Aug. 29, 2022

Wearing Hotel Robes, RSVPing with Explanations, Waving on Rural Roads, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah answer listener questions about wearing hotel robes outside hotel rooms, giving explanations for RSVPs, waving on rural roads, and much more.

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Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah answer listener questions about wearing hotel robes outside hotel rooms, giving explanations for RSVPs, waving on rural roads, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)

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  • Is it OK to wear a hotel robe from your room to the hotel pool?
  • Should I give an explanation on the RSVP card for why I am declining to attend someone's wedding?
  • How do you politely change the subject when the conversation is on a topic you know nothing about?
  • Can a guest say anything to their host about who else can be invited to their weekend house?
  • Survey: Waving on rural roads







Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian



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Episode 153


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Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: That we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "Recently, my adult daughter and I enjoyed a stay at a lovely high-rise hotel. While there, we visited the pool and I wondered: is it appropriate to wear the hotel robe as a cover up while going to the pool? It feels a little awkward when walking down the hall or riding in an elevator wearing a robe among fully-dressed guests. But what other option is there? This was not a resort-style hotel for which we would have packed poolside cover-ups."

Leah: I say have at it.

Nick: Have at it. Walk through the halls in the robe. No problem.

Leah: I mean, I get why it feels uncomfortable. You're in your robe and people are in their business suits. But I mean, the other option. What, are you gonna get fully dressed over your bathing suit, and then you get down there and then you have your bathing suit on. You get out of the water. Are you gonna put your clothes on over a wet bathing suit?

Nick: Um, yes? [laughs] I mean, I can see where you're coming from, but we knew there was a pool in this place, so we knew that there was a possibility we were gonna be swimming. And we brought swimming clothing. So we knew we were actually probably gonna be swimming. So I feel like we could have also brought some sort of cover up, wrap, sarong, tunic, muumuu, caftan type of thing, right? I feel like we could have tossed that in the bag.

Leah: But they don't have it because it was not a quote "resort-style hotel." So they would have packed poolside cover ups for a resort-style hotel.

Nick: But there's a pool and they know they want to use it because they did pack bathing suits. So I'm just saying, like, then also pack your cover up with your bathing suit, even if it's not a quote, "resort-style hotel."

Leah: Okay. So moving forward, they'll pack it. They didn't pack it. What should they do?

Nick: I feel like we would change on the pool deck because there was at least a bathroom near the pool, if not changing rooms. So I think I would have changed down there.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: No? Am I being too conservative and fussy?

Leah: No. I mean, I always—I put on sweatpants and a t-shirt over my bathing suit.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I'm not a robe with a bathing suit lady. But if somebody—if a lot of people are robes-with-bathing-suits people, and they have to get from the room to the pool and the pool to the room.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And it seems like an extra unneeded thing to bring clothes that are gonna get wet.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So the people in the elevator next to us can live under the false idea? I mean, how is it hurting anybody? It's a robe. I'm going in the ...

Nick: Right. Yes. It's not just a towel around your waist. I think we can agree, towel around the waist, frowned upon.

Leah: A little naked. A little naked. I mean, I get what you're saying. And normally I feel like—but I kind of feel like let's live life.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I can feel that. Yeah. Because also it's kind of like, oh, who cares, right? Like, really, who cares?

Leah: And I'll tell you, a full-size robe is a lot more cover up than a lot of clothes.

Nick: That's a good point. Yes. A lot of these wraps that I do see on the pool decks are a bit light.

Leah: Well, I mean, even like shorts and a tank top. Shorts and a tank top, you're less covered than a robe. You're fully covered.

Nick: Yeah, that's a very good point. That, like, full robe is, like, basically up to your chin, down to your ankles.

Leah: You might as well be wearing a sleeping bag.

Nick: Yeah, it's basically a Snuggie. Sure. Okay. So in that respect, I mean, I guess the question is, why does it feel awkward? Let's maybe talk about that. Like, why is this awkward? Why do we actually have this question at all? What is awkward about me being in a robe in the elevator with people in business attire? Is it just that juxtaposition? Because it's not about showing a little skin, because clearly that's not happening with the robe.

Leah: Yeah, and I do get that feeling that it does feel weird, but I think it's because we're trying to pretend that we're all ...

Nick: Fancy?

