Curbing Phones at Dinner, Inviting Near-Strangers to Baby Showers, "Participating" in Hot Air Balloon Trips, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "Last year, we hosted Christmas festivities for my brother and his sweetie who brought her 16-year-old daughter, of course. I served a semi-formal dinner, a few separately plated and served courses, lovely decorations, et cetera. The daughter brought her cell phone to the table and looked at it almost constantly. And her mother was right across from her and didn't correct this behavior, nor did my brother who, believe me, knows better. I was aghast! As it was my home, I suppose I could have said something, but I was honestly so surprised I didn't. So I guess, two questions: What should I have done and said, and how should I address it this year, as the same scenario is inevitable? I don't want to embarrass her or her mom. However, there is zero chance this will be tolerated again."

Leah: Let me start by saying I love the term "and his sweetie."

Nick: Yeah, I'm getting the sense that we don't love your brother's sweetie.

Leah: Well, that wasn't my sense at all. I really like the term "and his sweetie."

Nick: Oh, IóI really read between the lines on this.

Leah: Well, they may not love her brother's sweetie, but I don't think that is why they used that term.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I think that's just a sweet term that they use, and I love it.

Nick: Okay. Well, we have different ideas about this.

Leah: I hope I'm right.

Nick: Okay. Continue.

Leah: So the second part is easier for me, and I think when you invite them over this year, you can tell your brother in advance, "Hey, can you mention to your sweetie to mention to her daughter that it's a no cell phones at the table?"

Nick: Yeah, I think there's a way to mention this in advance. Yeah.

Leah: Or you could even say, "Can youó" you know, just tell your brother, "Hey, just so you know," or whatever that first sentence is to get into it, "we like to do a no cell phones at Christmas dinner. So if you could pass that on."

Nick: Yeah, I think that's probably fair. And have them address it. But let's say now we're at the dining room table and the phone's out. So either that message wasn't relayed or it didn't sink in.

Leah: I would still say it in the same kind of framework where I make it about how I love a "We would love to do a non phone dinner for Christmas."

Nick: Yeah, I think there's something in that world. But then I was also thinking, like, well, why is this person on the phone? I mean, I know, you know, there's a lot of reasons to be on your phone, but can we not make a compelling dinner party conversation to bring this person into the fold? Is that possible? Is that unrealistic for teenagers? Maybe.

Leah: I mean, people are just on their phones.

Nick: People are just on their phones, yeah. Yeah, I think we just have the phone basket, and we just make sure everybody's phones are in there.

Leah: And I like the idea of telling them in advance in case it was something like maybe she couldn't be with her dad on Christmas and she was, like, checking to see if her dad called. And then we would have that information. You know what I mean?

Nick: Oh, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah, is there a reason to be on the phone? It's important.

Leah: And my guess is that's not what it is. But, you know, by telling our brother in advance, we're gonna fish that out, and also let him know that we don't want that happening again.

Nick: And we could even make it clear, like, "Oh, there'll be an opportunity to get your phone back after dessert. So there'll be a time when it's fine, and so, like, can you just tough it out for the next 45 minutes?"

Leah: [laughs] Then I also thoughtóthis one is justóthis is, like, not as far as barbed wire or bear traps, but you know how, like, when you go to comedy clubs now, certain comedy clubs, they take your phone when you go in and it gets put into a locked case?

Nick: Uh-huh. Yeah!

Leah: You could say, when they get there, be like, "Hey, we just went to a comedy club. We love this thing that we do. So we're trying it at home!" And then you just take everybody's phone and you lock it up.

Nick: Wow! I mean, I kind of like that. Yeah. And I think let's just talk about, like, why do we not want cell phones at the table? Like, why is that the rule?

Leah: Because it's just so distracting to everybody else. And you're not present, you're not with the group.

Nick: Yeah, you're sending the signal that whatever's happening on the phone is more important or more interesting than what is happening in front of you. And so that doesn't make me feel great as somebody at that dinner table.

Leah: No! Especially when I'm inviting you over into my home for a holiday?

Nick: Yeah. And I've spent all this time and effort and money trying to make a nice meal for you. Yeah, it definitely comes across as unappreciative.

Leah: Definitely.

Nick: Yeah. So yeah, that's why we don't do that. And I think we also need to make sure that nobody else has their phones out. So we have to make sure that, like, this rule is applied evenly.

