Wiping Fingers With a Yubifuki, Dining at Michelin-Starred Restaurants, Calling Strangers “Pal,” and More

Nick: Do you confuse your wet towels? Do you use flash in fancy restaurants? Do you do gross things in the gym? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

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Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Oh, my goodness. Let's get in it!

Nick: So I texted you a photo earlier.

Leah: You did.

Nick: [laughs] With no context.

Leah: No context.

Nick: Which is so great about our relationship that I could just send you this very random photo and you're like, "Guess that's about etiquette somehow."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So describe for our listeners what is it that you see.

Leah: Okay, so what it looks like is a raised soap dish.

Nick: Mmm.

Leah: Like a ceramic, raised soap dish. Square.

Nick: Yep.

Leah: And then on it it looks like a hand towel that has been sort of propped up, like when a slug or a caterpillar is moving.

Nick: Oh, what a great way to describe this! Like an inchworm.

Leah: Like an inchworm.

Nick: The hump of the inchworm.

Leah: Mid inch.

Nick: Interesting. Well done! Okay, so as you may recall from previous episodes, I didn't want you to be embarrassed by confusing tenugui and furoshiki. Remember this? How embarrassing.

Leah: How embarrassing!

Nick: Like, can you imagine confusing these two things?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so today I want to talk about yubifuki. And I do not want you to confuse it with oshibori, because that would be devastating.

Leah: Devastating! I mean, yubifuki and I also be fuki.

Nick: [laughs] So do you remember what oshibori is?

Leah: I remember the word "oshibori" happening.

Nick: Right, okay.

Leah: Was that that little napkin that grows in water?

Nick: Yes, yes! That is a type of oshibori. Yeah, it is just the wet towel that a restaurant will bring you at the beginning of the meal to refresh your hands.

Leah: Oh! See, it's in there, Nick.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's deep in the recesses somewhere. And so I was just in Tokyo, and I was in a fancy-schmancy sushi restaurant in Ginza, and they had yubifuki, which is actually relatively rare, I think. It does not come up that often. And I was thinking, like, oh, I have a feeling that many people have not encountered this and may be confused. And so I thought, what a perfect thing to talk about today. So what do you think you do with this wet towel which is different than this other wet towel?

Leah: Since I already know from the context of this question that it's different than the other wet towel.

Nick: It is different. You will also have an oshibori.

Leah: I'm gonna guess that I do this one on my face.

Nick: Oh! No. And please don't.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So what this is is to clean the tips of your fingers. And yubifuki literally means "finger wipes." And this is pretty specific to a Tokyo-style sushi restaurant an Edomae-style restaurant. And I think it's relatively new. This is kind of like a late-20th century invention, but it actually comes from a long tradition, I think, because historically, going back to, like, the days when Tokyo was called Edo, where sushi was a just sort of a roadside snack, it was a street stall kind of thing, what I've heard—and I don't know if this is backed up by any, like, real information, but the rumor is that after you ate sushi with your hands, of course, because you were on the go, you would wipe your hands on the curtain on the stall.

Leah: Oh! Mmm.

Nick: And so you can imagine like, oh, that got a little filthy. Yeah, Edo was not known as being the cleanest place on Earth. Like, the idea that Japan is now super tidy, this is relatively new. Like, historically it was not, like, the cleanest place. And so the idea that oh, we need to wipe our fingers after we eat sushi? Very old. And so today, it is also proper to eat sushi with your hands. And at a fancy-schmancy sushi place in Tokyo, especially in a neighborhood like Ginza, which is a little fancy-schmancy, you will have this yubifuki available. And so what you do is basically you start the meal with your oshibori, you kind of like wipe your hands, you fold that, put that aside. And then as you eat a piece of sushi, if you're using your hands, when you're done, you will sort of pinch that little piece that's sticking up with the tips of your fingers.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: And it's damp, and so it's like just—it's like a little finger bowl, but it's a cloth. And so it's just like the little tips of your fingers. You kind of like just pinch that between your thumb and your index finger.

Leah: I love that. That's so cute!

Nick: Right? And yeah, it's just like dabbing a sponge. You do not remove this cloth from the holder. You leave it in there. And you don't unfurl it, you just leave it where it is. You're just pinching the top of it.

