Scheduling Times With "Ish," Chewing Food on Calls, Socializing at Galas, and More

Nick: Hey everybody, it's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "I used to volunteer at a barn for many years and left a year ago. Another volunteer—let's call him Andrew—reached out to me to say that one of the riding coaches I knew and liked was leaving the barn. They were gonna buy her lunch at a place down the way, and did I want to come? Absolutely. The lunch was being organized by a different volunteer—let's call her Lisa. Lunch was gonna be at 1:00 pm on Monday. Okay. I got there a little bit early since I didn't want to be late. Andrew showed up a few minutes past one, and at 20 past one nobody else had shown. Andrew then texted Lisa and she responded, 'I said 1-ish.' To me that means 10 to 15 minutes either way. Lisa thought that meant 30. What do you think?

Nick: "Now it's 1:30. Andrew reaches out to Lisa again and Lisa texts back, 'Charging my phone. Let me know when the others arrive and I'll grab a cab.' Then we wait a little more, but still no Lisa. So Andrew contacted Lisa again who said, 'If no one else is coming, I'll just stay home.' So I had a nice catch up with Andrew, but can you weigh in on the subject of '-ish' times for meetings? Like, 'I'll meet you for coffee at 10-ish.' I think '10-ish' gives about 10 minutes wiggle room, not 30, or 'Call me when you're ready.'"

Nick: So we get this question and I'm like, this is not my question. So I immediately follow up and I said, "What happened to the person for whom we were having lunch? The person at the barn who's leaving? What—where was that person?" And so our letter-writer writes back and says, "She didn't show either. She just texted me to apologize, quote, 'Her bad.'" And it's important to note that Andrew had followed up with her to confirm the time, and she did confirm the time. And so our letter-writer finishes by saying, "Just glad one of her horses wasn't injured or ill, and that's what had kept her. Even so, Andrew and I agreed that even if she discovered something had to be tended to or started a chore that turned into something you can't leave unfixed, you text and say, 'I can't make it.' We totally understand. Crazy stuff happens at a barn. So I don't know what happened. Andrew is friends with Lisa and said that she's insecure, and when she meets with another barn boarder, she doesn't like a quote 'triangle' where she can get left out of the conversation."

Leah: It is really odd.

Nick: [laughs] Well, what's odd is that, like, the "-ish" question is the only thing our letter-writer is concerned about here.

Leah: Yeah, that's not—that's was like, I love how Lisa's like—when someone's like, "Oh, she's still at home."

Nick: Oh, yeah. She does not have pants on.

Leah: She doesn't. Yeah, she's—"I'm just charging my phone." What?

Nick: "Call me when you're ready." "Yeah, we're ready. We're here. We're at the restaurant."

Leah: "At the time that you suggested."

Nick: Yeah. So, like, let's address the "-ish" question first, because that's the easy one. I think for a lunch "-ish," 10 minutes is really the max if we're having, like, a meal.

Leah: Oh, man, my eye is twitching. This question makes my eye twitch. I—yeah, I also think of "-ish" as, like, say I'm checking in with a friend in advance, like a week out, and we're gonna meet for coffee, and we're trying to, like, close a time gap. You want to say 11-ish?

Nick: Right.

Leah: And they'll go, "Yeah, let's do 11-ish." And then the day before, we'll be like, "Does 11 still work?" And then they were like, "Now we're confirming exactly around 11."

Nick: Right. And in that context, I would be happy with a 10:30. I can handle a noon even. But it gives me kind of some anchor in the day that "-ish" would not be 8:00 pm.

Leah: Right.

Nick: Right. Okay. Oh, that's a good use of "-ish."

Leah: And so then we're holding that time for that person around, and then we check in prior to nail it down.

Nick: Right. Yeah. That is the appropriate use of "-ish." Yeah, I don't love using "-ish" for an actual meeting time because, like, I'll show up at whatever time it needs to be. So just tell me what that is.

Leah: And it's, like, different if it's like we're meeting at a bar, and everybody's sort of sitting around and not ordering together.

Nick: Yes. That's an important detail. Like, if you said, "Oh, I'm having a Super Bowl party, come over at 4-ish," I could actually be okay with, like, 4:30.

Leah: Yeah, it's totally different.

Nick: And yeah, bar, like, "Oh, we're hanging out at the bar. We're gonna be there at 5-ish until whenever." Yeah, I mean, that's—that's pretty chill. But, yeah, when there's lunch, and now I have to wait for you to order? Yeah, "-ish" is not Good.

