Earning Girl Scout Badges, Washing Strawberries in Soda Fountains, Whisking Away Cake Plates, and More

Nick: Do you wash fruit in soda fountains? Do you withhold cake from your friends? Do you refuse to let your guests use your washing machine? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey everybody, it's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's get right to it with our amuse-bouche.

Leah: Well, let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, Leah, you have the opportunity to earn this. Please describe for our listeners what you see.

Leah: Okay, so it's a patch.

Nick: Yep.

Leah: And it is—it's like earthworms with butterfly wings.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yes, they're supposed to be butterflies.

Leah: They look like glow worms.

Nick: Okay. Well, I'm just telling you, they're supposed to be butterflies.

Leah: Well, I'm just letting you know.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. So what this is, is your opportunity to earn the Social Butterfly Girl Scout patch.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: So I actually recently discovered that the Girl Scouts have an etiquette patch called the Social Butterfly patch. And I bought the patch and I bought the booklet, and I thought, oh, how fun. We're just gonna make you earn the patch right here, right now. But it is actually so involved that we cannot have you earn it right now in the time that we have allotted.

Leah: Which actually, I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief, because it feels like I might not earn it.

Nick: Oh no! Wouldn't that be terrible?

Leah: Yes. Yes.

Nick: But we're gonna do some of the highlights. And so there are five things you have to do to earn the badge. And so the first one is you have to hold a conversation.

Leah: Okay, well, I've nailed that one.

Nick: So you have to practice conversation starters. So Leah, what's a good conversation starter?

Leah: I mean, it really depends on the group of people I'm with.

Nick: Ooh! Advanced level, showing off.

Leah: I just started a conversation the other day with, have you read Project Hail Mary? Because ...

Nick: Have you read it? Oh, not seen the movie?

Leah: Yeah, read it.

Nick: Read the book. Oh!

Leah: It was one of my favorites. And I just jumped in with that, because I'm so excited. I wanted to share. And then it was a whole conversation with, like, three strangers.

Nick: Okay. Part one complete. So part two is using table manners. And so one of the exercises is to brainstorm things not to do at the table. So Leah, can you give me something that you shouldn't do at the table?

Leah: I would not put my napkin over my face and wear it as a hat.

Nick: Okay. I think that would qualify as something you should not do. Well done.

Leah: Thank you.

Nick: [laughs] Number three is actually a little interesting. It's about special occasions, and being prepared. And so Girl Scouts are asked to choose either wedding, funeral or wake, or a coming of age ceremony and talk about the ceremony, what they would wear, how you should dress. So wedding, Leah, how should you dress?

Leah: I'm gonna follow the dress code that was provided to me in the invitation.

Nick: Okay. Ooh, very advanced. Oh, you're really gonna earn this.

Leah: And I would suggest to the Girl Scouts that maybe they add in occasions like a swearing-in ceremony or ...

Nick: Oh, yes. Your inauguration.

Leah: Yes. A graduation.

Nick: Yeah, that's true. It does feel a little narrow. Surely Girl Scouts are experiencing other special occasions than just these three.

Leah: Yeah, ladies, how are we gonna celebrate when you, quote, "become a woman?" When you, quote, "get married off," and when you, quote, "die?"

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: That's—these are the three things we're giving you.

Nick: Well, I don't think it's how to dress for your own funeral, just to be clear. But fair point.

Leah: And that's not to say that I do not love Girl Scout cookies, because I do, and I support regularly.

Nick: Well, I do think the idea of being prepared for special occasions is important, because being prepared is like the name of the game.

Leah: Oh, absolutely. I just think we should have more ceremonies on there.

Nick: Yeah, I feel like if I was the troop leader on this one, I might want to expand step three a little bit and give more options.

Leah: Yeah, just give some options.

Nick: Step four, saying thank you. So gratitude gets its own section.

Leah: Thank goodness!

Nick: And so they talk about thanking a host or handwriting a thank-you note or making a thank-you gift.

Leah: That's sweet.

Nick: Isn't that nice? Yeah. No, I think actually that's really nice that that's a whole sort of exercise.

Leah: That's really lovely.

Nick: And then Leah, you're almost there. Step five, you've gotta practice. You gotta practice being at ease. And so you are being asked to hold a party to practice all that you have learned.

Leah: Was it practice being at ease?

Nick: That is what step five is called. Yes, we are practicing being at ease. Because I guess the idea is that etiquette helps you be more at ease in the world, helps you navigate more comfortably.

Leah: What do you call it? The lubricant which keeps society ...

Nick: It is the lubricant which makes society function. Yes. The machinery of all of this requires some etiquette lube.

Leah: We actually recently had a dinner party.

Nick: Oh?

Leah: And I think that we did a very good job hosting.

Nick: Okay, tell me more.

Leah: Well, I don't think this would be on the Girl Scouts list, but for anybody who lives in, like, Hollywood, you gotta care about people's parking. Let me help you with that up top. I'm gonna handle that so you don't have to worry about it.

