Leaking Phone Numbers, Venting About Registries, Requesting the 'Man of the House,' and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "I recently got a text from an unknown number asking for help with a group that I'm a part of. I was a little surprised and annoyed that someone would give out my number without asking me first. But I responded with a link for the group. Then I asked this texter who gave her my number, and she responded, 'I just checked with the person and they prefer to keep their name private.' I mean, excuse me? This person shared my number without my consent, but now they're entitled to their privacy? The thing is, using context clues, I'm pretty sure I know who shared my number—let's call her Lisa. I assume the next time I see her, she's gonna pretend that nothing happened, but I'm 99 percent sure that it's her. Granted, I can't ever be 100 percent sure because no one is confessing. But how should I handle this the next time I see her?"

Leah: I was hoping we could do a walkthrough with this question, because I find it confusing.

Nick: Okay, let's do it.

Leah: Because first off, somebody texts me asking about a group that I'm a part of, and then it seems that they got my number from a group that I'm a part of. So why isn't that person helping them?

Nick: Oh, isn't that interesting! Yes, because Lisa is like, "Oh, here's the number to contact for this group information."

Leah: "That I'm in."

Nick: But then, like, Lisa didn't have this information?

Leah: I mean, I stumbled right off the block with that. I was like, I don't understand what's happening.

Nick: That's an interesting point. Okay, let's assume for a moment that Lisa's not part of this group, but Lisa knows that I'm in this group. So Lisa knows that I have the information about the group that you want.

Leah: I think I would just ask Lisa directly, "Hey, did you give my number out?"

Nick: Oh, okay. Interesting. I mean, I think the polite-yet-direct approach could work. Although here's the thing: If Lisa is the person who did this, Lisa already knows that you're annoyed, because the person that texted you already checked in with this mysterious person about divulging their identity, and they said no. So if it was Lisa, Lisa knows you've asked. So Lisa's aware that you're not happy—or whoever it is, they're aware that you're not happy about this.

Leah: And they said don't tell.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, the quote is, "I just checked with the person and they prefer to keep their name private."

Leah: Honestly, if you can't say that you're the person who did it, then you shouldn't be doing it.

Nick: Yeah, I prefer to keep my information private, too. But that went out the window, so I don't know why we're respecting everybody else's privacy now.

Leah: I think in the future—obviously our letter-writer was just trying to be helpful and then was like, "Oh, hey," and then obviously it would've assumed they would get an answer. Maybe moving forward we ask in the beginning, "Oh, hey. Thanks for reaching out. Who gave you my number?"

Nick: Yeah. Don't get the information that they want until I get the information that I want.

Leah: Like, who would've known that we would have to do that? But apparently there are people that are willing to give out our information, then don't want people to know that they're the one that gave out the info.

Nick: But that's so cheeky to be like, "I prefer to stay anonymous." No, thank you. Pass.

Leah: Also, I feel like the person in the middle should be a little ashamed.

Nick: The person in the middle has no shame here. No. At all.

Leah: Like, I would be embarrassed to be that person, to be like, "Oh, they don't want me to tell you who it is."

Nick: Well, the person in the middle doesn't want to get anybody in trouble, I think. And I think they think they're being helpful by not divulging anything.

Leah: But our letter-writer is helping them, and now they're gonna make our letter-writer feel uncomfortable.

Nick: So, like, the person in the middle knows that sharing information without permission is not okay.

Leah: Yeah, I don't like it at all. I guess all our letter-writer can do is next time they see Lisa, they could say, "Hey, I'm telling this to everybody. Somebody's been sharing my information without my permission. So I don't know who it is, but I just want to say to everybody please don't share my information without asking me first."

Nick: I like that. Yeah, I'm sharing with everybody. I'm starting with you, Lisa, but everybody. Yeah, I think actually that's smart. That doesn't really put her on the spot—although it kind of does—but I feel like that's sort of etiquette approved.

