Outing AI Videos, Evicting Lingering Guests, Reserving Paper Towels, and More

Nick: Hey everybody, it's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is, quote, "Is it rude to tell someone that their post or video or news that they've sent me is most likely or obviously AI? If it's obvious and we can have a chuckle about a dog driving a car, I feel there's no need. But what about other instances where the sender might believe that the event in the video really happened? How would one mention it in a response? Is it my duty to inform or correct everyone? It feels like it is. Help!"

Leah: This is really in the zeitgeist, because a lot of comics have jokes about it right now, about how many people they have to tell this is AI.

Nick: Yeah. And it is increasingly more difficult. Like, if it's a baby bench pressing 100 pounds, like, okay, it's probably AI, but it's not always that clear.

Leah: No. And they used to have tells, like there would be sort of a glitch in the picture.

Nick: Right. Or the text has weird letters.

Leah: This is what I do.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: Because I think it's important to call it out.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So if it's something like—there are some animal ones that you think, oh, this is real. And then you're like, oh, it's not. So I'll say, "This is the only time I think AI is okay." [smiley face]

Nick: Okay, that's charming.

Leah: Just so they know I've made my feelings about AI clear, but I get that it's cute.

Nick: Right. Like, I still value the entertainment value of this thing, but I'm still calling it out as AI.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So it's happened to me where I reposted something that I did not realize was AI, it was so good. And I had people call me out and I was so grateful that they did.

Nick: Hmm. Okay.

Leah: So I think it's important to tell people what you're passing on isn't real, it's AI.

Nick: Yeah. I was thinking, like, what is the etiquette rule at play here, and how do we apply it so that we don't have to invent a new rule? Like, how soon do we go back to the etiquette toolbox? I mean, there is a rule about not correcting people. We don't necessarily want to correct people unsolicited. So, like, if you mispronounce a word, I'm not gonna go out of my way to take you aside and be like, "Oh, it's actually 'ennui.'" If I got what you meant and it didn't interrupt the flow of conversation, it wasn't important to correct you, like, I'm not gonna correct you. But when it's spreading misinformation, that definitely is a different category. And I think we do kind of have an obligation as a community to make sure stuff like that doesn't spread when people might actually believe it, they might take action on it or might have beliefs around it or because of it.

Leah: Yes. And the way I think about it is even if you don't like the person in the video, or whatever it is that is being shared, and that person is sending it to you in solidarity, basically as a community, we do not want fake things out there because it could happen to any of us.

Nick: Right. The subject matter doesn't matter whether or not we agree with it or not.

Leah: It doesn't matter. It's that it is not that person saying that thing.

Nick: Right. And I think we should not want fake videos that look believable in a way that are meant to persuade. I think we can agree on that.

Leah: Yes. It's just not right. And there was one recently with—I forget if it was a skincare or a makeup product—that was a famous person, and they made it really look like that famous person was saying it, using the product. And that person was like, "This isn't me, it's AI. I don't know that product. I've never used that product." But just even at every level, it's unacceptable.

Nick: Right. So I think it is worth calling out, but in a polite way. And I guess it does depend on who this person is to you. So, you know, I think the more distant the relationship is, the obligation to call it out is probably less versus, like, your immediate family, right?

Leah: I mean, I'm gonna call it out regardless either way.

Nick: Okay. Well, if you are, then a script I came up with was, like, "Oh, interesting! I've seen a few of these going around lately, and I think this one might actually be AI generated. These things are getting so convincing. It's wild!"

Leah: That is—Nick, that is perfect.

Nick: So I think it's just like, "Oh, interesting." Acknowledgment. "Thank you for sending. I've seen some of these going around."

Leah: "Happens to everybody."

Nick: "Think it might be AI."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Right. "I'm not saying this is. Could be. They're so convincing., Because I think, like you, if I shared something that turned out to be AI and I didn't mean it and I didn't know, I would definitely want to be told.

Leah: I want to be told.

Nick: I would want to be told in a nice way.

Leah: Yeah, I don't want to be told, like, I'm an idiot, right?

Nick: Right. Yeah, don't do that.

Leah: We do not want that tone.

Nick: Right. It's a non-judgmental, value-neutral tone, which is like, "Hey, I think this might be AI, FYI."

Leah: Everybody's getting them and they are confusing all of us.

Nick: But I mean, if it's a bunny doing grocery shopping, like, that's just fine.

Leah: But I'm still gonna be like, "This is the only time I think AI is okay."