Nick: So did you, like, get a valet for your party?

Leah: What I did was I found the closest, cheapest garage, and I gave people the address to that. Because what happens is here, people park on streets that are permit only and then they get towed.

Nick: Yeah, yeah.

Leah: And then so I paid for everybody's parking.

Nick: Okay, that's really nice. That is a pro move.

Leah: And then I, in advance, asked if anybody had any food allergies or restrictions or food that they just didn't want to look at.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I introduced people to each other, because a lot of my friends don't know each other.

Nick: Nice.

Leah: I invited people's dogs, and I had all the dogs introduce themselves outside so it didn't become a whole thing in the house.

Nick: Okay. This sounds like a great event.

Leah: I think it was fun!

Nick: Very nice. Okay, so you have earned the Social Butterfly badge today for your past and current efforts.

Leah: Oh my goodness. Thank you so much!

Nick: But I will say this curriculum is great. I mean, this is a great foundation. And I think if you have children and you wanted to introduce some of these topics, like this booklet, you could just buy it. I just bought it. It's $3 plus tax and shipping. And so it's a great workbook, because it really gives you some structured exercises, and it's a nice sort of way to talk about these things in an approachable way.

Leah: I also think it's so great because I think sometimes people feel like this information has been withheld, and then you show up and you're anxious. You feel like everybody knows this stuff but you. So it's great in that way.

Nick: So thanks, Girl Scouts. I think this is actually, like, totally great. And I'm delighted to send you your badge. And so I hope you'll wear it with pride.

Leah: Also, you know how I feel about patches and buttons, but ...

Nick: [laughs] That's true. Fun fact, everybody. Leah hates few things more than patches and buttons and pins. But still gonna send it to you, and you're gonna have to show some gratitude for it.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: [laughs] Uh-oh. Can I rescind a badge once it's earned? Maybe.

Leah: I don't know. Is there a class on giving something to somebody when you know it's something they dislike and then wanting them to be grateful for it? Is that another level?

Nick: This sounds really hypothetical.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] You're welcome.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and out for beverages.

Nick: Ooh! So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about soda fountains.

Leah: [sings] I love soda fountains!

Nick: So these questions came to us from one of our great Patreon members. And they're good questions, so I thought let's just do a deep dive on them. So our first one is, quote, "When someone is standing on one side getting their drink but the one that you want is on the opposite side, can you stand next to them to get your drink, or should you wait until they are completely clear?"

Leah: I'm fine with going around the person.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: And getting—like, usually the ice is in the middle.

Nick: Right?

Leah: And it's dividing the sodas.

Nick: Right. Usually three and three, maybe.

Leah: Yeah, three and three.

Nick: Yeah, Maybe four and four if it's an extra wide.

Leah: So let's say somebody's down on the right side having a Sprite.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: And I want to be down on the left side having a Diet Coke.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: I'm gonna wait till they finish with their ice.

Nick: Right. I mean, that's aggressive.

Leah: Yeah. I'm letting the ice happen. I'm not gonna jump in immediately after their ice, but then I'll probably go around them in a nice, calming, not right up in their business way. I'm gonna fill up my ice, and then I'm gonna hop on my Diet Coke because it's a long fountain.

Nick: Yeah. I was thinking that if we're on opposite ends, that's one thing. If what I need is right next to where you are, that does feel like a different thing, right?

Leah: No, I gotta be on the other side of the water.

Nick: Okay, so that's the dividing line. I cannot be in the same section as you.

Leah: I'm not gonna be in the same section. I need to be on the other side.

Nick: Okay, that's a good rule. I was also thinking, like, if I am on the left side and I'm right-handed, that means my shoulder is there and that gives you more space as opposed to if I was on the right side using my right hand, then the rest of my body is covering the rest of the machine. And so there's less space there. I was thinking, like, oh, is that a consideration?

Leah: I don't know, Nick. I guess when you were in kindergarten, people didn't like that you were left-handed and tried to make you use your right hand. And then until your mother stepped in and said, "Leave her alone." And then so you can now use both hands because the world is cruel. So that's—that's showing. So I'll just use my other hand.

Nick: Fair enough. The next question about soda fountains: "Can you use the water dispenser as a way to clean things? For example, at Costco, I saw a woman use the water dispenser at the fountain drink station to wash her strawberries. However, I don't think it would be as big a deal if someone used the water to clean out their baby's bottle. Do we draw the line at washing food in the fountain drink station?"

Leah: I think this is such a great question because there is a line.

Nick: There is definitely a line. Yes, there is a line.

Leah: And I always give baby stuff a pass.

Nick: Yes, baby stuff is definitely in a different category. Sure.

Leah: People have gotta do what they've gotta do to help their baby. You know, they're out, you know what I mean? There's so much happening. You've gotta wash your baby bottle and get that going? Do you.

Nick: Right. But yeah, why are we washing fruit at the Costco drinking fountain?

