Decoding "Mountain Formal," Pacifying Picky Houseguests, Sharing Sushi Platters, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "Okay, here's a new one. I am to be the best man at a friend's wedding and the dress code, according to the invitation is, quote, 'mountain formal.' Mountain formal? Fortunately, I'm not lost in the formal or informal woods here. I have the privilege of asking the groom, but I wonder if guests will be confused. As for me, I'm considering going with Bavarian lederhosen, pirate shirt and wool Oktoberfest hat. Mountain formal? Meh!"

Leah: I really appreciate the "I'm not lost in the formal or informal woods here."

Nick: [laughs] Very nice turn of phrase. And I will say, this letter-writer, they have the best handwriting of—I would venture to say top 10 best handwriting from listeners that we have.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: This person has written in several times, always handwritten, always incredible calligraphy. And so I gotta say it's real nice. It's real nice.

Leah: You've said to me that already our letter-writers in general have very great ...

Nick: Very high caliber. Yes.

Leah: So this is the top of the top.

Nick: This is really top 10. Yeah.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: Upper echelon. Yeah.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: So what do we do about mountain formal?

Leah: [laughs] I sort of think—you know me, Nick. There's something really fun to me about these made-up names where people can—but I would think that with that, the people getting married have to assume that people are gonna read it really differently. Like, if you actually had something specific in mind and you wrote 'mountain formal?"

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, you can't put 'mountain formal' and expect everybody to know exactly what you mean.

Leah: Yeah. There's gonna be a wide range of reading on that.

Nick: Yeah. Because, like, you made it up. It's not a thing.

Leah: It's not a thing. [laughs]

Nick: And to be clear, the whole point of putting a dress code on an invitation is to actually make it easier on your guests, not harder. So this is not actually making my life easier.

Leah: Well, I think we discussed this, actually—but this is almost like kind of a theme.

Nick: Uh, yes. Well, I mean, is mountain formal a theme?

Leah: Well, it's like a vibe. This is the vibe you're going for. Mountain formal. Dress within the vibe of mountain formal.

Nick: Right. I mean, I guess for me I have a lot of follow-up questions, like is this above the tree line or below the tree line? Is this, like, ski gear? Is this crampons, or is this camping in the woods? Am I among the redwoods?

Leah: I guess those questions could be answered with the is this an indoor or outdoor event?

Nick: Uh, I mean, doesn't it have to be outdoors?

Leah: No, you could have a mountain formal indoors.

Nick: That's true. Well, so then is it, like, après-ski? Like, is it Aspen? Is that what this is?

Leah: I immediately thought of the red checkered shirt.

Nick: Okay. A little red checkered flannel?

Leah: Mm-hmm.

Nick: So more lumberjack, more Brawny paper towel.

Leah: Yeah, that's—I would have thought Brawny paper towel with, like, some crisp Dickies.

Nick: Okay. Crisp Dickies.

Leah: Work boots.

Nick: And boots. Obviously, boots is the footwear.

Leah: But it's formal, so you gotta make sure they're clean. You gotta wet wipe them.

Nick: Oh, they gotta be clean.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And black?

Leah: Or they could be—I mean, there's the quintessential mountain, which is that brown with then the red laces?

Nick: Yeah. Oh, that. Okay. I mean, I guess if you had, like, the red laces and the shoes, and then tied that color accent in ...

Leah: With your shirt.

Nick: ... with, like, a boutonniere or your shirt. Okay. Okay. I mean, that's not helpful.

Leah: [laughs] Well, I mean, that's what I think is fun about it. Basically, do what you want as long as—you could dress like a tree, technically, and put a tie on.

Nick: So how do we feel about this Bavarian lederhosen, pirate shirt, wool Oktoberfest hat idea?

Leah: I mean, it fits entirely within the framework of mountain formal.

Nick: Does it, though? Isn't Munich at, like, 1,700 feet? That's pretty low altitude. I guess for me, mountain is, like, altitude, alpine.

