, people were like, "No, we really want to say goodbye. Don't make this the thing."

Leah: Or they were like, "That's rude." Or, you know, there was like a lot of negativity coming back.

Nick: Oh, interesting!

Leah: But then when the best man speech, he wasn't asking, he was letting them know, feel free to go.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And I like—a person such as myself who tends to overthink and be like, what is supposed to happen here? I would love to be told, "This is what I want, please do this." And I'll go, "Great, thank you."

Nick: Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah, it's polite to just take the ambiguity out of it. So, like, what do you want from me as a guest? Tell me what you want from me, and then happy to do what that is.

Leah: Yes. What do you want from me?

Nick: What do you want from me? Yeah. I mean, I think I love the idea of getting permission just to, like, leave when I want to and not having to say goodbye to anybody or interrupt, et cetera.

Leah: Oh, me too. I love it. I mean, some nights, you know, a lot of my friends' weddings, I had it in me the whole night. I was out there, I was dancing, and then we just said the proper goodbyes when the bride and groom were standing by the door. You know what I mean? But some nights you're crashing hard.

Nick: I also do think there is some relationship between the size of the event and how easy it is to do this. So a very big wedding, it's ending with dancing, it's ending with more party vibes, probably easier to slip out.

Leah: Yeah. If it's you and five other people, yeah, you're gonna have—there's no slipping out. We're not slipping out.

Nick: And I think if the bride and groom are not occupied, if they're not talking to somebody else, if they're not dancing, then I think it would be nice to still say goodbye to them.

Leah: Yeah, I absolutely—because I've—but I've definitely felt like, oh, I'm interrupting them.

Nick: Right. But I do feel like I would love to create a new etiquette rule, which is at a wedding you're allowed to just leave. Can we just establish this as the new rule? Isn't that more polite for the hosts at the end of the day?

Leah: I mean, the thing is, what if the hosts don't want you to just leave, though? They want to thank everybody and see their faces and, you know, give them a kiss on the cheek.

Nick: Are there those hosts? I wonder.

Leah: Well, what if we flipped it so it was you're allowed to just leave unless the hosts say, "Please don't leave without saying goodbye."

Nick: Right.

Leah: "I want to give you a big smacker on the cheek."

Nick: "I want to make sure you didn't leave your Jordan almonds behind. We paid a lot for those. We tied every one of those little lacy bundles with ribbon ourselves. So you better take them."

Leah: "Or give them to Leah. She's oddly obsessed."

Nick: Yeah, she still has all her natural teeth somehow. Yeah, would we put the burden on the host to say, like, "Oh, you must say goodbye to us?" I don't know. I think we are in a transition here. I think we're in a transition as a society, because I would like the rule to be for a large event like this, if it's feasible, say goodbye to the host. Had a lovely time. Congratulations again. Best wishes. But as an obligation for every single guest to interrupt the bride and groom on the way out? Hmm. I mean, if we really want to get traditional, often the bride and groom would leave the party first.

Leah: Oh, that's true.

Nick: They would, like, come down the stairs, they get in the car that takes them to their honeymoon, right?

Leah: We throw rice at them, which later hurts the birds.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, can we throw anything at anybody anymore? I guess we're not throwing anything.

Leah: No throwing, Nick.

Nick: We're not throwing anything. Yeah, because we don't want paper, that's a mess. Yeah. But that would be very traditional, like they're the ones that leave first, and then obviously we say goodbye to them all together as a group, and then, like, we can all just peace out.

Leah: I feel like that's when weddings ended earlier. Like, they were going off to their honeymoon.

Nick: And they had to, like, catch some train?

Leah: They had to catch a train or get on a boat, you know? It was like ...

Nick: Yeah. That's actually a great question I've never looked into: At what hour did weddings end. I've seen a lot of invitations for weddings, like historical, you know, engraved invitations for Gilded Age weddings but, like, when did people actually leave? I guess, well, carriage is at midnight.

Leah: Carriage is at midnight. But when you see those pictures of people driving down the road in, like, the old style cars with the cans, it's always late afternoon. That is not an evening drive.

