March 28, 2022

Pressing the Flight Attendant Call Button, Eating Drippy Sandwiches, Throwing Bags in Cafes, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle using the flight attendant call button, eating drippy sandwiches in public, throwing bags in cafes, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)


Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle using the flight attendant call button, eating drippy sandwiches in public, throwing bags in cafes, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)

Have a question for us? Call or text (267) CALL-RBW or visit ask.wyrbw.com

 

EPISODE CONTENTS

  • AMUSE-BOUCHE: Furoshiki (風呂敷)
  • A QUESTION OF ETIQUETTE: Using the flight attendant call button
  • QUESTIONS FROM THE WILDERNESS: Is there a proper way to eat au jus in public? How do I decline a book from a co-worker? What do you do if everything on an event registry has already been purchased?
  • VENT OR REPENT: Pedestrians in crosswalks, Throwing bags in cafes
  • CORDIALS OF KINDNESS: Thanks to a long-time listener, Feeding your "good" wolf 

 

THINGS MENTIONED DURING THE SHOW

 

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO...

 

CREDITS

Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian

 

TRANSCRIPT

Episode 132

 

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Transcript

Nick: Do you abuse the flight attendant call button? Do you give people books they don't want? Do you throw your bags at cafes? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse-bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about furoshiki. Do you know what this is?

Leah: Nope. [laughs]

Nick: So what this is is something that comes from Japan, and basically they're squares of fabric, and today you would use them to wrap gifts. And so they're very chic. And I want to talk about it, but first, a little history. So this goes back a thousand or so years, when we would be wrapping precious things in temples with fabric, either to store them or transport them. And then we go along through history, and maybe 500 years or so ago, the elites were taking baths in bathhouses, and they would use these cloths to stand on to change or maybe wrap their clothing to make sure it didn't get mixed up with other people. And the name furoshiki actually literally comes from the word "bath." "Furo" means bath.

Nick: And so we go along, and the masses get into bath culture and go into the bath and all that. And so this idea of, like, wrapping your clothing in this fabric thing, like, catches on, it becomes more common. And then I guess people were like, "Oh, this is very convenient to carry anything." So as commerce and trade sort of developed in Japan, people were just using cloths to transport everything else. And when I say "transport," I basically mean taking a thing, putting it in the middle of a cloth, like a square cloth, and then tying it up and then just, like, carrying it. Like, that's all. That's all it is.

Leah: Hmm. You know, when those people were on the railroad things, and they go [squeaking sound], and then they have that thing on a stick with a little ...

Nick: Right, yes. A bindle.

Leah: Ah, a bindle!

Nick: Yes. This is basically a Japanese bindle. Exactly. And so then as we go along into, like, the end of the 19th century, things like purses and bags were sort of more popular in Japan. And so the idea of using cloth like this sort of became less popular. And then after World War II, when things like plastic bags were introduced and wrapping paper were introduced, then this idea of furoshiki sort of became less and less popular. But today, with this sort of more eco-consciousness that we all have, it's actually becoming increasingly popular in Japan and elsewhere. And I think it looks super chic. And I think we should all do it. Like, under a Christmas tree, we should all have fabric wrapped gifts.

Leah: Yeah, I think it's such a great idea, and I'm visualizing it. It does look—and "chic" is even in the word.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, there we go. Yes.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So here's how you use furoshiki. There's some etiquette, of course, because it's Japan. And so it is considered impolite to just hand something to somebody as a gift just without wrapping. Like, you wouldn't show up at somebody's house with a bottle of wine and be like, "Here, I brought wine." Like, no, that should be wrapped, because the presentation is very important, and it shows the care with which something was selected. And that whole thing is, like, very key to Japanese gift giving. So you should always wrap something. And there's a lot of ways to wrap it. I was actually looking, the Japanese Ministry of the Environment, they have 14 different ways you can wrap something with furoshiki.

Leah: Ooh!

Nick: I will post photos and videos in the show notes so you can see what these are and how to tie them. But basically, you just put something in the middle of a piece of cloth. You fold over two edges, you take the other two edges and you tie it in a bow at the top. And you can even insert something decorative into the knot like flowers.

Leah: Ooh, that's nice.

Nick: Or some other objet to sort of make it something. Now the furoshiki traditionally in Japan is not the gift. You would actually give the cloth back to your gift giver.

Leah: Oh, wow!