Leah: "-ish" is 10, max.

Nick: Yeah. It's not 15.

Leah: This is just also not a time when I would use "-ish."

Nick: Yeah. Also not a great use of "-ish." Okay, that aside, what is happening with Lisa?

Leah: What is happening?

Nick: Also, what is happening with the person that we're having lunch with?

Leah: What is happening for the person who's actually this is for?

Nick: Right. It's like, what are we doing? What? Like, do we just have different concepts of time and space and planning and events?

Leah: Events. It's a whole—I feel like something happened where Lisa set it up in a way that we didn't understand. Not us. We didn't do anything that was like, not ex—like, something happened.

Nick: So she just sort of had this idea, like, "Oh, we should do lunch sometime", and it would just never—no, but we had a date and time.

Leah: We did have a date and time.

Nick: And a location. Yeah. But I guess in Lisa's mind, that wasn't confirmed. It's only confirmed once everybody else is there and the entire guest list shows up, and then I decide whether or not I want to leave my house.

Leah: Which is not how life works.

Nick: And then there's this detail of that Lisa doesn't like being in a triangle where she can get left out of the conversation. Actually, triangles are great for conversations. Squares are harder.

Leah: Well, Lisa seems like she just didn't want to miss anything, and then she decided since only two people were there and that she was fine missing it.

Nick: Well, showing up is like 99 percent of life. And so she has decided to not show at all, and so she's missing everything.

Leah: She is missing everything. I'm not on Lisa's side. I just think that that seems to be, like, what it was. "Text me when other people are there. I'm at home charging my phone." She should have been there first. She's the host.

Nick: Yes. Oh, yes. That's a very good point. Yes, the host should definitely make an effort to be there before the guests. Yes. I don't think Lisa sees herself as the host here. I think Lisa sees herself as somebody who was happy to text other people what the plans were and hadn't decided whether or not she wanted to go.

Leah: The quote is, "The lunch was being organized by a different volunteer—let's call her Lisa."

Nick: Okay.

Leah: She was the organizer. She started this whole thing.

Nick: Well, can I organize something and not attend? Yes, I could do that.

Leah: I think you could say, "I want to organize this. I can't make it, but I'll get it all done so you guys know where and when to go."

Nick: Right. Yes. I think in Lisa's mind, that's what she was thinking. And not that I won't go, it's just I will decide whether or not to go, depending on who shows up and when.

Leah: That is just ...

Nick: And how much battery life I have left on my phone, and what's on TV and how comfortable my couch is.

Leah: I don't know how the horses put up with these people, to be totally honest.

Nick: Also, I don't know how this letter writer puts up with this. She does not seem to be that bothered. It's the "-ish" thing that really caught her eye.

Leah: Well, she did get to hang out with her friend Andrew.

Nick: Yeah. So all was not lost. Yes. And Andrew was there, so great. But weird. This is weird.

Leah: The whole thing is very weird.

Nick: Right. So I—what do we do with this? It's just, "Oh, here's just a weird thing that happened in the world."

Leah: Well, we answered the "-ish."

Nick: Yeah. You're welcome.

Leah: Our letter-writer is lovely, showing up for people.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Glad Andrew was there.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Also, everybody else in this scenario is very odd.

Nick: Very odd.

Leah: Also, I'm glad there was nothing wrong with the horses.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "What can I say to people who chew food in my ear while we talk on the phone? Asking, 'Are you eating?' Isn't getting through. I'm not interrupting their meal. They are calling me."

Leah: This happens to me when there's, like, loud noises. I can't take it. So I always just say—which I think is how a lot of people feel about eating. So I'll say, "Let me call you back when you're blank. Let me call you back when you're finished lunch. Let me call you back when you're not in this area. Let me call you back when you're not talking to somebody else."

Nick: Right. Yes. "Yeah, let me call you back when you're not in a urinal."

Leah: [laughs] Yes. And I don't say it in any way. I just go, "Oh, let me call you back when you're blankety blank blank."

Nick: Yeah. I think that's the way to handle it. And you have to use a tone that's not accusatory.

Leah: Yeah, just very light.

Nick: Which is like, "What is wrong with you trying to have a phone call where you are right now?"

Leah: Yeah, just light. "Hey, let me call you back."

Nick: Yeah, I mean, the "Are you eating?" Yeah, that's a little coy. "Are you eating?" "Yeah, I am. I'm having popcorn." Yeah, that doesn't actually end the behavior.