Nick: Yeah, there's always good lighting. Or is that just for the photo? Hmm. Who could say?

Leah: These are great questions.

Nick: These are great questions. Unanswerable, really. So I say for this, I would love the idea of just leaving a wedding without having to say goodbye to the bride and groom. I would love for that to be the standard. It is not currently the standard in our society, which is why you found videos like you found. But it would be nice, I think, if we got there. And I'd be curious to hear from our listeners. Are you on board with this, or do you really want to be interrupted at your wedding to say goodbye to everybody?

Leah: I would also be curious to what people think. I would also say, in addition to what I said earlier about loving being told what to do, I'm very much a person who's like, don't tell me what to do. But then I'm like, please tell me what to do. I also—I mean, you know some friends really well. Like some people, like close people, there's people you gotta say bye to.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: You know?

Nick: Right.

Leah: And they're like, this is a bye-to friend, and we say bye to those people.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: This is a bye-to family member. You know if your family member is like, "Oh, what happened? Where'd you go?" Don't leave those people high and dry.

Nick: Right. But if you somehow got invited to, like, Lisa in HR's wedding and she was busy on the dance floor having a great time and it was time for you to go, cake has already been eaten? Yeah, see her on Monday.

Leah: Yeah. What a dream if I've already been told it's okay to slip out from somebody who's, like, a good acquaintance, but ...

Nick: Yeah. Ultimately I think that is the best etiquette. because you're being so conscientious of your guest's happiness. And ultimately, what's better than that?

Leah: I bet there are some people who like to go up to the bride and groom at the end of the night.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: Or whenever they're leaving and, you know, exchange thoughts on, like, what a beautiful wedding, I'm really happy for you, get a little nice eye contact, like a thank you for coming. They feel like that wraps it up for them.

Nick: Okay, I could see that, too. I can see both sides. So listeners, curious to hear your thoughts. So let us know.

Leah: Let us know!

Nick: Let us know. Yeah. And then we'll report back.

Leah: I mean, I'm excited to hear what people think.

Nick: Yeah. Is this where I say "Watch this space?" I feel like this is my new catchphrase.

Leah: This is your new catchphrase.

Nick: [laughs] So watch this space.

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Nick: And we're back, and now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is, quote, "I have an etiquette question regarding eating at fast food restaurants that are next door to each other. My husband and I and our three-year-old son occasionally dine at a burger place. The one we go to is directly next door to a Mediterranean bowl place. While I do enjoy an occasional burger and fries, I'd much prefer the food from the bowl place, while my husband and son prefer the burgers and fries. We usually dine in, so would it be rude if I got food from the bowl place and brought it to the burger place to dine in with my husband and son who ordered burgers? Or the other way around? I know we could easily order from both places and just take it home, but these outings are generally a special night out for us, and we don't eat out at restaurants very often. For the record, I have never done this as it feels a little gauche, but am I overthinking it?"

Leah: I'm really proud of the answer I came up with for this one.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I gotta say, this really kind of got me thinking.

Leah: Right?

Nick: Right. Okay, so what have you come up with, Leah?

Leah: So I'm gonna walk you through how I got there.

Nick: Okay. I'm ready for the journey.

Leah: Okay, so we—I understand and I appreciate and I agree that I think everybody should get what they want. We got the two burgers.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then she wants the bowl.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And then I get that they don't go out. I get that it's like they're out, so they want to be out. They don't want to take it home.

Nick: Yeah. And I agree. I really prefer eating at the place because, like, something's lost in translation when you bring it home.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: It's just not the same. Especially fries. It's not as good.

Leah: It's just not.

Nick: It's not as good.

Leah: So then I thought it does feel a little weird. And I do think that a fast food restaurant is completely different than if you were, like, at a restaurant-restaurant.

Nick: Sure. Right. Yes. We're not bringing Daniel food to Le Bernardin.

Leah: One would never.

Nick: Can you imagine?

Leah: Oh, I dare not.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: So my thought is we ask our husband to order our drink from the burger place.