Leah: Oh, I never would have guessed this, so I'm glad I know.

Nick: And the cloth that they use is actually, often the same cloth that they do use for tenugui. It's the same type of cotton. So isn't that fun?

Leah: [laughs] One could get confused if they didn't have a Nicholas Leighton.

Nick: You might be confused. And then can you imagine anything more embarrassing than confusing yubifuki with tenugui? I mean ...

Leah: I mean, no, I cannot.

Nick: I mean, if the other thing was devastating, I don't know what to call this if you confuse these two things.

Leah: What's the next word up in the devastating list?

Nick: [laughs] I guess it's "catastrophic."

Leah: It's catastrophic. It's post devastation.

Nick: [laughs] Right.

Leah: It's, like, leveled. It's completely ...

Nick: Leveled. It is apocalyptic.

Leah: It's apocalyptic.

Nick: That's really what it is. Yeah. And I actually think it's fun and nice to eat sushi with your hands. There is something kind of rebellious about it, and I kind of love that. Like, oh, I'm in a fancy place, and yet I'm eating with my hands. And I think the experience is different. You can feel the temperature of the rice in your hands, where you can't feel that with chopsticks. And there's actually something nice about that. And also, I think it's easier, and I think just using your fingers is just easier than chopsticks. So, like, it has so many benefits.

Leah: No, I love the idea. I've eaten sushi with my hands, but not in public.

Nick: Oh, just at home?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Watching Love Island?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, at a conveyor belt sushi restaurant, you would probably actually just use chopsticks. I don't think you're gonna get, like, a yubifuki at a conveyor belt sushi restaurant. But at the fancier places, you might see it.

Leah: I look forward.

Nick: And so now you know what it is.

Leah: Now I know what it is, and I'll be using it correctly.

Nick: Okay. That's all I ever hoped for.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: Ooh! Dou itashimashite.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: [sings] Deep and out to dinner.

Nick: So we got a great question from a listener, and it's quote, "I love the show, and look forward to hearing you both every week. I went to my first Michelin-star restaurant—three stars—in New York City, and it left me wondering about a few etiquette expectations as someone who isn't of this world usually. I was also dining alone, which added an element of interesting awkwardness." So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about Michelin-star dining.

Leah: Exciting!

Nick: So Leah, have you ever been to a Michelin one-, two- or three-star restaurant?

Leah: I have not.

Nick: Okay. Do you know where this even comes from?

Leah: I do, because I looked it up particularly for this episode.

Nick: Okay. We googled it.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So for those who may not know, Michelin—yes, it is the tire company, the people that make tires. And the idea is, like, in the 1900s, they're like, "We need to sell some more tires." And so what they did is they created guides for France, which is like, "Oh, here's where you can get some gas. Here's some places you can drive to that are interesting. Here's some restaurants." And the idea is, like, oh, if more people drive, they're gonna wear down their tires faster and buy more tires. And so won't that be good for us? And then in 1931, they actually created the star system that we know and love, which is one, two, or three stars.

Leah: Oh, I read that there was five universal criteria.

Nick: Oh, okay. I guess what are they?

Leah: Quality of ingredients.

Nick: Yeah, that makes sense.

Leah: Harmony of flavors?

Nick: Harmony of flavors.

Leah: Mastery of techniques.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Personality of chef as expressed through the menu.

Nick: Oh, a point of view.

Leah: And consistency across the menu and time.

Nick: Yeah, I think consistency is actually the thing that they really focus on. I feel like that's really important to Michelin.

Leah: They send multiple people.

Nick: For sure. Yes. And they do say that the style of service has no bearing on the star ratings. And so it could be casual, it could be fancy. Although, if you look at all the restaurants that are, like, three star, they're, you know ...

Leah: They're pretty fancy.

Nick: They're pretty fancy. And there's also something called the Bib Gourmand, which is a category that just has great food but is actually not that expensive, that are actually good value. And that's the category I focus on when I travel. Like, if I'm in a new city, I'll look at that list because I'm more interested in, like, oh, let me just get some good food without spending a fortune, rather than, like, oh, I need this fancy dining experience.

Leah: The Bib Gourmand.

Nick: Yes. And "bib" is not, as in bib, the thing you wear. Bib, as in "Bibendum." Do you know Bibendum?