Leah: I mean, we could thenówe could do aómore than likely everybody's not just walking in and sitting at the dinner table, so we could make an announcement earlier as if it was to everybody. "Reminder, it's a no phones at the dinner table for Christmas."

Nick: Yeah, I think that's what we need.

Leah: Perfect. I mean, we've given multiple options.

Nick: So good luck this year.

Leah: Please tell us how it goes.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "My in-laws and also my brother and his son will all join us for Christmas at our house. In years past, my in-laws have brought gifts for my brother, age 40, and his son, age 19, because they are very polite people. But my brother only brings gifts for our family and not for my in-laws. It's so awkward. Who should bring gifts to whom in this situation? I would honestly prefer to contact both parties and declare that unrelated parties should not exchange gifts and avoid it altogether. Is this appropriate?"

Leah: I think your in-laws probably feel it's appropriate for them to give a gift to your brother and his child.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: That's how they feel good, and so I wouldn't want to take that from them.

Nick: Right. And they know they're not getting gifts back.

Leah: Yeah. And also, I often feel responsible for how other people behave, but it's not your responsibility that your brother's not giving them a gift.

Nick: Yeah. The first thing I actually wrote down was, "I would say stay out of it."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] "I don't think this is your problem."

Leah: You know, you're giving a gift to your in-laws.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And I understand where this comes from: You feel bad. But I think try not to.

Nick: Yeah. And some people like giving gifts and don't expect to get gifts back. And so that could absolutely be what's happening here. And if this is happening every year, your in-laws know that this is the deal, that they're not getting a gift from your brother and his kid. And, like, they continue to want to give gifts, so they're fine with it.

Leah: Yeah, I think let them give the gift. They want to give the gift.

Nick: Now I think if you wanted to say something to your brother, you could say something like, "Hey, you know that they're gonna get you a gift. So if you wanted to get something, you could."

Leah: I don't know if this is a good time for me to point out that I think women often feel like we have to cover for men, and we shouldn't be spending our energy doing that.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's a good point.

Leah: It's called "emotional labor" and we don't need to do it anymore.

Nick: One idea I had was, like, maybe we do a white elephant exchange instead. Maybe that's the way we handle gifts this year if we're that concerned about what happens.

Leah: But also, maybe the in-laws just love giving gifts to people.

Nick: Yeah. So I think at the end of the day, this is not your problem. And let it be awkward.

Leah: Let it be awkward. And I say that, and I know how many times I'm gonna remember myself saying this over Christmas, because I always feel like something happened where somebody said something and then I should step in and fix it. And I'm gonna be like, "Remember, Leah. We decided let it be awkward."

Nick: Put that on a pillow.

Leah: Put it on a pillow! This is a pillow. Let it be a pillow.

Nick: That's a great pillow.

Leah: That is a great pillow.

Nick: Get the needlepoint.

Leah: That's gonna be in every room in my house.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. So our next question is quote, "I have a birthday that is close to Christmas, so I receive birthday presents and Christmas presents around the same time. I wanted to know: Is it okay to send thank-you notes that mention both the birthday gift and the Christmas gift in the same card, or if two separate cards and envelopes are required? When I've sent just one card, I've always mentioned both gifts individually, but I will stop and start sending two cards if you think it's rude. Thoughts?"

Leah: When people ask this, Nick, I know they're asking you. Nobody's asking me.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, that's true. But do you have thoughts?

Leah: Yeah, my thought is I think it's fine.

Nick: Yes, it is fine. Because etiquette is not a monster!

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: You know? I mean, it's totally fine, because, like, what was the point of the thank-you note? Why do we send them? It's to express gratitude. So are we achieving that with one letter? Yes. Hopefully. Hopefully we are. We are saying thank you for the birthday gift with specificity: how it made you feel, why you like it. And oh, thank you for the Christmas giftówhy you like it, how it made you feel. Yes, if we're achieving this in the same letter, then this is wonderful. We do not need two separate pieces of paper, two different stamps.

Leah: And it's so wonderful that you're sending them out.

Nick: Absolutely, yes. No, I appreciate that you're sending anything. Yes, this is wonderful. So continue doing what you're doing.

Leah: You're perfect!

Nick: [laughs] Exactly.