Nick: [laughs] So our next series of questions comes from Amber Garrison, who is a middle school teacher who has written us many times before. And so we have a new crop of questions from her current middle school students.

Leah: I get so excited. I was like, "Oh, it's our middle schoolers!" And they're always so layered. The questions are always so layered.

Nick: Well, they're also questions that if I did not tell you these came from middle school students, you would think oh, they came from anybody, because they are so universal.

Leah: I know. Out loud I said, "You and me both" to one of these.

Nick: So the first question from the class is, "If your friend is over at your house and you start to not want them to stay for longer than they've already been there, could you just tell them they should go home because you want to be alone? What if they don't take the hint that you want them to go home?"

Leah: So many people don't take the hint. So ...

Nick: Yeah. So welcome to the rest of your life, kids. [laughs]

Leah: It's a great time to get that back-pocket phrase ready.

Nick: Yes. So I think the important thing to remember here is that guests are guests, but they also need to take cues from the host and be mindful of the rhythm of the evening or the afternoon or whatever this thing is, and to look for clues that all hosts leave. And these are clues that say I am done with you now. You may take leave.

Leah: Which I think we've discussed before. It's like the standup slapping your legs.

Nick: Oh yes, there's the classic Midwestern, "Welp." And as you say the word "welp," you slap your knees and then you stand up. I mean, this is classic. There's also the yawning. There's the talk about an early morning tomorrow. There's the cleaning up. There's the standing up. There's the walking to the door. There's the grabbing your coats. There are a lot of signals that hosts send.

Leah: And if all of those are missed ...

Nick: Then you can just say, like, "Oh, it's been so nice having you. Unfortunately, I need to wind down my evening, but I do thank you for coming," as you walk them to the door.

Leah: And I have almost the exact same thing, but in the reverse order.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I have, "I have to get some stuff done, but it has been so nice having you. Thank you for coming."

Nick: Yes. I think we want to show appreciation for coming. "Thank you so much. So lovely seeing you." And express regret. "I'm so sorry our time together must come to an end."

Leah: But I have to get some stuff done.

Nick: Things have to get done. And those things do not involve you. So adieu!

Leah: Obviously that last part is silent.

Nick: Or if you happen to have children in the house who can sing a nice goodbye song ...

Leah: For those of you missing the reference.

Nick: I mean, who's gonna miss a Sound of Music reference?

Leah: People who haven't seen Sound of Music.

Nick: Who is that person?

Leah: Well, if you haven't seen The Sound of Music, this would be a perfect time to watch it.

Nick: So our next question from the class is, "Is it okay to be angry at someone if you put a song on in the car and they change the song without asking you? It's the other person's car, but you have permission to play music. Is it okay for the person to do this since it's their car, or should they respect your music choices?"

Leah: I feel like this one's complicated.

Nick: It is complicated. This is a good question, yes. Because it is true, the driver is the captain of the car.

Leah: And it is their car.

Nick: But then they have delegated responsibility for the song selection to a passenger.

Leah: I feel like this is something that if we didn't deal with in the moment, we can't bring it up later.

Nick: Oh, we cannot harbor resentment over this. No.

Leah: But I think in the moment we could go, "What? You said I got to pick the music!" Just kind of throwing it out there.

Nick: Okay. You're like, "Oh, you said I could pick."

Leah: And that way you get it out of your system.

Nick: Okay. And then what?

Leah: Well, and then hopefully they'll hit the rewind button and play it again, or they'll be like, "That song reminds me of the worst moment of my life." And then you'll get why they had to skip it.

Nick: I guess we could ask, like, "Oh, I'm so sorry you don't like this song." And I guess you could ask a follow-up, which is like, "Is it the whole genre? Do you not like the singer? Is it just the song? Like, help me curate our next choice." I don't want to give power back to you. I don't want to turn the reins back to the driver and let them have control of the music again. So how can I keep control of the song selection with your input? Maybe that's the way out of this.

Leah: Or you could say, "Oh, I love that song. Do you not like Dua Lipa?"

Nick: Were you trying to, like, make a reference that these middle school students would know?

Leah: No, that's what I was just listening to before I got here.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I was listening to big band. No, I'm kidding. And then the idea of angry, I don't know if we need to be angry about this. I think we can be miffed. I think miffed is okay because like, you said I could pick the music.

Leah: Yeah, gentle miffing.

Nick: So I guess if you're the driver and you don't want to give out that control, then don't give out that control.

