Lending Fancy Waffle Makers, Witnessing Coffee Shop Meltdowns, Demanding Raisins From Coworkers, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is, quote, "I was very good friends with a woman—let's call her Lisa—for about six years. We hung out multiple times a month, we texted constantly, and my husband and I even babysat her kids when she went out of town. A few years ago, I noticed her behavior was starting to change. She stopped asking me about myself and would monologue for two straight hours when we went to dinner. She also made some new friends and would call me and say, 'I wanted to hang out with them, but they canceled. Are you available today instead?' I decided to talk to her about how she was not being a good friend. After the third dinner where she didn't ask me a single thing, I told her that the way she was being a friend was not kind or acceptable. If she was open to changing, I would like to stay her friend, but as you may suppose, she never reached out again and we haven't spoken in nearly three years. Here is the etiquette question: A year before we ended our friendship, I lent her our very fancy, expensive waffle maker so she could use it with her kids. It's been four years since I lent it and she's never given it back. I have long resigned myself to thinking of it as a gift and written off the loss. However, our other friends bring up the missing waffle maker constantly. If anyone mentions Lisa, our other friends will chime in with, 'And she stole your waffle maker!' They say I'd be in the right to text her at any time and ask for it back. In your opinion, when would you have asked for the waffle maker back? When I realized the friendship was going downhill? When I talked to her about the state of our friendship? I've run into her once in the ensuing years. Should I have brought it up then?"

Leah: I'd like to get a look at this waffle maker.

Nick: Yeah! I mean, you kind of had me at "expensive waffle maker."

Leah: [laughs] Yeah. I'm imagining it's like the very fancy cappuccino machines with all the like, ba ba ba ba ba. But instead it's waffles coming out.

Nick: I mean, I'm definitely picturing chrome, very shiny materials.

Leah: I am absolutely picturing chrome.

Nick: And then it's gotta be Belgian, right? I mean, expensive has to mean Belgian.

Leah: We should have googled. Should we google now?

Nick: I mean, there's so many expensive waffle makers out there.

Leah: Well, the pricing doesn't matter to me so much as more I want to—when I visualize this story, I want to see this waffle maker.

Nick: It would have been nice had our letter-writer included a photo just so we could get a little bit of the vibe.

Leah: I'm not putting this on our letter-writer, but I just—I need to—for the story, I want to see the waffle maker.

Nick: Well, and just FYI to our listeners, if you send us a question, we do like to have associated materials and backup and receipts and visuals, videos. We like to have assets.

Leah: I love how we're requesting our lovely Wolves? family send us like a binder full of information.

Nick: We would like to have a presentation. Thank you so much. So for this? Yeah, I have thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts. What do you think?

Leah: I would actually be very interested in hearing your thoughts.

Nick: So okay. We basically have ended a friendship. Okay, fine. I guess my first question is, did we know when we had the conversation with them that the relationship was gonna end at that time? Like, did we think that was a relationship-ending conversation? Because if we did, then I guess I would've asked for the waffle maker before that?

Leah: I guess if we thought this could possibly yes, go that way, we should have planned it? No, let me restate. I want to step back even further than this.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: And say, because of the way this is written, I'm not a hundred percent sure our letter-writer wants to get this waffle maker back. I think it's because their friends keep bringing it up and saying you could get that back. So then they feel like they should. Because they're saying I've written it off.

Nick: Right. Yeah. Are their friends being helpful or are they just being sort of gossipy?

Leah: Yeah. Are they sort of being gossipy and, like, needling? Like, "Oh, you should get that back."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Because I often don't engage, not because I'm not capable, but because that's not where I want my energy to go.

Nick: Yeah. Although I do like when somebody does a bad thing, that that bad thing is now associated with them forever. And so it's like, oh, they're the person who, like, showed up with extra guests at your dinner party. Or, like, she's the one who stole your waffle maker. Like, I do like that that follows people.

Leah: Oh, me too. But I think we can also with our friends call her, like, the waffle maker thief, but then not feel obligated to then go get it.

