Nov. 25, 2019

Thanksgiving Helpings: Talking Politics, Being Vegan, Saying Grace, Bringing Tupperware, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this extended Thanksgiving-themed bonus episode, Nick and Leah answer listener questions about talking politics at the dinner table, bringing flowers without a vase, arriving and departing at appropriate times, selecting good gifts for the host, being gluten-free and vegan, saying "grace" if you're atheist, hating turkey, bringing your own Tupperware for leftovers, and more. Please subscribe!

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  • Is there a polite way to talk about politics at Thanksgiving?
  • Should you bring cut flowers in a vase?
  • When should you arrive and when should you leave?
  • What's a good gift for your host?
  • Asking hosts "how can I help"?
  • I'm gluten-free and vegan...what do I do?
  • Do I have to say "grace" if I'm not religious?
  • I hate eating I have to eat it?
  • Am I allowed to take leftovers?




Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian


[Musical Intro]

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we're in New York today. And we had so many Thanksgiving-themed questions that we thought we'd put it all together.

Leah: Oh, it's such a big topic.

Nick: Oh, it's a big topic. So let's go big. "Is it still true that you shouldn't talk about politics at Thanksgiving?"

Leah: I would say, "Yes."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think that's a good rule for a reason.

Leah: I actually think it's gotten more so.

Nick: Has it though? Do you think it was better, you know, 30 years ago? 50 years ago? Are we actually living in different times?

Leah: I don't know. I do feel like there's so much arguing on the Internet...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: ...that it's almost like I need more than ever to not argue.

Nick: Yes, sometimes you don't...

Leah: I need a space where I just don't argue.

Nick: Yeah. You just need a space of soft foods.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. But I was thinking about this, like... OK, let's say you wanted to talk politics at Thanksgiving. Is there an etiquette approved way to do it? Or is it "can't be done"?

Leah: I don't know, I feel like there' I go again, seeing multiple sites.

Nick: Uh huh.

Leah: Maybe it's a thing where it's very important to you to explain to your loved ones why something is important to you.

Nick: Ok. Sure.

Leah: In which case I understand that and have at it.

Nick: Ok.

Leah: But sometimes we're all just getting through being together.

Nick: Right. Yeah, just showing up and being in the same room is enough.

Leah: You've just gotta put in two hours and leave.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You know what I mean?

Nick: True.

Leah: So it's, "Which of those things is it?"

Nick: Right. I was thinking about this and I was thinking if you were going to initiate the conversation about politics, I think you have to issue an invitation. So, ask for consent. So like, "I'm interested in your thoughts about wearing pink on Wednesdays."

Leah: Right.

Nick: "Would you indulge me?" and then ask. If they're like,"I'm not talking politics," then that's the end of that.

Leah: Right.

Nick: If you are baited into the conversation, then that's a little harder.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So, you either just shut it down.... But I guess if you wanted it talk politics, I think the only way to do it is you can only talk about policy, not people.

Leah: Yeah, I was about to say that I think it's very important to talk about an issue.

Nick: Right. No parties

Leah: No proper nouns.

Nick: No people but just specific policy problems and then our ideas for how to solve that problem through policy.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So be like, "Social Security is running out of money. Do we think that's actually happening?"

Leah: Right.

Nick: "Do we agree on that fact?"

Leah: Right.

Nick: And then, "do we think it's a problem? OK, we agree it's a thing and we agree it's a problem. What are our ideas for what to do about it?" And then we can have a conversation about that.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And I think as long as you understand that you were not going to change anyone's mind.

Leah: Right.

Nick: Ever. This is just about understanding where someone's coming from.

Leah: Right.

Nick: And you don't try and change people's minds, I think you probably can actually have a very constructive, interesting conversation about politics.

Leah: Yeah. Because it could be something that you really care deeply about.

Nick: And people do.

Leah: Yeah. For example, I do a lot of volunteer work with... I perform for the troops and I try to do stuff with Wounded Warriors.

Nick: Have you not been in Iraq?

Leah: Yes, I have.

Nick: That's crazy.

Leah: It was, you know, it was an honor to get to go.

Nick: Oh, sure.

Leah: And so I feel like an issue I could bring up, no matter what company I was with, is this an important issue to me and, you know, we have troops coming home who need... And it's not partisan and it's just an issue that's important to me that I could discuss.

Nick: Right. So, I think that's fair game.