Leah: And then if they—if you say, "Let me call you back when they're done eating," and they say, "Oh, no, that's okay," you can say, "Well, I'm having trouble hearing. I'll just call you back when you're done."

Nick: Yes. I think you do have to then add something about how it's being received on your end, because they don't mind. They don't mind eating a hoagie while you're on the line.

Leah: Yeah. They're having lunch and—having with a friend.

Nick: Yeah. But you have to be like, "Yeah, oh, it sounds quite odd on this end."

Leah: "Little murky."

Nick: Yes. "It sounds like somebody's sloshing through mud.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: "It sounds like spelunking in a cave."

Leah: I think that will go over very well.

Nick: [laughs] But yeah ...

Leah: I do like that, though. "On my end, it sounds like spelunking. So if you could call me back post spelunk, that would be fantastic."

Nick: "Thank you so much." Yes. Yeah, I think that would be fair. Yeah, that would be totally fair. Also, I don't think we should be eating and talking on the phone, right? I guess it depends on who you're calling.

Leah: It depends on who it is, I feel like. And also, if you're a person who doesn't—some noises set different people off. I know I have my noises.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I think it's more than fair for you to go, "Let me call you back when you're done with that."

Nick: Yeah. Oddly, I don't know if this bothers me.

Leah: Eating doesn't bother me.

Nick: Yeah. Which is strange to think of because so much bothers me.

Leah: [laughs] I'm glad you said it before me.

Nick: [laughs] But I feel like I think we've probably been on the phone with one of us eating something.

Leah: I actually don't think we have.

Nick: Are you sure?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: I feel like you've been eating turkey jerky while we've been talking about something. I don't know.

Leah: No!

Nick: Yeah. Would I have eaten with you on the phone? I might have had an apple. I don't know. Can't recall. Obviously, it's fine in our relationship.

Leah: Yeah. If you were somewhere where there was, like, a loud beeping behind you, I'd have to be like, "I gotta—let's ..."

Nick: If I was in a 1995 AOL dial-up ad, that would be a problem.

Leah: I would be like, "I gotta call you back."

Nick: Yeah. There are some sounds that are definitely more maddening. I don't love people calling me from airports or airplanes. Like,all that ambient, like, whooshing.

Leah: It's so hard to hear.

Nick: Yeah, that's—I struggle with that. Also, I don't like talking to people who are in a place where they shouldn't be talking. And so then they're very low whispering.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And it's sort of like, can you just go somewhere where you're allowed to talk to me rather than pretending, you know, to not be on the phone right now? Right. So yeah, polite-yet-direct, non-judgmental, value-neutral. "Oh, call me back when you're free."

Leah: Post spelunk.

Nick: Post spelunk. Exactly. So our next question is quote, "I am a part of a group of longtime friends—the birthday gang—that gets together for dinner six to eight times a year at a restaurant to celebrate our birthdays. Sometimes it's to celebrate a single birthday, and at other times we may celebrate up to four birthdays. Not everybody can make it to each celebration, and this leads to my dilemma. I like to take a group photo whenever we get together for dinner and text it to the group. However, I'm always conflicted about whether or not I should text the pictures only to the people who are able to attend that particular celebration, or whether I should include those who were not able to make it. I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on this. Sending big hugs to Leah, and a polite-but-sincere handshake to Nick. And looking forward to hearing your thoughts on my dilemma."

Leah: Thank you for the big hugs. Big hugs back.

Nick: Thank you for the polite-but-sincere handshake. Yes, very appropriate. Appreciate it.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, don't go in for the hug if I don't know you.

Leah: I mean, I don't know. I was trying to think about when we first hugged. I feel like it was, like, years in.

Nick: Have we ever?

Leah: Well, I think there was like a double arm touch.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I feel like we might have hugged on set at the Tamron Hall show.

Leah: I think you might be right. I think we might have hugged.

Nick: Yeah, that might have been—yeah, sort of trial by fire emotional. I think that maybe that—so that was yeah, four or five years in?

Leah: Yeah. Just a nice ...

Nick: That feels right.

Leah: That does feel right.

Nick: That feels—doesn't feel out of left field.

Leah: Me neither. I'll hug complete strangers, but if I know and care about you, I'm gonna take a while. [laughs]

Nick: Okay. Great. Yeah. All right, so we're on the same page. Yeah, you gotta earn it. Yeah, I'm just—I'm not giving this away. Yeah, you got to really earn it. So, okay. What do we do about the birthday gang?

Leah: Well, this was actually emailed to us through our Patreon.