Nick: Yes, you are not obligated to retrieve this item. That's true. And I do appreciate that you have emotionally written it off, but I also think that you could totally just ask for it at this point, because the relationship is over.

Leah: The relationship is done.

Nick: Like, what harm could happen at this point? So I think if you just send a text and be like, "Hey, hope you're well. I was hoping to make waffles with my family this weekend. Do you still have my waffle maker?"

Leah: Yeah, I think you're well within your rights to just do that.

Nick: Right? And then they'll be like, "No." And then you can decide if that's a lie or not but, like, that's the end of it either way. Or they could be like, "Yes, when do you want it back?" And then you could coordinate.

Leah: Yeah, I think you're absolutely within your rights to ask for it now.

Nick: Yeah. And so you could do that. I think it's an interesting question: Do we think Lisa still has it?

Leah: I do.

Nick: She does. And then would she admit she has it and would she return it?

Leah: That could go either way.

Nick: That really could go either way for me. Yeah, I really could see a world in which Lisa's like, "No, I don't have it." And she totally does.

Leah: I could see a world in which she doesn't respond.

Nick: Oh yes, I could definitely—I mean, no response is a response for this one.

Leah: No response is "I'm keeping your waffle maker."

Nick: But I think in terms of timing, I don't know if I would've had the conversation while I'm also having the you're not a good friend conversation. I don't know if that would've been the timing for me, which is like, "Oh, I don't think you're being a very good friend. And also, can I have my waffle maker back?"

Leah: I mean, the thing is is that when people borrow things, like, they should give it back. So really, you can bring it up whenever because they're at fault here.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, you've done nothing wrong.

Leah: So the easiest thing, I think, it's like when you're asking what would have been the best time, it's sort of like, what would've been the best time for you to be guaranteed to get it back? If that's the question.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess it would've been well before you ended the friendship.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Although I'm not sure that if this person is so, like, not into your friendship anymore, like, I'm not sure asking before that hard conversation would've actually worked either. She probably would've been like, "Oh yeah, I'll get it back to you." And then never followed up. So, like, you could have been chasing this waffle maker forever, no matter when you asked.

Leah: Yeah. I think that's also a possibility.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I mean, this person is clearly going through a thing where they're just very into themselves.

Nick: Yeah, and their waffles. I do find it's disappointing when an expensive waffle maker is held hostage, though. I mean, that feels like as an appliance, I don't love that that's out in the world and not safe in my own home.

Leah: So I mean, we could go on a waffle maker hostage retrieval mission.

Nick: Yeah. Okay.

Leah: We could text our friend and—or ex-friend. We could text our ex-friend. "Hey, I'm in the area."

Nick: Oh, okay.

Leah: "Would love to swing by and get that waffle maker."

Nick: [laughs] Mm-hmm?

Leah: So it's more like, "You know, now, you know, the friendship's over. You can do what you want now."

Nick: Might as well just show up at their house after this.

Leah: Might as well.

Nick: Ring the doorbell.

Leah: Show up at their house and go, "Hey, you got that waffle maker?"

Nick: Yeah. I mean, show up on, like, Sunday morning, see if it's actually being used. Just unplug it from the wall mid-waffle making.

Leah: Yeah. If they're using it and you're like, "Hey, I just came to get this. Thanks!"

Nick: It's still hot. Yeah. So I think it's up to you. If you want the waffle maker back, feel free to text, see how that goes. If it's just to appease your friends that are needling you, it's up to you if you want to indulge that. So you could still call this person Waffle-Maker-Stealing Lisa, no matter what you do.

Leah: No matter what. You—she can always be, what is that? WMS Lisa, the Waffle-Maker-Stealer.

Nick: So our next question is, quote, "What is the etiquette as a customer when you witness another customer being rude to an employee? Specifically, today I was in a coffee shop, and the customer in front of me was berating an employee for not giving him enough sugar packets. The angry customer glanced in my direction a few times, I suspect seeking agreement that he was being deprived of sugar, but I merely avoided eye contact and stayed quiet until he left. Could I have handled this better, or was I right to stay out of the situation?"