Leah: Because I thought Lisa was in the group, so my response was I would message the entire group and be like, "Hey, moving forward, whoever just shared my information, please don't share my information without my permission first or without checking with me first." But since we don't think Lisa's in the group, then we're gonna have to go one at a time.

Nick: Yeah, whether or not Lisa's in the group or not, that is a material detail. And that is a little bit of a mystery.

Leah: It's a mystery to me.

Nick: It is a mystery. Hmm. Well, we can live with the mystery for now.

Leah: But I don't like it.

Nick: Mm-mm. So our next question is, quote, "I am so annoyed right now. A couple of years ago, I asked a friend to help me choose an outfit for a wedding. We went to several shops before I finally chose something, and to thank her, I took her out to dinner and paid for the whole thing. Today, she asked me to return the favor. We walked over six miles under the scorching sun of Mexico City at midday, and my friend not only acted quite spoiled and bratty, and she didn't even offer to buy me a coffee or to rest somewhere. I left half an hour early, feeling so angry. I felt used, as if this whole deal was absolutely utilitarian for her. Am I crazy to expect at a minimum being offered coffee for my troubles? I have already told this friend to stop being so self-centered, but she does not seem to get it. Is there any way besides another get-it-together talk to make her understand?"

Leah: I think the only way she's gonna understand is if you don't do things with her.

Nick: Yeah. I think this is a great time to whip out the theater metaphor. It is time to reseat this person in your theater.

Leah: A fave metaphor, and one of my mantras.

Nick: Mmm?

Leah: "We can't change other people. We can only change ourselves."

Nick: Yeah. And so for those unfamiliar, the theater metaphor: we all have our own personal theaters, and the closest people in my life, they're on stage with me. Close relationships, front row. We have people in the back of the orchestra, people in the balcony, people out in the lobby, people out on the street. And throughout our lives, we reseat people based on how those relationships change. Because they do change. And so this is somebody who was maybe in your orchestra, but I believe it is time for new seats. And so you could decide where those seats are. Maybe this is sort of a balcony. Maybe this is a back balcony. You know, maybe she needs to be in the lobby for a little bit. And when we reseat people in our theater, we do not need to make any grand announcements, we just do it. And so our behavior will now change based on who this person is in our life. So yeah, we do not go out of our way to trudge through the midday heat in Mexico City for people who are in our personal lobbies. That's an orchestra seat task. This person's no longer in the orchestra seat, so we don't do that for those types of people anymore.

Leah: And I do think that if they say, "Well, why aren't you doing this with me?" we can say—I think being direct and honest while saying it in a my-needs fashion is sort of like, "Well, last time we did this, we didn't take any breaks, we didn't rest. I felt sort of used, and I don't want to feel that way again." What are they gonna say?

Nick: Yeah. "I felt you took my generosity for granted."

Leah: And then they may not hear it, but eventually when you stop hanging out, they'll get it.

Nick: Or they won't get it, but you won't have to be bothered anymore. So that's a win.

Leah: Yes!

Nick: And the coffee here is not the point. It's that you were not appreciated at all, and so you are within your rights to feel annoyed by this.

Leah: I mean, you just want someone to say, "Oh, thanks for walking around with me. Let's take a little break out of the sun. Sit down. Tell me about how you're doing. You want a water?"

Nick: Oh, that's too far. "Tell me about how you're doing?" I mean, wouldn't that be nice?

Leah: I mean, I'm just throwing it out as an example.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yeah. I mean, I'll just have a coffee. Yeah. I don't actually need emotional generosity at this point. I just need a cup of coffee. But that would be nice. That's a 2.0 move.

Leah: I mean, please let us know if it comes up again and what you say and how it's handled.

Nick: Yeah, see if there's any follow-up. But yeah, we don't need another conversation with her, another get-it-together talk. You know, you've done that, and that really didn't move the needle. And so here we are.

Leah: Now you gotta move the needle to take care of yourself for yourself.

