Nov. 22, 2021

Spending Other People's Money, Tipping Sanitation Workers, Going Rogue at Weddings, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah answer listener questions about spending other people's money, tipping sanitation workers at the holidays, ignoring wedding dress codes, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)


Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah answer listener questions about spending other people's money, tipping sanitation workers at the holidays, ignoring wedding dress codes, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)

Have a question for us? Call or text (267) CALL-RBW or visit ask.wyrbw.com

 

QUESTIONS FROM THE WILDERNESS:

  • I offered to "bring something" to a dinner party and then was given the entire shopping list...what do I do?
  • How do I get my neighbor to not leave their boat in their yard?
  • What is most polite way to thank people for condolence cards that were received six months ago and not yet acknowledged?
  • How much and where do I I tip my sanitation workers for the holidays?
  • What do I do about my wedding officiant who isn't following the dress code?

 

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO...

 

CREDITS

Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian

 

TRANSCRIPT

Episode 115

 

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Transcript

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "Our in-laws were hosting a small dinner for us and a few relatives. We let them know beforehand that if they needed us to grab anything from the store before we came over, we'd be happy to. A few hours later, they sent us the whole shopping list for the entire dinner. We quietly obliged, brought it over, and they started cooking. But they never reimbursed us. While I don't mind running errands for someone, it's like they were spending our money without asking. Is this rude? Even when it's family? How would you respond to a situation like this?" [laughs] Oh, dear.

Leah: Right? I read this and I was like ...

Nick: Oh, dear.

Leah: There was a lot of head wiping. Like, a lot of foreheads, sort of.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Essentially, what happened is—what the question should have been was, "Hey, can you buy all this stuff and we'll make dinner for you?" That's what that is. That's not a, "Hey, do you want to come over?"

Nick: Yeah. I mean, my first thought was, what was their plan had you not offered to stop at the store? Were they gonna go grocery shopping? Like, how was this even gonna unfold?

Leah: I also thought about that. I literally don't get it.

Nick: Right?

Leah: This is one of the ones where you wish you could interview the other party to be like, "Hey."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: "What was gonna happen if they didn't bring over all the groceries?"

Nick: So a couple thoughts, and we'll go through them in no particular order. One is, offering like this, it is a thing that we say. "Oh, do you want me to pick up anything?" And very often we don't mean it. It's just sort of like a thing that we say to be polite. But I think some people do take it literally, which is what happened here. And so I think if you aren't really interested in doing it, or you think you might be taken advantage of, yeah, don't offer. This is what happens if you offer to do something— they might actually take you up on it.

Leah: No, I don't think people would guess that. I always offer, and I mean it. And I assume people are like ice, maybe a beverage, something they missed.

Nick: Yeah, as soon as I said that, I was like, "Oh, no. This is bonkers."

Leah: This is bonkers.

Nick: This is a bonkers thing. It's a bonkers thing to offer and then, like, oh, please do all the shopping.

Leah: Please do every item for the entire meal. That's—I mean, how could you have guessed that?

Nick: And actually, can you do some back to school supply shopping for me too? I need some binders and pencils.

Leah: What's going on?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And I think yes, it's rude even when it's family. It's rude when it's anybody.

Nick: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes, let's answer that question. Yeah. Oh, no, this is rude.

Leah: Because it's family, I think there's no way really to address it, except for to not ever do it again.

Nick: Yes, I think we definitely don't want to put ourselves in this situation ever again, knowing that these are the sort of people that will do this. So this is the last time this happens.

Leah: Also, when you offered—this is not you our letter writer, it's anybody. If you offered a host a quote, "small dinner for people," you're hosting.

Nick: Right.

Leah: You're not then sending the people the grocery list and being like, "Oh, can you get this?"

Nick: Yeah, because then you're just like the catering hall, but not the caterer.

Leah: Yeah, you're not—you're not actually hosting that event at all.

Nick: Right.

Leah: You're just having it in your home.

Nick: It's a potluck for one.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. No, there's actually not a term for this because it doesn't exist.

Leah: I think that's the perfect way to say it, because when I read it, I was like, I don't—we don't have—I don't know—because we don't have the words for a thing like that.