Leah: I think people in the Alps wear lederhosen.

Nick: Yeah. I guess I'm picturing, like, Sound of Music.

Leah: Well, they walked over the mountains.

Nick: Yeah, they did. Yeah. And they climbed every one of them.

Leah: [laughs] They climbed the highest mountains, Nick.

Nick: Okay. So, I mean, I feel like. Yeah, après-ski, Moncler jackets. Yeah.

Leah: John Denver.

Nick: John Denver.

Leah: You could go ...

Nick: Who's, like, the version of, like, Bigfoot who lives in the snow?

Leah: The abominable snowman?

Nick: Yes. That.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: You could be that.

Leah: I also think that you could be—I just thought of this right now, be like a mountain formal forest. You could be, like, a wood nymph. You know all these tree creatures, these fairytale creatures that live in the forest.

Nick: Oh, you're a gnome or a Smurf.

Leah: You could be, like, oh, I'm Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream.

Nick: That's an interesting take on the theme.

Leah: I mean, technically, I feel like that's—if you go mountain woods as opposed to, like, a bald mountain.

Nick: Right. Yeah. I mean, there are a lot of different types of mountains.

Leah: I will say that every time—Greta gets a lot of leaves stuck in her face because she has the long beard. And every time she does it, I do the Puck's closing monologue. So I just think it would be—it would be nice to be able to work that into a more formal atmosphere.

Nick: That would be nice to do that more formally. Yes.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And actually, the only other notes I had written down is there better be fondue at this wedding.

Leah: Oh, yes! Cozy.

Nick: There really better be fondue. If you're having a mountain formal wedding, I need some fondue.

Leah: I wonder if there's gonna be, like, a hot cider.

Nick: Oh, cocoa?

Leah: Cocoa.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. No, there definitely needs to be some schnapps happening. Yeah.

Leah: And then ideally, like, the parting gift is, like, a hat with their initials engraved in it.

Nick: Oh, just like a little, like, toque or beanie.

Leah: A little toque. Yeah.

Nick: Okay. "Toque" for our Canadian listeners. Yeah, I think if you're having this wedding, you just gotta know people are either gonna be showing up as a wood nymph or the abominable snowman, or they just rolled out of some resort in the Alps. So you're gonna get a lot of variation. So just know that that's what's gonna happen.

Leah: I just imagine, like, people showing up—you know, what's that James Bond movie that they ski down the Alps?

Nick: All of them.

Leah: [laughs] So people just show up, like, in that, like, high—that sweater that has the high neck with the vest, and then they have skis thrown over their shoulder.

Nick: I mean, I like that look. Yeah.

Leah: It's a good look.

Nick: So good luck, letter-writer. Please report back. When you attend this wedding, let us know what people ended up doing.

Leah: Oh, I want to hear all the outfits, and I hope—I hope some people really went all in.

Nick: But I think, actually, if I was attending this wedding and I was told mountain formal, I would wear a dark suit, and then maybe I would have, like, a plaid shirt with it. So do, like, a little nod to the theme. But I would still just wear a suit. I would still go formal.

Leah: Oh, interesting.

Nick: I would put formal first and then maybe have some accessories. Maybe I would have a boutonniere that was, like, some pine twigs or something.

Leah: Ooh, that's fun.

Nick: You know? But I think I would really lean more towards formal and not go kitsch.

Leah: See, well, I think that that's 'formal mountain.'

Nick: Oh?

Leah: Whereas 'mountain formal' is you go mountain and then you make it the Christmas version.

Nick: Oh, sure. Oh, what an interesting distinction. Mountain formal or formal mountain. Does that work also for, like, ranch fancy?

Leah: I think. Also, but 'formal mountain' could also be people being like, "Oh, I'm a mountain. I have to pick—like, I'm either gonna go as Mount Washington ..."

Nick: Yes.

Leah: Or ...

Nick: One of the big ones.

Leah: Yes. One of the big—one of the most formal.