Nick: Uh-huh. So we become a customer of the burger place.

Leah: We are a customer. We have a drink, and then we casually—we're not throwing it in anybody's faces, because I don't really think the employees are gonna be like, "Hey, no." I just—I don't think you need to throw it in their faces. So I think your husband brings back the drink, you casually slip in with your food, you drink their drink.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: And then you have your bowl.

Nick: Yeah, I agree. I think becoming a customer of the burger place is a key detail, because I think what is awkward here is basically taking up a seat, bringing outside food. And, like, most restaurants probably have a policy against that. And so that is why this feels, like, not right, because I think probably technically it is against the rules of the burger place. Like, it probably is. And so then it's really a question of, like, could you get away with it? But I think becoming a customer of the burger place definitely takes the edge off.

Leah: Yeah, just get you a little side of fries or get you a ...

Nick: Get a milkshake.

Leah: Get a milkshake. Get a Diet Coke.

Nick: Yeah, milkshake and Mediterranean bowl? Great pairing.

Leah: And I think that's it. That's how we do it.

Nick: Alternatively, I guess, can we picnic it? Is there, like, somewhere outdoors that we can do? Like, is that an option? Or do we do sequential dining? Like, come to the bowl place, let me have my bowl, and then I will join you at the burger place and then we'll have the burgers? That feels sort of unnecessary. That's like a lot of time. Also, if the idea is I don't want to take up seats for non-customers, like, now I'm doing it twice.

Leah: Well, I don't even think the idea is not taking up seats, because a lot of times people just sit there and not eat with their friends. I think it's that you don't want to be like, "I'm bringing other food in front of your food. I like other food better!"

Nick: And does the busyness of the restaurant matter? A little bit. I feel like if it's a super busy restaurant and you're taking up a seat and you have outside food, like, that's too many things.

Leah: I mean, you would be sitting there taking up a seat, not eating.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. So I guess there's the policy, no outside food. And I guess that's beside the point of this question for us at least. So you have to decide for yourself, do you want to ignore the posted rules of the burger place?

Leah: Usually the posted rules in front of a fast food restaurant just say no dogs.

Nick: Okay. And must have shoes.

Leah: Must have shoes.

Nick: No shirt, no shoes, no service.

Leah: I think if there's no sign that says no outside food, I would just casually bring it in in, like, your bag. You know, you don't need to wave it around like a Danish flag.

Nick: [laughs] Right. Oh, nice callback.

Leah: Thank you. And ...

Nick: Unless you're celebrating something. Which you are. You are celebrating a lovely evening out, so this actually would be a totally appropriate place to plop a Danish flag.

Leah: Yes, but we're not waving.

Nick: We're not waving the bowl around.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: We're not like, "Falafel's here! Mmm, great falafel!"

Leah: But buy something from the burger place.

Nick: And I think you have to go to the burger place, because there's two of them having the burgers versus one of you. So I feel like that is the direction.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Right. Okay. So our next question is, quote, "My partner and I are invited to a wedding. It's outdoors and is expected to be above 96 degrees. The bride has confirmed in an email to guests that they are going ahead with the outdoor afternoon/evening affair. The dress code remains cocktail attire. Are men still expected to wear jackets? Should the dress code have been mentioned or revised in the outreach? Will we die of heat stroke collectively?"

Leah: Everybody dying of heat stroke collectively just reminded me of, like, a great scene from an M. Night Shyamalan movie, you know what I mean? Where they all of a sudden—everybody's walking and then they all just all of a sudden fall over.

Nick: Ooh, how dark!

Leah: Well, I mean, whoever wrote this, they write a great picture.

Nick: Is that from a real movie or this is ...

Leah: No, I'm saying ...

Nick: It's the genre.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, at least we'll look nice in our cocktail attire.

Leah: It's really the way to go.

Nick: Yeah. If you gotta go, at least look good. So this is interesting, because this is one of the few times where women have it easier than men. Women have a lot more options, I think, for what cocktail attire could look like, which also could still be weather appropriate.