Leah: But I wouldn't come in on it like, "this is happening with these people and this is this person's fault." Not if I wanted to discuss why something is important to me and I wanted to have a... If I want something to go well, I would come at it as the idea of something.

Nick: Right. So...

Leah: If you're just mad at your family and you want to go in and start a fight, that's a different thing.

Nick: Yeah, that's a different agenda.

Leah: And I know those people.

Nick: Right. And sometimes there's a place for that.

Leah: And I've been those people.

Nick: So, I guess in general, the rule "don't talk about it"? Still valid. Still a good one. But I guess if you're going to, I guess try and be respectful.

Leah: Right. There are a lot of topics that are important that we all care about that we want to talk about.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And I do agree with what you said. Talk about the issue not people.

Nick: Another important thing we want to talk about: flowers.

Leah: Flowers.

Nick: Flowers. So, our next question is, "I heard that it's rude to bring a bouquet of flowers wrapped by the florist, not in a vase, when going to someone's house for dinner. The idea is that the host has enough to do without finding a vase, filling it with water, the little packet, et cetera. So, should I bring them in a vase? Should I come earlier with the wrapped bouquet? Drop them off? Offer to do the work myself? How do I deal with the flowers?" So, yeah, it's rude to bring a bouquet of flowers to someone's house for Thanksgiving without a vase. But I actually think flowers in general? Not a great hostess gift.

Leah: I do think, though, that people are just trying to be thoughtful...

Nick: Fine.

Leah: ...and so we don't want to make people so anxious that they don't do anything.

Nick: Yes...

Leah: But I do think there's... Like, if you do get flowers, I think you should offer to cut the stems and put them in the vase.

Nick: I think if you do do flowers, you got to bring the vase. Because I think, especially at Thanksgiving, that kitchen is full. You don't want to get in the way of the sink. You don't want ask your host, "where are the vases?" Like none of that.

Leah: So maybe bring a cactus because it's already in those little cute cups.

Nick: And comes in a vase.

Leah: And it comes in a vase.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So it's already taken care of.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: And they don't have to water it very much.

Nick: Right. So bring a cactus. Yeah. But I think you don't want to bring cut flowers that are just cut flowers. And I think don't bring flowers at all. Come up with something else to bring. And I think what is nice though: send flowers the next day as a thank you.

Leah: Oh.

Nick: Like, do that.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: But if you are going to bring flowers, then you should at least bring them in a vase that's ready to roll. And do not expect the vase back. That's a gift. That's part of the flowers.

Leah: Oh, yeah. That's a gift if you're doing that.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I also think that if it's a close friend, I would feel comfortable being like, "Hey, I brought these flowers. I was going to put them in your vase. I know where the vases are." I've talked them before. I don't think it's a big deal.

Nick: I mean, if you've got a casual vase relationship?

Leah: Yeah, if you have a casual vase relationship?

Nick: Then that's OK.

Leah: That's OK.

Nick: Yeah. But if you don't have a casual vase relationship... If your vase relationship is more formal...

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Then act accordingly.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And you know what kind of vase relationship you have with your friends.

Leah: Yep. That's on you.

Nick: What kind of vase relationship do we have, Leah?

Leah: Well, I feel like it'd be a lot of pressure. I would clearly bring a vase.

Nick: OK, good. Our next question, "when should I arrive and when should I leave?"

Leah: But I wouldn't bring flowers. I want to say that.

Nick: Thank you.

Leah: You're welcome.

Nick: Great. Yeah, flowers I find very stressful and I feel like... I mean, I have trouble just keeping them alive and, like, where do I put them? Yeah. Our next question is: "When should I arrive and when should I leave Thanksgiving dinner?"

Leah: I feel like we should always ask our host, "what time would you like me to be there?"

Nick: Yeah, I think the standard dinner party rules apply.

Leah: Because some people I've noticed have very different times of when they do Thanksgiving.

Nick: Sure. Yeah, you've the 1 o'clock dinner people and then you have the 8 o'clock dinner people.

Leah: Yeah. And everything in between.

Nick: Yeah. And then also it's good to know is there five hours of cheese and crackers before dinner?

Leah: Right.

Nick: Is it, "oh we're actually... there is no cocktail hour...we're just going right in"? So definitely want to get a sense of the pacing.

Leah: Yep.

Nick: For sure.

Leah: Because different people have different Thanksgiving traditions, so I think just ask.