Leah: That's why I think it really doesn't matter, because what is it that we're pretending? That we're not going to the pool? We are going to the pool!

Nick: Right.

Leah: Everybody's in a hotel. They know that you're going to the pool.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. All right. Coming around a little bit. coming around on this a little bit.

Leah: But I mean, I get it. And I would also feel weird. But if I think about it, I think—and if I saw—if I was fully—if I was in a three-piece suit and somebody got on the elevator with a robe, I'd be like, "Oh, going to the pool? So fun!"

Nick: Oh, for a second, I thought you were talking about a three-piece bathing suit. And I was like, "What is that?"

Leah: Yeah. I wear a three-piece bathing suit. I love a vest with my bathing suit, and then usually a top hat. [laughs]

Nick: *[laughs] I mean, I'm down. Yeah, I guess it's that fiction that we are not actually at a hotel that has a spa or a pool that we're trying to maintain somehow. And then should we bother? Yeah. Okay. All right, I'm coming around.

Leah: But I mean, I guess it does look—like, I was thinking about like a casino I worked at recently where it's like a little bit fancier, and there was a spa and a pool area. And if I went down in my robe, I would definitely have felt odd.

Nick: Underdressed.

Leah: With everybody—yeah, with everybody else in their street clothes. But I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it.

Nick: No. I mean, I guess we can agree, though, that you must have shoes on.

Leah: Oh, you must.

Nick: Right? We're not doing barefoot.

Leah: You must have shoes on.

Nick: Okay. So at least that's baseline.

Leah: And I get why it may seem more appropriate to not have a robe on, but in my heart of hearts, live your dream.

Nick: Yeah, okay. I'm coming around. Leah Bonnema is correct. Do what she says. Live your dream. Wear the robe.

Leah: I don't think I'm correct. I think it's probably more appropriate to have—but I mean, you're covered up. I know there's a pool there. You don't want to get your clothes wet. Such is life.

Nick: Yeah. No, I—yeah, I think that's sort of, yeah, what it is. And I guess if somebody makes you feel self-conscious about it, then maybe that's their problem?

Leah: Yeah, they're living in a fantasy world. You're in a hotel, you've gotta go to the—you know?

Nick: Yeah. Although I mean, I do enjoy fantasy sometimes though, and the fiction of the world around me. Sometimes I want that.

Leah: No, you're right. You're right.

Nick: And sometimes if I'm in a hotel, I kind of want this fiction that, like, oh, we're all just sort of being fancy during our hotel stay.

Leah: I think what happened is that I moved to Los Angeles. And before I was in Los Angeles, I was like, "People should have clothes on." And then here, I'd say 50 percent of the people outside have no shirt on.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I mean, just walking down the street. I'm not talking about it at the park, at the beach. So before I was always like, "Let's cover up. We're in public." But now I'm like, "I mean, live your truth."

Nick: And actually, if we're talking about, like, fantasy and luxury, actually having time in the day to go swimming is actually the more luxurious option, right? There's actually something more luxurious about going to the spa during your time on vacation. So on some level, it's actually the correct choice. And that if you're wearing a suit, you're making everybody else uncomfortable, and you're ruining the fantasy for all of us on vacation.

Leah: That's so true.

Nick: Right? Oh, maybe we can twist it around!

Leah: Yeah, I like that flip. I like that flip.

Nick: Yeah. Everyone else is the problem. You are correct.

Leah: Mmm! I love that.

Nick: [laughs] So ...

Leah: I feel like a lot of people are gonna disagree with this. But ...

Nick: Well, I think a lot of people are gonna have feelings about this and are gonna come to a conclusion however they want. I think we have talked through our thinking—whether or not we're correct or not, who could say? But at least you know where we're coming from. And that's all I can hope for.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So our next question is, quote, "I was recently invited to a wedding of a longtime friend, but my partner of five years was explicitly not. I received a text message ahead of my formal invitation stating that they were inviting family, friends and extended family first. But if those guests decline, then they'll extend an invitation to my partner at a later date. I'm feeling a bit hurt by this, especially because none of our other friends' partners were preemptively not invited. Because of this and some other logistical challenges, I will not be attending the wedding. However, is it appropriate to say why I am politely declining their invitation? There isn't really a space to do so on the RSVP form, but I do feel a bit rude declining without explaining why."