Leah: I do not know Bibendum, Nick.

Nick: That's the real name of the Michelin man.

Leah: Is it?

Nick: The white tire guy? Yeah. His official name is Bibendum. And this comes from a Latin phrase, "nunc est bibendum," which means "now is the time to drink."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And because

Leah: Which is very funny, considering it's a driving thing.

Nick: Well, what Bibendum is drinking, there was an early ad campaign where Bibendum was drinking nails and, like, broken glass.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: And the idea was like, "Oh, I can drink all of these things and never get punctured because my tires are so good."

Leah: Oh, wow! Okay, good. So I was like, I hope we aren't promoting ...

Nick: No.

Leah: ... a drunk tire.

Nick: No, no. Bibendum is just thirsty for shards and sharp objects.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So before we get to our listener's questions, I think one thing to note about Michelin dining is that it can feel very intimidating for some people because there's a lot of, like, pageantry sometimes, or there's gonna be a lot of, like, interesting utensils, or they're gonna serve things in unusual ways. And it can make a diner feel like they don't know the rules of what's happening or, like, somehow there's this world of etiquette that they're just not familiar with that everybody else knows. But here's the thing: restaurants make up stuff all the time that is not real etiquette. And you are not expected to know what is happening. Like, I cannot tell you how many times I've been in a restaurant where I'm like, "I don't know how to eat this." Or, like, "What am I supposed to do with this thing?" And if I don't know, what hope is there for the rest of you? Like, recently, I was in a restaurant, and on the table, there was, like, this piece of wood that was, like, twisted like a teeny, tiny, like, wand, like an elf wand. And it's sort of like, "What am I—what is this gonna be used for? Like, what is this thing?" And then there was, like, this shard of pottery. And it was sort of like, "Is that a plate? Is that decorative? Like, what is this?" And it turns out this wood thing was my butter knife.

Leah: Oh, wow!

Nick: And I was like, how is anybody supposed to know what that was? And I was at another restaurant where they brought this little, like, wood birdhouse that was, like, five inches tall. And they're like, "Oh, that's the salt." And it's like, "How is this the salt?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And what you're supposed to do is you're supposed to take out this little plug at the bottom, and you're supposed to shake it, because I guess it had, like, a rock salt in it, and you had to shake it to loosen some salt off of the rock. And then it would pour out the little hole in the bottom. And it kept getting, like, clogged for me. And finally I had to be like, "Oh, could you just please put some salt on this for me?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And, like, I'm not embarrassed to ask because these are both bonkers things. These are bonkers things. And so always feel free to ask for clarification or if you don't know how to eat something or how do you recommend I eat this, you know, feel free. It is not embarrassing. You absolutely should. You should not just assume that everybody knows what this thing is.

Nick: Also on the menus—just final point, very often restaurants, especially these, like, three-star Michelin restaurants, they put terms on their menu that, like, no one knows. No one knows this obscure mushroom species. No one knows this rare fish from, like, the South Pacific. Like, you're not expected to know what everything is. And absolutely just clarify if you don't know what a word is, a technique, like, ask them to describe this item. Like, no problem at all. You should not feel embarrassed. So let's move on to our listener's questions.

Leah: You want me to read one?

Nick: Yeah, why not?

Leah: Okay, so the first question is: "Is people watching frowned upon? I love to people watch, but it felt unwelcome in this environment."

Nick: What do you think?

Leah: I think if you're gonna people watch, you gotta be subtle.

Nick: Yeah, it's like the sun. You can glance, but you can't stare.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: But yeah. Oh, people watching is the best. I mean, that's part of the fun. Like, dining like this is like a theatrical experience.

Leah: I feel like I always love people watching. I just try and do it casually.

Nick: Yeah, you want to be slick about it. Yeah. I mean, it's fine if nobody notices.

Leah: I think it's so funny when you're with a new friend who you haven't established the guidelines of how to look at people. And you go "Look at those people," and then they look right away and you're like, "Who—who does that?"

Nick: Nobody should do that. We should have a deep dive about how to do that correctly.

Leah: People who turn around right away are like, "What just happened?"