Leah: I just want to say something up top. It still blows my mind that there are people out there that think it's okay to yell at people behind counters over nothing.

Nick: Yeah. And I think it is true. Everybody should have to work in the service industry once in their life. I think in their teens, early 20s. I think this is important. I think everybody should be required to do this.

Leah: Yeah. The idea of yelling about anything at another adult ...

Nick: Sure.

Leah: ... outside of an emergency situation, are you, like, hurting my family member or, or dogs is like, what are you talking about?

Nick: Also, not enough sugar packets?

Leah: Not enough sugar packets?

Nick: Also, how much sugar are you needing?

Leah: Calm it down!

Nick: Also, in what coffee shop are there not just, like, sugar packets everywhere? Like, what is actually happening here?

Leah: So I think that we can all deduce from this that the person in front of us is a poopy person.

Nick: [laughs] That's a technical etiquette term.

Leah: A PP.

Nick: Mm-hmm. So ...

Leah: So we definitely do not want to give them any air or support. And it's just how far do we want to go in being like, "No, your behavior's not acceptable."

Nick: Right. So I guess you can do what you did, which I think was the right response, which is like, I'm not going to agree with you. You're clearly looking at me because you want me to take your side and, like, I'm not gonna take your side. So you are depriving this person of some sort of, like, agreement. And I think that's helpful.

Leah: Yeah. You're pulling air out of their fire.

Nick: Right. So that's good. I think you could jump in with a, "Oh, I think that's quite enough," if you wanted to sort of, like, say something and kind of end it, like if they're berating or they're actually getting, like, abusive, I think you could jump in and be like, "I think that's quite enough, sir."

Leah: I think you can also, if you feel safe when they look at you, you can give them a cold stare, letting them know that we as a civilized society are not yelling at people over sugar packets.

Nick: Right. Yeah, so I think those are some considerations, for sure. I think when that person leaves—and hopefully they will leave at some point—I think it is very nice to acknowledge what just happened to the person by the counter.

Leah: Yes. I was gonna say that next.

Nick: Definitely key. I think something along the lines of like, "Wow, that was intense." Or "Golly, sorry you had to deal with that."

Leah: Yeah. That's what I was thinking. "So sorry that there are people like that."

Nick: Yeah. So I think that's nice just to remind the person behind the counter that, like, oh, there are still good people in the world and that is unusual. And also, like, you didn't do anything wrong.

Leah: Yeah. And you see their humanity and you're sorry that they had to put up with that.

Nick: And I think another occasion where you might want to jump in is if clearly the customer is not understanding something that happened, or is saying something that happened that didn't, and you know that for a fact and they're just clearly gaslighting, you could jump in, be like, "Oh, actually they gave you five packets. So you do have five packets. I saw that." Like, if you felt like you could jump in in a safe way and you weren't in harm's way, like, you could correct the record.

Leah: We were—I was with Dustin at an airport. I may have brought this up, because we have been doing this podcast since before I was born and I can't remember what's been covered.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: But this—this obviously man, no kidding. I've seen women do it, too. But was going so hard on this waitress, like so hard. It was so inappropriate. And I went over to somebody behind the counter because he was like, "I'm bringing in your manager," like all this stuff. And it was—we'd been there from the beginning. It was all—the waitress was lovely. She was so flummoxed. She had no idea. This person was asking basically for, like, 30 sugar packets and she had only brought five or whatever.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And they were just going so—they'd obviously had a horrible day at the airport—no excuse—and taking it all out on her. So I went over and I said, "Hey, this person's really going hard on that waitress. I just wanted you to know from another, you know, person seated in the area, she's done everything right and she could probably use some backup."

Nick: That's nice.

Leah: "And if they complain, it's—you know, it's not—it's them." And then when she came to us, I said, "I'm so sorry." And I said, "I went over and told the people that you need backup, and that you didn't do anything wrong." That way, because those people also put in complaints about you later.