Nick: But if your'e told a time, then that is the time.

Leah: That is the time.

Nick: We're not doing a fashionably late thing on that time.

Leah: No.

Nick: And you should...

Leah: There's too many dishes being managed.

Nick: Right. And so you should plan accordingly. You should arrive early just... But do not arrive at the house early. Stay in your car.

Leah: OK.

Nick: Walk around the block.

Leah: Alright.

Nick: Like under no circumstances do you ever arrive at a party, especially one with food, before the appointed time.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: You know this rule, right?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Okay, good. You're just saying "okay" like I've just taught you something new.

Leah: No...

Nick: And that concerned me.

Leah: I'm was just going to say all the times I've broken it, but it was with permission.

Nick: Well, if it's with remission, have you really broken it?

Leah: It's because... No, I haven't. But I'm saying if it's like a close friend and you want to catch up and you don't know everyone else who's coming and "can I come early and gossip with you and I'll help you"?

Nick: If you've got a great vase relationship with this friend?

Leah: Yes. This be a person you've got a great relationship with.

Nick: Then have at it.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And it is true if you were hosting Thanksgiving — and these questions are not really about being on the host're on your own for this episode — but if you are hosting, you should be clear with your guests about what you expect from them. And you should also invite the good close friends to come a little early so that you can have a buddy before the more formal guests arrive. I think that's nice. "When can you leave?" Because we get a lot of complaints from hosts being like, "my guests stayed forever. I was already my pajamas and people would not leave." So, when is the right moment to exit a Thanksgiving meal? Because it's a little... It's a longer meal. And also...

Leah: Oh, it definitely is. Sometimes you'll play a game afterwards.

Nick: Yeah, sometimes there's like the board game moment. Yeah. Sometimes there's the flag football game in the backyard.

Leah: Yeah. My... You know, I call on my boyfriend...he's my fiancé, so I know you at home you've heard both. It's just... the word "fiancé"...

Nick: It's only one person. She doesn't have two of these people.

Leah: It's one person. I just...

Nick: No judgements.

Leah: I have trouble with the word, "fiancé." So I stick with "boyfriend."

Nick: Lover?

Leah: He comes from a big football family. So they always watch... And I come from a family that didn't watch television at all. So, he'll be like, "Oh, they're saying for the game." So, people would stay until the end of the football game. And then I'm in the other room playing board games.

Nick: Yeah. I think there is a moment where it does become clear that it's time to go.

Leah: But I don't think it's a problem being like, "Hey, I got to get up. I'm going to put my jam jams on. Thank you guys so much."

Nick: "Have to get up early on this day off I have tomorrow." Yeah...

Leah: There's never a day off. We all have to get up and work. Always.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I think you just want to be mindful of the subtle social cues that hosts give guests when they want you to leave.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And they always give those clues.

Leah: Absolutely. Like, if they're changing into their jam jams...

Nick: Yes.

Leah: got to go.

Nick: That's the time. So, go. Our next question is about hostess gifts. "What should you bring?" So we already talked about flowers. Not a great hostess gift. But what should you bring?

Leah: They may want you to bring a dish.

Nick: Yeah, but if they have not specifically asked you to bring a dish, you cannot bring food.

Leah: Oh, really?

Nick: Definitely not.

Leah: Well, you have to bring something.

Nick: Well... So, the number one host complaint about Thanksgiving guests are guests that bring a dish when they were not asked to bring a dish. And then, on top of that, the dish that they bring requires some thing in the kitchen.

Leah: Right, which goes back to "never give somebody work."

Nick: Right. So like now you need space in my oven that has a turkey in it?

Leah: Oh, yeah, that's true. There's turkey in the oven.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Remember that.

Nick: Right. So do not bring a dish if you...

Leah: And all the burners are being used.

Nick: Right. So, yeah, don't bring something that requires warming up.

Leah: But if you want to bring like a plate of cookies.

Nick: I think only if asked do you bring food.

Leah: Really?

Nick: Yeah. Especially on Thanksgiving because the host has it locked down.

Leah: That's true. OK. I understand.

Nick: And so if you're not asked to bring a certain item or if you ask, like, "oh, would be fine if I brought some cookies" and you do not have permission to do so then you shouldn't.

Leah: OK.

Nick: Yeah. Plenty of other things you could bring. Like, I think it's nice to bring a candle.