Nick: Kilimanjaro? Meet Annapurna. How do you do? [laughs]

Leah: I hope so. If somebody dresses up as a mountain, please let us know.

Nick: Oh, that would be—yeah. And then, like, what about underwater mountains? Some of the biggest mountains on Earth are actually in the ocean.

Leah: If somebody dresses up as an underwater mountain ...

Nick: Slow clap.

Leah: ... please get pics.

Nick: Slow clap. So our next question is quote, "Help! I just got the sweetest text and Instagram shout out from my stepsister for my birthday. But today is not my birthday. It's on Sunday. How do I respond? Also, we're celebrating together on Saturday, so I will see her this week, which could make my response today feel more awkward if I correct her. I need your expertise."

Leah: I think the day to tell her that it's not your birthday is when you see her in person.

Nick: Oh, you just let this go?

Leah: No, you go, "Thank you so much. I'm celebrating all week!" And then when she sees you on Saturday, she'll say, "Oh, is today your birthday?"

Nick: Well, she already thinks that today, being, like, Monday is the birthday.

Leah: And then if it comes up, you go, "It's actually tomorrow, but your wonderful text kicked off the most perfect birthday week."

Nick: Okay. I mean, I'm kind of inclined to sort of correct in the moment. Is that rude? I was feeling like, "Oh, thank you so much. The official day is Sunday, but I love a birthday week. Can't wait to see you on Saturday!"

Leah: I think that works, too.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, it does sort of emphasize, like, "Oh, you're wrong." But is that worse than just like, oh, correcting you when I see you or letting it go completely?

Leah: Well, when you correct people when you see them, you can have a tone about it that makes it very clear that it doesn't matter at all to you.

Nick: Ah, that could be a little hard to convey in a text. That's true.

Leah: Yeah. Texts are just so naked and stark.

Nick: True. Okay, I see your point there. So we would just be like, "Thank you so much! I'm having a great birthday week so far. See you Saturday."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And then on Saturday, she'll be like, "Oh, how was your birthday?" And, like, "Oh, actually, the official day's tomorrow." Okay. All right.

Leah: And then you throw in a compliment. Be like, "But you started my birthday week out perfect."

Nick: Yeah. Okay, I'm coming around. I think you are correct. Let's do that.

Leah: I did, though—on your point, I have alarms set in my phone for people's birthday.

Nick: Mmm?

Leah: And for some reason on my computer, it shows up the day before as like a "this is tomorrow."

Nick: Right.

Leah: But I didn't realize it the first time it happened, so I texted my friend happy birthday.

Nick: Ah.

Leah: And she was like, "It's actually tomorrow, but thanks so much. I'm excited." And I didn't take it in any way. I was like, "Oh."

Nick: Yeah. So I think that's what we do.

Leah: And happy birthday!

Nick: And happy birthday. So our next question is quote, "How does one respond to houseguests who complain about the brand new mattress you bought specifically for their visit?"

Leah: Rude!

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I love how this question was phrased. "How do you respond?"

Leah: I feel like I would say, "Oh, I'm so sorry you don't like it. We actually bought it specifically for your visit."

Nick: I wrote down some options which I think are not approved, but I love. "Is nothing good enough for you?"

Leah: Ooh!

Nick: "Well, you get what you pay for."

Leah: Oh, because they're staying with you for free?

Nick: Yeah. Free. Or "Would you like me to buy you a new mattress today?"

Leah: [laughs] These really went hard, Nick.

Nick: Yeah. No, I was really annoyed by this. Or lastly, "Well, put it in your TripAdvisor review."

Leah: I like that one.

Nick: [laughs] So yes, you're not allowed to say any of those things, but you are allowed to think them.

Leah: I wouldn't say "get what you paid for," because I just literally paid money for you to have a new mattress.

Nick: No, they haven't paid anything to stay with you.

Leah: No, they haven't paid anything. But I paid something.