Leah: My guess is that they wanted to eat it now.

Nick: Sure. But, like, are there not also bathrooms nearby?

Leah: Well, I'm not washing my fruit at Costco, period.

Nick: Right. I guess this is not for you, this question. [laughs]

Leah: But I mean, I think that's the line.

Nick: Right. I guess for me, the line is: Are you introducing an element into the ecosystem that I wouldn't want near my food or drink? So you are introducing strawberry dust, strawberry grime, dirt on berries. You're introducing this into the drink ecosystem. And I don't want that. And so I think that's why this is a problem.

Leah: I mean, it's also a whole other kind of like—the fountain is for drinks.

Nick: The fountain is for drinks. It's for dispensing water. Right. That you will drink.

Leah: And so am I also then bringing in anything that needs to be washed?

Nick: Right. Yeah. No, you are not. We're not using this as a faucet.

Leah: It's not a faucet.

Nick: Yeah, it's not a faucet. And even with the baby bottle, I feel like if we're bringing out a sponge or a scrub brush to clean it, I also feel like, okay, maybe a little too far with the baby bottle.

Leah: I know, I have a very ...

Nick: We're gonna let you bring out a sponge and some Dawn soap to clean the baby bottle at the soda fountain? No.

Leah: I mean, I'll probably look at it and go ...

Nick: I mean, I guess if there was no other option, that's okay. Yeah, I could see how we get there, because obviously we've gotta take care of our kids.

Leah: Are we talking about a soda fountain or a water fountain?

Nick: Well, no, I think we're talking about soda fountain. Yeah. Coke, Diet Coke, Hi-C.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Yeah, that.

Leah: This is what I thought we were talking about.

Nick: And so we are washing strawberries in this.

Leah: Yeah, it just doesn't seem like the right place.

Nick: Yeah, it does seem off. So yeah, I think we're not doing that.

Leah: I'm trying to think of, like, something else I would wash that's not food that I would be like, you can't wash that in there.

Nick: Um, I think everything. [laughs]

Leah: But it's like, the thing is, say I got something weird on my hands.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I was like, "Oh, I'm just gonna stick this in the water."

Nick: Like, oh, I was dispensing the ketchup from a dispenser. And I got a little ketchup on my fingers, and I'm just gonna run it under the water dispenser in the soda fountain real quick?

Leah: Yeah, I would not do that. I would go to the bathroom.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's a no. Yeah, let's not do that.

Leah: Like, if I dropped ketchup on my shirt, which was so hypothetical because obviously I never spill on myself.

Nick: Yeah, you're not wearing shirts.

Leah: I'm not walking over to the water fountain.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Or the soda fountain, and pulling my shirt and, like, putting it under there.

Nick: [laughs] No.

Leah: Although I see why that would work.

Nick: Oh, it would work. It is water. Yes.

Leah: I just probably wouldn't do that.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: But you know what I might do is fill my water, go back to my table.

Nick: Ah, yes. You could decant. I guess it's like communal butter.

Leah: Yeah, decant it.

Nick: Right? We're gonna decant it into our own bread plate, and then it's ours to do with as we wish.

Leah: This is—I feel better about this.

Nick: Yes, I think that's what we would do.

Leah: Bring it back to the table so you're not like—there's not people waiting to get their soda while you, you know, wash your peppers.

Nick: Because what I don't want is you contaminating the rest of the machine with whatever it is that you're doing. That's really what the concern is.

Leah: Yes. Or holding up people.

Nick: Oh, true. Yeah. I mean, how long does it take to rinse out a whole bag of strawberries?

Leah: I mean, I don't know. I've never done it at a soda fountain.

Nick: [laughs] So our next question is, "How do you tell employees if the fountain drink tastes off? Like, if it needs more flavor syrup or more carbonation or more ice? Do you just grin and bear it, or can you give the employees a heads up?"

Leah: I think it's polite to give people a heads up.

Nick: Yes. I think it takes a village. Because how would they know? How would anybody know?

Leah: How would they know? It's like toilet paper in a bathroom.

Nick: Yeah. You've gotta alert the team.

Leah: You just say it nice. "Oh, hey, excuse me, I think you may be a little low on bubbles."

Nick: And I'm aware that I guess people are very sensitive to the different syrup levels in a lot of these sodas, and can really taste the difference when it's off.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So I am less familiar with sodas, as we know. So I am less familiar with what it should taste like. So I was like, I guess this is fine.

Leah: Let me tell you a turning moment in my life.

Nick: Oh, okay. Pivotal.

Leah: Pivotal, Nick.

Nick: Gwyneth Paltrow. Sliding Doors.

Leah: Sliding Doors. I'm in Texas visiting Dustin's mom.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: He goes, "You want to go to Taco Bueno?"

Nick: Okay. And I imagine this is a restaurant chain that serves tacos.

Leah: Fast food.

Nick: That are good.