Leah: I think the bigger question is: when we decline an invitation, do we ever explain why on the invitation?

Nick: I think the bigger question is: what is happening here? What is happening here? What is this A list, B list, C list, and I'm aware of what list I'm on? I don't like that at all.

Leah: I can see, though. I mean ...

Nick: Yeah. I mean, some things are not defendable.

Leah: Sometimes, though, people have a certain amount of space. And ...

Nick: No problem. I totally get that you need to get to your A list first before you go to your B list. I don't want to know as a guest which list I'm on if I'm not on the A list. I want that fiction that, like, "Oh, I'm just an uninvited guest. I'm not an invited guest because all of these other people said no first." Like, I don't want to know that.

Leah: So you would rather they didn't invite the friend at all until they knew if they could also invite the partner?

Nick: Couples are a unit, so it is rude to not invite this person's partner of five years. Like, that's a unit. Like, they should get invited together. And it's also curious that everybody else in this friend circle had their partners invited, and it was just this letter-writer's partner who was not invited. So, like, that's another layer that I'm like, "Oh, I don't like this at all."

Leah: No, it definitely seems like something else is happening.

Nick: Something else is happening. Yeah, for sure.

Leah: That's why I was like, "Let's just answer the whether or not we can do RSVPs on the thing," because there's clearly a whole other situation.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: That I feel like there's some details missing.

Nick: Yes, I think there's some backstory about what has happened with these people in their lives that have led us to this moment.

Leah: Or are the other couples, they grew up together, they know them, and they don't know your partner at all? Is there some kind of logical explanation, or is there like a history story that we're missing out on?

Nick: There is definitely an explanation. Whether or not it's satisfying, good or acceptable, who can say? But oh, I'm sure if we talk to the bride and groom here, they would definitely have an explanation for why they thought this was cool. Yeah, it's like, "Oh, we just can't get to everybody's partner for the first round, but we'll be so glad to have them if we have space." And they thought that was cool and polite. It is not, but I think that they thought it was. And that's why they gave the letter-writer heads up via text like, "Oh, just so you know." I think they thought they were doing a good thing here.

Leah: Oh, I think they thought so, too.

Nick: Yes. It was not, for the record. But happy to answer the question that you would like to focus on, which is: should you give an explanation for why you can't attend? No.

Leah: That just seems—that part seems so much more clear cut.

Nick: No good would come of that. I mean, can you imagine? Like, what are you supposed to say? Like, no. No, definitely not.

Leah: Yeah. I feel like I've never written in on an RSVP why I couldn't.

Nick: No. Just decline. Say, "Unfortunately, I cannot attend, and I wish you all the best on your special day." Like, that's all that needs to be said. Because also I have a feeling that you have mentioned your concerns to some of the mutual friends involved, and the bride and groom are totally gonna hear about this. Like, they're gonna know. This will get back to them.

Leah: Oh, they know.

Nick: Yeah, they know.

Leah: They absolutely know.

Nick: And because also what do you want? What do you want from these people? Do you want an apology? Do you want an invitation for your partner? Like, what do you actually want out of this? And at this point, it's like, you don't want anything. You don't want to go. And I would just leave it at that.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And the bright side is that if you're not attending, you don't have to send a gift.

Leah: It's just so weird.

Nick: Which part? [laughs]

Leah: The—it's not like our letter-writer just started dating this person.

Nick: No, five years.

Leah: Five years is like a solid.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Because I really do actually understand if you just started dating somebody and they can't—they want you to come, but they don't have enough space because it's like a for a plus one when you're not a couple. I get that. I do get that because like you said, I do think that the bride and groom were like, "Oh, this makes sense. We're just being transparent about how we're doing this."

Nick: Yes. I think they did think that transparency was the polite thing here.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And it was not. But I can see how they thought it was. And it comes from that same impulse where people do rude things and are just like, "Well, I'm just being honest." And it's kind of like, yeah but, like, there is still tact involved. Like, honesty doesn't mean pure, unfiltered, tactless honesty. Like, sometimes we still need tact. And so the tact here would have been to not have actually been this transparent about where you rank on the invitation list. I also on some level would have understood if we invited all the friends that are in this circle and none of their partners. Like, "Oh, we're just doing, you know, the OG group, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. We're not doing any extraneous people right now, but if we do have room, then we will invite all of your plus ones, all of your partners." I can see that being okay.