Nick: All right, put a pin in that. That'll come up in a future episode. The next question from our listener. "Do I say 'thank you' every time they refill my glass or change my cutlery? I was very thirsty and the glasses were very small, so this was happening often. It felt like too much to say thank you every time, and yet also wrong not to."

Leah: I throw thank yous out on the regular wherever I am.

Nick: Yeah, I think you do want to acknowledge it every time. Now, could that be a nod? Could that just be sort of a gesture saying thank you? Sure. But I think if you see it happening, I think it's nice to acknowledge, like, oh, you know, thanks.

Leah: I think so, too.

Nick: But great service, especially in, like, these fancier restaurants, it tends to be pretty slick. And you may not even notice when a new fork is slid next to your place setting or your glass is refilled. Like, sometimes they're just so slick about it, it doesn't even hit your radar. So, you know, if you miss it, you miss it. But yeah, I think if you see them doing it, it's nice to, you know, make eye contact and give a nod.

Leah: Give a smile.

Nick: Now tipping, the next question. "Do you still tip 20 percent? More? Less. The per-person meal is priced at $395, and I tipped $85. But I'm never sure what's right. There were multiple people attending to me and doing very elaborate things at the table, so I'm not sure."

Leah: I wonder if they just split tips.

Nick: Yeah, it's gonna be pooled. So standard 20 percent, no problem. You can certainly tip more if you'd like, but yeah, 20 percent, that is our baseline.

Leah: And $85 is more than 20 percent.

Nick: Yeah, exactly. So $85, I think that was perfectly fine.

Leah: Lovely tip.

Nick: The next question from our listener. "Is it unacceptable to write at the table? I was jotting down notes from my trip, but it also felt a little casual to do so at the table."

Leah: I don't have a problem with this. A little notebook, you're throwing in some notes.

Nick: Yeah. And you said you were dining alone, and so I also think that's allowed when you're dining alone. I think there are notebooks and there are notebooks. So, like, you know, is this like a little memo pad or is this, you know, some enormous ...

Leah: Is this a full Trapper Keeper?

Nick: Right.

Leah: With a Velcro ...

Nick: Although if it's a full Trapper Keeper?

Leah: [laughs] And you unroll it at the table.

Nick: Lisa Frank style? I mean, I'm not mad at that. But yeah, I think you can take notes. I mean, if you take notes, the restaurant may think you're a restaurant reviewer, so just know that.

Leah: You could also be like, "I'm writing my novel."

Nick: Yeah. I think if it doesn't disturb other people, chances are it's probably fine. So I think note taking? Yeah, go for it.

Leah: Go for it.

Nick: And lastly, "Are pictures okay or tacky? No flash, no shutter sounds, but my boyfriend couldn't be there, and I wanted to share the experience."

Leah: I can see you want to send your friends and loved ones pictures of the food.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, restaurants expect it at this point. So the restaurant's like, all right. Now a lot of restaurants, if they really don't want photography, they will make that clear up top. So, like, there will be a photography policy. And I was at one Michelin three-star restaurant at some point, and at the start of the meal, they brought out a box and they asked everybody if they wouldn't mind putting your cell phones in the box. You didn't have to, but if you wanted to, they encouraged you to do so so that you just didn't have your phone. And then at the end of the meal, when they brought the bill, they brought the box. And also in the box were, like, chocolates and things as, like, a little reward for, like, not having your phone. So I think there's something nice about that. But yeah, photography, I mean, yes. No sounds, no flash. I think that's key.

Leah: And not other people.

Nick: And not other people. Yeah, don't get other people. And I think it's a quick shot. Like, I think it's just like a one and done, two at the most. Like, let's not have a photo shoot.

Leah: Yeah, just a quick—I assume that our letter-writer wants to share what the food looked like. And I understand that. Just a quickie. Tick, tick.

Nick: And if I'm dining with you, I really don't like when you're making me wait for your photo shoot to be over before I can start dining. Like, you're taking photos of your meal, you're taking photos of my meal. And it's sort of like, this thing is getting cold now.

Leah: I imagine this is a very quick photo.

Nick: Yeah, I think a quick photo. "Oh, here's what it is." Put the phone away. Yeah, I'll allow it.

Leah: Quick photo, onto the meal.

Nick: So that's, like, a little intro to Michelin dining.