Leah: Muy bueno.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I go, "I've never been to Taco Bueno. Let's go." We get there. I love fountain drinks. I love it. I love the noise they make. I love the straw noise up and down. I love the way the ice kind of pops and you can hear it fizzing.

Nick: It's a whole ASMR thing for you.

Leah: I love it!

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So I walk over to the soda fountain, the soda machine. I say, "What is this?"

Nick: [laughs] What was it?

Leah: You get the base soda. So, like, I'm a Diet Coke person, which I've had millions of people tell me Diet Coke, not good for you. And I go, "I don't care."

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And this is my vice. I love it. You go—say you want Diet Coke. You can then add flavors. Do you want a vanilla Diet Coke? Do you want a Diet Coke and whatever, kiwi? I mean, it's unlimited. You could do a Dr Pepper with—I mean, stop!

Nick: Okay, so this machine can create infinite combinations.

Leah: It is like a bartender for sodas.

Nick: Okay. And your life has never been the same.

Leah: I will go, "Can we drive to Texas so I can go and get—" I'm sure there's one in between here and there.

Nick: I feel like this technology exists in the greater Los Angeles area.

Leah: It's beautiful. Actually, I'm pretty sure they have one at Buc-ee's.

Nick: I'm sure.

Leah: I mean, Nick, we're gonna have to take you to one.

Nick: When we did our live show in Atlanta, I did go to the Coca-Cola Museum Experience. And they do have different sodas from around the world, and so I did try a bunch of these interesting sodas that are only sold in international markets. And the one soda that I actually loved that I was like, "Oh, I would buy this," is apparently the one soda that they do not actually make anymore. And it's called Beverly.

Leah: That's so you.

Nick: And it is an Italian bitter aperitivo, apparently. Of course, this is the one that I, like, hone in on.

Leah: Yep.

Nick: And apparently it is only available at the Coca-Cola Museum Experience World thing in Atlanta. And I think it's also available at Epcot. But that is it. It is not commercially available anywhere else, but I was really into it. But they do have these machines there that do let you try different combinations of your choice. So yeah, you could add interesting things to the base soda. How fun!

Leah: I wonder if they're rentable for a wedding.

Nick: I think anything can be done for the right price.

Leah: [laughs] What do you want at your wedding? A soda machine that mixes flavors?

Nick: Of requests people have at their weddings, this is the most mild, for sure. So thank you to our Patreon member for prompting this fun question. I think we know how to behave now at soda fountains.

Leah: I mean, I'm not sure if we do, but ...

Nick: Well, we at least know we're not washing strawberries. I think we have ...

Leah: We're not washing strawberries, but we get why you want to. So just decant.

Nick: Yeah, it's all about decanting.

Leah: And then maybe dip a—I don't know if anybody else had a mom who would dip a napkin into water and then wipe your face with it?

Nick: Everybody. That is universal. That's a universal mom move.

Leah: So do that with your strawberries.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, individually dab a little paper towel into the water and wipe each strawberry one by one. That's how we're cleaning strawberries now.

Leah: That's how I wipe mushrooms.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Okay.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is, quote, "We were at a casual get-together with a handful of people where the host brought out a homemade cake. It was one of those Italian-style olive oil-based cakes, and it was minimal but very delicious. The host cut and served each of us a small slice along with some tea. Everyone ate their slice quickly and commented on how delicious it was. I was quietly expecting the host to offer us seconds as everyone had finished their slices and about half of the cake was left. But instead, the host immediately collected our dishes and took everything back to the kitchen. This was early in the event, and I had wondered if my instinct to expect another piece was out of line. But afterwards, my spouse brought up the same thing. While we agreed that this was nothing egregious or wrong—it was her cake after all—we both admitted that the whole thing just seemed a little off. I understand it's rude to ask for seconds, or to just take a second helping before you've been offered it, especially before others have gotten their first helping. I also know that there are certain dishes where portions are tighter, but cake is not usually one of those dishes, unless it's a huge event like a wedding and the cake is expensive. Is it rude on the part of the host to not offer seconds when there is clearly enough left over? Am I a monster for expecting a second helping in this situation?"

Leah: I was a little flummoxed by this one, Nick.

Nick: Oh, flummoxed? Why? How?

Leah: And I was looking forward to some Nick clarity.

Nick: Okay. I guess what is flummoxing for you? Help me help you.

Leah: I want everybody to have as much cake as they want.

Nick: Yes. As a society, I want them all to eat cake. [laughs]

Leah: I feel like that's been said by somebody.

Nick: I don't think that worked out for her, but okay.

Leah: So the idea that there is cake available and people aren't getting it?

Nick: Yeah, I don't love that.

Leah: I do not love it. Do I think that hosts have to give people more?

Nick: Do you?

Leah: I don't know!

Nick: Okay. Well, here's the way I was sort of thinking about this. This was a homemade cake, and I don't know if that is material or not, but I think that's an important detail. So, like, okay, we have a homemade cake. We also have one of these Italian-style, olive oil-based cakes. So can you picture this, what this is?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Gotta be honest, this is not my favorite cake.