Nick: Yeah. No, this was probably expensive. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, hosts do need to make an effort to make their guests comfortable. Like, that's one of the host's responsibilities. But you are not obligated to cater every whim and personally tailor their entire experience to their preferences. So it is not required to have a pillow menu, for example. You can offer a set of pillows which are comfortable and are nice, but it is not necessary to offer a range of densities.

Leah: Well, what's upsetting is that our host went out of their way to make them comfortable. They bought a brand new mattress.

Nick: Bought specifically for their visit.

Leah: And then they're being complained to.

Nick: So I actually think my first response was just a withering "Oh." "Oh."

Leah: Mm.

Nick: "Oh."

Leah: How about a, "Well, that's unfortunate because we did buy it just for your visit."

Nick: Okay?

Leah: That way we're just stating the facts. "That's unfortunate, because we bought it just for you."

Nick: Yeah, I think we want to, like, "Oh, I'm so sorry." I think we want to apologize, like, "Oh, I'm so sorry you're not comfortable. I did hope this brand new mattress we bought for you would do the trick."

Leah: Oh, I like that one.

Nick: "So sorry it doesn't. Let me see if there's any extra blankets or pillows I can get to make it more comfortable for you."

Leah: I do like the "so sorry you're not comfortable" as opposed to "so sorry," because I'm so sorry that they're rude, you know? You have nothing to be sorry for. You've already gone out of your way.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, another thing I wrote down. [laughs] We'll see what you think about this. Quote, "Okay. I'll run you out back with a tennis ball to get you so tired you'll sleep better tonight."

Leah: [laughs] As if they're dogs?

Nick: Yep. Isn't that what you do for your dogs?

Leah: That's exactly what I do for my dogs.

Nick: So maybe that's a solution if the mattress isn't good enough for you. "Let me just tire you out, then you'll just pass out."

Leah: Imagine you said that to a person? That would be so funny. "Let me just throw you the ball a few times in the backyard."

Nick: Yeah. It's an idea. We're just brainstorming. Yeah, I think there is nothing you can say to satisfy this person because, like, it's so rude. Because also, what are you supposed to do? I mean, in this type of situation when you're a guest, if something's not working for you, if it cannot be solved, don't bring it up. If you don't like the water pressure, if you don't like the mattress, like, your host can't do anything about that right now, so just let it go. If it's something that can be addressed, "Oh, it was a little warm last night. Do you have a fan?" Like, maybe that's something that actually could be addressed. That could be fair game. But, like, a brand new mattress? You're not getting a new mattress today.

Leah: And I even think you could be like, "Hey, could I have some extra blankets?"

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then you could lay on them.

Nick: Yeah, I think that could work. I mean, I think you could ask for something that, like, could help you. Or can you just tough it out? How bad is it?

Leah: There's also a big difference between if, like, you have a weird back—which I have—and you just can't sleep on certain things, so maybe you want to move out to the couch in a way that isn't insulting in any way, and then just complaining to your host about their new mattress.

Nick: Right.

Leah: These are not the same things. This is not a person who has like ...

Nick: No, because if this was like a, "Oh, I really need a firmer mattress because of my back," that would be, like, a different conversation.

Leah: That's a different conversation.

Nick: Yeah. No, this is just somebody who just wants to complain.

Leah: This is just a complainer.

Nick: Yeah. So yeah, I think the tennis ball idea is good.

Leah: I love the tennis ball. If anybody—if any of our listeners can pull that off—because that could really be used in—to anybody complaining. Like, "Let's go outside. I'm gonna throw you the ball a few times. Maybe you'll get worn out, you can stop worrying about nonsense."

Nick: Oh, as just a general response to all complaints.

Leah: [laughs] You're just obviously not ...

Nick: Oh, that's fun. "Oh, we're just gonna take a tennis ball outside." "Oh, you don't like the coffee here? No problem. Let's grab a tennis ball, I'll take you outside, wear you out. Then you'll like your coffee. You'll be too tired to complain."