Nick: Yeah, that's it. So our next question is, quote, "I have a question for you about etiquette at shared tables in public eating spaces. The scenario is this: I approach a table where one person is sitting and ask if it's okay for me to sit down. They agree. While we're eating, their phone is sitting on the table and their notifications are not silenced and they're going off nonstop. Am I within my rights to ask them to silence their phone? What's their obligation to minimize noise in a shared space?"

Leah: I feel like if I was Nick, I would find, like, a comfortable way to ask. Like, not comfortable, but like a polite, easy breezy way to ask.

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: Me, I feel bad because I'm the one that sat down. I joined them.

Nick: Right. I wrote something like this down. Yes. That I thought you were gonna have a problem with this.

Leah: Yeah. Because I joined their table.

Nick: Right. Yes. You're framing it as they did you a favor, and so you don't want to impose too much now.

Leah: I joined their table.

Nick: No, no. This is a table at In-N-Out Burger. This is not their table. They're using one seat.

Leah: They were already there, though.

Nick: They're not entitled to use all four seats here. And so you ask, like, "Oh, is it okay if I join you?" Because unless they had other people coming, they are obligated to really say yes.

Leah: I understand that logically.

Nick: Right. I understand that you believe that they are doing you a favor, which is why you don't want to push it further.

Leah: I don't know if "favor" is the right word. I feel I came into their space.

Nick: Okay. Interesting. So that's not a favor. You just feel like this is their domain and you're a guest.

Leah: They were at the domain first.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: If I was at the domain first and I had something happening, I would never have my notifications on because I'm not a monster. But if I had something happening and somebody joined my domain and was like, "Could you change that?"

Nick: Right.

Leah: I would be like, "Can you get up and go to another table?" That's what I would think. Would I say it? No. But I would make a face.

Nick: A little disappointed face.

Leah: And then it's hard to think of something, because really notifications is a whole thing unto itself. Like, why do you have notifications on in a public area at all?

Nick: Now what if you were at the table, they asked to join you and their notifications went off? You would probably feel better about asking them to do something about it since they came into your domain.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay. So it's that feeling who was there first has some sort of larger claim to this space. Is that what it is?

Leah: Yeah, it's the claim. It's the claim to the space.

Nick: Okay. I see that. I appreciate that. I can understand that feeling, and that would probably be my first instinct until the logical part of me was like, no, wait a minute. No, this is not a world I want to live in. I do not have to tolerate this. As a society, we do not have notifications blinging on our phones in public. And so it doesn't matter who was here first. I'm gonna say something.

Leah: I figured you would. I said, "I think Nick would say something."

Nick: And I think I would say something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Would it be possible for you to silence your phone?"

Leah: I still wouldn't. I would just put my earphones in and put on some classical music and try to drown it out.

Nick: Would you at least give a glare as you're putting your headphones in?

Leah: No, because I joined their space.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. All right, so I think we have very different approaches to this. I feel like it is not their space, and so I feel like we are equals here. And so that's how I'd proceed. I do not feel a power imbalance here.

Leah: I understand. And I wouldn't think that you were wrong. I'm not saying my way is the right way, I'm saying what I would feel comfortable with me, Leah, personally.

Nick: Right. But I feel like a lot of people feel the way you feel, and I think that's not the ideal way to live our lives. And so I guess the question is: Could we get you to come around to feeling more confident about speaking up for yourself in this situation?

Leah: No, because I really believe in the "I got there first."

Nick: Okay. Okay. So whoever gets there first gets to break whatever etiquette rules they want.

Leah: Yeah. Like, if I was at a table first and I had, like—I'd moved the salt and pepper to the middle.

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: Let's use an easy one that doesn't really affect people.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then you said, "Can I join you?"

Nick: Okay?

Leah: And I said, "Sure." And then you moved the salt and pepper because you liked a different salt and pepper configuration.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: I'd be like, "No, you came to salt and pepper in the middle of the table country."

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: "And if that's not you, you go find a salt and pepper on the side of the table country that you can join."

Nick: I don't know about this example. [laughs]

Leah: [laughs] I mean, it just came out of the top of my head, Nick. And Nick knows, but our listener doesn't know that I did not sleep a wink last night, because I was up trying to figure out world peace.