Leah: Or you could say, "You're allowed to pick, but I get to skip any songs I want." You know? Be clear.

Nick: Okay. Or you get to pick, but I only want it to be big band. I only listen to Glenn Miller in this car.

Leah: This is a Glenn Miller-only car.

Nick: Which I'm sure is exactly what these middle school students are listening to these days, because I have my finger on the pulse.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question from the class. "Let's say I go to a party—for example, a Christmas party—and I have a dietary restriction. Would I ask the person who brought the food or the host if it was safe for me to eat, or would I just eat food I know is safe at the party? Would it be rude to ask what the ingredients are in certain dishes? Does it matter if it's potluck style?"

Leah: I could really be swung either way on this one.

Nick: Really? Oh, I thought this was cut and dry.

Leah: Really?

Nick: Yeah. Okay well, walk me through your edge case here.

Leah: Well, if there's a lot of food out that you know you can eat ...

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: ... and you want to just make it simple, you can just eat that food.

Nick: Sure. But if we're at a potluck and I see a lovely salad and I want to know huh, I wonder if there's nuts in there. "Hey Lisa, are there any nuts in your salad?"

Leah: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think either one is fine.

Nick: Oh, okay. So you're happy either way?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Okay. I think for a potluck, this is fine. Yes. I think health and safety always trumps etiquette, so food allergies? Yeah, this is a health issue, so just ask.

Leah: Yeah. At first I thought it said, should I just eat the food and hope it's safe? And I underlined it and I wrote, "No! Never do that." Always ask if it's a matter of health and safety. But if you were like, "Oh, I love these foods," fine. But then if you want to know, "Oh, I love the salad, are there nuts?" I think that's fine, too.

Nick: But you bring up a good point, which if this is a dinner party—I'm coming to your home and this is a fixed menu situation—then it is polite to speak with the host first. So when you're being given the invitation, that's when you would bring it up, like, "Oh, would be delighted to attend. However, I have these restrictions, and I would hate for you to do something special for me." And then you hope your host says, "Oh, no, no, no. No problem, the menu I was already planning can accommodate all of your needs. Please come at seven."

Leah: Perfect.

Nick: Right? And lastly from our class, quote, "What do I do if someone I don't really like spending time with asks me to hang out or go out to lunch? Do I say I would prefer not to go, or should I make something up? Should I say that I'm not busy so I don't hurt their feelings? I'm not sure what to do, and I don't want to lie."

Leah: This is another one for the rest of your life.

Nick: Also, I feel like this is a rip from the headlines of Leah's life this week. [laughs]

Leah: [laughs] Also, I underlined and then wrote next to it, "Yes, don't lie."

Nick: Correct. Lying is not an option. It is not etiquette approved. That is off the table. So is brutal honesty. This idea that, like, oh, I'm just being honest, yeah, that is not a get-out-of-etiquette-jail-free card.

Leah: You're being mean.

Nick: And so the correct option is something along the lines of, "Oh, unfortunately I am unable to attend."

Leah: What's going to happen though is they're gonna say, "When are you free?"

Nick: "Oh, things are just really full right now."

Leah: I mean, honestly, you could do that forever.

Nick: I mean, yeah. Hello? Practice this. This is a life skill. Yes. Mrs. Garrison's class, learn this skill. Learn how to politely decline and that "No, thank you" is a full sentence.

Leah: If you could just say the two things that we can say again, Nick, that are what we say first, and then when they follow up with this again later.

Nick: Yeah. I think you just say, "Oh, unfortunately I can't attend. Unfortunately, I'm not available." Something in that flavor. And then if they push it, it's along the lines of, "Things are just really full right now." Or, "My schedule's just been impossible lately. So sorry." And then the neutral version of this that works in all scenarios is, "Unfortunately it's not possible." Or, "It's not possible, unfortunately."

Leah: I think you could also do a thank you.

Nick: "Thank you so much for the kind invitation. Unfortunately, it's not possible right now."

Leah: Yeah, I like that one.

Nick: "But thank you so much."

Leah: "But thank you so much."

Nick: That's it. And we just repeat it until they exhaust themselves. That's it. Because you cannot lie. We cannot say, "Oh, I just don't like being around you and I don't want to be in the same room as you." And so we honestly say, "Unfortunately it is not possible. Why? It's not possible. It will not be possible to hang out." And we do not have to say why. In fact, we should not say why. But it's not possible, unfortunately.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: That's it. So thank you, Mrs. Garrison, for organizing these amazing questions from your class. The fact that you all are asking these questions makes me very encouraged about the future of humanity, that you have a class of people that are interested in politeness and being nice citizens of the world. And so I really appreciate this.