Nick: Yeah, this is not a thing where it's sort of like, you do everything and come to my house, but we say that I'm hosting somehow. Yeah, no.

Leah: I also think it's particularly—and I brought this up before it went into your in-laws.

Nick: Hmm.

Leah: There's really no way to address it. It's not—you're one step away from that.

Nick: Yes. The only idea I had when you get this text message with a shopping list attachment is to pretend it was a joke. Like, "Oh, that's funny. We'll pick up some brownies. See you soon!" Like, that would be the only option, maybe? And you really have to stick the landing.

Leah: I can't imagine saying that to relatives.

Nick: Yeah. No, I don't know if it's feasible. I was just trying to brainstorm something. But yeah, I think you just have to suck it up and just you do the shopping, and that's the end of that.

Leah: But I would love to know what would have happened if they hadn't texted and been like, "Hey, do you need anything?" What were they gonna cook?

Nick: Yeah, I think they'd probably order in, I guess. Which I guess they'd ask you to pay for. [laughs]

Leah: So odd!

Nick: Now in general, though, Miss Manners actually says that you can show up empty-handed. The key for these situations is to reciprocate. So it is okay to not bring anything at all and to not offer to bring something, and just to reciprocate the invitation. Or you can bring something, not show up empty-handed, but you just pick what that is. It's a jam from a local farmer's market. It's coffee from the roastery. It's, like, whatever else you want to bring. And you could just decide that without asking your hosts what that is.

Leah: I mean, it would be hard for me not to ask people if they needed anything. It's just such a knee-jerk reaction.

Nick: Oh, that's like your default setting when you're invited over?

Leah: Well, if it's like an evening and—you know what I mean? I think, oh, maybe they're overwhelmed and they need—you know, a lot of times people forget to grab that one last thing, you know? And their mid-cooking—which obviously these people were not mid-cooking—and they're like, "Oh, I totally forgot the celery. Could you please grab the celery?"

Nick: Oh, this comes to mind, then. We would wait until we are en route to the venue to make our offer. So we're 20 minutes away. "Oh, there's a supermarket that's right there. Do you want us to pop in to grab something? Surely the rest of the meal is together, but if you did forget the crème fraîche, we're available to grab it for you if you need it." That might be a way out of this.

Leah: I mean, in the future.

Nick: Because in this letter, they indicated that several hours passed between them offering to stop by the store and getting the shopping list. So quite a lot of time had passed, and so I think the offer to bring something was too early.

Leah: Well, not too early. I don't think we should blame our letter writer because honestly, how could you be prepared for this?

Nick: No, that's true. But this would be a way to still offer to bring things in the future, but not get stuck with the whole list.

Leah: Yes, if you decide you're gonna risk it again.

Nick: I might risk it again. Maybe. Well, because if it's like you, and you are inclined to do this, this is your default setting.

Leah: But I mean, it's only gonna happen with the in-laws. No other group of people are gonna be like, "Can you buy ..."

Nick: "Everything?"

Leah: Yeah. It's just not—it's unheard of.

Nick: Well, it's heard of, because we just heard it.

Leah: Now it's heard of.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: You know, we should almost have a section called "Now it's heard of."

Nick: "Now we know it's a thing in the world."

Leah: And things that we've never heard of, and we bring it up. [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I live in an area bordered by a massive body of water. Those waterfront homes are very expensive, so I bought the house across the street where I still have a beautiful lake view at a fraction of the price without the erosion issue. My neighbors across the street bought a massive sailboat and parked it on the side of their house, blocking a part of my view. They've only used the boat once, and now they're gonna be going to one of their other homes for the winter, leaving the monster for us to look at all winter long. I don't know them well enough to ask them to put the boat in storage, and I don't want to cause issues with these neighbors. But I looked up the city rules and they actually can't have the boat in their yard. Do I report them to the city? I don't want them to know it's me. And who else would have reported them to the city? Should I grin and bear it? I can't bring myself to talk to them. Help, please!"

Leah: When I read this, I read, "Help, Nick. Please!"

Nick: [laughs] You don't have anything to add here?

Leah: No, I got the sweats. I got the sweats.

Nick: Well, my first question is, why are we being coy about this body of water? What do you think it is? Lake Baikal, Lake Como, Lake Titicaca?