Leah: Happy almost birthday.

Nick: Oh, yes! Happy almost birthday.

Leah: I wanted to start singing, but Nick won't sing with me.

Nick: I will not. But I will do it in spirit.

Leah: [hums]

Nick: So our nextówas that even the birthday song?

Leah: No, it wasn't at all. I don't know what was just about to happen. I was gonna make one up. You know how I make up songs.

Nick: I think the birthday song isónow you don't need a license for it, so you could technically sing it.

Leah: Oh, really?

Nick: But anyway, so our next question is quote, "I have a guest list conundrum. I am expecting my first baby, and my mom and sister are kindly throwing me a baby shower while I'm visiting home around the holidays. I don't live in the state where I grew up in anymore, but I still have some close family from my dad's side there that I'm excited to celebrate with. I also have a large extended family, but I don't know all their names and couldn't pick them out of a lineup. And I know this has to be mutual. My mom insists that if I invite the few people I do want present, I'll need to invite everyone. We did this for my wedding and wedding shower, but those relatives did not come to the wedding, which was in a different state, so I knew that going in. But a few did come to the shower and gave gifts. My question is: Do I really need to send these courtesy invites? Is there another way? I worry it'll mess with the vibe of the shower, because these are essentially strangers celebrating a very personal and special season in my life. The shower is relatively short notice due to a lucky change in travel plans, allowing me to come up for a visit, so I do expect some folks may already have plans, which could work in my favor. But I feel bad sitting here hoping they can't come. It makes me wonder why they're on the list in the first place."

Leah: Well, very exciting. New baby on the way!

Nick: Yes. So showers.

Leah: I just wish we could invite who we really wanted there.

Nick: Well, my first thought is I mean, family should not really be throwing showers. That's not technically done.

Leah: Nick. Nick.

Nick: [laughs] I'm just putting that out there. But okay, we have a shower.

Leah: Our lovely letter-writer is gonna get to go home for a short period of time, and then they're gonna try to put theiróand then you're gonna pull up this rule?

Nick: Yeah, I'm gonna rain on the shower. That's what I'm doing.

Leah: I wish you could see me, letter-writer. I'm shaking my head.

Nick: I know. I mean, anybody can throw a shower now. I guess that's very modern. Fine.

Leah: We're celebrating.

Nick: We are celebrating. Yes.

Leah: There's a new baby coming.

Nick: Delightful to get everybody together. Okay, fine. Now showers are supposed to be light, fun, casual, not like a big to do. So on some level, is that not gonna be the vibe depending on who shows up?

Leah: Well, I think our letter-writer is saying, you know, it's these close friends she wants to see, close family.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then they can, you knowówhen youówhen you're with people, like, that you know that way, it's a different kind of communication. You're like, "Na, na, na. Blah, lah, blah." And then when there's people there that you don't really know, you have to be like, "Oh." And you don't talk to them often.

Nick: Yeah. No, that'sóokay, fair enough. I mean, I think my first instinct is your mom is the host of this party, and as the host, the guest list is within her control. And yes, it would be nice if she consulted you and brought you into the conversation, but I think in her mind this will be better because it'll cause less drama or it'll maintain the relationships that she has. And so that's where this is coming from.

Leah: Yeah. My guess is that she's sort ofóbecause she lives there.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And so she just wants it to be, like, fair. She doesn't want anybody to have felt left out.

Nick: Right. And so that's where that's coming from, and I think that is an important detail.

Leah: I guess.

Nick: Right? And if these people don't know you the way you don't know them, then very unlikely that they're gonna show up. So I think that actually will solve the problem.

Leah: Well, I think this is what happens, though. She doesn't know them well. She wants to hang out with her friends. They don't know her well, but then they feel obligated to come, and then she felt obligated to invite them. So then everybody's doing something out of obligation instead of doing what they really wanted.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's true. I don't love that. I think maybe we have two showers then. We have the one for friends on one day, and then we have a drop in on another day.

Leah: Well, I don't think she has time for that.

Nick: Okay. I'm just brainstorming.

Leah: I love how you went from they shouldn't be throwing a shower at all to now they should be throwing two showers.