Nick: I don't know if you being well rested would have changed any of that. But okay, it's an explanation. What if it's like Amtrak with open seating, and there's a seat next to you and I'm gonna sit next to you on this journey?

Leah: And I'm not in the quiet car?

Nick: We're not in the quiet car.

Leah: And I—you sat down first.

Nick: I was already there. You asked, "Oh, is this seat taken?"

Leah: I don't know if that's the same because this is—we all have to get a seat.

Nick: Well, I have my tray of food. I need a seat.

Leah: There's something seemingly more annoying to me than sitting next to someone on a train with their beeping going off.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I think you just have a different feeling about this than I do. And that's okay.

Leah: But I don't think that you're wrong. I just wouldn't do it.

Nick: Oh, I'm definitely not wrong. No, I am not worried about that at all. [laughs]

Leah: No, I know, but I'm saying I'm not—I don't think that one's better than the other. I would just never feel that way about if I joined somebody else's table.

Nick: Okay. So letter-writer, I believe that you could totally say something if you wished in a nice, polite way. And this is not like a demand. And if you get no, then that's the end of it. We're not gonna escalate it. But I think a polite, like, "Oh, would you mind if ...?" Totally fine. And to answer your other question: What's their obligation to minimize noise in a shared space? Yes, they have an obligation to minimize noise in a shared space. So they have that obligation. Yes, we all have that obligation. If you're Leah and you don't feel comfortable, okay, that's on you. That's a personal choice you can make.

Leah: I don't even know if it's that I feel uncomfortable. It's that I feel if I sat down second, then it's their table first.

Nick: Right. Yeah. No, I see how you arrived at this. Yes.

Leah: What if you sit down at this table, and this person makes a phone call and then they're on their phone the whole time?

Nick: Yeah. I would say I could absolutely say something. Yes, I would say something.

Leah: So you're gonna tell them not to be on the phone when you sat down at their table?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Really?

Nick: I think I might. Yeah. Well, because what are we doing?

Leah: We're making a phone call at our table. It's not rude!

Nick: [laughs] So I'm at In-N-Out Burger. You're eating. I ask, "Oh, is this seat taken?" You're like, "No, please sit." I sit down, then you start to go on a loud phone call, and you expect me to be like, oh, that's cool.

Leah: I'm at In-N-Out. I'm gonna call my mom. I'm getting my lunch. I'm gonna call my mom. You then decide that you need to sit at my table right before I'm gonna call my mom? That's your problem.

Nick: Now if I'm at the next table, I'm still geographically the same distance away from your mouth, but at the next table, am I allowed to say something to you then?

Leah: At an In-N-Out Burger? You're gonna tell me not to be on the phone? No.

Nick: Okay. Is In-N-Out the wrong example then? Is this totally contextual?

Leah: Am I yelling? Am I just like this? "[speaks quietly] Hello, Mom, how are you doing?"

Nick: Oh, is that how people talk on the phone? At that volume?

Leah: That's how I talk on the phone in public.

Nick: Okay. That is not my experience.

Leah: If I'm at any kind of fast food restaurant and I make a phone call at my table, whether or not you sat there, it's a fast food restaurant.

Nick: I would have a higher tolerance for a low volume phone call than for a speakerphone conversation.

Leah: Well, speakerphones should be illegal.

Nick: So would you say something then?

Leah: I still wouldn't say anything. No.

Nick: Okay. But you would at least register annoyance. You at least internally clock it as, oh, that's not cool.

Leah: I would probably put it on TikTok.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I had no idea that this question was gonna be so layered. I just thought this was such a slam dunk.

Leah: I'm sure everybody agrees with you. I just think ...

Nick: No, I bet there's—well, as I've discovered with all of the feedback that I get, there is definitely 50 percent of our audience that prefers your answers to mine. So I feel like you might get a lot of support on this.

Leah: I don't like being noisy in shared public spaces, but making a delicate phone call if you came and joined my table, it's not my problem.