Leah: [laughs] I think they don't want us to come over. They know that we'll just go to that lake and walk around in a circle until we find a sailboat blocking a house view. And then we'll be like, "It's them!" And then invite ourselves in.

Nick: "That's the one!" So in general, I think it's always nice to try and resolve issues with neighbors without involving the authorities. Like, I think that's a nice place to start.

Leah: Oh, I definitely agree with that.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Absolutely.

Nick: And that goes if you're, like, in an apartment complex. You know, don't complain to management first. Like, start with the neighbor. See how far you can get.

Leah: Not that I—I definitely think that my idea was that I got the sweats being like, what are you gonna say when you walk over? Because obviously this person also got the sweats. So then I just, you know, empathically got the sweats with them.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think if you wanted to say something now, it would need to be a polite yet direct conversation, which is, "Hey, I was wondering if you were gonna be putting your boat in storage for the winter. As you know, the city rules are X, Y, Z. But more importantly, we would love to enjoy the lake view while you're away for the winter."

Leah: How do you feel about them writing that in a letter and putting it on the door?

Nick: I think a letter is okay, and I feel like that might feel less confrontational and easier to do if you have trouble sort of with an in-person conversation and aren't sure how they're gonna react.

Leah: I felt like a letter was okay.

Nick: But I mean, what are your choices? You can either say something or not say something. If you don't want to say something, then you can either report them to the city or you can do nothing and live with it. So it's like, what do you want to have happen here?

Leah: And I feel like reporting them to the city is escalating it before having the conversation. It just feels ...

Nick: Like, if you're worried about reporting them to the city and them knowing it was you that did it, and then did it and then them not liking you because of it? Well, that's a possibility. But if you're worried that they're not gonna like you if you talk to them as well, well, then that's also a possibility. So if you're worried they're not gonna like you either way, then at least start with talking to them first, because there's a possibility that they may like you and then it's fine. But either way, you do have two outcomes where they may not like you, but one has a better chance of them liking you.

Leah: It's also a total possibility that they don't know that it's not legal and you're giving them—you're saving them a ticket.

Nick: That's possible, yes. I mean, I think you'd have to be very nice about introducing that topic.

Leah: I thought the way you suggested sounded nice.

Nick: Yeah, I think that definitely could be one way to go. I think for me, one phrase that pops out in this letter is, "I can't bring myself to talk to them." And I get that. I think you probably get that more.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And I think though, that being adult does require us to do things that we don't want to do. And I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Being an adult is just doing things that we don't want to do, doing hard things, doing uncomfortable things. And this is one of those things. Sorry, not sorry. So I think you might just have to suck it up and do something you don't really want to do but, like, ultimately, do you want to live with this boat in your view or not?

Leah: Sometimes when I have to do something I don't want to do, I have a piece of toast first.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: It's really my thing. I have a piece of toast. It's a little treat. Gives myself fortitude.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: Because it is uncomfortable, and it's something you don't want to do. And it's either, exactly as Nick said, you do it or you have the boat in your view.

Nick: But here's another idea I had. We do need a better relationship with these people so that having conversations with our neighbors is not uncomfortable, because there could be other neighbor-y issues that happen in the future, and we want to be able to talk to our neighbors and have a cordial relationship with them. So I think ...

Leah: I know where this is going, and I think it's a great idea.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. So this winter, I think we suck it up, we deal with the boat. We see if they put it in a dry dock or not. We see if the city just finds the boat anyway because, like, it's a big boat. If somebody from the city is driving around, they're gonna see a boat and they can just ticket them without you having to get involved. But I think then next spring when they're back, I think we want to make an effort to get to know them and become cordial with them—maybe even friendly, maybe even go out on the boat. And then when we roll around to next fall, when it's time to put the boat away again, then you'll know them, and you can have a much more warm conversation about, like, "Hey, would you please put your boat in storage this winter so that I don't have to look at it?" And I think that would be much easier a year from now.

Leah: I love it.

Nick: Is that what you thought I was gonna say?

Leah: Well, I assumed it was gonna be about developing a relationship with them, maybe bringing them over a fruit basket. "Welcome to the neighborhood. We're across the street." And that way then it would become easier to—but I didn't think of it until you started talking.