Nick: It's sort of like if I baked brownies for you in my cake pan, I want the cake pan back. And so traditionally, furoshiki is something that you give back. Maybe immediately, you know, you just opened it in front of them and like, "Oh, thank you so much. Here's your furoshiki back." Or you would give it back later. Some people would even say that you actually return a different gift with the same furoshiki. Like that's something that some people do .

Leah: That could go on forever. I mean, you give it back and then it goes back and then ...

Nick: Right. Well, but the forever gift-giving, that that is sort of the world we can live in and I'm fine with that. So if you're receiving a furoshiki from somebody, it is nice to offer to give it back. If you're the one giving it, depending on who you're giving it to, they may not know this about furoshiki, so you should be prepared just to let it go. And just like that's part of the gift. It's sort of like a vase with flowers is like you've given the vase. Like, that's part of it.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: But no, traditionally, you would actually return it.

Leah: Good to know! I'm really excited about this. I'm gonna try—I don't know how many months I'm gonna give myself. Within the next three months.

Nick: Okay, the next quarter.

Leah: The next quarter.

Nick: Uh-huh. Okay.

Leah: I'm gonna try to furoshiki one of my—can I verb that? Furoshiki one of my gifts.

Nick: I would love that! Now I hear you saying, Leah, "Nick, what about tenugui?" Oh, great question, Leah!

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: What about tenugui? So glad you asked. So tenugui is a different cloth thing that is also in Japan. And it's more of a hand towel. People do wrap gifts with this, but it's like a different thing. It's a thinner cotton because it's not meant for transportation. And I have them all over my house. I use them just like to dry dishes. And they actually have seams that are not hemmed. They're actually just like loose, frayed edges because it allows the whole thing to dry faster. So you can wrap gifts with them, but just know that, like, that's a different thing. Tenugui? Not furoshiki. Just so we're all clear.

Leah: I hope I can drop that at some point in my life. "Tenugui not furoshiki."

Nick: No. Mm-mm. No, not the same. So that's furoshiki and gift giving in Japan, a little brief intro.

Leah: I love this! I love it! Arigato.

Nick: Dou itashimashite.


Nick: And we're back, and now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and high.

Nick: Ooh!

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about using the flight attendant call button.

Leah: You know, I've never done it.

Nick: I assumed automatically that you have never touched this button, ever.

Leah: I'm also—not only have I not touched it, I'm afraid of it. I don't want anybody to bump it. No matter what happens in my seat, I'm like, I can figure this out on my own.

Nick: Yeah. No, you will be dying, hemorrhaging blood, and you'll be like, "It's fine. They'll come around eventually." [laughs]

Leah: When they come through—when they come through with the beverages.

Nick: So there's a lot of thoughts on this topic: when it's appropriate to use this button. And I don't know if there's a consensus. I don't think we're gonna come to any consensus in this conversation. But I think we can talk about some of the considerations.

Leah: Yeah. I mean, I can imagine when it would be appropriate to use. I'm just ...

Nick: Oh, yes. That list is relatively short. If it's an emergency. Ding! If it's sort of like, "Are there any doctors on board?" Ding! If you're a mother and you need a cup of hot water to warm up milk, that's a totally acceptable answer too. But, like, everything else? "I just need a vodka soda." You know, there's questions about this.

Leah: What if they're not doing service, you know, people are—and your television in front of you is broken, and you don't want to sit in a seat where there's no television.

Nick: Right. So I guess the main category is, the way I was thinking about this is there are international flights and airlines, and then there's domestic American carriers. And I do think there's a different approach. Like, if you're flying in the United States on an American carrier, that does feel like there's slightly different rules than, like, if I'm flying an international airline to an international destination, regardless of what class of service I'm in. So it does feel like there's like maybe a little difference there. And then I think there's definitely a difference between flying first or business class and then flying in the back. Like, I think there are different rules there. So when it comes to, like, flying first or business class, I say hit the button, have at it. Some airlines even prefer that you do it. Like, they would actually prefer you do that because they do not want you coming into their galley.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Like, just like, "We'll come to you. Let us know." And even some airlines, like their service is based on, like, only coming to you when you call to give you privacy. Like, they're not checking in with you. So I think if you're in first or business, have at it, hit the button. When you're in the back? Yeah. I mean, I guess when is it okay?

Leah: Well, I think obviously in any kind of emergency.

Nick: Any kind of emergency.

Leah: If you have like a kid and something comes up and you need help.

Nick: Right.