Leah: Ladies, here it is. We got one.

Nick: You still won't get pockets, but at least you won't be as warm. [laughs]

Leah: Things that are easier for us.

Nick: Score one.

Leah: We're scoring one against 10 million.

Nick: But for men? Yeah, I mean, cocktail attire does technically mean jacket. I mean, that is—typically, we would be wearing jackets at a cocktail party. So ...

Leah: I think you could take that jacket off so fast.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, definitely we have to be talking about fabric. Like, I think we need to be talking, like, summer weight wool, linen, things that are not lined. Like, I think that's the conversation. Also, I guess we would have the jacket on for the ceremony, and then I think we'd take it off real fast.

Leah: The thing is is that, like, people could genuinely overheat.

Nick: Yes. I feel like if the bride and groom really want this outdoor wedding in this heat, okay, fine. It's their dream. I'm sure it's beautiful. Then they have to do all the host things to make guests comfortable. So that's parasols, that's misters, that's making sure there's a lot of water. That's making sure that ceremony starts right on time so you don't have guests baking in the heat while we're waiting for whatever we're waiting for. An indoor area that's cool to wait in. I mean, like, the host definitely has to make sure that whatever's happening outdoors is real quick.

Leah: Also, the idea that a gentleman couldn't walk in with his shirt and then a jacket over his shoulder in 98 degrees, that you have to keep your jacket on.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think I would revise this a little bit. I would give permission. Well, here's the thing with what's gonna happen. People are gonna bring jackets with them and they will not be wearing them. And so all of the wedding photos will be people in shirts. And so okay, so it shall be.

Leah: I think if they want to have everybody with their jackets, they need to go inside.

Nick: Well, the wedding's happening outdoors. That's what's happening.

Leah: I think throw that jacket over your shoulder, do the one hand, do the little one finger cool thing that guys get to do.

Nick: Sure. Mm-hmm.

Leah: And then if they're like, "Hey, we're gonna do a pic real quick," throw your jacket on.

Nick: For sure. Yeah. And just quick reminder: health and safety always trumps etiquette. So definitely do not collectively die of heat stroke because the dress code is cocktail attire. Like, do not do that. Do not put yourself in harm's way for the dress code.

Leah: Like a 98° with humidity?

Nick: Even a dry heat, I'm not very excited about wearing a jacket.

Leah: I know, but I'm saying a 98° with humidity and a jacket could take anybody out.

Nick: Yeah, it's not great. Although on the flip side, if you have this wedding planned, you know, who could have predicted the weather? You didn't know it was gonna be this hot. What are you gonna do?

Leah: I know, but I don't understand. I get—I'm just not this type of person. So I wouldn't get bothered by people not wearing their jackets. I'd be like, I wanted to have it outside. It's outside, we made a gamble, feel free to not wear your jacket. That's what I would say.

Nick: Yeah, I guess what's interesting is the email confirmed the dress code.

Leah: Yeah, the email is like, "You better still wear those jackets."

Nick: Yeah, so that actually is maybe the detail I like the least, is that, like, yep, we're going ahead with it, and we expect you to all be in cocktail attire with jackets.

Leah: Yeah. Well, that's the whole detail. That's the—people make plans for weddings, it gets hot, you know? Then we want to make sure everybody's okay. We don't go, "I don't care about your comfortability."

Nick: Although my read on this is this is the type of bride—actually the groom is not mentioned, so this is just coming from the bride. This is the type of bride who's mostly concerned with the photos. It's just she wants her guests to be the right prop for the photos. So I think as long as you look the way she expects in the photos, you're probably fine.

Leah: I really—that's all they care about, I think, too.

Nick: Yeah. So just do that. But sorry about it. Oh, this sounds real unpleasant.

Leah: You get those little mini fans?

Nick: Yeah. Although I have one of those. They're not that great.

Leah: How about one of these fans?

Nick: Yes. If you didn't hear the sound effect Leah was trying to make, it was more like the traditional fan.

Leah: The hand fan.