Nick: Because also, if you're in a lake community? You need friends with boats. That's, like, very important. So I think even for purely selfish interests, you need to be friends with these people, and you need to get them to like you so you can get on their boat.

Leah: Nick's saying that, and then also earlier, I think as Nick said, if you're worried that they're not gonna like you and you really need the boat out of the way, then they're just not gonna like you and you have to have the conversation.

Nick: Right. And, you know, we live in a world in which not everyone's gonna like you. And you have to be in a good place with that.

Leah: Which is devastating. I mean, it's devastating, but it's true.

Nick: But yeah, I mean, I'm not setting that rule, I'm just explaining how the world is.

Leah: Brutal!

Nick: And so if these people don't want to like you, then okay, that's just what it is. So they're gonna not like you, and you can either not be liked and have a boat in your view or not be liked and not have a boat in your view. So you're not gonna be liked either way, but the question for you is, do you want a boat in your view or not?

Leah: And it might not be a big deal. They might not have known.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And they're like, "Oh, thank you for telling us."

Nick: Right.

Leah: Or you move in, as Nick said, slowly in the spring with a friendship plan.

Nick: Yeah, I think a basket of baked goods and some Harry & David pears, that's gonna get you pretty far.

Leah: Mm!

Nick: So our next question is quote, "What is the most polite way to handle thanking people for sending condolence cards many months ago that were never acknowledged? Should someone send thank-you notes in the mail? For context, the loss happened six months ago."

Leah: Most importantly, I'm very sorry for your loss. And I think that with losing people, people who send condolence cards know that the recipient is not in a good place.

Nick: Right. Yeah, that's a good point. And etiquette in general gives a lot of leeway when it comes to people mourning. So I wouldn't worry about, like, not acknowledging these cards. I think that's fine. But I do think it is still nice to acknowledge that people did do nice things for you. So I think you could send a handwritten note. That's always nice. No issues there. You could also send a text, you could send an email, a phone call. Like, you could check in in other ways and just be like, "Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness last—you know, six months ago. It was a difficult time. I really appreciated receiving your note." And I think that's it. And that's fine. That's great.

Leah: Yeah, my new thing is a voice text.

Nick: Oh, okay.

Leah: I don't have time to text. And sometimes you don't want to call, especially, I think when you're in an emotional place, you don't necessarily want to talk to somebody, but you want to leave a message for them.

Nick: Hmm.

Leah: Because it has more feeling in it than a text. I think sending a text is fine, but I think another option is sending a voice text where you say, "Thank you so much, and I got it. It meant a lot to me." And you send the voice text.

Nick: Oh, that's a good point, yeah. Because I guess you miss some of the nuance and sincerity in the text format, where you'll get that in the voice.

Leah: But I think text, obviously. I'm a texter. I think, text’s totally fine.

Nick: Yeah. So send some acknowledgment of some sort in some medium. And do it sooner than later—when you're ready. Not before you're ready, but when you're ready, I think, then do it. And I think that'll be nice.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Okay. So our next question is quote, "How much do I tip my garbage men for the holidays? And how do I tip them? They come twice a week, once for garbage and once for recyclables, and come very early in the morning, and not always at the same time. There's a crew of about five or so on the truck, and in the past I've left an envelope with a holiday card and cash taped under the lid of the trash can, but I don't think that's the best way to do it. What do you suggest?"

Leah: I guess the question is: are you home?

Nick: Is that the question for you?

Leah: I guess? Well, I didn't know the—what's your question?

Nick: Well to me, I think there's two questions: one is, how much should you tip a garbage person? And then the second is, how do you actually get the tip in their hands, given that they're doing what they're doing at a time when you're not around?

Leah: Well, that was my question: are you always not around?

Nick: Yes. Presumably, you're not up at 5:00 a.m.

Leah: Because I think the easiest thing would be to walk out with a card with the cash in it and say, "This is for everybody."

Nick: Sure. Yes, I think if you wanted to get up early or happen to be up early anyway, okay.

Leah: But then we're skipping over the how much do I tip garbage men?

Nick: Well, so for that, I mean, this just depends on where you are and what's conventional in your area. I mean, if you go to the etiquette gurus, the range you're gonna hear is, like, $10 to $25 per person. And so, you know, depending on how many people are collecting your garbage, you know, that could be some real money.