Leah: If you're feeling sick or if somebody next to you is sick.

Nick: Yeah, all—any health reasons, any health and safety reasons? Totally legitimate.

Leah: I have had a television that was broken before.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: You know? And it was a long flight, and somebody was just—I waited 'til somebody walked by, because everybody walks by and I was just like, "Excuse me." And then I was like, "Do you think I can move to another seat?" You know what I mean?

Nick: Now some people make a distinction between whether or not you're asking for service or assistance. And depending on what you're ringing the button for, like, there is some distinction in some people's mind. So if you need assistance with something, that feels like a more reasonable reason to hit it. If you just need service, then a question is like, okay, could this wait 15 minutes until the next time they come through? Can you not do this thing for yourself? Like, you needed water, but you're trapped at the window with two people sleeping next to you. So I think that's one way to think about it. Like, what is the reason I'm hitting the button?

Leah: Right. Well also, as you brought up earlier, like, if somebody wants a vodka soda, like, there are people that are about to be coming down the aisle. You just have to wait for your turn.

Nick: Yes. I think timing is key, for sure. I think we want to be mindful of the service pattern.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Like, are they just starting beverage service, and you can see the cart? Then, like, yes, do not hit the button.

Leah: Just wait.

Nick: They're not gonna come to your seat faster. Like, what are you doing? Right.

Leah: And that's the same with, like, they're gonna come through with the little "Do you want to buy your extra snacks?" They're gonna—they're on a schedule to do that. So if it's those things, I think ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: Sometimes, though, I do recognize—but that goes right back into the health situation where, you know, some people fly, they get very anxious and you need a water. I get that's different.

Nick: I guess it's when it feels more voluntary, and if it feels like something you couldn't do yourself.

Leah: And you can't wait 30 seconds. Like, they're gonna be right down the aisle.

Nick: I think in the United States, flight attendants have to come through the aisles every 15 minutes. So that would be the maximum.

Leah: Yeah, I was thinking I've never not seen them regularly.

Nick: Right. So I guess that's one way I think about it. I think other considerations are also, like, if it's during certain phases of flight when the flight attendants have to be seated, like takeoff and landing or really big turbulence, like, don't hit the button for a vodka soda.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Like, that really only needs to be for a very serious reason to get someone out of their seats that might actually put them in harm's way. So I don't think that would be when we would ring the bell.

Leah: I was actually on a flight. It's so funny because in turbulence, I'm one of those people that laughs when things are uncomfortable because I can't control myself.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. What kind of laughter? Like, hysterical hyena laughter coming from 32B? Like, what's happening?

Leah: No, just like a giggle. But so turbulence makes me giggle really badly because it's just ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: You know, it just happens. And then you're like, "What?" So I got on this flight recently, and they said—you know, it was one of those flights, they go back, they go forth. They said, "It's horrible turbulence the whole way. We're gonna be sitting down the whole way. If you need something, press the call button." So they told us up top, "We're gonna be sitting down, but press the call button."

Nick: Got it. Yeah. Then that feels totally reasonable.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. And I think we also want to consolidate our requests. So if we do ring the button and they come, we want anything that we need, like, to be mentioned at that visit. So if we need water and pretzels, like, ask for it together. Don't ask for water, and then they come and bring you water and be like, "Oh, actually, I would also like pretzels." Like, don't do that.

Leah: No. And then also, if you need to use the restroom, that's a great time if you think you want to stock up on some pretzels and water because you're right by where they're standing.

Nick: Right. I think most flight attendants, if you're flying coach, would prefer that you visit the galley to get what you need. I think that is their preference from what I understand. If we have flight attendants out there, please weigh in on this question. I'm sure you have thoughts. But my impression is that if you're flying coach, they would rather you just, like, come on back, we're happy to hand you whatever if it's between service.

Leah: As long as you're not standing there blocking the walkway.

Nick: No congregating in the aisles, correct.

Leah: No congregating!

Nick: But you can certainly pop in, grab a coffee, beat it back to your seat.

Leah: I was just thinking like, I can't even imagine some of the things that flight attendants have probably just been ...

Nick: Oh, to be fair, being a flight attendant, I think, is real tough. [laughs]Like, we only get a taste of being a passenger and how horrible it is, you know, with fellow passengers. Like, can you imagine having to do that for your job every day? Like, we only have to deal with terrible passengers for a few hours.