Leah: This was a great question. Thank you so much.

Nick: Yeah. And there's so much more to say, but I think this is like a good intro.

Leah: Yes!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "Settle a debate, please. My boyfriend, the nicest man in the world, a father of two, the kind of man who stops his car in the middle of an intersection to help someone whose electric wheelchair has malfunctioned, thinks calling servers, bartenders, strangers, essentially any guy, 'bud' or 'pal,' is warm, self effacing and brotherly. For example, the busboy clears our dessert and he says, 'Thanks, Bud!' Or he gets a restaurant recommendation from a guy he's been talking to at a bar and he says, 'Thanks, pal.' To me, a stranger feels fine to address with 'bud' or 'pal,' but with a service worker, it risks being perceived as condescending. What do you think? What's the etiquette around using terms of endearment? As a woman, I use 'hon' more often than 'pal,' for instance. When is that appropriate?"

Leah: I find this one complicated because I think the need is, when you're talking to somebody, you're just trying to fill the place where you would say someone's name.

Nick: Right. Or "sir" or "ma'am."

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And then you're trying to make it friendly and casual.

Nick: Yes. And so yeah, it's a good question. Where's the line between warm and patronizing?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And I think intent. Intent matters here. And I think that is being conveyed.

Leah: Yeah. The tone of one's voice, like a "Thanks, pal."

Nick: Oh, sure.

Leah: "Thanks, pal!"

Nick: I mean, you're known to throw out a "my guy."

Leah: I do a "my guy" a lot.

Nick: Yeah. And that's not kind.

Leah: Really? I think it's kind.

Nick: uh, are you ever saying "my guy" in a good way?

Leah: Yeah, I've said "my guy" in a good way.

Nick: Really? I have only ever heard it from you, which is like, "Oh, this horrible thing happened and I'm talking to you, my guy."

Leah: Oh, yeah. I do use it in that way, too.

Nick: Like, "What are you doing, my guy? You didn't use your turn signal, my guy."

Leah: No, I do use it that way.

Nick: [laughs] Right?

Leah: But I have thrown it out in a friendly way.

Nick: Okay. I guess I've not been around for that.

Leah: Well, I would use it more in a joke for a negative way.

Nick: Hmm, that's true. But it is for emphasis.

Leah: Yeah. And it's also, when I used to be a server, I would say, "hon." You know, you're trying to speak directly to somebody, but then everything—people always, eventually, don't—you worry that somebody takes it wrong. Because a lot of people don't like "sir" or "ma'am."

Nick: Sure. Yeah.

Leah: It makes them feel old. And then some people don't like "hon." It makes them feel like you're not being serious enough. It just seems to be a really hard line to walk.

Nick: But I think for friends or peers, people you know, go for it. Right?

Leah: They're your friends, they're your peers.

Nick: For strangers, you know, somebody holding the elevator, I don't love it. I think maybe not.

Leah: "Thanks, my guy."

Nick: Uh ...

Leah: You see how it could come out that way.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I think it's a maybe. I think it's a read the room, what's the flavor? Is it gonna be interpreted in the friendly way you intend? I do agree for servers, I think maybe not.

Leah: The thing is, I understand the intent in which the boyfriend is doing it.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: So you want to be like, "I think it's lovely that we want to be friendly with everybody. I often try to leave out—I just say thanks.

Nick: Or you can be folksy. I mean, like, "Thanks bunches!" Or, like, "Thanks so much. This is better than free guac at Chipotle."

Leah: Yeah. You could fill the rest of the sentence with more sentence.

Nick: Yeah. "Oh, thanks a bunch. You've got me happier than a clam at high tide."

Leah: Oh, let's all work that one in.

Nick: [laughs] Right? Or, like, "Oh, golly. I'm more delighted than finding money in last year's winter coat."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I mean, you could toss in something folksy.

Leah: What's the one about slipping butter off a biscuit? I mean, there are some real fun ones out there.

Nick: Oh, I don't know that one. But I love biscuits.

Leah: I love biscuits and I love butter.

Nick: I'm interested in any expression that involves biscuits.

Leah: The thing with "hon" that I think is interesting is that men who use "hon" are often creepy.

Nick: Yes. There's a real big difference in our society between a man using "hon" and a woman using "hon."