Leah: Mine neither.

Nick: So I don't know if I'm necessarily gonna go in for seconds on this. It's gonna need something else for me. It's gonna need a pistachio cream or it's gonna need some chantilly or it's gonna need something.

Leah: You know what, Nick?

Nick: What?

Leah: I could so go for a pistachio cream right now.

Nick: I mean, when can you not?

Leah: When could I not?

Nick: Sidebar, I feel like pistachio cream is gonna be the next big thing. I feel like it's just waiting to take off. I think people don't know what it is, haven't had it, don't realize how versatile it is, don't realize how delicious it is. And I feel like once people figure this out, it's gonna be the new Nutella. I feel like it's really just poised to break through.

Leah: I don't know why it's gonna be the new Nutella—makes me want to scream. But it's fabulous.

Nick: So, okay, so we have a homemade cake. It's an olive oil cake. And also I thought what was kind of interesting is I do a lot of baking. I love baking. Whenever I bake a cake, there's always a lot left over and I don't necessarily want to have it all in my house, because I will then eat half of a cake all by myself. And I don't want that. Like, it's delicious, but I don't need that temptation. So I'm always encouraging people, like, "Oh, do you want another slice? Can I give you some to go?" Like, get this out of my house.

Leah: Well, I don't think—I think this host is the opposite of you. They either want to eat it all for themselves ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Or—and I would just say this out loud if that's what it was—I really want to save a piece for my husband and kids.

Nick: Yes, a piece. Not half of the cake.

Leah: Or maybe they have to bring it to an event tomorrow at work, and they were trying to slide it into the back to, like, double use the cake.

Nick: Hmm. I mean, possible, because it was whisked away so fast.

Leah: Yeah. They didn't want to give people a chance to go again.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: This was on purpose.

Nick: Yeah. That does feel deliberate, because I think a gracious host, especially something informal, just come by for some cake and some tea, you leave the cake out. You want people to linger. And actually, I feel like Martha Stewart talked about dinner parties once that's sort of related. And she was talking about how lovely that moment is after dinner's over, when maybe you move to the couch nearby, and you can still see the dining table. And she says it's really important to not, like, clear all the glassware, don't snuff the candles. Like there's something really beautiful about seeing the table that way. You know, you don't want to have it just pristine and cleared for the next meal. You want to see the half-drunk wine, you want to see the candles dripping. You kind of want that romance. And so this is like the opposite. It's just like very sterile. It's like, cake time is done. Next!

Leah: For me, it's definitely very odd. And when I'm a host, I want people to eat all the food.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Take some when you go! You know, I want people to feel well-fed, like they were welcome to everything that I had made for them. So it feels really not right to me.

Nick: Yeah. And also, because the host served it and served such small pieces, apparently, like, that was also part of it. It's like, oh, here's just like a little sliver of cake for you.

Leah: But I feel like it would actually be different if I, as the host, had cut the cake in the kitchen and served the plates to people.

Nick: Oh, that's true!

Leah: And then so then you don't see that I have a whole half a cake that I am taking back.

Nick: Right. Yes, if I was plating it and bringing it to you, that would feel slightly different. It would feel less stingy that way. Right?

Leah: It would. It would feel like this is what it is.

Nick: Right. Because I would be unaware of how much cake was remaining.

Leah: You would be unaware. This feels very like, oh, there is more cake, but you are not welcome to it.

Nick: Not for you.

Leah: I just wish that we could hear the host explain to us why they did it. Like, is there something I'm missing?

Nick: Yes. I think they were saving cake for somebody else. That is really the best answer, which is like, I need to save the rest of this cake for somebody who is not here.

Leah: But then I just feel like we tell people.

Nick: I'm gonna save half of this cake for all these other guests for the other party I'm having later on today?

Leah: Well, I would feel better with an explanation, though.

Nick: Would you, though? Like, "Here's your piece of cake. Oh, I've gotta bring the cake back into the kitchen because I need to save it for these other nine people." That's not great.

Leah: No, but if you were like, "These people couldn't make it and I promised them a piece of cake?"

Nick: Okay. Okay. These people couldn't make it and I promised them a piece of cake. Okay. I feel better about that, I guess.

Leah: Wouldn't you feel better about that?

Nick: Although one of the perks of showing up to events is that you get cake.

Leah: I'm not saying it would be right. I'm just saying I would feel better.

Nick: That's true. I would feel better about it to have a little bit of an explanation. But yeah, to basically have it whisked away, and also to take my plate away, too?

Leah: Yeah, that's very like, "You're done."

Nick: Yeah, it is very much, you're done. Cake time is over. Next. It's a little too structured. It is not the relaxed vibe I'm looking for when I'm coming over for a fika.

Leah: It's also not just structured. It feels like there's some sort of a comment in it.

Nick: Okay? Like, I'm commenting on my guests and their ability to ...

Leah: You're saying "You are done with cake."