Leah: There's so much about the job that's very attractive: the traveling, and getting to fly to different places, and having, like, a schedule that—I love a schedule where it's like different things every day, you know what I mean? But then you see the amount of, like, ability to just let things go must be ...

Nick: Remarkable.

Leah: Remarkable.

Nick: Truly remarkable.

Leah: Because, I mean, some things that people ask for? I think I told you about the lady that I got stuck with for a whole summer at this place where I was a waitress. She only wanted a certain number of ice cubes in her drink, and it was like a big deal.

Nick: [laughs] What?

Leah: And you're like, "They're melting. I can't—I don't control how water works."

Nick: Wait. She was upset that her ice cubes would melt, and so at a certain point in her meal, she would have less than three ice cubes?

Leah: Yeah, it was unbelievable! And I got her for the whole summer. The whole summer I had her.

Nick: I see. So she must have three ice cubes at all times.

Leah: At all times.

Nick: Oh, what a treat!

Leah: What a treat.

Nick: Well then, you have the makings of a great flight attendant.

Leah: I do love to travel.

Nick: So there you are.

Leah: And I feel like some of them have great—I would have to pick my plane by the outfit, because some of the outfits I feel ...

Nick: Yeah, you're sort of a warm autumn.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So you definitely need to have a livery that matches.

Leah: [laughs] I would choose it by outfit, though.

Nick: Yeah, I know you would. [laughs]


Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is, quote, "When eating au jus in public, is there a method of not looking like an animal?"

Leah: I immediately was waiting for you to explain what it was.

Nick: Oh, what au jus is?

Leah: I know what it is. I Googled. But I feel like you always explain what things are up top if people might not know at home.

Nick: Oh! Well, let's explain it.

Leah: Which I love that.

Nick: Basically, au jus would be sort of like with the juice of something. So in my mind, I'm thinking we're talking about, like, a French dip sandwich.

Leah: Yes. I immediately thought of a French dip sandwich.

Nick: Where we're dipping a sandwich into, like, the au jus sauce thing. And the au jus sauce thing would typically be the same stuff that we're actually cooking the beef in. So, like, whatever we cook the beef in, like the leftover drippings, like, we're gonna put that in a little bowl and we're gonna serve it with the sandwich. We might even dip the bread in that same stuff.

Leah: We're dipping the bread.

Nick: And I think that's what we're talking about.

Leah: We're dipping the bread.

Nick: Because otherwise, are we just talking about drinking gravy? Is that what it is? [laughs] Maybe. Who could say, you know? I think we're talking about a sandwich.

Leah: Oh, I assumed we were talking about the dipping. We're dipping here. And I think they're worried "Oh, I'm dripping a little bit," which is—it's a part of the game.

Nick: Yeah, I think it's part of the game. Yeah. I mean, I think there are certain foods that exist in the world that are not formal. And I think a French dip sandwich is one of those things. And you cannot eat something that is inherently about dripping without dripping. Dripping is the thing.

Leah: I'm throwing crabs' legs in there. You know, you're breaking, you're dipping with the butter.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: You know, I'll napkin up, you know what I mean? And maybe I'll get a little closer to the table because I know there will be—you know what I mean?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I'm not gonna drag it across and then over my leg and then over a bag. I'm gonna get closer to the item, but there will be some drips.

Nick: We're not gonna do Turkish get-ups with the sandwich? Okay.

Leah: No, I'm not gonna dip in and then walk across the room, you know, over to the couch.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I'm gonna make the traveling space a little bit smaller, but there will be a few drips, and then I'm just going to blot it and maybe just enough.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think we might want to just eat more slowly than we ordinarily would, because when we eat fast, that looks a little animalistic, I guess. And we want to take small bites. Like, we don't want to be like, chowing down, because that also can have animal-like qualities. And I guess if there's anything that's running down your chin, I guess we just—yeah, that's what napkins are for.

Leah: And I guess we don't put our face into the bowl at the end of it.

Nick: We don't do that. Right. We don't drink from it, I don't think.

Leah: Not a trough.

Nick: Not a finger bowl, so I don't think we want to dip our fingertips in there either. But I was looking into this. Apparently, the French dip sandwich? Not actually French. It was invented in Los Angeles.

Leah: Was it?

Nick: It was, yes! And the place that invented it—I actually called them today, because I wanted to see, do they offer gluten-free bread? They do not. So you cannot go and check it out. But I did call them. I was like, "Hey, do you have gluten-free bread for Leah Bonnema?" And they're like, "Nope." And I was like, "Thank you."