Leah: "Let's go do some heavy lifting. Maybe you'll be too tired to complain later."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, this is great. This is why people come to us, Leah.

Leah: [laughs] I mean, that's actually a really fun thing to say. If anybody lands it in the next month, please let us know.

Nick: Yes, this is your homework. As a response to somebody, tell them you want to take them out and throw a tennis ball around. [laughs]

Leah: I'm gonna have to write it down because I keep wanting to remember to say these things and then I forget as, you know, life goes on. Because I recently wanted to switch saying "Oh, my gosh" with "Oh, my days," obviously from all the British shows I watch. And I completely forgot until Dustin reminded me yesterday. So, "Oh, my days. I am going to have to remember to tell people that I'm gonna take them outside to throw a ball around so they can be more worn out and don't have the energy to complain so much."

Nick: I think it's pretty genius.

Leah: I think it's genius, Nick. I think it's genius. That could actually be a t-shirt. "Let me take you outside."

Nick: "And throw the tennis ball around to tire you out?"

Leah: Yeah, "So you stop complaining so much."

Nick: That's a lot on a t-shirt, but we can make it fit.

Leah: I've read longer t-shirts.

Nick: That's true. So our next question is quote, "I love sushi. The experience is as important to me as the food itself. At my local sushi spot, the chefs artfully arrange all of the rolls on a single large plate. Each member of your party can order a few rolls, but everything is served together. I love this about the presentation of the food, but recognizing that this isn't everyone's preference, I explain this to my guests, who took no action to order separately, but nonetheless were confused when the food came and were uncomfortable with sharing, quote-unquote, 'their rolls.' Sometimes it's difficult to determine which roll is which, especially at the start of the meal, so sharing is rather inevitable. It ended up being a kind of strange meal with my guests asking, 'Is this mine? Is this yours?' throughout the evening. If it matters, I paid, and I made it clear at the start of the meal that I would pay. I probably won't eat sushi with these guests again, but is there an established etiquette for sharing sushi?"

Leah: Complete side note, I want sushi so bad. I've wanted it for many weeks in a row, and then I keep getting other food, and now I want it so much.

Nick: Okay. Well, let's prioritize sushi now.

Leah: That's gotta be at the top of my list now.

Nick: All right, so sushi etiquette when it's a platter that has a bunch of rolls on it.

Leah: And I think an important distinction is that our letter-writer said it up top so that the other guests, if they had, like, a dietary restriction or they were allergic to things they could have ordered, "Please put mine on a separate plate."

Nick: Yes. I don't think this is a dietary thing. This is just a territorial thing.

Leah: No, that's why I'm saying that, because our—our letter-writer did explain it, so they did have time. If it was anything other than territorial ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: ... they would have been able to navigate that separately.

Nick: That's true. Yes. And I bet these people didn't realize just how territorial they were until they were faced with the reality of a single platter.

Leah: Of a single sharing platter.

Nick: And okay, so I'm picturing there's a big platter, and there's a bunch of different roles. And maybe we both got the salmon avocado roll, so there's 12 of those, and somebody got, you know, tuna, and another person got this type. And I guess is the issue that it's unclear which role is which, and so which one am I supposed to be eating? Is that the problem? Or is it that, like, oh, we both ordered salmon, and so which of those 12 have you already eaten?

Leah: Well, I think our letter-writer is saying that they share them.

Nick: Oh, the idea is that we all just share everything together. That it's totally like a shared experience. Eat whatever you want off the platter.

Leah: Because otherwise, what would it matter if they were—which one it was and which one it wasn't to our letter-writer?

Nick: Oh, okay. I totally read this differently. I thought we all sort of went around, like, "Oh, I would like to have the dragon roll. And I would like to have a California roll." And everybody goes around and says what they want, and then the sushi chef just plops it all on one platter.

Leah: Yes, I think that is true, but I think that our letter-writer was taking it as everybody throws in something.

Nick: Got it.

Leah: And then they share. And that's why the explanation at the top.