Nick: Oh, like, "You really shouldn't have more cake."

Leah: This is how much cake people get. You are not at liberty to have feelings about it one way or another. I'm taking your plate away so you can't even get the crumbs.

Nick: Okay. So does it feel like the amount of cake I'm giving you is the appropriate amount of cake? And if you feel like you wanted more, then you are the problem?

Leah: That's what I feel like taking the plate away is the vibe.

Nick: Yeah, there's a little of that in there.

Leah: Which for me is—that's egregious.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I can't have my fork crumbs?

Nick: [laughs] So our next question is, quote, "I was just reading a post on Facebook, and I've never had a question that had me more perplexed. In it, a woman stated they often have company stay at their home, and there's one couple in particular that asks to do their laundry before they return home. The hosts are not happy with this request, and feel it's very rude to ask to use someone's washer and dryer. It shocked me because, in my opinion, this is just another convenience I would love to offer my guests. And I do offer it. Who wants to travel with a week's worth of dirty laundry in their suitcase? I want my guests to feel welcome in my home, and whatever makes them comfortable. Laundry isn't a big deal at all to me. The comment section was so divided, which really surprised me, with many stating it's crossing a line, even suggesting that the hosts should say their machine isn't working."

Leah: I'm with our letter-writer. I also am shocked. Like, I'd be delighted if people wanted to do their laundry before they left so they could travel with clean clothes.

Nick: Yeah, I think that was my first read, but upon reflection, I can kind of see why people are bothered by this. Let me just trot this out. Let me just open the barn door. Let's just let the horse take a little peek outside in the sunshine. We can put him back if we have to. There is something about doing laundry at the end of the trip. Like, I've given you all this hospitality. Great. And now you're leaving, and now you're asking for something at the end, which is gonna benefit you once you're outside of my home. Like, if you just get to my house and you're like, "Hey, can we do a little laundry to settle in?" that feels very different than, "Hey, we're leaving tomorrow. Can we wash all of our clothing?" Right? Doesn't that feel a little different?

Leah: A) why would I not want to send people out in the world benefited?

Nick: I'm not saying I agree with this, but I'm just saying I think for some people there is a difference, because it's kind of like—and tell me if it's not kind of like this—it's kind of like if, "Hey, I'm going home tomorrow. I think I ran out of toilet paper at home. Can I take a roll?" And I take a whole roll of toilet paper from your house to take home to my house.

Leah: It doesn't feel the same to me.

Nick: No? A little bit. It's something that only benefits me and it's a resource I'm taking from you.

Leah: Is it a resource?

Nick: [laughs] But I think that is the explanation for why some people are really bent out of shape about this.

Leah: The thing is is that if somebody came in and when they first got there, they were like, "Hey, I need to do laundry," why would that not feel like, oh, you couldn't get yourself together for when you came to visit me, you expect it to be handled here? Why would that not set up the same feeling? The only feeling would be if you didn't want to share your water—washing machines with people and make people feel comfortable. If it was midweek and you were like, "I ran out of all the clothes I brought," but either end, I also have no problem with it. I look forward to the day I have a washer-dryer in my house. I will invite people over to have a washer. Do you want to wash that? Get in here! I look forward to sharing the joy. Why would you not want people to leave your house in the best way possible?

Nick: Yeah, I think it is sort of basic hospitality. And in a lot of the etiquette books of yore, there are whole sections about what you should offer guests as amenities and, like, ironing boards, hampers, all of these laundry-related things are discussed. So the idea that you would help your guests with their laundry has a long history in etiquette world.

Leah: Also, a lot of people don't have their own washer-dryer, so it's not like toilet paper where you could buy it on the way home. You are going home and it's gonna have to be like, now I've got to drive down to the laundromat.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Leah: And let me say it would be entirely different if I was like, "Hey, can you do my laundry before I left?"

Nick: Oh yes. No, that would be very different.

Leah: That's insanity. But "Hey, can I use your washer-dryer?" Why does that—how does that ...?

Nick: So why do we think people have such strong feelings about it then? Why are people saying, like, "Oh, just say it's broken?"

Leah: I mean, Nick, some of the things that people have strong feelings about boggles my mind.

Nick: Laundry does feel like something that feels very personal to some people, right?

Leah: It is, but they're in your house already.

Nick: Yeah, they're already in your house.

Leah: They're your guests.

Nick: Now, what if I wanted a bottle of water for the road? Or, like, I wanted to take a banana from your kitchen for the road?

Leah: Have a banana.

Nick: All right. Yeah, I'm just trying to think, is there anything else that's like this? I guess there's no other good sort of examples that have the same feeling or flavor. Take the banana.

Leah: Take it.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: In fact, I would say, "Hey, can I make you a snack bag before you go?" Why would I not want people to feel good?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Why am I hoarding resources? I mean, technically they are mine, but why would I have somebody in the house and then not want to share? If you don't want to share, don't have them in your house.