Leah: I would totally think that was okay. That would have been fine.

Nick: The issue here, though, is that you are being singled out in a specific way for reasons that are not known to us, and those reasons feel not great. And so that is, I think, why you're annoyed and why we're annoyed. And that is why I think declining with that explanation? Totally fine.

Leah: I'm glad you broke it up that way, because that's how I was feeling, that it seemed like this would be okay if it was done in a different way, like, if it was across the board for everybody.

Nick: Yes. I guess at the end of the day, that's the problem here, that you are being singled out and that's gross.

Leah: I love how a lot of our responses to some of these really uncomfortable situations are like, "That's gross!"

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: We have no other word. We're like, "Gross!"

Nick: It's just gross. Yeah. People are gross. So our next question is quote, "I meet a lot of people who are super informed about topics I don't necessarily know a lot about, like engineering or advanced math. When I'm in conversations with these people, the majority of things that they're saying fly way above my head and I don't really contribute much to the conversation apart from asking some questions. What's the most polite way of changing the subject or saying, 'I don't know that much or have that much to contribute?'"

Leah: This seemed to me like a Nick question.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I get this, being in conversation with people who have very specific knowledge or very advanced knowledge. I look at it as an opportunity to learn something. I don't know much about advanced math. And so I would just ask. And I would actually ask them to explain it to me in layman's terms, explain it to me as somebody who has no idea what you're talking about and help me understand what we're talking about. So I think that could be part of the conversation. Like, you can just actually ask questions to get them to teach you in a way you can understand. Like, tell me about string theory in a way that, like, I'll get. I'd be delighted to have that conversation with an astrophysicist. But I think the question here is: you're bored with these people and their topics, and if that's the case, then sure, lots of ways to change the subject.

Leah: Up top, I agree with you. I have no problem saying to people, "Oh, I don't know anything about that. I would love to know about Schrödinger's cat." Whatever you're talking about.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: But I agree. It seems that our letter-writer actually wants to change the conversation.

Nick: Yes. And for that, that's actually very easy. It's all about pivoting. And I feel like we talked about this in a recent episode. So all you gotta do is Sandra Bullock. Just Sandra Bullock it. Just go to something adjacent. "That reminds me of the Sandra Bullock movie." So yeah, Gravity, Bird Box, The Blind Side, Crash. Of course, Miss Congeniality, The Proposal. Yeah, just something reminds you about something else in this conversation. "Oh, string theory? That reminds me of this other thing I saw on PBS that I thought was interesting," or "That reminds me, near the planetarium downtown is this new Thai restaurant that I just went to." Like, you can pivot and make it very non-adjacent, but as long as you just make that a nice smooth transition that feels, like, somewhat natural, then you're good. You're off to the races on a new topic.

Leah: Yeah. I still think maybe we should have come up with, you know, we had the back pocket phrases.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Now we have pivot topics.

Nick: Pivot topics, okay.

Leah: It'd be like talking about engineering. What movie does this relate to that we can then bounce to something else entirely? [laughs]

Nick: And I think when we're thinking about pivoting in general, the things that everybody has an opinion on are food, where they're from ...

Leah: I would actually think that a lot of people have opinions on entertainment.

Nick: Yes. Some media that they are consuming in some way. So movies, music, podcasts, books. Where is the person that is doing nothing with some sort of media? If they are then, like, that's fascinating. Tell me about your life in which you consume zero media and what else you're doing. So that's a good pivot too. But I think food, hometowns, media, these are pretty universal.

Leah: I recently got into a conversation with people I didn't know very well. We were all coming from different things. We ended up having, like, a 15-minute convo about water mammals.

Nick: Well, we know that's your jam. I mean, you can't get enough of dolphins.

Leah: It hit all of us for different reasons.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then boom. As Nick says, off to the races.

Nick: Yeah, it doesn't take much if everybody is participating. Now you are gonna have conversations with people who basically take the conversation ball, which should be bouncing back and forth between you, and then they just take it and they slam it into the ground. And the conversation ball really should go back and forth across the deck. I mean, that's the ideal situation. You do have people who just take it and slam it into the ground, and then you just, like, have to pick it up again and like, what do you do with these people? That's when you go refresh your drink. But ideally, everybody kind of participates and makes an effort.