Nick: Yes, a delicate phone call at an In-N-Out Burger? I could live with that. Sure.

Leah: I might look at you and go, "Sorry, I had to call my mom," and then make my phone call. But I'm not asking you. I'm telling you this is what was about to happen. You joined me. Buckle up.

Nick: Okay. I could see your point there. I can come around on that idea, which is like, this was my lunch plan, and you decided to join me for my plans, but my plans will proceed. Okay. I could see a world in which we're doing that, but I still need to sort of still be respectful of the space and the people around me.

Leah: Well, I'm not gonna yell on my phone.

Nick: Okay, so as long as we're not doing that, fine.

Leah: You may get a "Maaah!" You may get one of those.

Nick: I guess, is it a really good, juicy conversation that I'm actually excited to lean in on?

Leah: Wouldn't you want to hear a juicy conversation? Come on!

Nick: Yeah. So okay, I can see that side.

Leah: What if I sat down—you sat down, and I was making phone calls because I was in the middle of a hot breakup and we were just—I was just dumping juicy details.

Nick: Yeah. Okay, I'm coming around on this. Okay. Well, I guess it just comes down to, are you inconveniencing me or are you entertaining me? And so if it's entertainment, then yeah, I'm not gonna say no to that.

Leah: Because you could always just get up and go to another table.

Nick: That's true. I do have that option. Yes. If it felt like engaging this person to get them to stop what they're doing wasn't in the cards for whatever reason, yeah, I could just relocate, just take myself out of the scene. Okay. So I think a lot of different ways to approach this. Okay. Once again, we take something very simple and make it not.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: We have a gift, Leah. We have a gift. So our next question is, quote, "I need help responding to this message I received yesterday from a friend—let's call her Lisa. For some background information, Lisa is expecting her first child in a few months. We met in our hometown, but she has moved and now lives over three hours away. The baby shower is in a few weeks and I RSVPed no for two reasons: one, it happens to conflict with my other friend's bridal shower in which I'm the maid of honor; and two, the distance and the travel accommodations and the expenses—the fuel, hotel, pet sitter. Although I'm not attending the baby shower, I had a custom embroidered baby blanket made which I was planning to send her. However, I felt a bit shocked on the message I received from Lisa yesterday." So our letter-writer sends a text, "Have you done more work to the nursery?" And then Lisa responds, "The dresser and crib are up, but that's about it. I haven't done any décor, and I don't know if I will. Only, like, four people have bought stuff off my registry. And the shower isn't far off, so I might be buying a lot of my baby stuff, which is annoying, spending the time and money on a shower and not getting the things I needed. I'd rather have skipped the shower and bought everything myself." So then our letter-writer asks us, "What is the response?"

Leah: I was looking forward to Nick on this one.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, I have so many thoughts!

Leah: I knew you would.

Nick: So many thoughts. Well, first, I really don't like showers for this reason, where they just become this gross transactional thing, and they have really become divorced from the original purpose and spirit and intent, which was like some friends getting together to, like, do something light and fun for you with, like, some little gifts and, you know, a nice afternoon. Like, that was kind of what the shower was supposed to be. And now it's like a purchase order.

Leah: I don't know. I think that like a wedding registry, a baby registry is friends or family members helping people start out their new life.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: Their baby's new life or the wedding new life.

Nick: Sure. Yes, that's definitely part of the original intent, but that's a gesture of affection. This is stockpiling.

Leah: Well, I think what happened here is our letter-writer's friend overspent on the baby shower.

Nick: Well, once again, a good reason to follow traditional etiquette, which is you don't throw your own shower.

Leah: Yeah. I was like, Nick's gonna say she shouldn't throw her own shower.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I also, as a side note, whether the—what the person said was, regardless of what that is, I think they are not directing it at our letter-writer.

Nick: No, our letter writer has already declined, isn't coming. And they're friends, and this person is just sort of ...

Leah: This person is venting.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So I think that our letter-writer can feel a certain way about it, and just say to them, "Oh, I'm so sorry."