Nick: Yeah. So then I guess if I'm gonna pretend that, oh, my washer-dryer is broken, what else am I not gonna offer my guests?

Leah: Here's the thing. If I didn't like you very much and you were like, "Can I stay there?" And I felt obligated to have you there, and you'd asked and you were just sort of putting me out. I feel like if then at the end you were like, "Hey, can I do all my laundry?" It would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Nick: Okay. Oh, that's interesting. If you already felt a little taken advantage of, this might feel a little too far.

Leah: Yeah. I'd be like, "What else do you want me to do? Are you gonna go outside and, like, wash your car in my garage? I didn't want you here to begin with. I'm just doing you a favor." But if they were my guests that I invited ...

Nick: Yes. If you like them. So I guess if you don't like them, then you could withhold laundry services.

Leah: If you don't like them, withhold anything you want to.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, turn off the circuit in the room so they can't charge their phone.

Leah: [laughs] Power down!

Nick: No Wi-Fi for you. Sorry, there's a password. Yeah. No, I don't know what it is. We forgot.

Leah: I do not know what it is. Let me know if you figure it out.

Nick: Slipped my mind. Yeah. I mean, it's on our phone, so—but it's been saved. So it just has it. I don't know. Sorry. Yeah, I guess how unpleasant can we make our house for guests? That's really the question.

Leah: And if this is the goal, for sure feel free to hold the laundry.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: But if they're your friends, don't you want them to have clean clothes?

Nick: Yeah. I think we offer the laundry services.

Leah: I'll say the other thing is that often when we are visiting somebody, and this is a planned vacation where we wanted them there and they wanted to be there, when they go back home, they're going back to work. This is their time off. So, like, this way we're sending them out so they don't immediately have to do a chore.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: We're setting them up to have had a restful experience where when they return, they're at their best.

Nick: Yeah. And I guess, what's it to you?

Leah: What is it to you?

Nick: Like, is it really putting you out? Yeah. They're asking permission. And that's key. They need to ask permission. You can't just use somebody's laundry facilities. So you do need to ask.

Leah: And this is not if people are like, I can't afford water right now. I'm on a water budget. You know what I mean? That's different. That's not what we're talking about.

Nick: Right. That's not this.

Leah: That is not this.

Nick: This is just withholding something unnecessarily. Yeah.

Leah: I mean, the amount of times I've done laundry at people's houses before I left.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, you've probably done laundry at other people's houses more than at your own.

Leah: Yes, but since I don't have a laundry ...

Nick: [laughs] So there you go. So you out there, do you have any questions for us about anything at all? Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message, (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back, and now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: So Nick, I'm really struggling with the vent or repent because I mean, I feel like everything's chaos. So, like, nothing is bothering me on a minor level so much.

Nick: Wonderful. I mean, this is great.

Leah: And if it is, I've actually gotten a little loose-mouthed recently, and I have been letting people know, but I'm also apologizing so much faster.

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: But I want to actually reflect back on an event that I had earlier about somebody I've discussed on this podcast and share that I've had a breakthrough.

Nick: Oh, all right. Walk us through it.

Leah: So I don't remember when I had this vent. Sometime last year, I believe I talked about a woman on our block who hates me and my dogs.

Nick: Ah, yes.

Leah: She has a dog.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And she yelled at me once, and she's always giving me a nasty look. And it deeply upset me.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Why doesn't she like me? Did I do something? I have wanted to smooth the waters. I have wanted to make it ...

Nick: You want harmony in your neighborhood.

Leah: I want harmony. I want this person to feel if there was something—because I really can't think of what it would be. And I haven't seen her in a long time. You know, I hadn't been here for a while. And I walk out the door with my girls, Lacey Jane and Greta Mae. I turn the corner, she's coming up the street with her dog. This is months since I've seen her. She looks at me with hate and picks up her dog. And in that moment I was like, oh, this is a you problem.

Nick: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Leah: I don't need to fix this. I've done nothing. I know I've done nothing. You are just hateful, and I'm not even gonna be bothered by it anymore. I just started smiling and I just walked right by her, and I was like, enjoy, enjoy whatever this is.

Nick: Yeah. How interesting. Although how wonderful to get to this place.

Leah: Yeah, I'm not gonna fix—why am I fixing things? I'm not going to.

Nick: Well, this can't be fixed.

Leah: No, but that's—it never is.

Nick: [laughs] That didn't stop you before.

Leah: It didn't stop me before. I would think about it on my time. And now I'm like, oh, you are wild. Whatever you've made up about me, feel free to believe it. I don't care.

Nick: Okay. What a great place to arrive.

Leah: It really feels good.