Leah: Yeah. So I've stopped using "hon" just to sort of make that ...

Nick: Clear that nobody really should do it.

Leah: Because anytime I get an Instagram DM or a TikTok DM that starts with "hon," I know what the following sentence is and I don't even open it.

Nick: Oh, "hon" should never be used in writing. Oh, "hon," I think, is really a verbal-only item in person. I mean, in writing, that has a totally different meaning.

Leah: Oh, it's—it really feels—you're like, I'm not even opening it.

Nick: No. I would delete instantly any DM that starts with "hon," comma.

Leah: Oh, there's probably not a comma in there, Nick. Come on.

Nick: Oh, fair enough. Yeah, these people are not using proper punctuation. But yeah, oh, no, no, no. DMs, no. No, we are not using "hon" in writing. Oh. So I think those are our thoughts. I feel like with servers, let's not. I think with strangers, maybe? And I think with friends, people you know, who know you and kind of know your intent, it's probably fine.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "Is there an age at which you're too old to have personal items monogrammed, such as a water bottle, coffee mug or tote bag? I'm less concerned about home goods such as linens, but I just don't want to be over 40 walking around like I'm still trying to be that 20-year-old college student."

Leah: I love this because I immediately thought of how Nick monograms everything.

Nick: [laughs] I sure do! And I'm not gonna apologize for it.

Leah: Yeah. And I felt—so I was like, I think we're gonna go hard no on is there a too old on this?

Nick: Well, there's monograms and then there's monograms. So for me, I feel like a monogram that's classic, subtle, sophisticated, this is timeless. This is timeless. So I say have at it. Like, when I get my suits monogrammed, I get my initials put in the inside at the pocket, but I use a thread that matches the same color as the lining. So it's just tone on tone. So you really gotta look for it to see it. Like, if you just saw the lining of my jacket, it wouldn't pop out at you.

Leah: You have a monogram tote that has a monogram right in the middle.

Nick: Yes. And that's subtle. That's classic. That's LL Bean. Can't get more classic than an LL Bean boat and tote.

Leah: No, but I'm saying that's very—that is not white on white. I see the monogram.

Nick: Yes. Yeah. Oh, for clothing, I like tone on tone. That's a personal preference. You could have a monogram that pops out. Have at it. But I think the idea is, like, is it tasteful, is it subtle? Because I think it's like jewelry. Like, diamond studs? Classic. This goes with everything. Any age. Big, chunky costume jewelry? Okay, that's a different vibe. And so, like, a big, chunky, hot pink monogram in a big typeface? Yeah, that's a different vibe than, like, you know, nice sans serif, subtle.

Leah: Life's too short for subtle.

Nick: Well, then have at it. I mean, I think monograms are an expression of you. I mean, they're the ultimate in personalization. And so if you want to live your life loud, have at it. I mean, you are just sending a signal. And if that's a signal you want to send, then send it. And you like a good monogram.

Leah: My calendar book is monogrammed.

Nick: Yes. And did I not get you a monogrammed water bottle?

Leah: It's so funny. I wouldn't have thought of that as monogrammed. Yes, you did. And I carry it everywhere.

Nick: I guess it's personalized. It doesn't have your initials. It's not a monogram.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: It's a multigram? [laughs] But yes, it is a Love Island water bottle.

Leah: With my name on it.

Nick: And it's hot pink.

Leah: And it's hot pink.

Nick: It has to be hot pink.

Leah: And I do not feel like I've aged out of that.

Nick: No, no. I think that qualifies as the timeless thing that we were talking about earlier.

Leah: Nick's putting that under "timeless and subtle." It's also a great conversation starter everywhere I go.

Nick: Yes. I mean, it's more youthful than not, but yeah, I think there is no age at which you age out. And you can certainly be any age and have a monogram, and you could be any age and have them loud or soft. And I think you should just do the monogram that works for you.

Leah: Matches your personality.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, in fact, that is the whole point. It really does need to reflect your personality. My personality is small, subtle, tone on tone.

Leah: Classic.

Nick: Right. I like to be a little more classic. But that's not for everybody, and that's fine.

Leah: LDB.

Nick: Okay. Leah is showing me her notebook. Yeah.