Nick: Yeah. Like a nice, like, coy Victorian, like, a lot of meaning in terms of how you're fanning yourself kind of fan. Yeah, that. Although I guess the good thing for this wedding is that the one thing that is not affected is the Jordan almonds. I think those don't melt. I think those are impossible to melt. I think those will be just fine, Leah.

Leah: It would be interesting to do an experiment of at what temperature would Jordan almonds start to change?

Nick: Oh, I mean, never?

Leah: No, there has to be a temperature.

Nick: Yes. I mean, I guess they're candy. So it's gonna be whatever is beyond the hard crack stage of candy baking, right? It's definitely higher than the temperature of this wedding. Let's put it that way.

Leah: Oh, for sure. But I also think that we're like, is it even all candy? It feels like there's some sort of a shellac involved that may or may not be actually edible.

Nick: I think it's the same coating they put on the bottom of the space shuttle for reentry. I feel like it may be a similar technology.

Leah: So the temperature does not exist.

Nick: [laughs] The limit does not exist.

Leah: I just want to add something.

Nick: Mmm?

Leah: It would be interesting to hear the same questions that we get about weddings responded to by two people who ...

Nick: Like weddings?

Leah: Are pro-weddings.

Nick: [laughs] It's not that I'm anti-wedding. It's just that, well, if—Leah, if we write a wedding book, it'll be called If You Must.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: It's not I Do. It's just If You Must. If you must invite us, then okay. [laughs]

Leah: All Right, If You Gotta.

Nick: All Right, We'll Come. Yeah, that's the name. That's the name of our wedding book. All Right, When is it Again? Yeah, that's the title. Yeah, I think there are people in the world that love weddings a lot.

Leah: A lot of people.

Nick: All of the pageantry. They love all of the ceremony. They love all the traditions. They love spending $1 billion on all the various events. They like the drama that ensues. They like the scorekeeping. They like all of these things. And so yeah, I guess it would be interesting what a wedding enthusiast would say to this question. Sure.

Leah: And I would say more people than not, because you should see the responses I get to my stand-up comedy when people realize how long Dustin and I have been together and aren't married. Like, they just don't understand that a person wouldn't want ...

Nick: Well, it's only been 18 years, though, Leah.

Leah: No, that's not true.

Nick: Oh, what is it?

Leah: It'll be 20 in August.

Nick: Where did I get 18 from?

Leah: That's probably—we've been engaged, I think, for 18.

Nick: Oh, that's what it is. Right. Okay, you've only been engaged for 18 years.

Leah: Well, we're promised, you know, he's got a ring, I've got a ring.

Nick: We're promised to each other. Sure.

Leah: We're promised. We promised each other.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. I mean, well, what's the rush?

Leah: My word is my bond.

Nick: Yes. Yeah, no rush. But people feel like you must get married?

Leah: Well, people also, I think they think we're lying or that something is actually wrong. Just the idea that a person just isn't into the—that it sort of seems overwhelming and, like, a whole lot, you know? People are like ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: They just don't believe you, because I think so many people are just really into weddings.

Nick: Okay. Well, audience, if you are super into weddings, which many of you are, and that's wonderful, how would you answer this question?

Leah: Yes, let us know. Also, I think it would be a really fun edit right now if you just cut to me at my own wedding, bossing everybody around absolutely crazy. I'm just not that into weddings.

Nick: Oh yeah. We are definitely gonna be saving this footage. Absolutely. And when I give the toast at your wedding—I know I'm not allowed to officiate, but when I give the toast at your wedding, then it will have a video component. It will certainly be including this interview.

Leah: I don't think I would want to have toasts.

Nick: Oh no?

Leah: No.

Nick: Okay, then I will make sure I find the email list for all of your guests and I will email them a video of that.

Leah: Oh, I'm not getting married.

Nick: Are you at least gonna have an Instagram hashtag?

Leah: No!

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I love how I say all these things and then we cut right back to all of those things.

Nick: Yeah, you're absolutely having it.

Leah: No, the hashtag, #NoS. There's no S in there. Go back and do it again.