Leah: I mean, or it's like you're in a conversation with, like, these three people who are all in the same sort of like advanced math group.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And you come into the conversation, and they're there to talk about math.

Nick: Yeah. So then you just need to politely listen, participate where you can, and then pivot if you can or just go with it, I guess. Hopefully you'll learn something.

Leah: I was on the math team.

Nick: Okay. Which grade was that?

Leah: Middle school.

Nick: And are these, like, competitions? Like, you compete against other schools?

Leah: Yeah, I was on the math team and I was on this team called OM, which was Odyssey of the Mind. So they're like competitions, yeah.

Nick: Okay, look at you! You're more than just a hat rack.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Great. I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course.

Leah: No, I know. That's the best phrase I've ever heard. I have never heard it. I'm delighted by it. And I'm hoping to work it into something somewhere in my own life.

Nick: Oh, it's easy to slip in. Yeah, don't you worry.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I have long-standing plans to visit a friend at her weekend house. Let's call her Lisa. Lisa just asked via email if I wouldn't mind if her childhood friend visits at the same time. I'd really rather just see Lisa, as I've met her friend and we have little in common. But it's also not my weekend house. In your eyes, do I have any option to politely voice my preference?"

Leah: Did you write back to this person?

Nick: Yes, I did, because this felt a little time sensitive.

Leah: It did feel time sensitive.

Nick: So I gave my thoughts, and I'd be curious if they were the same as your thoughts.

Leah: That's why I was wondering. I was like, I feel like you've already given your thoughts.

Nick: I have.

Leah: I feel like this is one of those ones where I absolutely understand feeling like you had these long-standing plans, you were looking to catch up with your friend. And then at the same time, it's not your house.

Nick: Right. So what I said to this person was: are you actually being asked, or are you just being given a heads up?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Like, what is your relationship with this person, and which is it? Because if you are actually being asked, if it's actually a sincere question, then okay, perhaps there's a good response that we could come up with. I have a feeling, though, that you are just being given a heads-up, which is more polite than just showing up and now this other person is in the living room and you had no idea, so at least you had some courtesy. I think it's that, though.

Leah: It probably is that. If they are actually asking ...

Nick: Mmm?

Leah: ... I feel like the sentence is, "I was really looking forward to spending time with you."

Nick: Yes. I think it's also a, "No problem. I was hoping to have one-on-one time with you. I hope we can still carve out some time in the weekend for that."

Leah: That's nice. So that it's sort of said, but in a very nice way. If you really can't stand this friend, though, and I don't know if that's the case, I think we just don't have anything in common with her. But if you really don't like her, you could say, like, "Hey, Lisa's great, but maybe better we reschedule?" And then reschedule. Like, if you just can't take it. But I think you just have to say, like, "No problem. And hopefully we can still have some one-on-one time." And that's it.

Leah: Yeah, I like all of those. I like if you definitely, like, cannot be in the same area with this person, which is not what I'm taking away, but if that is what it is, I think what Nick said is perfect.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Totally understand, "Maybe we should reschedule," and then—but I do like this other one with the, "Great. Looking forward to it. Hopefully we can still grab some one-on-one time."

Nick: Maybe it'll be fine? Fingers crossed?

Leah: Yeah. I've sometimes been like, "Oh, I'm not sure how I am around this person I don't know." And then it ended up being delightful.

Nick: Yeah. Or if it's horrible, then your friend will know that and it will never happen again because your friend will know, oh, I just can't have these two people in my house at the same time. So either way I think it's a win.

Leah: Win-win.

Nick: So our next thing is quote, "I'm from and currently live in rural Texas. I was taught to give a one-finger wave to anyone I passed in the car—not on big roads, but smaller, slower ones. I've heard about more complicated rules about how many fingers but one finger off the steering wheel is the basic gesture here. And if you don't return the wave, it's considered rude. I know from experience that people don't do this in the city, but do they do it in rural areas throughout the country, or is it just here? I've always been curious about how far this extends."

Leah: Thrilled by this.

Nick: So this is a great survey for our audience.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Is this national? Is this international? What counts as rural? And more about the gestures. One finger? Two fingers? How does this work?