Nick: Right. Yeah. No, it's nice to have somebody's back.

Leah: And sometimes you don't feel safe. And I think Nick brought that up and that's important. And so if that's not feel—if you feel unsafe, I think doing the first thing where you either look away or you stare at their face, you're just not agreeing.

Nick: Yeah. I think that was the perfect way to handle that. So letter-writer, I think you did great. You tried to take the oxygen out of the situation, and golly, I really hope this person gets all the sugar they need in the future, because clearly this is an issue.

Leah: Well, I think the issue, Nick, they needed that sugar because they clearly aren't sweet enough.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And that's what we could say. We could say, "I think that man needs, like, 30 packets because he needs a little sweetness."

Nick: Nice.

Leah: "What a sour face!"

Nick: So our next question is, quote, "I'm hoping you can explain the etiquette of doors, in particular entries and exits that have two or more doors. For example, a local mall has four sets of double doors—eight doors total. Presumably, two sets of doors should be used for entering, and two sets of doors should be used for exiting. But once someone is in front of a door, it somehow feels awkward or rude to pass them to use the other set of entry doors, even if they're walking more slowly. Indeed, I've noticed that other people seem to feel this as well, and that when someone is going through a door, everyone going in the same direction queues up behind them instead of using the second set of doors. With a simple double door, if someone is entering at the same time someone is exiting, I've noticed that one person often waits for the other to go through and then uses the same door, even though another one is available. Is it rude to open the entry door as someone else is using the exit door? Luckily, I've never seen anyone get door rage, and we will likely all muddle through with 'excuse me's' and 'sorry's.' But it does feel like there should be rules on this."

Leah: I guess my confusion with this question—I wish this person was here with us now and we could, like, have a graph on the wall, like with a pointer, because when they're saying—you know, because there's multiple ways to visualize this. It's these—you know, many, many places have two sets of doors to keep the air in or the heat in. But then we have doors all along. My question is are they talking about the set of door when they say two doors, or are they talking about the two doors within the same doorway?

Nick: Yeah. No, this definitely is very like, train A leaves Chicago at 4:09 PM and train B leaves Cincinnati at 5:09 PM. What is the probability of drawing the blue marble? Like, this is definitely a brain teaser for sure.

Leah: It's a brain teaser, and I think it would—it would be if I could just have a diagram.

Nick: Yeah, we definitely need a diagram for this one. But here's what I'm picturing. I was picturing a wall of doors, just eight doors across, four sets.

Leah: But are you picturing them four sets of two?

Nick: I am picturing we have double door, double door, double door, double door, all in a line, all facing a parking lot.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: But your idea that oh, it's actually there's like a vestibule for climate control. There's two sets of doors, a little vestibule, and then two more sets of doors. That does feel more like what I've seen in the real world.

Leah: Yeah. That seems like what's happening outside.

Nick: Because the idea of, like, eight doors across? I mean, unless this is like a stadium, the version that's like, oh, it's actually two sets and then two sets, like, that is a little more like what we normally encounter in our lives.

Leah: Because are they visualizing that one door is for out and one door is for in within the same doorway? Or are we saying that one whole doorway is for in and one whole doorway is for out?

Nick: So I think that they're saying the left set of doors, the double doors on the left, that's for exiting. And then the double doors on the right, that's for entering.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: I think that's what they're saying.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: It's not that within one doorframe, the right side hinge-y thing is for entering and the left side hinge-y thing is for exiting. I don't think it's that.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: I think the whole doorway is intended for one direction.

Leah: Because we have many doorways where we have both directions in one doorway.

Nick: Yes. It's basically the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics. Yeah. That's basically what's happening. So okay, let's talk about entering and exiting then, given what is possible. I think that let's say there's a double door and there's another double door. Do you feel like one set is intended for exiting and one is for entering, or is everything fair game? Do you stick to the right or do you feel like any of these doors is fair to use for any direction?

Leah: I often feel like if they want you to stick to one door for a direction, it's labeled.

Nick: Ah, great point. Okay.