Leah: I was going to say a candle and I would also say get a soy-based candle in these era where we're all being aware of what we're taking into our lungs.

Nick: Ok. So no paraffin for you.

Leah: Don't get a candle that we all know causes some illness down the line. Just shell out that $10.

Nick: Ok. So beeswax...

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Soy. OK, something not chemically.

Leah: Right.

Nick: Ok. So don't kill your hosts...

Leah: Yep.

Nick: ...slowly in 40 years.

Leah: You know, they have some real cute ones at Bath and Body Works.

Nick: Ok.

Leah: With like seasonal...

Nick: Yeah. Pumpkin spice.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So, a candle is nice. Boardgames, if that's sort of part of the tradition if we're going to be playing games afterwards. Like, bring a game. That might be fun.

Leah: Also, if you know the host, sometimes you know that they love a thing and then you could just give them that thing.

Nick: Yeah. Thoughtful gifts are nice, yes.

Leah: Maybe some hand soap for their bathroom.

Nick: Sure. I like the good soap. Yeah. So there's lots of things you can do that are not like a casserole.

Leah: Yep.

Nick: But...

Leah: I have a friend who's a very good hostess gift giver.

Nick: Ok.

Leah: She shows up and you're like, "you're just so thoughtful."

Nick: People who are good at it are very good in it.

Leah: Yeah, it's a real skill.

Nick: Yeah. And it's one that more people should have. And wine is always a totally fine gift if your hosts drink wine.

Leah: Right.

Nick: I think that's also always fine. Whatever you do bring, never have the expectation that it will be used or opened at the meal you're at. So if you bring wine, you bring a board game, you bring a box of chocolates... do not expect that this will be opened.

Leah: I also always say, "you don't have to have this now. This is just for you for whenever."

Nick: Right.

Leah: So they know that I know so there's no pressure.

Nick: Correct. Yes, there is no expectation.

Leah: Because the whole goal is to make them feel not anxious. So I wanna be like, "I don't want you to think I think that you need to use this now."

Nick: Right. So, you shouldn't have to say that because it's implied that that's the etiquette rule. But it's nice that you know that they know you know the rule.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So, great.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Ok. Our next question is more of a rant from someone in Maine. Your neck of the woods.

Leah: I wonder if I know them.

Nick: Probably there's only four people.

Leah: Well, I'm gone. So there's three.

Nick: OK, touché. "Please do a show on the totally annoying question guests ask, 'how can I help?' Why don't you just start doing the dishes?" So she goes on and is like annoyed that guests just sort of ask what they can do to help, but are really just in the way.

Leah: Right.

Nick: And are sort of getting in the way in the kitchen. And this letter writer would just rather you "relax with a glass of wine, start an interesting conversation with the other guests, so I can just get done with what I need to get done so I can join you." So, like, this is the sentiment. Like stay out of my way because you're actually not helping.

Leah: Right.

Nick: So I agree. She is totally right. This is actually an obnoxious and is counterproductive. I get where people are coming from...they want to offer to help, but...

Leah: Also, you sometimes you don't wanna touch people's stuff without permission.

Nick: Definitely in a kitchen for sure.

Leah: Right. So that's why when I say to people, "how can I help?" they want to be, like, "can I touch your stuff?"

Nick: Right.

Leah: So, I think maybe a happier question would be, "hey, do you mean to cut up those onions?"

Nick: Definitely. Yes. Get specific.

Leah: If you get specific about it...

Nick: And also read the room. "Oh, I see there's an onion on the cutting board. Maybe it needs chopping. Maybe I will ask if you would like me to chop that."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: "Oh I see all this cheese over here. I see a platter. Would you like me to put the cheese in the platter for you?"

Leah: Yup.

Nick: That is very helpful. But yeah, just to sort of vaguely walk into the kitchen, get in your way and be like, "what can I do?"

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Not good.

Leah: Or walk in and be like, "did you need something?"

Nick: Right. So I totally agree that guests should be more mindful about the rhythm of what's happening

Leah: Mm hmm.

Nick: And see if there's an opportunity to be useful. And if not, stay out of the way.

Leah: Right.

Nick: And this letter writer makes a very good point that your obligation as a guest is to be a good guest, which involves socializing with the other guests. So if you're in the kitchen being in the way, you are now leaving some other guests in the living room alone.

Leah: Right.

Nick: So it would be much nicer if you just like grab a glass of wine, talk to that person.