Nick: Okay. Well, you know what doesn't feel good? I would like to vent. So I just want to report on probably one of the most chaotic Starbucks experiences I've ever had. It was so chaotic. It was like everything happening at once. And so let me just paint the scene that I was inside of, trapped. And so I'm at a Starbucks, and I'm waiting. Why am I there? I think I'm there because I'm waiting for some other appointment that's nearby and I'm running early. So I was like, oh, let me just get a coffee and hunker down for, like, 30 minutes. And so to my left, I have a table where they are dialing some doctor on speakerphone and going through medical test results on speakerphone. Detailed medical history, graphic detail. This isn't just like, "Oh, your iron is a little low in your blood test." No, this is like, going in deep for serious medical stuff. And so loud. So loud, these people! And then to my right, there's a guy vaping and on a speakerphone.

Leah: Inside vaping?

Nick: Yes. Vaping indoors. Yes.

Leah: Isn't that illegal?

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. A staff member actually had to come over and have him stop the vaping. The staff member did not say anything about the speakerphone, which I thought, like, oh, as long as we're having a conversation about things we should not be doing. But, like, I guess we took care of the vaping. Then a third table also on speakerphone. So it was just like a cacophony of speakerphones. Third table, they were dialing some customer service thing, and needed to do the dial-by-name directory to find the name. And so on speakerphone, they went through the entire dial-by-name directory.

Leah: No!

Nick: So, like, "For John Smith, dial extension 801. For John Smythson, dial extension 802." Every name. The name they needed, I think, was in the Zs, because this went on for so long. It was so wild! Like, at some point I was like, is this hidden camera? This is like my own personal etiquette hell. It was so amazing how perfectly tailored to me this was. And so I was like, what are we doing? What is happening in this world? Why is speakerphone allowed?

Leah: It's literally like I'm visualizing all the points of a triangle, and you're in the middle and they're just getting louder and louder and louder and louder.

Nick: Yeah. And it was actually comic at a certain point.

Leah: This is when you pull your phone out, and you hop on Were You Raised by Wolves? TikTok and you film it.

Nick: And we just do it live. Like, this is what's happening to me right now.

Leah: This is what's happening in the world.

Nick: But yeah, I think we should not be on speakerphone in public. I think if we are, we should not be discussing medical results. I think if we are, we don't go through the entire dial-by-name directory. I think if we are, we don't vape at the same time. [laughs] So yeah, Starbucks. Great.

Leah: The directory really puts me over.

Nick: That was really too far, because that—you didn't know when that was gonna end.

Leah: You don't know.

Nick: You didn't know what name they needed.

Leah: I mean, that is a long alphabet, you know?

Nick: Yeah, it was pretty wild. So that's my vent.

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned that the Girl Scouts have a badge that you can earn for social etiquette, and a part of that is the importance of gratitude and making other people feel comfortable. And I love that.

Nick: Yes. And I learned that there is a magical soda fountain at a place called Taco Bueno that you love.

Leah: I don't know if it's all Taco Buenos. I know it's in this Taco Bueno, and I think about it a lot.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, this is kind of a big one. I want you to think about some letter that you've been putting off—a thank-you note, condolence note, some other type of note. And I want you to just send it. Because it's not too late. It's never too late. The longer it's been, you gotta make it nicer, but it's never too late. So I want you to think about what is the note that you have really been avoiding sending, and this is your week to send it. And maybe it's an email, maybe it's a text, maybe it's a handwritten note, but whatever it is, send the thing. And bonus points, let me know how it goes.

Leah: It's like you saw my to-do list.

Nick: [laughs] But this is for everybody. You're not the only person that's been putting this off.

Leah: Okay. On it.

Nick: All right, so that's everybody's homework. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah, it's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So if you're on my Instagram, you know that I'm very into helping dog rescues get their dogs out there.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And I'm volunteering with Transport, and then I'm also doing, like, a lot of letter writing for Women for Wolves.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: And a lot of our Wolves family who are on Instagram with me have started either reposting or learning more about fostering or, like, signing petitions with me. And it just really means a lot to me. And I wanted to say thank you so much.

Nick: Very nice! And for me, I also want to say thank you to our listeners for all of the lovely messages you have sent in about our milestone episode, Episode 300. It was really nice to hear from everybody that they liked the episode, they celebrated the milestone with us, and a lot of nice things were said, and so I enjoyed hearing them.

Leah: Honestly, it still blows my mind. And what blows my mind the most is the idea that we would have a child in kindergarten.

Nick: [laughs] Yes, we have the equivalent of a child starting first grade. That is what we have, Leah.

Leah: Also, I think with that, you also get the visual of what you and I would be like as co-parents.

Nick: Um, yes? I think our parenting styles would be different.

Leah: But we may cover all the categories between the two of us.

Nick: We would definitely cover everything. Yes, there would definitely be a lot in our parenting relationship which would be, "Oh, don't tell Nick that this is happening," or "Don't tell Leah that this is happening." I think we would keep a lot of secrets from each other.

Leah: I would be more like, "Feel free to tell Nick and let him know I'm not gonna change that." [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] I think our child would be delightful.

Leah: I think so, too!

Nick: So thank you, everybody. We really appreciate it.

Leah: We really do. Thank you for hanging in there with us.

Nick: Exactly.