Leah: And I did get you a monogrammed toilet paper stamp.

Nick: You sure did. Yes. So when I'm changing a toilet paper roll, I can fold it nicely and I can actually emboss the seal. I mean, does a gift get more me than that?

Leah: It took—I can't even tell you how long it took me to pick the font.

Nick: Oh, yeah. And yeah, if you're gonna buy something for me that involves typefaces, it's not an easy call.

Leah: I would say months.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, you nailed it. It's wonderful.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: It's wonderful. So you out there, do you have any questions about monograms or anything else? Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: Well Nick, I think I'm gonna vent.

Nick: Okay. I would love to hear all about it.

Leah: Um, this is gonna be a gross one.

Nick: Oh, fun!

Leah: But I'm gonna—I'm gonna walk you to the story with a little intro.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So I was in New York for the weekend.

Nick: That's right.

Leah: And I was staying with my friend in Queens.

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: And she has a show at QED. This is—I'm setting the scene for you.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I just want to throw in a little lovely thing while I set the scene.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So I just got—I just arrived. I went with her to her show, and I met a listener, a lovely Wolves listener.

Nick: Yes! Oh, that's right. Yeah, they, like, spotted you.

Leah: I had the Wolves tote.

Nick: Nice!

Leah: And I was so proud of the tote. I go, "Oh, was it the tote?" I'm such a dork. [laughs]

Nick: Hey, the merch has to do something for us.

Leah: I believe their name was Nadia, because I introduced my friend Katie. I also wanted to say to Nadia I had just been traveling. That's right after I drove across America and then I flew to New York. So after I left, I was like, "I hope I made sense." [laughs]

Nick: Well, if you didn't, that's a nice Leah Bonnema experience too.

Leah: Who am I? Where am I? What's going on? And then I always just want to go join people. I want to sit down and be like, "Let's just chat!" And I'm like, "Leah, leave people alone." But I just want to say it was lovely to meet you. So that's—this is the evening. It's been a beautiful evening.

Nick: Got it.

Leah: I step out onto the streets of Queens.

Nick: Mmm?

Leah: I'm walking down the street with my friend Katie.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: At the same time, we both see—are you ready for this?

Nick: I don't think I am.

Leah: A man is in his car.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: Parked under a very well-lit area.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: He's in the driver's side.

Nick: Go on.

Leah: The door is open.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: He has one shoe and sock off.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: One shoe and sock still on, the other one off.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: He is shaving his heel onto the sidewalk.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Like, with, like, a—like, a foot scraper like in a spa?

Leah: Like a cheese grater. Yeah.

Nick: Like a microplane-y thing.

Leah: Yep.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Shaving his heels onto the sidewalk as we walk by.

Nick: Wow!

Leah: And this is not like on the road where you, like, turn and it's like a dark road and it's like where apartments are. This is where there are restaurants.

Nick: Main street.

Leah: This is ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And, you know, you feel the air moving and you're like, "Am I getting hit by foot right now?"

Nick: Yeah, I think you are.

Leah: I stopped breathing. I stopped breathing.

Nick: And was there, like, a little anthill of dead skin piling up on the street?

Leah: It was there, yes.

Nick: That is so not cool.

Leah: And both Katie and I were just sort of like, you know when you sort of like lose time, you just sort of are like, your eyeballs kind of come out and you're both—and then you both look at each other, and then you look back and then you're like, "What? Is this happening now?"

Nick: Wow. Yeah. No, that's unpleasant. I don't care for that. That shouldn't happen.

Leah: What?

Nick: But wait, you also had a footscraper with you in your car?

Leah: Yeah, it was pre-planned, Nick.

Nick: So this is, like, going on all the time.

Leah: This was premeditated.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: "Hey, can you pass me my foot scraper? I'm gonna pull over on Broadway."

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I guess that's what's interesting, because I'm trying to think, like, how many people have foot scrapers in general? Like, in the United States, how many households have foot scrapers? And then how many of these people put them in their purse? Or maybe this was kept in his car. This was his car foot scraper.

Leah: This was his car foot scraper.

Nick: And, like, how many people fit into that category? Like, a very small percentage of people.

Leah: I would have thought—I honestly, up until this experience, would have thought none.