Leah: And they often—there was a sign at the top of the door.

Nick: Enter.

Leah: Enter here, or do not exit here.

Nick: Right. Okay. So absent signage, I do think in places where we drive on the right, I feel like we would still use this convention of use the thing on the right-hand side. Always stick to the right. Those are the doors to use.

Leah: But I feel like in a mall entrance?

Nick: Oh, it's chaos.

Leah: People are just walking up using whatever door. I don't think people are thinking, "I'm gonna stick to the right door" at all. They're thinking, "What's closer to the area that I parked in?"

Nick: Yeah, exactly. Okay. So now we have a set of double doors, and I guess our letter-writer wants to know what do we do when somebody is exiting while we're entering? Right?

Leah: So now we're in the same doorframe.

Nick: We are in the same doorframe. Somebody is coming towards us. We are walking towards the door. We both want to use this doorway, and so what do we do?

Leah: I always just pull the door and step back to let the person pass through.

Nick: Yeah. Now I guess there's the question of if two of us are approaching a door and we're going in the same direction, how is that supposed to go down?

Leah: I like to just open the door and let the other person go in front of me.

Nick: Yeah, that also might be best, because the alternative is you grab the left door towards you, I grab the right door towards me, and now we're both, like, trying to go through the doorframe and have doors swing behind us. That feels too much.

Leah: It's too much. I'm just gonna ...

Nick: Too much.

Leah: ... pull the door back, let you go. One—that's one second.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And, you know, I am thinking of a lot of buildings in New York where people are exiting and people are entering, but often those doors actually have a middle frame. So nobody's walking in the middle. They are clearly two separate doors.

Nick: Oh, interesting. I don't know if I'm familiar with these types of middle door frame things.

Leah: Yeah, I know what I'm seeing. I see it in my head. I've seen it.

Nick: No, I believe you.

Leah: I just feel like in some places it's very clear this side's leaving, this side's entering.

Nick: Yeah. I would say in my building, I have a set of double doors. Actually, I have two sets of double doors in my building. I think I'm living this story. We always wait for someone else. Two people are never going through the door at the same time. Everybody's always holding one. Like, that's the deal.

Leah: I'm always happy to wait. It's literally gonna be a second.

Nick: Yeah, I think maybe that is the rule. We are going one at a time through a double set of doors, and that's what it needs to be. Yeah, I think maybe that's what the rule should be. Only took us 20 minutes to get there.

Leah: Okay, I think we got it.

Nick: Okay, so that's it. So our next question is, quote, "What is your stance on surprise parties? And is it okay to tell someone you just don't like them? My sister has arranged some sort of a surprise for me for two of my last four birthdays. Generally, they involve her showing up somewhere like my workplace or other event with some form of cake. Both times we had already celebrated my birthday together privately, but she shows up again with something extra as a special surprise. I know that these big gestures are well-intentioned, and she's the type of person who would probably enjoy being on the receiving end of such a surprise. But for me, as a generally more introverted person who already doesn't love birthday attention, I find these kinds of surprises stressful and even invasive. In the moment, I feel the only appropriate response is to act happy and grateful, the same way I would when receiving a gift. But I worry that this may only encourage her as she walks away thinking her gesture made me feel special as she intended. Is there a way to explain to her that I don't enjoy birthday surprises without being rude? I don't want to make her feel bad, but the thought of another unexpected appearance from her gives me anxiety."

Leah: I have multiple thoughts on this question.

Nick: Yeah, but my first is I don't like surprises, so I'm with you, letter-writer. I don't want this.

Leah: I feel the conundrum here is that we obviously care about our sister, and this has been going on.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: So we want to stop it without making her feel bad about the past.

Nick: Right. Okay?

Leah: So that's the line.

Nick: That's the problem, yeah.

Leah: That's the needle we have to thread, because our letter-writer has been faking feeling excited and happy because they want their sister to feel appreciated.

Nick: Yes. And feigning enthusiasm is a great life skill. I mean, that really is something that you do need to learn how to do as an adult. So I appreciate that you're doing it well.