Nick: [laughs] I also do worry with showers in general like this when we are sending a wide guest list that it can come across to the people at the fringes of your life that this is just a gift grab. Like, if I don't know you and I get an invitation to a shower, it's gonna feel on some level like, oh, I'm just on this guest list because you want a gift from me. You're hoping I'm not gonna come, and you're hoping I'm gonna send a gift. Like, that is one interpretation.

Leah: Well, she doesn't even want them to come, Nick.

Nick: Yeah. No, I get that. Yeah. Yeah, it's the mom in the story that's wanting to have a big guest list.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Oh, I have an idea for our shower. What if we have one shower, but we stagger the time? So we have, like, a shower afterparty. So we have, like, the main shower event where we do the shower stuff, and that's, like, the big guest list. And then we plan, like, a separate, like, afterparty, Brooklyn warehouse, for the close friends and the VIPs to go after the main event is done.

Leah: I don't know what kind of time they have.

Nick: Okay. I'm just trying to please everybody here.

Leah: No, I know you are. I know you are!

Nick: I mean, is there a way we can, like, have the fun, intimate shower I want, but then also have a component of this event that is broader?

Leah: I understand why we're trying to sort of placate the whole family and everybody. If we invite these people, these other people are gonna feel left out. But also this constant trying to make sure everythingóeverybody's happy is so exhausting.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: It's likeóat its essence, it's like, why can't we just have the people there that we love?

Nick: Okay, so then what do we do about it, Leah? Do we just resign ourselves to our fate?

Leah: I don't know. I sort of felt like you were thinking that she should, you know, because her mom's the host. But then you threw out there but then all those people are going to think she just wants gifts.

Nick: Well, I think the guest list should not be everybody you've ever met. So I think we do need to dial that back a little bit and make sure that the people being invited are people that would genuinely be happy for you and genuinely want to share in your joy. And very often, showers, because they are supposed to be intimate, casual sort of events, are not often events that people historically have traveled for. They're just sort of like for your local friends. So we could kind of go back to the original OG meaning of the shower and do that rather than this event that people are traveling for.

Leah: She says "I do not know their names and couldn't pick them out of a lineup. And I know this feeling is mutual."

Nick: Then you know what? I say invite them and just trust that they're not gonna be interested in coming.

Leah: I brought this up at one point. We got a wedding invite from somebody.

Nick: Right. And you had no idea who it was.

Leah: We had no idea who they were to the point where we thought they made a mistake, and we're like, how did you get our address?

Nick: Okay. And so you didn't go.

Leah: Well, we reached out to the person, because we wanted them to know that they maybe missed the person they wereóand she straight out said, "My mom made me invite you."

Nick: Okay. That's an awkward conversation.

Leah: "Because you're, like, somebody'só"not me, Dustin was somebody's somebody.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So far extended that nobody even remembered.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. That's so awkward. But at the end of the day, you didn't go to the wedding and you didn't send a gift, so I guess mission accomplished.

Leah: [laughs] Yeah, but you know what I mean? Likeóbut it's sort of like, why are we doing this?

Nick: Why are we doing this? Yeah, why are we doing this? Yeah. Okay, so let's bottom line it. One, I think let's have two showers. Let's just have the shower that you want and then the shower that your mom wants. And we can even do it on the same day. So maybe that's an idea. Or I think we just tough it out and you don't get the shower you want and it'll please your mom and, like, just do that.

Leah: I think the two showers idea is off the table.

Nick: Okay. All right. So I think we just please our mom and just tough it out.

Leah: Please our mom and just pray to God ...

Nick: That no one comes except the people you want.

Leah: Sometimes when I do prayersóand I do prayers like thatóI like to imagine God being like, "I got stuff I'm working on. I got stuff going on in the world, and you want me to spend time on people not showing up to something that you invited them to? Really?"

Nick: I mean, can't hurt to ask.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "My husband and I have been working with a realtor to buy our first home, and it looks like our working relationship with her is going to last through Christmas. Should I get her a gift? She's been very helpful and kind, and we had to fire the first realtor we worked with for an egregious breach of etiquette. Yes, I'll tell you the details you want, but it's gossipy! So the new realtor is a rock star, and we really appreciate her. So what do you think? Should I get something for her just in case she gets us something?"

Leah: I'll tell you what I think. The sentence, "Yes, I'll tell you the details if you want, but it's gossipy!"

Nick: I mean ...

Leah: I mean ...