Leah: Make yourself at home.

Nick: Yeah. So, valid. Our next question, "I'm gluten free and vegan and I've been invited to Thanksgiving dinner. What do I do?"

Leah: I don't eat wheat and I'm often embarrassed by this.

Nick: Embarrassed by wheat.

Leah: I just don't... I feel like I don't want to make things high maintenance for people.

Nick: Ok.

Leah: So what I do — you've seen this — is I say it. "I'm so grateful to be invited. I would love to come, but I don't eat this. And I don't want to give you any extra work. So, do you mind if I come and I'll just bring my own thing or can I..." I read the room. I don't want that person to feel like they have another job.

Nick: Right.

Leah: But if I do want to be there, I just let them know that and that it's not their responsibility. And I would still have to come. And, you know, I'll bring like some beans.

Nick: Some beans. Well, I think it's nice... You should offer to bring something for everyone to share.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: "Oh, I don't eat wheat, but I make a great three bean casserole. Would it be nice if I made enough for everyone?"

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And then that's just like what you eat for the whole meal.

Leah: Yep.

Nick: But then you've made it enough.

Leah: And you don't make it their job to feed you.

Nick: Right

Leah: You bring stuff to share that you can eat.

Nick: I think that's a nice way to do it, yes. I think you have to disclose early.

Leah: Oh, yeah. That would be right at the beginning when you got the invitation.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: "Hey, thank you so much for the invitation. Blankety, blank, blank."

Nick: Right. So I think that's a nice way to do it, yeah.

Leah: Yeah. Because you shouldn't so no to something that you want to be a part of because quite possibly has no problem with you not eating any of their foods.

Nick: Right.

Leah: They just want you there.

Nick: Right . And I think you should just eat first and plan it eating afterwards if you're still hungry.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So like you...

Leah: Don't make your friend cook everything for you.

Nick: Right. Yeah. So that's a pretty easy... That's easy. You didn't have to write in this question. Easy peasy.

Leah: You know, I think that people feel like are they are a burden.

Nick: Yes. People don't want to feel like they're a burden on their hosts.

Leah: And I think it's absolutely fine just to say, "Oh, this is...", you know.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And that's not rude in any way.

Nick: No. Our next question is, "I'm atheist and my family is super religious. They say grace before dinner. Do I have to join them?"

Leah: Are you at their house,?

Nick: You're at their house.

Leah: Then yes.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Absolutely you do.

Nick: Yeah. It's not gonna kill you, no. Just close your eyes and bow. It's fine.

Leah: It's not...

Nick: And even if you said the words, "amen," I think you're not going to die.

Leah: Yeah. I think it's polite to do whatever is whoever's home.

Nick: Yes. I think etiquette in general is about respecting the traditions of wherever you are. So that's like if you're at a Shinto temple in Kyoto or you're at your parents' house in Kansas, the local rules apply.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And so if the local rule in your house is "we say grace at dinner," then you're gonna say grace.

Leah: Yeah. It's not like they're being like, "hey, we're going on a fox hunt and you have to shoot and animal." You know what I mean? That would be like, "oh, I don't really want to." Then that's a different situation.

Nick: But that's actually a very interesting situation. Like, what is the etiquette if you're going on a fox hunt and would rather not kill an animal?

Leah: I think you would just say, "I don't want to go on a fox hunt."

Nick: You would just decline.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And is that OK?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Okay. I honestly don't know what the rules are about fox hunts.

Leah: We'd have to look that one up.

Nick: Might have to look that one up.

Leah: I really jumped to a full thing. I'm just saying... you're just saying grace.

Nick: Right.

Leah: We've had people over and I always say grace because... But I know that a lot of my friends don't say grace. So I do...can we go around the room and everybody say one thing they're thankful for? Which is not making people say grace. But I do like to have a moment where we are grateful.

Nick: Although that does put people on the spot.

Leah: I don't care.

Nick: And I don't think that's polite.

Leah: well, then they don't have to come over.

Nick: Oh, if you can't say something you're thankful for...

Leah: If you can't be thankful for something? On Thanksgiving?

Nick: Well, do you tell people that this question will come up in advance or do you just spring it on them?

Leah: Oh, I spring on them.

Nick: Wow. I don't think that's...

Leah: You're also welcome to decline.

Nick: Well...

Leah: You don't have to be grateful for anything. I also don't have friends that way.