Nick: I can have Jordan almonds.

Leah: I better. You know, I'm really on a Gobstopper kick, which sort of fulfills the same ...

Nick: Oh, that would be a nice twist for your wedding. Instead of Jordan almonds, you're giving people Gobstoppers.

Leah: Although Dustin had one the other night and he goes, "What is happening?"

Nick: Just the act of eating a Gobstopper?

Leah: Yeah. He was like, "This is—no."

Nick: Okay. Well, maybe it's not gonna work out then. So you out there, do you have wedding questions for us, or questions about anything else? Let us know! Let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

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Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: Nick, I'm gonna vent. And the thing is is that I'm pretty sure I've had this vent before.

Nick: They do sometimes happen more than once. It's not lightning.

Leah: This is an epidemic.

Nick: Uh-oh. Okay, what's happened?

Leah: And I'm actually pretty sure one of our listeners wrote in and told me that this is just how people in California drive.

Nick: Oh, okay.

Leah: And I can't accept it.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: We have to change. And that is what is happening with people not using their blinkers?

Nick: Oh, turn signal. That can't just be a California thing.

Leah: I'm sure it's everywhere. I know it's everywhere. I've now driven across America eight times.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: But I just—I'm to the point—I saw this lady on Instagram who had—and I'm thinking about doing it—she had a stick. At the end of the stick she made—like, she cut out a heart out of construction paper, and when people, like, let her into traffic, or—like, she would roll down her window and stick it up.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: And I was like, I'm doing that because I get so—I do the wave. I'm gonna also make a sign that just says "Blinker." Because we as a group, we are all driving together. We are all on the roads together.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: How you let people know that you are about to either merge into their lane, or my favorite is we're all driving and you're gonna turn, but you don't let anybody know you're gonna turn. So we have no idea that you're about to slow down. And here nobody's slowing down slow. They're just all of a sudden doing this, and then they're turning and you're like, "I had no heads up. We have a system for this. It's a blinker."

Nick: So you're gonna have a stick in your car that has the word "Blinker" taped to it in construction paper at the end. This is what's in the car now?

Leah: Right now I'm just rolling down both windows and yelling, "Blinker!" Which is not helping. I mean, I'm not spreading the word fast. I don't know what's happening. I'm now making announcements at comedy shows.

Nick: "Use your blinker?" Oh, this is like your Bob Barker, spay and neuter your pets. This is your PSA.

Leah: Oh, I also bring up pet stuff, too. But I also bring in—I say, "Hey, I think we gotta stop with the animal testing. And also, people who don't use their blinkers, you gotta stop."

Nick: Okay. Well, hopefully enough people come see you live and you're gonna really move the needle on this.

Leah: Well, I think people think it's not a big deal. Oh, I just moved into that lane. Nope. That's why we have blinkers.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. Use your blinker. Okay.

Leah: And it is an etiquette thing, because we are doing this as a group. We're letting people know what's happening so we can all be safe and understand.

Nick: Yeah. No, making people nervous on the road or giving people anxiety because they don't know what you're about to do in your car? That's rude.

Leah: I just—I saw a person. A) they weren't using their blinker. And then—have I talked about this before? I must have. People who, like, just pile up their whole back window with stuffed animals.

Nick: Oh, I don't know if we've mentioned this before.

Leah: You know, the window that you use to look through. I just was like, okay, this person—I dropped back so far. There was one merging of lanes with no blinker. And then I saw the window and I go, let's all back up. Let's all back up.

Nick: Unless it's Mike Kelley, an artist who's very famous for art involving stuffed animals. So maybe it's that. Maybe Mike Kelley is just driving around.

Leah: I guarantee you that that is not what—I would put.

Nick: [laughs] Mm-hmm? It's not Mike Kelley. Okay.

Leah: Let me tell you how it—how much it's not.