Nick: Oh yes, this did come to us through Patreon. So I wrote back and I said, "Go for it!"

Leah: Nick gets back to our Patreon within three to four seconds.

Nick: Well, that's one of the perks of being a Patreon member is that you get VIP access to my brain.

Leah: And I don't know if you guys remember, but the one time that I followed up with the thing where I disagreed, it seemed Nick really held onto it. So ...

Nick: I don't care for that. You're not supposed to contradict me.

Leah: I wasn't disagreeing. I was seeing an alternative possibility. So in this one, I followed up immediately to say, "I really love the way that Nick answered this."

Nick: Oh, well done. Okay. [laughs] But I think it is true. I think unless somebody's gonna have, like, FOMO about it, I think it's fine because, like, they were invited to the thing. They weren't excluded.

Leah: Yeah. If they were on the invite and it's sent with a "Here we were. Missed everybody who wasn't here. Looking forward to next time."

Nick: Yeah, I think it's fine.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: I mean, the way I was thinking about it is if I was invited to a wedding and I couldn't make it, I would still want to see the wedding photos, and I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Leah: I wouldn't either.

Nick: Whereas if I wasn't invited to a wedding that I should have been, and I was sent the wedding photos, I would be maybe a little more bothered by that.

Leah: But for this, I imagine as like, a friend group text, where we're always like, "Hey, coming up in, you know, June, let's do Cindy's birthday on the 15th." And then everybody's in that group text, and somebody's like, "I can't make it." But then we just post in that text, "This was the thing. Great to see everybody."

Nick: Yeah. And I'm sure there's a group text with everybody. So yeah, I think it's totally fine. And I think it's very nice. And as long as it's with the spirit of, like, "Hey, missed you! Hope you're doing great. Wish you could have joined." Then I think we're totally good.

Leah: Yeah. The key is if they were invited ...

Nick: Then it's fine.

Leah: Then it's fine.

Nick: Okay, so our next question is quote, "My boyfriend's brother—let's call him Chad—is getting married next month, and everything is great except for one small hitch: They are already married. When Chad found out his girlfriend was pregnant, they hastily got engaged and then married without telling anyone in the family. This was about a year ago. We have all since been told about the situation, so you can imagine my surprise when I received an invitation to a wedding, and not a vow renewal or some other event that recognizes that the couple is, in fact, already married. Since my boyfriend is Chad's best man and we're going to attend, regardless of what they call it, I would like to get them a gift off of their registry, a nice serving plate, and have it personalized with Mr. And Mrs. with their actual marriage date. My boyfriend, however, thinks this is rude, and that we should respect their vision of this event as their quote-unquote "wedding," and use the date of the ceremony we're attending. What should we do?"

Leah: I love that you're going with a serving plate and getting it personalized. So sweet.

Nick: Yes. I love a good monogram. I love a good engraving. I love something that is personalized. Love it.

Leah: I think we definitely go with what the brother and best man suggests, and also what the bride and groom want to celebrate as their wedding day.

Nick: Yes. I think my first thought was, do we need to put a date on it at all? Like, is that important? Like, do we have to put a date, or can we just put their names on it? It was an idea.

Leah: That's a great idea. But also, we are going to put a date.

Nick: It would be date of the thing that we're invited to. Yeah. Because I think if you don't do that and you pick the original date, I think that could come across as a comment. I think it could come across as, like a, "Oh, I know you were already married, and this is a reenactment, and I don't agree with that." Like, it could have that flavor, which is I'm sure not what you intend, but, like, it could be read in that way. And so I think we want to avoid that.

Leah: I think it would actually definitely be read in that way.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I mean, I think it's not not gonna be read that way. So I think we don't want that reading.

Leah: And a lot of people get married. Like, a lot of my friends got married legally at city hall prior to their actual wedding.

Nick: Yes. And I think because Chad is the best man, I think we would need to defer to Chad. I think it's sort of a variation on the mother-in-law rule.

Leah: Mother-in-law theme. He's not just the best man, he's the brother.

Nick: Oh, true. Oh, brother and best—oh, so it is his family.

Leah: Oh, yeah.

Nick: Yeah, gotta defer. And then I guess one idea is like, I guess you could ask. I mean, you could be like, "Hey, we want to get you this platter and we want to have engraved. What date do you want us to use?"

Leah: Well, I think the idea that they didn't tell anybody that they got married, and then everybody in the family found out.

Nick: Oh, that's true. Yes. "We have all since been told about the situation." Yeah, that does have a certain flavor to it, doesn't it?