Leah: That's so nice of you.

Nick: But yeah, at some place called Philippe's, and I think they're by the train station. So that exists if anybody's in Los Angeles and you want to get the original French dip sandwich, that's where it comes from.

Leah: You know, I live right by where apparently the first ice cream sundae was.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Which I mean, talk about up my alley.

Nick: I mean, if not that then what?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is, quote, "A co-worker recently handed me a book and said 'Here, I think you'd enjoy this.' While this book is related to our field of work, it's definitely not something that would be considered required reading. I already have a backlog of books I want to read, and now this one is sitting on my shelf. I don't see myself getting to it anytime soon. Is there a polite way to give this book back to the person who gave it to me? How long is too long to keep it? Is there a polite way to decline when someone gives you a book you don't want to read?"

Leah: I think there's definitely a polite way to decline. You could be like, "Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. I'm so backlogged on books right now, but I really appreciate it."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think at the end of the day, my question is: is this a gift? Am I being given a gift? Or is this not a gift? And I think our response depends on, like, what is it? Because if it's a gift, then I think we just accept it. It's a gift. We get a lot of bad gifts that we don't like, but we still take them and we say thank you. We write a thank-you note. So is it that?

Leah: Oh, that's true. I didn't think of this as a gift. I felt like somebody was giving you homework at your own job.

Nick: Ah, okay.

Leah: And unwanted. Like, they obviously said—our letter writer says it's definitely not something that would be considered required reading.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So I think you can say—yeah, if it's a gift, just take it. Thank you so much. But I think it's fine to decline. You don't have to, like, just accept people giving you homework at your job. It's a co-worker.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess the question is, like, is this really helpful, or is this not helpful?

Leah: Well, our letter writer is already making very clear they're not gonna read the book. They don't want to read the book. They don't find it helpful.

Nick: So one idea is, do we just decline it immediately and be like, "Oh, so much to read. Thank you so much, though." Or do we take it, do we skim it, and then do we return it at some point?

Leah: I feel like I've spent some years of my life being a person who would be like, you know what? For this person, I'm gonna skim this book that I didn't want to read so they feel good about it.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And that now seems like an incredible waste of time.

Nick: Yeah. Okay.

Leah: You don't want to read it. You have all these other books you have to read. It's not actually helping your job. That's been made clear in this letter. So it's like, why do I have to? I didn't ask for the book. Do you know what I mean? You can't ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: Every single person that comes up to you, you can't do that for or you'll have no time left for yourself. So I think you can politely say, "Thank you so much. I'm really backlogged on books. I appreciate it, but I feel overwhelmed right now with things I have to catch up on reading." And that's totally fair. And if they take it personally, that's—or I think that if you did take it already, put a little sticky note on it. "Thank you so much." Pop it on their desk. And then if they come up to you, say "I didn't get to read it, but I felt like I should get it back to you. It had been too long."

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I think that makes sense. So I think if it's a gift, then yeah, "Thank you so much."

Leah: Just take it.

Nick: Thank-you note? I guess we do a thank-you note? Thank-you email if it's an office thing. I'll give you an email for this.

Leah: Yeah. Don't get paper out for this. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] And then yeah, if it was more just like a colleague thinking they're being helpful and you're like, "No, thank you," then yeah, post-it note. this is when post-it notes come in handy.

Leah: Because this does to me have a little bit of a twinge of what always sets me off, which is like somebody being slightly patronizing.

Nick: Oh, I can see why we might think that.

Leah: Nowhere in here is our letter-writer like, "This is such a great book. I'd never heard of it. Super helpful for my field, but I just don't have time." That's not—I'm not getting that flavor from this question.

Nick: Right.

Leah: I just got a flavor that somebody came over to my desk and was like, "Here's something that I read that will make you better." And you're like, "I don't think so."

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. Oh, if it's that, then ooh. Yeah. And I think actually we want to set some boundaries while we return the book, and may actually set clearer boundaries about, like, what future books might be appropriate to give me.

Leah: Or just be ready for that "No" when they walk over. "Oh, so backlogged. But thank you so much."

Nick: "Thank you so much." Or like, "I don't read." Yeah, I'm not a reader. Magazines only."

Leah: "Is this on audiobook?" [laughs]

Nick: "Is there an animated gif I can just watch?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "Do you have any advice on what to do when you're going to an event that has a registry like a baby shower or wedding, and everything on the registry has already been purchased?"