Leah: I recently had a thought to myself, because I am much more introverted than a lot of people I know. And I do like to make people feel good. And I don't feel bad about that. But you wonder at what point do you run out of energy for feigning enthusiasm for things that you're just not enthusiastic about anymore? Because I do think you will run out.

Nick: Yeah, you're gonna hit a wall at some point.

Leah: And you're allowed to not like the things you don't like.

Nick: Yeah, and I think that's something about getting older is that you become more comfortable with that. You're just more comfortable with knowing yourself and, like, yeah, that doesn't work for me.

Leah: And I think I was thinking—been thinking about the word "midlife crisis" recently.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: Or I guess those are two words. And I actually don't think it's a crisis. I think it's at a certain point you're like, "Oh, I'm doing all these things because I want everybody around me to feel good and feel comfortable."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then you're like, "I have limited energy. How many of these things do I actually not like doing?"

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, life is too short.

Leah: And then how do we fix that without hurting the feelings of the people that we care about?

Nick: Right. So I think definitely you're not in the wrong. Not liking surprise parties? Not a problem. I'm totally with you.

Leah: When I read this, I was like, "Nick gets it!"

Nick: Oh, I get it. Yeah. No, I get—I don't want it because—for so many reasons. I mean, part of it is you're not gonna throw a party that is going to meet my needs. Like, I have needs: music needs, decor needs, menu needs. You're just not gonna nail it. And that's okay. And it's just easier for me to be involved in the planning. It just is! It just saves everybody a lot of trouble. And so don't try to guess what I might like. You're not gonna be able to do it. You're not gonna be able to guess. It's not possible. You cannot get inside this brain to know what will actually make me happy. And so don't try. Just don't try. And so I get it. So I think for this, it's about timing. The time to do this is not immediately before your birthday and immediately afterwards. Like, that's the danger zone. Can't do that. But I think six months away, six months away from your birthday, on your half birthday, I think a polite-yet-direct conversation with her, which is like, "Hey, really love that you want to do something special for my birthday. Just know surprises just aren't my thing anymore. And so moving forward, like, let's just keep it simple. Let's just have a nice dinner. That's really what I want to celebrate.

Leah: What I love about what Nick said—besides everything—but what I love in particular is the word "anymore."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So that way it feels like, "Hey, moving forward, like, I just want to do something the two of us. I love us. I don't want to do something public. I'm getting more and more introverted." Just say that.

Nick: Oh, that's nice. "I'm getting more and more introverted." Yes, that's nice. It's sort of an evolution.

Leah: And I love the "anymore." That way we're not talking about the—we don't have to make them feel bad about the last parties.

Nick: No, I loved you showing up at my office with cake unexpectedly. Unexpectedly.

Leah: And then I have to be on instead of just, like, relaxing the way I wanted to. And that way, you know—I think that's really nice. I think that's a nice way to do it.

Nick: But as a reminder to everyone, unless you are a thousand percent sure that someone loves surprises like this, a thousand percent, don't do it. Just don't do it. It's not worth it.

Leah: I'm probably still gonna sing to you in restaurants, Nick, but ...

Nick: [laughs] That's different than, "Hey, I'm tricking you and now we're in a restaurant."

Leah: No, I—that's why I think it's very different is what I'm saying.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. No, I know that there are some battles I will never win.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And so yes, the embarrassing happy birthday song in public from Leah. Yes, I can't escape that, and so I have accepted my fate.

Leah: Well, I wrote you a poem once.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. No, you've always made my birthday very memorable.

Leah: But I've never done a surprise because I know better.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, surprises is not my thing. I mean, shocking, but not my thing. So our next thing is, quote, "I think I have a vent, but who even knows what this might fall under? I started a new job, and the first day I reported to work, I was moving items into my office and getting settled in when a woman I'd never met barges in and loudly states, 'Give me some raisins!' I've never been more confused in my life. I was trying to process what she said, and she repeated, 'Give me some raisins!' before shutting my door and leaving me speechless. I guess I know what I'll bring to the first staff potluck."