Nick: Of course!

Leah: Yes!

Nick: Yeah, why wouldn't you just put in the email? Don't make us beg?

Leah: I love how you added the "but it's gossipy" as if that would deter us.

Nick: Yeah, like, "Oh, it's gossipy." "Oh, never mind."

Leah: "Never mind. I was interested."

Nick: "Oh, thank you so much. We'll pass. Couldn't be bothered." No. What is the egregious breach of etiquette that made you fire a realtor?

Leah: Come on, we gotta know!

Nick: Yeah. No, now I gotta know. So what do you think?

Leah: I don't know. I've never bought anything. I've never bought a house.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I mean, here's my thought: It is important to show gratitude to this person if they're doing a great job for you, because I think so often people really treat their realtors very poorly. Like, there's so much disloyalty, there's so much deceitfulness. People are super condescending and rude to their brokers. They're unappreciative. And so I think if you like what they're doing, if they're working hard for you, yeah, get 'em a gift if you want.

Leah: I'm so excited about your first new home.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, this is wonderful! So I think you asked, like, oh, should I get a gift just in case? Yeah, you could have a backup gift, but if they're like a rock star as you say, you could get them something for the holidays. Be like, "Hey, thought of you. Thank you so much for all your help on the journey so far. Can't wait for the closing but, you know, thank you right now. And here's a little something."

Leah: I really like that.

Nick: Yeah, I think that's nice. And I'm sure you know this person fairly well at this point. Like, I think you have a good sense of, like, what they like, their tastes, their interests. So I think you'll actually be able to get a very thoughtful, personal gift for them.

Leah: Oh, I'm so excited about this. This is a lot of my favorite things: getting people presents and new homes.

Nick: And actually a great gift I would recommend is a laser tape measure. It's a great thing that I think every real estate professional should have. Just like a little laser tape measure so you can get ceiling height or room widths. Like, it's very handy. And that's a great gift. They're not that expensive. So that would be my suggestion.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: Mmm!

Leah: I think Nick and I would go very different ways in that gift, but I like that Nick's gift is useful.

Nick: Where would you go with that?

Leah: Emotional.

Nick: Like a "Home Sweet Home" needlepoint?

Leah: Maybe.

Nick: Or like a scarf knitted out of, like, their pet's hair or something?

Leah: I would have to lay on the floor and think about it for a while.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But it would be non-job-related.

Nick: Oh, interesting. Oh, I was going job related because it's sort of a professional relationship. So I was keeping the gift in the professional world. But I guess if you have sort of a friendly relationship with them, I guess yeah, you could branch out.

Leah: I actually know somebody that I could get that for. They would love it.

Nick: The tape measure?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. It's a good gift.

Leah: And I hope they're not listening to this episode.

Nick: If you get that gift from Leah this year, you're welcome.

Leah: [laughs] If you get this gift from me this year, just know that I thought of it before this and this just oddly came up. [laughs]

Nick: How curious. So our next thing is a bit of a feedback. What is this?

Leah: I would actually call it a Bonkers.

Nick: It is a Bonkers.

Leah: It's a Bonkers that was precipitated by a previous conversation.

Nick: Yes. So we had discussed hot air balloons on a recent episode, and the amount of people who have written in with hot air balloon-related things? Overwhelming. I feel like we really should have done a whole episode about hot air balloons. I really think we tapped into something.

Leah: Well, we still can. I think our listeners should know that Nick actually deleted probably 50 percent of that conversation. So there wasóyou didn't even get ...

Nick: Yeah, you just got one little puff of the hot air.

Leah: Yeah, just a littleópfft!óthat was feeding the fire, because Nick was like, "I can't do two hours of this, Leah."

Nick: [laughs] Oh, I can do two hours of hot air balloon content. Absolutely. Oh, gosh! Oh, we're gonna start with Jules Verne. And then here we go. So we got a lot of great hot air balloon content, and one of them was this. Quote, "Hearing you talk about hot air balloons reminded me of a good friend who worked with somebody who owned a hot air balloon. The guy with the hot air balloon asked my friend if she wanted to participate in a hot air balloon trip. She said, 'Yes, please,' and then eagerly awaited the details. It turns out he would invite people from work to follow the balloon on the ground and be the, quote, 'return driver.' So his idea of a social invitation was: will you drive around the countryside while with your eyes pinned on my hot air balloon, and then pick me up with the fortunate passengers and then drive us back to the starting point? There was no indication she'd ever get a turn in the balloon, and he didn't mention a picnic or gas money or anything. He was quote-unquote, 'inviting her to spend a Saturday helping him smoothly entertain strangers.' Needless to say, something came up and it became impossible for her to come."