Leah: I feel like you could just ask.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think you could ask. There is this weird fiction, though, that we all sort of buy into, which is like, oh, you didn't create a list of specific goods and services you want me to spend money on, and I will then just go to that list and pretend like I spontaneously chose these items. Like, there is this weird fiction with the registry where we're like, we don't talk about it, but we all do it. So I could see why some people may not want to just be like, "Hey, you're out of forks. Anything else you need?" But I think asking. I think we could just ask. Sure, I'll give you that.

Leah: Or if we had an idea for something for them that we thought would be perfect and they would love, then just get that.

Nick: I love going off registry. And we get a lot of feedback from listeners who think you should never go off registry. But I gotta say, when I go off registry, it's good. You want my gifts off registry. They're probably better than the things you registered for. Just saying.

Leah: Woo! [laughs]

Nick: But also happy to buy you that flatware that you want too. No problem. I'll buy your pattern. Speaking of patterns, that's another option you could do. Like, you could look to see what they registered for and get them something that's in their pattern, and just more of it. Like, maybe they didn't register for the gravy boat that's in their pattern, and maybe just add that, or add another platter that's in the pattern that they selected. So that could be one way out of it. Or gift card. End of the day, you know where they registered, so you could just get them a gift card to that same place. I mean, I don't love gift cards, but I mean, I don't love registries either. So what I love doesn't matter, I guess.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So I think those are all good options.

Leah: I'm still gonna go with asking.

Nick: Yeah, I guess asking. And you just ask in a nice, non-judgmental, value-neutral way. Like, "Hey, I saw that everything was already taken." Now there is a hazard, though. If you tell them that the registry is all sold out and they add new things, but what they add is all very expensive, like way over your budget, all $1,000 crystal goblets. What do we do with that?

Leah: Oh, that's so true. I didn't even think of that.

Nick: They're like, "Oh, Leah, we added some new stuff to the registry. Oh, check it out. You can get some of these things."

Leah: "Here's a chandelier!" The thing is at, like, a baby shower, I feel like a lot of times I've been to a lot of baby showers. and a lot of the items, they'll be like, "Oh, I got two boxes of diapers." You know you could throw another box of diapers in there.

Nick: Oh, sure. Okay. Yeah, that's a good point.

Leah: So a lot of things I feel like that are in a registry, there are always certain things that people could have more of. They just picked a limited amount, and you could just pop another one on there.

Nick: Yeah, okay. That would be a good strategy. So do that.

Leah: Boom!

Nick: Boom! So do you have questions for us? Let us know. You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.


Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: [whispers] Vent or repent!

N :Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent? You should see Leah right now. [laughs]

Leah: I actually did a ...

Nick: She's deep in contemplation.

Leah: I did a vent mid-week where I called Nick because I couldn't even hold back. But I'm gonna do a vent that is also a PSA.

Nick: Okay! Bring it!

Leah: So I'm turning.

Nick: Turning what?

Leah: So I'm in my vehicle.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: I feel like in Los Angeles everything's gonna be gym, vehicle or something related to my dog.

Nick: Okay. That's it. So we're turning in our car.

Leah: If you are a pedestrian and you are crossing, and I often am on crosswalks, so I'm a pedestrian many times.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: Know that the people who are turning, especially in Los Angeles or other big cities, have a very limited time to turn. We either have a light that's short, or we're taking a left and there's no turning light, and there's like—so if you walk across a crosswalk looking at your phone, it is the most annoying thing. I had this woman. I'm turning right. I had the light. She's—you know, I'm giving her the right of way. I cannot—I don't know if she was actually posting an Instagram post. She was walking while looking at her phone, and then like actually doing—I mean, she took the whole light.

Nick: Wow!

Leah: I was the first car. I lost the whole light. It's not like she was, like, having trouble or uncomfortable shoes, or some people are just not the fastest. It was none of that. It was that she was on her phone posting stuff, typing stuff. I was like, there are multiple cars who are missing a whole light because you are liking Instagram posts. Like, be aware! This is insane!

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Also, it's unsafe.

Nick: Well, that's the thing.

Leah: If I wasn't paying attention and I was just turning, you know what I mean? Get off your phone while you're on a crosswalk.

Nick: This is terrible.

Leah: Just literally take a step, pulled out her phone, looking at something. I was like, I cannot!

Nick: Well, I'm sorry this happened to you.