Leah: Yes. Thank you so much to the class. And these are hard questions. These are complicated questions.

Nick: These are complicated questions that are very universal. So I think other people are really gonna benefit from hearing them.

Leah: Like me.

Nick: [laughs] So our next thing is a vent, which is pretty bonkers. And it's, quote, "I have a vent that is very old, but it still makes me chuckle when I think of this woman. Years ago, I worked at a large manufacturing plant. The closest bathroom to my office was also close to the plant, so it was a large restroom with multiple stalls and multiple sinks. I went in there one day and finished my business, came out of the stall, and went to the first sink that I encountered. I did notice that the paper towel dispenser already had a paper towel hanging down, but thought nothing of it. I washed my hands, used the paper towel, and as I was drying my hands, another woman who had exited her stall approached me and, very annoyed, told me that I had just taken her paper towel."

Leah: [laughs] What?

Nick: "And I just looked at her amazed, and I'm like, how would I know that? I couldn't believe it. This woman was so affronted, and somehow there was a rule that I had never encountered before about paper towels already being reserved for somebody. It still makes me chuckle thinking about this woman who was so upset."

Leah: Nick, in what world?

Nick: [laughs] This is so delightful.

Leah: It's so silly.

Nick: On so many levels. [laughs]

Leah: "Did you touch that paper towel? Because that was the one I was gonna use."

Nick: Like, just to make sure I'm clear. I go into the bathroom, I prep the paper towel that I want to use, and then I go into the stall, and then it's ready to roll when I get out? Is that what I want to have happen for my handwashing experience?

Leah: Well, the other option is if she brought that paper towel from home, stuck it in when she got there.

Nick: Oh! Sure!

Leah: Because she wants to use her own paper towels. But she wants to pull it from the dispenser, not have it on her person.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: And then somebody else came in, used it, and now she has to use the already-in-the-restroom paper towels, which were not the paper towels she wanted to use.

Nick: Right. I mean, that would be the explanation. That's the most plausible. But I mean!

Leah: I mean, that is—it would be hard not to laugh. You'd be like, "What?"

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: You'd be like, "Is that real?"

Nick: Yeah, a paper towel in this very large restroom, it's not a place setting at a dinner party. I don't think it was monogrammed. Like, why would you think that it was yours? Also, why can't we just get another paper towel?

Leah: Yeah, there's more paper towels. That's why I was like, maybe she had to bring her own, because why is it different than the next paper towel?

Nick: And then I was thinking, okay, I am a woman who lives in a world in which I claim dibs on things that are not dibbable. And, like, what else am I doing out there?

Leah: Not dibbable. And I've left eyesight of the thing itself.

Nick: Yeah. Like, let's say I'm at a yard sale, and I see a lamp that I like. And then I walk around and do more shopping, and then somebody else is buying that lamp. And now I'm mad because it's like, oh, I saw it before.

Leah: And on top of that, in this situation, there would have to be multiple lamps. There would have to be a lamp directly behind that lamp that's exactly the same.

Nick: [laughs] That's true. That were all identical. [laughs] Or, like, at a supermarket parking lot, there's a parking space that I think is mine that I should be able to use, and I'm annoyed if somebody else has parked there.

Leah: I think in a parking lot, the situation would be like if I'd come to the parking lot earlier. I pulled out one of the carts from the cart line.

Nick: Uh-huh. Yep.

Leah: And I parked somewhere far away.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And then I came back to the cart line and somebody else was pulling out that front cart, and I was like, "That was my cart."

Nick: Yes. Oh, that is also equally bonkers. Yes, this is this person. This person does that. How do we deal with this person?

Leah: I would have laughed. I would have been like—I would have been confused, because I would have been like, they can't.

Nick: Confusion is definitely the first emotion. Yeah.

Leah: And I would have been like, "Oh, I'm so—did you—" I'd be like, "Oh, I didn't know that you brought the paper towels," or "I didn't know this one was yours."

Nick: Yeah, like, "So sorry I used it. Can I get you another?" And then you're just like, tap, tap, tap.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So thank you for this amazing vent. I mean, I—it's truly wonderful.

Leah: It's a fun—I love to visualize it, you know?

Nick: So you out there, do you have any good vents for us? Or repents or good questions or anything else? Please send it to us. Send it to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!