Nick: Yes. Although I read this as, "Oh no, I didn't do something from the registry either. I got you a custom baby blanket. And so are you gonna be mad about that?"

Leah: Yeah, but our letter-writer is not going.

Nick: Right, but our letter-writer still went off registry, which is the whole point of this vent. Like, nobody's getting me my loot from my registry. How annoying! And then our letter-writer's like, "Yeah, I didn't either. I got you something else."

Leah: I mean, I think the goal would just—because if we're not gonna not give it to them and we can't return it, it's custom made.

Nick: I mean, my first thought was, like, oh, can we return it?

Leah: It's custom.

Nick: But that was my first thought. Like, oh, clearly this person is not gonna enjoy this custom gift I had made.

Leah: I mean, we could say it in the text. We could say, "I'm so sorry that this is happening. I didn't realize that it was one or the other, that you couldn't do both things. And I did get you a custom blanket."

Nick: Mmm. I think we would try to diffuse this by saying something along the lines of, like, "Oh, I'm sure you're gonna get gifts as we get closer." And because, like, most people do probably buy off the registry, like, closer to the event. Like, the shower hasn't happened yet. So I think maybe we offer some hope that, like, "Oh, I'm sure you're gonna get some gifts from your registry. There's still some time." And then you could say, like, "Can't wait for you to get the thing that I'm sending you," and just send it. And, like, oh well, I went off registry. And hopefully the charming thoughtfulness of a custom baby blanket will just sort of smooth that all over. Which is a way better gift, I think, than anything else. Like a custom baby blanket? How charming!

Leah: I don't even know if we have to address our gift.

Nick: Oh, would we not address it?

Leah: I don't think we need to address it. I think we just—they're venting.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: My guess is that in two days, the mom-to-be is gonna be embarrassed that she sent this.

Nick: Oh, I don't think we're gonna get that.

Leah: She's gonna be like, "Oh, I was just having a tough day and I was feeling—you know, and I should have kept my thoughts to myself."

Nick: Well, I think that's a good point. She's stressed out. There's a lot happening. There's a new baby coming.

Leah: There's a lot happening. New baby, they're making a nursery. She's somehow in charge of planning the whole—the shower. She's exhausted.

Nick: Yeah. So I think yeah, some grace there. And so I guess as the friend, the response is just like, "Hey, I'm sure more stuff is gonna come in as we get closer, and I'm sure it'll be a great event."

Leah: Yeah. And then you go about your life and you send what you were gonna send.

Nick: And if she doesn't like it or is resentful that you went off registry, well then that is on her.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. But yeah, awkward!

Leah: Awkward.

Nick: So our next question is, quote ...

Leah: Did you put this one in for me, Nick?

Nick: I mean, I didn't necessarily put it in just for you, but I figured you might enjoy this one. [laughs]

Leah: By "enjoy," he means take my sword off the wall and start swinging.

Nick: Quote, "My husband and I were watching TV in our living room in the early evening. Suddenly we heard a loud knocking on our screen door. Of course, our dog went berserk and raced to the door with me right behind—I wasn't racing. There was a man on our front steps and I said, 'Hi, can I help you?' He replied, 'Is the man of the house available?' Seriously! My husband didn't bother coming to the door, so I just replied, 'No.' This guy had plowed into our large dumpster-type trash can and completely destroyed it earlier in the day. It was well off the road when he hit it, and he was apologizing and wanted to know if we called the police and if he could pay for it. Funny how he didn't come to talk to us right away. Anyway, that saying, 'Is the man of the house available?' really rubbed me the wrong way. Was I being oversensitive?"

Leah: No.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. I mean, Here are other things that I love from the 1950s: Jell-O molds, hula hoops, James Dean, the movie Vertigo. Oh, what a decade!

Leah: [laughs] Those things I enjoy. Let me tell you, if somebody said to my face, "Is the man of the house available?" I would be like, "I am the man of the house."