Nick: Okay. Well, for me, I would also like to vent and very quick, but it just has been happening so frequently that it's like, what is happening in the world? So it's basically when you return a phone call. So, like, you've called me, you left me a voicemail. You're like, "Please call me back." I call you back. You pick up the phone. "Oh, hello." I'm like, "Hi, returning your call." And then you say, "Oh, I can't talk now, but call me back at some other specified time." So now there's a scheduled time in which I now have to call you back.

Leah: No.

Nick: What is happening? Like, oh, I can't talk now, but call me tomorrow after 9:00 am. Like, no. No, you are now responsible for initiating the next phone call.

Leah: Yes, 100 percent.

Nick: Why did you pick up? Also, why are people picking up the phone when they are not available to talk? My number comes up in the caller ID. And so you know. You know, like, what it is. And so if you were not prepared for that then, like, don't pick up. Why are we having a, "I can't talk now" conversation?

Leah: The only reason that that should happen is like, you know, you're waiting for some hot goss and your friend calls you. Or, like, your friend had, like, a big event, you know, just like something coming in that's important. And you're like—you were getting in the car or you were, like, running into a doctor's appointment and you were waiting for it. You pick up the phone because they called and you go, "I'm running into a doctor's appointment, but let me know, let me know. And then I'll call you right back after." That's the only time.

Nick: That is—yes. Like, "Can't talk right now. I will call you back in five minutes."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: But I feel like the person that picks up has to then initiate the call if they can't talk.

Leah: Yes!

Nick: To shift the burden to the caller? That's—I think that's what gets me. That's what gets me.

Leah: Oh, yeah. No, you—I called you, I left you a message, then I picked up to be like this—"You need to call me back tomorrow at 10."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: That's insane. That's insane!

Nick: Insanity, right? So don't do that. Use your blinker, and then don't do this weird phone thing.

Leah: I was gonna say I bet these people are in the same group. These people, they're also not using their blinkers.

Nick: The same person. So that's our vent.

---

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned so much history about the Danish flag. And if I see one on a table ...

Nick: Celebration!

Leah: Celebration!

Nick: And I learned that you're really into Gobstoppers right now.

Leah: Yeah, it's like—I'm not sure if I brought this up, but when I drove back and forth across America 900 times, it was Root Beer Barrels.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: I was deep into the Root Beer Barrel. Well, first it was Tootsie Roll Pops.

Nick: Uh-huh. Gateway.

Leah: Then it was—yes, gateway. And then it was Root Beer Barrels.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And now it's like very big gob—and then it was actually Fireballs.

Nick: Oh, whoa! That's a leap.

Leah: Yeah. Exciting. They were exciting. And then now it's the big gobstopper. So we're looking at over an hour.

Nick: Oh, is that how long it takes?

Leah: Oh, it's—a big gobstopper? Yeah.

Nick: Oh, I've never had one. Okay.

Leah: You've never had one? I mean, you gotta have your toothbrush ready.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, I need your questions. If you've never written us, write us, DM us, send us a text message, send in a question. You have questions. Oh my goodness, do you have questions. There's a question you've always wanted to ask us, and so now is your personal invitation to send it to us.

Leah: I mean, they can even call.

Nick: You can call. Leave us a voicemail. Delighted to hear your voice. So please do that, and we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

---

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So my Cordials of Kindness actually goes out to Dustin.

Nick: Oh?

Leah: Because I was filming a little segment from a full script that I wrote for, like, a proof of concept. And coming up to the shoot day, legitimately everything administrative went wrong. Like, there were wrong with props. And I mean, at midnight the night before. And then he just got out there and was like, "I'm gonna find that. I can fix that. I'm on top of that." I mean ...

Nick: World's best PA.

Leah: World's best PA!

Nick: And for me, I wanna say thank you to everyone who gave me suggestions for what bakeries to go to in Copenhagen. So as you may not know, there's some really good baked goods in Copenhagen, but it's really hard to know, like, oh, what are the best? And so a lot of people wrote in, gave me suggestions, helped me curate that list, because, like, there's only so many hours in the day. And you can't go to them all. And so I was able to really hone in on, like, oh, what is worth waiting in line for? And so thank you to everybody who really made that really delicious. So thank you.