Leah: I just wrote underneath it in big letters, "NO."

Nick: No. [laughs]

Leah: Also, howóhow sneaky! "Would you like to 'participate' in a hot air balloon trip?"

Nick: That is a very specific word choice.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: That is very legally defensible, but oh, the etiquette jury says no.

Leah: A resounding no.

Nick: I mean, that's wild.

Leah: Wild!

Nick: "Would you like to drive around and pick me up?"

Leah: You're literally driving under the hot air balloon, following it, and then driving strangers for noófor your Saturday off.

Nick: Oh, you're welcome. Oh, how nice for you. You got to look at a balloon from below for two hours.

Leah: And then we gotta goóthis person works with this person.

Nick: I mean ...

Leah: It would be hard for me to not stare at them every time they walked by me.

Nick: Also, this is hard to actually have to try to find where you, like, landed, like, what field you're in, and then figure out where the road is to get to that place. Like, what is that?

Leah: You're, like, driving through a desert, popping your tires. What is this nonsense?

Nick: What is this nonsense? Yes. And I would like to think that anybody who owns a hot air balloon must be a good person.

Leah: No, Nick.

Nick: So that is ...

Leah: Well, obviously not.

Nick: Obviously not. Oh, I guess the wizard in The Wizard of Oz, he's not a good guy either, is he?

Leah: I don't actually know why you would think that, because the hot air balloon itself is something that is full of hot air.

Nick: [laughs] Ho!

Leah: And so I would then think ...

Nick: Metaphor.

Leah: ... that people who are attracted to it are also full of hot air.

Nick: Oh, interesting. I guess I just feel like hot air balloons are so delightful.

Leah: How?

Nick: Like ...

Leah: They're loud.

Nick: They are loud, that's true. When you're in them. Yeah. And they're kind of dangerous.

Leah: But not dangerous in a way where you're like, "This is exciting dangerous."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: It's dangerous like, "I'm in a basket."

Nick: Yeah, I'm standing on wicker.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, I guess the more you say it, yeah, like, why do I romanticize hot air balloons?

Leah: I don't know. Like Jules Verne.

Nick: Yeah, is that what it is? I just want to go around the world. Actually, I would prefer to go around the world much faster than 80 days. I mean, we have airplanes now.

Leah: Well, I think this guy would ask this woman to follow him for 80 days.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, yeah, if he could.

Leah: "Do you want to participate in around the world in 80 days? You then switch to a boat and then a car." I also want to say, just since I've been onóyou know, I apologize to our listeners. You're like, "Leah's really just letting her true self shine," but I don't think this man would have asked another man this.

Nick: That does feel less likely, right? Although if you're just tricking me. Like, I mean, this person didn't agree to do it. So the question is: would this hot air balloon guy even ask a man? Is that what you're saying?

Leah: I don't think so. I would put money ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: ... down that they wouldn't ask a man that.

Nick: Becauseóyeah.

Leah: Because they know that nobody in their right mindóso they're gonnaóthat's why they said "participate" instead of saying what it is.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So then they're banking on the fact that a woman doesn't want to let people down after they've ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: ... agreed to something by mistake because they were misled.

Nick: Yeah. And then wouldn't want to correct it, and would just go along with it.

Leah: Not anymore.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: Not since we were able to get mortgages in our own names. [laughs]

Nick: That's—that's when equality happened. That's when everything was fixed.

Leah: Now we don't have to pretend.

Nick: Now we don't have to follow around hot air balloons anymore.

Leah: I don't follow around hot air balloons anymore. That's what I wanted to say next time. "We're not following hot air balloons anymore, my guy."

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, we vote, we have credit cards and we do not follow hot air balloons.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So thank you for this. This is bonkers!

Leah: So bonkers!

Nick: So you out there, do you have anything bonkers for us, or anything else? A question, a vent, a cordials of kindness, an etiquette crime report? Send it to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!