Nick: Oh, I see what we're saying.

Leah: But I could be absolutely wrong.

Nick: So we've all tossed out what we would enjoy knowing that somebody else may also take a piece of those things.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Got it.

Leah: But I could be wrong. I could absolutely be wrong.

Nick: Well, either way, I think this is just sort of a little bit of a cultural mismatch, where these people were really expecting their own plate of food that they had full control over. And I think the fact that they didn't have total control over the platter, I think that made some of these guests uncomfortable and confused.

Leah: Well, and I also think sometimes people worry that they're eating other people's food. Maybe they took too much of one thing, they don't want to be ...

Nick: I don't get that sense here.

Leah: You know, Nick, I love to do a kind read for people just in case.

Nick: Yeah, that's a kind read. Sure. So I think yeah, the shared thing is fine. And you said it up top, and so you set expectations. And so I don't know what else we could do other than, like, when everything arrives, just point out what everything is. "This is the spicy tuna."

Leah: I would say that sometimes when people listen, you tell people something, and they think that they know what you're going to say, so they don't listen-listen.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: They don't hear.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And so I think that's what happened, because you explained this, and that was the time in which they could say, "Oh, I just want to eat what I order."

Nick: Right. Or when the platter came and was like, "Oh, this is uncomfortable for me," that's when I would flag down the server and be like, "Hey, can I get a side plate?" And I would just take all of "mine," quote-unquote. That would be a little provocative, because if the idea is we were actually supposed to be sharing all of these things, then you've just, like, taken all of one of these items and, like, made it yours. So that actually would strike me as actually a little odd. But ...

Leah: And the question, is there an established etiquette for sharing sushi? I think that you actually did what the thing is, which is you announced up top that it was a sharing platter and that you were paying. So you actually did all the stuff. These people just sort of didn't get it.

Nick: Yeah. So okay, you don't wanna eat sushi with these people again. That's fair.

Leah: And I also don't think our letter-writer would have had a problem if—you know, like, I'm allergic to shrimp. I actually don't have anything with certain sauces in it because they have gluten. So I would have to order separate, and I would be like, "Do you mind if I just—" and then I'm sure our letter-writer would've been like, "No problem."

Nick: Yeah, no problem. So sorry this happened.

Leah: But I think you did everything that you were—well, you invited them, you paid for it, you announced up top. This is a—you really tried all the things.

Nick: No good deed goes unpunished.

Leah: I mean, I don't actually believe that.

Nick: [laughs] So our next question is quote, "I met with a friend for coffee one Saturday morning. The only table available was a four top, so we sat there enjoying our coffee and conversation as the shop got busy. A man and woman came up and asked, 'Are you using these chairs?' We said no. Then the man and woman proceeded to sit down, pull out their laptops, and spread out papers all over the table. We felt very uncomfortable continuing our conversation with our new tablemates, as they were working quietly and they could hear every word we said. After a short while, we just left. It's not that our conversation was secret or anything, it's just it was very uncomfortable knowing it was plainly being eavesdropped on. We didn't really know that these newcomers would sit at the table at first. We thought they were just wanting to take the chairs to another table. What's the right thing to do here?"

Leah: You know, this one made me emotionally sweat.

Nick: [laughs] Okay?

Leah: So I think I also would have just left. I don't want people hearing my conversation, even if I'm just talking about, like, brownies. You know what I mean? I just don't. It's ...

Nick: Yeah. I mean, there is something awkward about this, because yeah, the idea of, like, "Oh, is anybody using these chairs" in a coffee shop, I would be like, you're taking the chairs. That's the request. You're not asking to join our table.

Leah: No. If you're joining the table, you say, "Is anybody sitting here?"

Nick: Okay. I'm just thinking that through in my head. "Is anybody sitting here?" Yes, that would suggest, "Is this seat free for me?" And the seat does come with the table surface. Okay. All right, I'm on board with that. Yes, you would say that.