Leah: I think it's, you know, they were doing it for the child's birth.

Nick: Right.

Leah: But so publicly, they want this to be their wedding.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And so I think we should just go along with that.

Nick: Yeah, I think that is the answer here. Yes. So our next question is quote, "This year, I'm finding myself invited to a flurry of fundraisers, galas and luncheons for my extracurricular activities. They're all firsts, and I feel like I'm officially entering society. It's exciting, but also a bit daunting. Most attendees seem to arrive with partners, and as a single person, I often feel like the odd one out. I know I'm probably overthinking it, but the crowds can be intimidating. What are your best tips for navigating these events solo and making a great impression? Do you have any go-to conversation starters? Or a little pep talk would also be appreciated."

Leah: Well, congratulations. So exciting!

Nick: Yes. Entering society! Oh, how grand!

Leah: Getting out there doing things. I love it.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's very fun.

Leah: You're doing great.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You are great.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: You shine, you sparkle. You're wonderful.

Nick: Okay, so that's the pep talk part.

Leah: That's not even half the pep talk.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: That's my intro to the pep talk.

Nick: Well done. So my first thought is just you're not the odd one out. You're actually an unburdened delight.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: You are not being tethered by anybody there, and that's fun and freeing because you actually have a lot of freedom. And you're gonna have more fun than a lot of the people who did come with somebody because you are not obligated for anybody else's happiness. You don't have to leave when somebody else wants to leave. You don't have to stick out boring conversations if you don't want. You can excuse yourself and continue fluttering around the room. So, like, you have a lot more freedom, and I think people will envy that.

Leah: Nick, with a reframe.

Nick: Mm-hmm. Reframe it.

Leah: Love it.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I also like to, when I get to an event, I like to give myself a couple of seconds. You know, I put my jacket wherever my jacket has to go if there's a jacket. I go to the restroom maybe, refresh, make sure I have nothing in my teeth. You know, whatever you gotta do. I always like—I do a little Chapstick. That's my—that's how I know it's go time. That's my thing—Chapstick. Maybe you want to get a beverage. You know what I mean? Get—get the things you need to do to be in your mindset.

Nick: Yes. You want to enter the room with confidence. Yes.

Leah: And sometimes you just need to, like, be present. And it takes a few minutes to get present.

Nick: Yeah. I think whenever I arrive at an event solo, I arrive and it's like, "I am here!" That's my internal monologue. And then I do a lap. I always do a full lap of the room just to, like, get the lay of the land, see where the food is, see where the hors d'oeuvres might be coming out, what door I need to stand near. See if I know anybody. And then once I've done that lap and looked around, then I will decide okay, I will find a weak gazelle to pick off. And so I, like, look at the different, like, pockets of people. And then I see which conversation I think I can insert myself in, which person might be alone, who might be hanging back, you know, where can I jump in? So usually I kind of look for that, and then I start there. And then once you have that first conversation going, then it's much easier to sort of be bouncing around.

Leah: I still take my moment before the lap to get rid of wherever I just was before and get prepped.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: That's with the Chapstick, maybe an extra hand wash. Maybe I go get a drink, and then I'm in.

Nick: And then I think in terms of making conversation, there's this concept of the roof is the introduction. So the roof that we are all standing under, this is the common thing that we all share right now. And so that is our introduction. So why are you here? What brings you? How long have you been supporting this charity? Do you know the bride or the groom? All of this. These are all the common things that we share because we're all under the same roof. And so these are all great just sort of conversation starters. Very easy, very innocuous. They're a great place to begin.

Leah: Yeah. I have the same note. I wrote, "Hey, I'm Leah. This is my first blank," you know, whatever—or whatever the fundraiser is for or the organization gala.

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: "Hey!" [laughs] They all say, "Hey, I'm Leah." But you could probably do this. "Oh, hey, I'm Leah. I absolutely love this organization. How did you come to be a part of the Humane Society?"

Nick: Yeah. How long have you been supporting this organization? Or even just like, "Oh, have you had the quiches yet? Oh, they're delicious!"

Leah: I love what you said that the roof is what is the conversation starter.

Nick: The roof is the introduction. Yes. And this works for pretty much any event because we are all physically there. And so it works every time.

Leah: I have one more, "Hey, I'm Leah." And I'm sure that the next three words are gold—gold.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: But I cannot read them.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: That's how exciting they were.

Nick: Oh, we're never gonna know.

Leah: Oh, no!

Nick: This could have been the best thing ever, and we will never know.