Nick: Yeah. No, well, there's at least one out there.

Leah: There's at least one. And you know if there's one, there's another one.

Nick: Yeah. I think what bothers me the most is being downwind from this, and worrying that I am going to be directly affected.

Leah: You're walking into man footscrape.

Nick: [laughs] So gross!

Leah: I may never recover.

Nick: Well, speaking of which, I would also like to vent.

Leah: Thank goodness.

Nick: And so, so much goes down at the gym.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So much goes down at the gym. And I get it. It's really easy. You're working out, you forget that, like, it's not me time, it's we time. Like, this is a shared experience. And so I get that. I totally get that. But I was just at the gym, and there was a gentleman who was leaning over the garbage can, and he took one finger and placed it on one nostril.

Leah: No!

Nick: And then with a massive force of air, blew mucus out of the other nostril and into the garbage can. And I believe the scientific name for this phenomenon, this action, I believe it's called a snot rocket.

Leah: A snot rocket. Yep.

Nick: Snot rocket. Now I get it. Runners do this on the road. Cyclists. Like, okay, we're on the road. Got a stuffy nose. Gotta do something. I'm trying to win the Tour de France. Okay, snot rocket away. But, like, we're in a gym that has bathrooms and tissues and a lot of alternatives, and so I do not believe it is necessary to blow a snot rocket in a gym.

Leah: I've also heard it called a "soccer snot" because you do it on the soccer field.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But also that's in the same thing. You're out on the field. You have no alternative. You gotta keep moving.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I feel like during gameplay, I still don't love it. I think it's not, like, what I would love to be watching on HD television, but I get it. But there's no reason for it at a gym.

Leah: No, there's no reason.

Nick: It has bathrooms and tissues available.

Leah: You're like, what happened?

Nick: Like, what happened? Also, I feel like it's not the most efficient thing, because are you getting a clear blow, or is there any residue left on your nostril?

Leah: There's gotta be residue left. You're gonna have to go check it anyway with a tissue.

Nick: Unless it's a real dry kernel and it's coming out in one go.

Leah: But that feels more like a pick.

Nick: That would be more of a pick situation. Yeah a snot rocket can't really do that. Gotta have a little lubricant in there.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Right? We're going way too deep into this. All of this could be avoided if you just used some tissue.

Leah: You got that on the nose.

Nick: So didn't care for that. And I guess it's just been a gross week for everybody.

Leah: Yeah, I was gonna say it really just feels like a lot of bodily things coming at us this week.

Nick: Yeah. Don't love it. So fingers crossed for a better next week, Leah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned about yubifuki.

Nick: That's right. Yes, it's the other wet towel.

Leah: The other wet towel. Although I don't want yubifuki to hear me say that because I think yubifuki would be like, "But I'm not the other."

Nick: [laughs] That's true. We don't want to hurt yubifuki's feelings.

Leah: I don't want to hurt yubifuki's feelings.

Nick: And I learned that people call you "hon" in DMs.

Leah: I think it's happening to a lot of women in their DMs. And it comes right before a sentence that is mildly insulting.

Nick: Oh, how fun! Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want your holiday questions. Specifically all the holidays that take place at the end of the calendar year. Any holiday, but those holidays. So send us your questions about them.

Leah: Oh, yes. I love it, I love it, I love it.

Nick: I mean, if anybody knows Leah for two seconds, you know. That's really where you shine.

Leah: I love holidays.

Nick: So please do that. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So I would like to thank my wonderful friend Katie Compa for hosting me in New York. It was—she's such a wonderful hostess. We had such a great time. And to the Imagine This International Women's Film Festival for featuring my script.

Nick: And I want to say thank you to all of the people that support our show on Patreon. You all are so fun and lovely. The comments and the conversations we're all having on Patreon are really a highlight for me, because they're very thoughtful and they're interesting and they're funny. And so I just want to say, like, I really just appreciate that you all support us and our show—which we really appreciate—but also the way you do it is just really lovely. So I just want to say thank you for that.

Leah: Yes, thank you so much.

Nick: So, hint hint, you all can support our show on Patreon. We won't stop you. So explore that, see if you want to join us, because we'd really appreciate it.

Leah: We would. We do.

Nick: We do. So thank you.

Leah: Thank you!