Nick: Ok.

Leah: If you can't be grateful for something in your life?

Nick: I mean, I would come up with something, but I would want to think about it. Yeah, I think I'd want a little time to prepare. I'd want something witty. I'd want something sharp.

Leah: You could just be like, "I'm thankful that I'm here with friends."

Nick: Boo.

Leah: Really?

Nick: I mean, I want to be better than that.

Leah: You don't have to be better than that. It's just a moment.

Nick: I have very high standards for myself.

Leah: It's a moment to just have a moment where we're just thankful.

Nick: Okay. That's fine.

Leah: I'm not bringing out my hymnal.

Nick: Okay. But you could if it's your house.

Leah: I could if it's mu house, but clearly I can't because you're saying I can't even do a gratitude circle.

Nick: No, what I take issue with is that you're putting your guests on the spot. I find that's the issue for me.

Leah: So do you think I should email them in advance and be like, "we're probably all gonna go around the room and say something we're thankful for"?

Nick: I think you could... that could be part of the invitation. Yeah. Or you just say what you're thankful for and then that can be it. I mean, it's like giving a...

Leah: Ok. I don't think I force people to do it. I think how it's been presented has been, "I'm going to say something I'm grateful for. If anybody else wants to, this would be the time."

Nick: OK.

Leah: I'm not, like, "You're next." I never do that. Nobody's forced to participate.

Nick: But everyone is in the spirit and goes for it.

Leah: But I want to take a second to say something I'm grateful for.

Nick: And I think...

Leah: And if anybody wants to jump in, they can.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: But I'm not like "your next, you're next, you're next." I don't do that.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: This is not... You can hide in the back room. I don't care.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I guess it's it's just the "putting your guests on the spot" I don't love concept. But it's a very nice thing you're doing, so I'm conflicted about it.

Leah: Ok.

Nick: Our next question is, "I don't like Turkey. I think it's dry and flavorless. Do I have to eat it?"

Leah: No.

Nick: Well, here's the thing.

Leah: You could put a piece on your plate and then move it around until it disintegrates.

Nick: You do have to take what my aunt calls a "no thank you" helping.

Leah: See, I won't take a no thank you helping of peas because I feel like it contaminates the rest of the plate.

Nick: Really? But they don't impart flavor.

Leah: I smell them.

Nick: Oh, I think it will be noted if you don't take a major element of the Thanksgiving meal.

Leah: I don't understand why people are taking it personally. Like, if you came over and you didn't have turkey, I wouldn't be like, "ugh, I'm hurt by this."

Nick: I think some hosts do take it personally. Like, "I just spent six hours making this thing and now you don't even want it."

Leah: You know, what if you just hate turkey?

Nick: I think you...

Leah: But you have all the sides. And I think we would all agree that the sides are the best part.

Nick: Oh, true. Oh, turkey is terrible.

Leah: Yeah. Across the board.

Nick: No one likes turkey. If you do a survey?

Leah: Nobody likes it.

Nick: Nobody likes it, no.

Leah: I do like some dark meat.

Nick: Sure, there's a least fat and flavor in that.

Leah: Yeah, but white meat, I mean, just put sandpaper in my mouth.

Nick: Right. Yeah, there's no good way to do it. Yeah. No, it's just it's the Turkey-Industrial complex has convinced us that we must have turkey at Thanksgiving.

Leah: But I don't really see why do we have to eat things we don't want?

Nick: Because you are a guest in someone's home and they have served you something.

Leah: Yeah, but they've also served you a bunch of other sides that you could jump in gleefully.

Nick: I think you've got to take a little of everything.

Leah: How would it... OK.

Nick: Yeah, because you're a guest in their home. It's not a restaurant.

Leah: You could take it and not eat it.

Nick: You can take it and you can not eat it, yes.

Leah: Just cut it up a little bit so it looks like it was...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Then you go, "Oh, I'm so full...I just ate extra of the stuffing because it was so good."

Nick: Well, no one should question you why you still have turkey on your plate because that's also rude.

Leah: That's true.

Nick: So, everybody has their part to play.

Leah: Right.

Nick: But I think you do need to have turkey on your plate. Like as things are passing around, you can't be like, "oh, no turkey for me." No.

Leah: Unless it's peas and then all bets are off.

Nick: Gotta eat the peas.

Leah: No.

Nick: Gotta eat the peas.