Nick: I mean, what a phrase. I mean, I do understand that there are certain people in the world that have a sensibility like this, that they think this is sort of the correct, gracious, more polite, formal way to approach things. I think that is the benefit of the doubt here.

Leah: Yeah. Those are the same people that refer to their wives as "Mother."

Nick: [laughs] Oh! Uh, yeah.

Leah: And you know I'm a hundred percent correct about that.

Nick: Yeah. No, as soon as you said that, I was, like, going through my little mental Rolodex. I was like, "Oh yeah. Yeah, those people."

Leah: I have a few of those in my family, so I know this type. And let me tell you, you could just say, "You can talk to me."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And I'll tell you why they didn't stop earlier. Because they were doing something wrong.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: They went home to drink some ice cold water and take a nap and come back and fix it.

Nick: Yeah. No, they had some cottage cheese and pineapple.

Leah: Does that help you sober up?

Nick: Well, I was just thinking of 1950s food.

Leah: Oh, no. They went home because they were doing something illegal, not because they were in the 1950s.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: That's the only reason you hit a trash can off the road and then continue driving?

Nick: Yeah. No, what I love is every step that this person took was self-serving. So he left the scene of the crime early, then he came back later, but wanted to know if you'd called the police yet to sort of see whether or not he was in trouble. And then he wanted to negotiate with the person that he thought would be easier to negotiate with or who was "authorized to negotiate with." And everything about this is just, like, not good.

Leah: No. And you're definitely not being overly sensitive.

Nick: No.

Leah: He was doing something. He was doing something wrong. Because, like, say I was in a major hurry. It was—it was some kind of a crisis. I jump out of the car, I leave a note on the trash can. "This is my number. This is my name. I hit this. I'm in an emergency. I will come back and pay."

Nick: Right.

Leah: Boom!

Nick: Yeah, I think we would do that. Yes. Also, if you hit a dumpster-style trash can, is your car okay? You were able to drive away from that?

Leah: Well, you hit it off the road, too. It's not like you hit it on the side of the road.

Nick: Yeah. No, you really ...

Leah: "Is the man of the house here? Because he's gonna understand that I was inebriated." Women! Women, teetotalers started Prohibition.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yeah.

Leah: I want to tell—I understand that there was a certain time and a certain group of people who would be like—who think "is the man of the house" is respectable, but they have to move on and learn that they now can do business with women.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: It's time to—it's time to stop.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, we don't call them "stewardesses," right? I mean, we have moved on as a society using certain language.

Leah: We have moved on. We now know that women have fully functioning brains. We're not just, you know, distracted by glittery things all the time.

Nick: Nope, not all the time. Yeah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Out of the two of us, Nick, you are way more upset about glittery things than I am.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. For sure. Yeah. Actually, if you came onto my property and hit a dumpster, it actually would be in your best interest to talk to Leah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Because she'll be way nicer about it than I will.

Leah: Also, I'll just go out and fix it. I'll go get a new one.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Oh, that's—last night? This is related. It's totally related to that. Something was on fire.

Nick: Okay. In your house?

Leah: Not in our house, but near our house.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And Dustin was walking out the door with the dogs.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then he is a person, he's like, "I'm gonna go find out what's going on." And I go, "Bring the dogs back!" So he brings the dog back, and then we—he goes looking for it, and all the—the whole building's out. We're trying to find it. And then I go back into the house without thinking, and I—you know, we have fire extinguishers.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: We always buy our own and have them everywhere. And I just walk out of the house with it, and he comes back and he just starts laughing. He's like, "I love the Maine in you, Leah." He's like, "You're just gonna go put out the fire on your own."

Nick: Sure, the fire in Hollywood Boulevard, you got it—you got it—you got it covered.

Leah: And I never would have for a second thought that it was weird. I think it is like a Maine thing where you're like, "I'll just handle it myself."

Nick: Yeah, and you're like, "This is a two-fire extinguisher job."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Well, I guess the real question is: Is the Leah of the house available? That's really the question you should be asking. So you out there, do you have any questions for us? A vent, a repent? Something that's bonkers? Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!