Leah: That's what I'm really curious about because I mean, I definitely—I mean, let's be honest, I wave at people here. But when I'm home, I wave at people I pass, but I don't do one finger. I put up my—it's almost like a flick of the wrist.

Nick: Oh, it's a flick of the wrist. Okay.

Leah: It's not a wave like a window washer. I realize they can't see me at home. It's not a left to right. It's a ...

Nick: And it's not a Queen Elizabeth rotating wrist thing.

Leah: It's not a Queen Elizabeth. It's not a rotation.

Nick: Okay. Although I would love that, Just saying. If we could have that take off, that would be great. But the hand is coming off the steering wheel for you.

Leah: Hands coming off the steering wheel.

Nick: And you're showing the whole palm. Okay.

Leah: Yeah. And I do it to people passing, but then also if, like, someone's walking on the sidewalk, or if I'm walking the sidewalk and someone passes, I'll do it.

Nick: And you're in your car while this is happening?

Leah: If I'm walking on the sidewalk and a car goes by, I'll give them a ...

Nick: Oh, as a pedestrian you're gonna wave at a car?

Leah: I will, yeah. And if a pedestrian goes, I'll wave.

Nick: Is that a thing I'm supposed to be doing in small towns?

Leah: I do it. Why not? I might see them again. What if they own the fudge factory?

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: "Saw you on the street!"

Nick: Okay. I mean, I don't typically as a pedestrian wave at cars in small towns, although maybe the towns I'm going to aren't small enough?

Leah: If I'm the only person walking and a car goes by, I don't not see you.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. I mean, all right, audience, I need some guidance here. So what should I do if I'm visiting your town? And how big is it? And what type of wave are we doing? And is everybody waving at everybody? So pedestrians to cars, cars to cars, pedestrians to pedestrians? What are the rules for greetings where you are? I would love to know!

Leah: I'm gonna add a caveat to mine.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: I'm only doing this with people I make eye contact with. If people are, like, speeding by and I'm looking down, but if I look up and there's a car coming and we've made eye contact?

Nick: Then you're in.

Leah: I'm gonna throw up a hand. "Hi!"

Nick: All right. You're gonna acknowledge their existence, which is nice. That is nice. Yeah.

Leah: I want to know more about this one-finger wave.

Nick: The one-finger wave is actually what I'm familiar with. So if I was driving in a rural town in California, and I was passing a car on a dirt road, I would do the hands are still on the steering wheel but, like, index finger goes up and be like, "I see you." That's what that would be. A full hand off the steering wheel wave? That feels like too much. That's a little much for me.

Leah: Yeah, but the one finger, I feel like I could miss that.

Nick: Well, you've got to be attuned. Also, you can't be driving that fast on these roads. You got a lot of time to pass.

Leah: Well, that's why you can pull your hand up. I'm not against the finger, I'm just saying, you know, once I go in, I'm gonna—they're lucky I'm not getting a two-hand.

Nick: You're always a little extra, Leah Bonnema.

Leah: So audience, I would love your thoughts on this. Please let us know what are the rules where you are, how it should go down, and if I visit your town, how I should not embarrass myself. That's really at the end of the day what I'm interested in. How can I not embarrass myself if I were to visit? So let us know.

Leah: May I add something? I feel like I've also done a nod.

Nick: A nod! Now that's even more subtle than the finger.

Leah: One of my fingers is not going without the other fingers. That's just not gonna happen.

Nick: It's a team sport. Okay.

Leah: Yeah, they play together. So I could see if, like, someone drives by, they do a nod? I'll do a nod and a smile. "Hey!"

Nick: Okay.

Leah: It's just recognizing.

Nick: Yeah. You want to just recognize that you acknowledge somebody else's existence at the end of the day.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay. I mean, that is at the end of the day very nice.

Leah: I am gonna practice my one finger. So when I'm in ...

Nick: I don't know if it requires practice.

Leah: I'm telling you, it's really hard for me not to bring—I already had to hold myself back from putting both hands up, you know? And doing a full Fossey.

Nick: [laughs] So you have your homework, and do you have questions for us? Oh, yes you do! Oh, yes you do. So please send them to us too. And you can send everything to us through our website, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!