Leah: We will never know. It really looks like "Journey," but that is not what it is.

Nick: "Hi, I'm Leah. Do you like Journey, the band?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: "Yes, in fact, I do. Yes."

Leah: I mean, you could do that one.

Nick: That works. Yeah.

Leah: Oh, no. I got it. "Hi, I'm Leah."

Nick: Hi, Leah.

Leah: "I just joined Doctors Without Borders. This is such a great event." And then someone will just jump in. "Welcome, Leah."

Nick: We waited all this time for you to say that? That was your great line?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: That's what this was? Oh, okay.

Leah: You know what, Nick? You know what?

Nick: Hmm?

Leah: I'm just giving easy sentences. "This is my first blank. I just joined blank. I love the Blank Society. How long have you been a member?"

Nick: Yeah, all these are very easy conversation starters. And then when in doubt, people love to talk about themselves and food and vacation, where they've been, where they're going. And so these are all easy topics.

Leah: And then music.

Nick: Music, movies. What are you watching?

Leah: I was just at a wedding, and I did the, "How do you know the bride or groom?

Nick: Yeah, at a wedding that is your go to. Yeah. Do you know the bride or the groom?

Leah: And then, I mean, inevitably, I ended up talking about my dogs. And then anybody else that had dogs or a pet at home joined in. And then within two minutes, we were all sharing photos of our animals.

Nick: Perfect. That's a good way to bond.

Leah: You know, it's—I think just get in there. I think you're doing great. I think you're fantastic. You are working the room. You are making friends. You are a bright, shining light.

Nick: [laughs] Okay, this is the pep talk part?

Leah: I mean all this.

Nick: Okay, yeah. No, I think all this is very true. And I think also for these events, I think it's important to remember that they're not all great, and they're not always gonna, like, hit it out of the park every single time. And you should not feel like if you leave an event and you're like, "Oh, that was okay," or, like, "Oh, that wasn't that fun." That's actually not always a reflection on you. Sometimes an event is okay or not that fun. And that actually is just the event. It wasn't you. And I think we actually put a lot of pressure on ourselves to feel like, oh, if I didn't have a good time, that was, like, completely my fault. And yeah, your attitude going in does, you know, matter, but also, some events are bad. Some events are just, like, poorly produced. The food's not good, it's too hot, there's something wrong. It's uncomfortable, it's too crowded. Like, there's a lot of reasons why an event actually might not be good. And so also that's fine. So I think it's important just to remember that, like, oh, that's also part of going to a lot of events, that they're not all great.

Leah: But we're always great. I think we can always just focus on something that makes us happy. I met a really lovely person who blank. There was an incredible quiche. I tried a new danish. I loved the bathrooms.

Nick: Yes. Actually, I have been to events where the bathrooms were the highlights.

Leah: Yes. I've come home and been like, "Amazing faucets." And, I mean, you just find the thing.

Nick: You find the things.

Leah: That's lovely. You know, I—because I think that vibe coming off of a person is contagious.

Nick: Yes. People want to hang out with people who are having a good time.

Leah: And I will say I do think it works, even if it's dorky, Nicholas Leighton, that if you're feeling a little anxious ...

Nick: This feels a little pointed.

Leah: Well, just because you're already picking on me for my pep talks, and ...

Nick: No, pep talks are very important. I love a pep talk.

Leah: If you walk into a room and sometimes you feel—I'll say for myself, sometimes I feel like not fully myself or whatever, I do a little power pose. I put my hands on my hips. I do a bright smile, right? I put my body in the confident pose so then I can send those thoughts to my brain. You know, stand up tall, walk in there.

Nick: Yeah. Head held high. And do it with confidence, and know that everybody else is sort of in the same boat. And so everybody's the same.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So great! Well, congratulations on entering society. Hope you're having a fun time and send us some photos.

Leah: [laughs] Congratulations on entering society.

Nick: That's what he said. Yes. He says quote, "I feel like I'm officially entering society."

Leah: Yes. For some reason when you said it, it felt more like this person has been inside their home.

Nick: Well they've been in the wilderness, and now they are coming to society. So congratulations!

Leah: It's like Bridgerton.

Nick: It is like Bridgerton. Yes. So actually send us some photos, letter-writer. Next time you're at one of these events, one of these galas or fundraisers or luncheons, send us some photos of yourself there and we'd love to see.

Leah: It's exciting!

Nick: It is exciting. So you out there, do you have something exciting to share with us or a question, a vent, a repent, an etiquette crime report or anything else? Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!