Leah: I really want them passed in front of me.

Nick: Wow, it's that visceral.

Leah: That visceral.

Nick: So this actually moves into "dietary restriction." This is "I don't eat wheat and I don't eat peas." Right?

Leah: Yeah. I can't eat wheat and I won't eat peas.

Nick: Ok. Our next question is, "Am I allowed to take leftovers? Should I bring Tupperware?"

Leah: I don't even know how to answer this. Really, this goes back to the original question, which is, "You know your vase relationship."

Nick: Right.

Leah: I have friends that for sure show up with Tupperware.

Nick: Oh, that for sure do.

Leah: Because we know there's going to be stuff.

Nick: Mm hmm.

Leah: And then someone's gonna take it.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You know your relationship with the person.

Nick: Yeah. I think it's a very provocative move if you don't know it's OK.

Leah: Yeah, if you don't know the person? It's like a friend through work and you show up with like a three part matching Tupperware set? That's a wild choice.

Nick: Although I do appreciate using the brand name Tupperware, which is my preferred brand of resealable containers.

Leah: I do feel that we can use Tupperware for a general sealed container or...

Nick: It's true. The Tupperware people are not very happy about that.

Leah: Oh, you think no?

Nick: That it's become generic now.

Leah: Interesting.

Nick: No, it's a brand name. It's a Tupperware-brand resealable container. But yeah, if you bring something in a plastic container and you have not been invited, that's pretty amazing.

Leah: What you could do, if this is a long game...

Nick: Mm hmm.

Leah: Is ask what food you can bring. And I think that most people are going to say, "oh, bring dessert." You pack that in Tupperware.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: And then you move it to a plate...

Nick: Uh huh.

Leah: ...that you've brought as a serving platter.

Nick: Now we just happen to have...

Leah: Oh, there's a large Tupperware container that probably your host to be like, "oh, you... why don't you put some... take out with that?"

Nick: Oh, clever.

Leah: That is a long game.

Nick: That's a good game, though. OK. OK, So you've found the loophole. You found the loophole. So do that. Love it. Great.

Leah: It's also, you know, economic.

Nick: How is it economic?

Leah: You're just making...

Nick: Because you're not buying dinner the next day?

Leah: No, I mean, in more like a utilitarian way. You're helping them get rid of some of the stuff that was in the house with something that you've already... This way, they don't have to loan you Tupperware.

Nick: Mm hmm.

Leah: Then you have to bring it back.

Nick: You're doing them a favor.

Leah: You're just helping your hosts.

Nick: You're considerate. Great. And our final thoughts... I think you've got to just remember no cell phones at the dinner table...

Leah: Oh, no. Definitely not.

Nick: And send a thank you note.

Leah: Yes,

Nick: That's it. And it doesn't matter who's hosting. If it's a parent, friend...gotta send a thank you note.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So, do that. Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks you out there for sending in these great Thanksgiving questions. I feel like we're all going to have very nice Thanksgivings now.

Leah: I think so, too.

Nick: Because Thanksgiving could be fraught.

Leah: Oh, it's very stressful.

Nick: Right?

Leah: I also think that you should feel free to just stay home and have a day with yourself if that's what you really need.

Nick: You know, if that's what you want on Thanksgiving, go for it.

Leah: We all need a catch-up day, you know?

Nick: You know, you get a lot done on Thanksgiving.

Leah: Yup.

Nick: It's true.

Leah: Because people can't message you work stuff.

Nick: Yeah. So, if you want to take a...Me-Thanksgiving? My-Thanksgiving? What's the...

Leah: Meeee....

Nick: Meees-giving?

Leah: Meesgiving.

Nick: Meesgiving.

Leah: I guess that's what it would be.

Nick: That's what it is now. If you want to take a Meesgiving, we support you.

Leah: Yeah. And if you have questions about other holidays, like Christmas.

Leah: Christmas is coming.

Nick: Christmas is coming soon.

Leah: I'm so excited.

Nick: You love Christmas

Leah: I love Christmas.

Nick: Like a little too much.

Leah: I would say there's never too much when it comes to Christmas.

Nick: Okay, so if you have Christmas questions, send them in. We have thoughts about them.

Leah: Yes, we do.

Nick: And we have thoughts about so many other things, so send them to us through our website — — and we'll see you next time.

Leah: See you next time.

Nick: Bye.

Leah: Bye.

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