Leah: I'm—do we have a new category that's called "What?"

Nick: What?

Leah: What?

Nick: What? I mean, what is happening? Give me some raisins?

Leah: You're like, is it a—is this a code for some kind of spy that we don't know about?

Nick: Oh, like some Cold War envelope swap?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Give me some raisins. The geese fly at night. And then we, like, swap envelopes. Okay. [laughs] Yeah. I mean, I guess from an etiquette perspective, the polite way would be to knock, introduce yourself. "Hello, I'm Lisa. Are there still raisins in here?" I mean, that would be the polite way to request raisins.

Leah: I like the way that you've taken this situation. That is the polite way to request raisins.

Nick: I've been giving this a lot of thought. The only thing I can think of is that the person who was previously in this office was the office raisin supplier. And this woman didn't know that you were now in this office, that the occupants have changed. And so she was just expecting to walk in and get raisins. And so obviously she was confused because that office raisin person isn't in this office anymore.

Leah: But then it goes back to what you said first, which is but this is not a way in which a person requests raisins.

Nick: Yeah. We don't barge in and just demand raisins.

Leah: So it feels like we're missing a key piece of the puzzle, and I wish we could find this raisin person and say, was this a part of a dare or some sort of a—like one of those hunts where you have to find, like, 10 things on the hunt?

Nick: Oh, it's a scavenger hunt? [laughs]

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Also, give me some raisins. Just give them to me. Loose?

Leah: Like a handful of loose raisins.

Nick: Is that what's happening?

Leah: When you reach in, clearly in your pocket from the day before, as we all carry around.

Nick: Are they linty? Yeah. What? Okay.

Leah: But you know how on—well, I know you know, Nick, how on Love Island, at the end they all have to, like, go ask—it's always like the guys have to go ask the girls for, like, randomly weird things and see if they can get them to do them without explaining it.

Nick: Oh, okay. Yeah, so it is definitely some sort of, like, challenge or dare.

Leah: Yeah, is this like a challenge?

Nick: Like, go into the new employee's office and demand raisins?

Leah: Yes. Is that—are we gonna find out later?

Nick: I dare you to?

Leah: I dare you to ask for raisins without any explanation.

Nick: Yeah. Give me some raisins. Also, I mean, I like raisins, but not desperately like this.

Leah: Yeah. I don't—I'm not thirsty for raisins.

Nick: [laughs] So I think bringing raisins to the potluck, I think that's great. I would definitely ask around and be like, "This woman came into my office and demanded raisins. Is that a thing?"

Leah: Is that a thing?

Nick: Unless the only other explanation is that you do work at a raisin company. And so there is the expectation that you would have raisins. She needs to see the new raisins, the new model of raisins.

Leah: Yeah, the new line. Where are the raisins?

Nick: "Need to evaluate them. Got the boss coming." So I mean, the explanations are not good.

Leah: I need a follow up on this one.

Nick: We need a follow up, yeah.

Leah: Once they've been there for a few months, if they could please figure out what the raisin situation is.

Nick: Yeah. Letter-writer, you do need to follow up and let us know. Did you mishear? I mean, I know this woman said, "Give me some raisins" twice. So feel like your hearing was good but, like, was it a different word? Give me some ...

Leah: Was it "give me some reasons?"

Nick: "Give me some reasons?" Also weird to barge into an office and say that but, like, slightly better in a professional setting.

Leah: Well, maybe they were thinking that you were gonna sing the second part of the song. "Give me some reasons," and then you go, "To stay here, and I'll turn right back around."

Nick: Okay, not helping, but plausible. Maybe this was a karaoke day. Okay. Yes, so letter-writer, you must follow up with us. Let us know what's the deal. What happened here?

Leah: Very—very, what's the deal with raisins?

Nick: What's the deal with somebody barging in your office and saying give me some raisins! So you out there, do you have any questions for us? Oh yes you do! Oh yes you do! So send them to us. Send them to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!