Leah: "Anybody using these chairs" is a clear sign that you're pulling the chairs.

Nick: We're just talking about the chairs. Right.

Leah: So we've been ill communicated with since the beginning.

Nick: We've been tricked, yeah.

Leah: We were tricked!

Nick: We were tricked.

Leah: We were hoodwinked.

Nick: Yeah. Because yeah, you would not talk about the chairs if you intended to actually sit down right there. Yeah, that's true.

Leah: "Do you mind if I sit here? Can I sit here? Is anybody sitting here?" Any of these.

Nick: "Do you mind if we join you? Are you using this side of the table?"

Leah: Just a completely different question.

Nick: Yeah, totally different. So yeah, I can see why you're like, "Sure, use the chairs," and then it's like, "Oh, now you're here?"

Leah: And I mean, there's really nothing to be done. You can't tell people to leave.

Nick: I think there is an opportunity. Actually, something like this actually happened to me relatively recently. In Singapore, I was at Marina Bay Sands, which is, like, that big famous building that has like a big surfboard atop three towers. And so I was having lunch, and my table's right at the glass, right on the edge. So we had a nice view. And it was sort of like a little private sort of area just for each table. And this woman came by and was like, "Oh, do you mind?" And she had her camera up and she wanted to take a photo of the view, to which I said, like, "Oh, okay. Yes, please." And then she sat down on the bench across the way and just sort of like, was there. And through my mind I'm like, oh, did she think I was okay with her joining us? And then she started to make conversation.

Leah: What?

Nick: Like, "Oh, what are you doing in Singapore?" And I was like, "Oh, no. I'm not prepared to have my lunch co-opted." And so luckily, actually, she actually decided to leave after a few minutes. But I was prepared to be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I misunderstood. When you asked if it was okay, I thought you just wanted to take a photo. I didn't realize you meant to join us. So sorry that won't be possible." Like, that's what I was prepared to say. So I think for this you could do the same thing. Like, "Oh, so sorry, I thought you wanted to take the chairs elsewhere. I didn't realize you wanted to join our table. We're kind of having a private conversation. So sorry about the misunderstanding."

Leah: It doesn't in any way sound rude.

Nick: Yeah. I don't think it's rude to be like, "Oh, I misunderstood your request." Because I did.

Leah: Because anybody would, because those are not the words that you said.

Nick: Right. So I think that's better than just, like, living with it.

Leah: Well, I definitely couldn't stay there anymore. I'm not gonna hang out shoulder to shoulder having a conversation with my friend with strangers.

Nick: Also, it would be different if these two people that joined us were also having coffee and chatting.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: The fact that they were, like, in work mode and spreading out and on their laptops. Yeah.

Leah: And from our letter-writer, we know they were obviously eavesdropping.

Nick: Well, I think there's no way not to eavesdrop if I'm two feet away from you and you guys are talking. Like, of course I'm hearing your conversation.

Leah: "Plainly being eavesdropped on," quote-unquote.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess if I sat down with my laptop and put on big headphones, that actually might make me feel better about you being there. Because then there will at least be the fiction that I'm not being eavesdropped on.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Because I'm not actually worried about the close quarters. Like, the proximity doesn't bother me here.

Leah: That happens when you're in small spaces with ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So yeah, it's the eavesdropping. That's the piece.

Leah: It's that we were in close conversation, and then there's two people come up. They're not talking, as you so well pointed out. And so that's just the two of them listening to us talk.

Nick: Yeah. I don't love that. Yeah, I would have left and been like, "Okay, I guess that's the end of that."

Leah: I would have been like, "Let's go walk and talk with our coffee."

Nick: Yeah. Let's do an Aaron Sorkin.

Leah: [laughs] Let's do an Aaron Sorkin.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Another great line that I need to work into my life.

Nick: So sorry this happened to you at the coffee shop. And you out there. Do you have any questions for us? Oh yes, you do! Oh yes, you do! So send them to us. Send them to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!