Leah: I—I just don't. You know what I mean?

Nick: Yeah I do, Leah.

Leah: There should be walking rules. There should be walking rules.

Nick: There are walking rules.

Leah: [laughs] There are walking rules.

Nick: We have those as a society. We actually already have that list.

Leah: It's so hard not to roll down your window and just be like, "What are you doing?" But I was like, you are calm, you are breathing, you are calm, you are breathing.

Nick: Yeah. This is probably not the time to shout at strangers. Not from your car window.

Leah: No. Which I think we know that I did prior.

Nick: Prior to this show? [laughs] Well, good. At least we saved one soul with this podcast.

Leah: [laughs] So for me, I would also like to vent. And so I was at a coffee shop having coffee with a friend. Very nice. I'm at, like, the bench part that's up against the wall, and we're finishing up, and there's somebody who would like my seat because it's sort of a crowded cafe. It's a hot spot. Great. And so he asked, like, "Oh, are you leaving?" And I was like, "Oh, yes. We're just about to leave." And so I turned to my left to grab my coat and my bag, and I feel a bag rip across my coat on the right side. Like, rapid woosh, friction. I can feel the heat from the friction of this person's bag being launched across the cafe against the bench to save a seat.

Leah: [sighs]

Nick: And it hit me. It basically hit me. It did make contact with my person, which I believe counts as hitting me.

Leah: It is.

Nick: Like, I wasn't injured. It wasn't square on my person but, like, it brushed my side, which is aggressive. That is aggressive.

Leah: Aggressive!

Nick: Like, I'm happy to give you the seat. I indicated that I acknowledged your existence and that I was stepping out, which you could easily step in. But no, he felt like it was so important to claim his spot then and there that he needed to slam his bag down right on the bench next to me. And I think what the most maddening thing was is that as he did this, and as I turned to see like, oh, what just hit me? He turned his back to walk up to the counter to order.

Leah: No!

Nick: So my look that I wanted to give him, which was like, "I'm sorry, are you feral?" Like, I couldn't even give him that look. I didn't have the satisfaction because he had his back to me. So it was just a very disappointing etiquette experience.

Leah: Oh, the look gets denied, and the ...

Nick: Yes!

Leah: I would so just want to push the bag onto the floor I'd be so irritated.

Nick: Yeah. It's just like, "Are you feral?" Like, in what world?

Leah: Feral! They're feral.

Nick: It's feral. I mean, that's the only word I have. Yeah. So we definitely need to do a deeper dive on, like, how to hover over people at a bar or table that you want, because I feel like there's a lot of confusion in society about the right and wrong way to do that. So put a pin in that.

Leah: I also think we can all agree let's not hit people with our bags.

Nick: Or we'll agree on that, that we don't hit people with bags. Yeah, we also don't do that. Yeah. No, there was like a lot of missed opportunities in this situation. So that happened to me this week, and not over it.

Leah: [laughs] Well, I'm very sorry.

Nick: Thank you.


Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: Well, I learned about furoshiki.

Nick: Oh, sure! Not to be confused with tenugui.

Leah: Not to be confused.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Which were my seams would not be sewn.

Nick: Correct.

Leah: And I learned—actually, I did not learn this. I had it confirmed that you will never ever push that flight attendant call button.

Leah: [laughs] I won't!

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want you to tell some friends about us, because sharing is caring. And we would love it if you would visit our website and click on "Monthly Membership" and see if that's something you'd like to do. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!


Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I'd like to send out a cordial of kindness to our very long-time listener. I feel like she's been with us since the beginning, Patty.

Nick: Oh, OG Patty! Hey, Patty! Yes!

Leah: And we always converse about when Were You Raised By Wolves?topics come up in, like, life, or when things pop up. And I'm just so grateful, and thank you so much for listening to Were You Raised By Wolves and being here with us. I really appreciate it.

Nick: That's very nice. And for me, we got a great email which is, quote, "There's an expression about two wolves that battle inside our heads: a good wolf and a bad wolf. When asked which wolf wins, the answer is the one you feed. Your podcast is one of the things I feed my good wolf. You two are delightful, and your show is such a simple pleasure. In these times of division and strife, hearing you talk about how simple it is to just be civil to each other is refreshing. Thank you for helping me be raised by my good wolf."

Leah: I love that. That's so sweet!

Nick: Wolves—feed the good one.

Leah: Feed the good wolves.

Nick: So thank you.

Leah: Thank you so much.