Leah: I think it's really nice that you want to figure out the best way to tip your garbage people.

Nick: Yes. I think the taping in the lid? I don't love that. I don't think that's the good strategy.

Leah: Well, they could miss it.

Nick: Right.

Leah: I think it's very creative, and I appreciate that you're, like, thinking of different ways to do it.

Nick: I was thinking we probably know where the garbage office is. It's probably in your town somewhere. And so I was thinking, let's go to that office and actually drop off cards to them, and have them distribute it to the people that are on your route.

Leah: I think that that's an option. It seems easier to me to get up two hours earlier one day.

Nick: Oh, really?

Leah: And just walk outside and say thank you, you know? And then you can see people's faces and hand it to them.

Nick: But they're not like the symphony where the baton drops at exactly the right time every week. I mean, they might be a half hour here, an hour there. I mean, it could be 5:00 a.m., it could mean 4:00 a.m., it could mean 6:00 a.m. I mean, who knows when they're showing up?

Leah: I mean ...

Nick: But for you, that's easier. Let me just get up at four, wait on my porch, listen for the truck, run out when I hear them, versus let me just, during normal business hours, drive to the part of town where the garbage office is and drop off an envelope.

Leah: Yeah. For me, I'd rather do A.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, those are two options. I do think garbage people, especially around the holidays, are primed to look under lids for cards, cash and tips. So I do think that is done in a lot of places, and so I think it won't be missed. But I do think that thieves and other scoundrels also know this around the holidays and are probably looking under lids too in case you've left anything. So there's a danger that your tip could fall into the wrong hands.

Leah: Oh, okay.

Nick: Right?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah, you don't want to think the worst of humanity, but ...

Leah: I was more worried about the danger that they wouldn't see it, but you're right, people could go through looking in garbage cans. So sad!

Nick: It happens. Yeah. It's the world we live in. So our next question is quote, "Our wedding is this weekend and I have an etiquette question. Our officiant had a custom suit made. We asked that no bright colors or florals would be worn by the guests at our ceremony, and that was mostly because my dress is colorful and does have flowers on it. Our officiant didn't tell us what his suit would look like, and we just found out this week that it is literally an entire suit made of a neon flower pattern—the whole suit. And the jacket has bright blue lapels. The pants? All neon flowers. The entire thing. It is a gorgeous suit, but it is definitely exactly what we said on our invitation and on our wedding website that we didn't want. So now we have our officiant scrambling to find a new suit this week, and I feel obligated to pay for it because I am requiring that he buys another expensive suit. I just don't know what to do. Please help!"

Leah: Did you message her back right away?

Nick: Yeah, I did. Yeah, this was an etiquette emergency, and we were here for her. Yes. So I know what I said. What do you suggest here?

Leah: I always have so many questions.

Nick: I have a lot of follow up questions, too, yeah. I did ask for a photo of the suit and I have not received it. So I'll share that with you if I get it, because I am curious what a neon flower pattern looks like.

Leah: Because I feel—I don't want to assume, but I would assume the officiant was familiar with the wedding website and what was asked of people.

Nick: Yes, I assume that the officiant is a friend of the people getting married. This is not clergy. This is not a justice of the peace.

Leah: Right? So they knew that they had asked people not to wear bright floral patterns.

Nick: I assume that the officiant is also a guest and did receive an invitation, did receive a link to the wedding website. Correct.

Leah: So we're assuming that. And then on top of that, I feel like it's a weird part of my brain that processes the idea that the wedding officiant would be like, "I want to have the loudest outfit out of the wedding party."

Nick: [laughs] Yes. Even if there was no dress code listed on the invitation or the wedding website, it is a bold move to be the officiant at this event wearing this without reviewing it with the people getting married, and being like, "Hey, it's what I was thinking Like, cool? Not cool? Like, what are you thinking?" And just to show up with this.

Leah: Yeah, it should have been reviewed because normally, the focus is supposed to be on the people getting married.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, normally.

Leah: Unless I've been going about weddings all wrong, I feel like they are who is supposed to have the most attention.

Nick: Yes. The officiant should not be pulling focus. And can you imagine what all the wedding photos are gonna look like? You have this person dead center in the frame.

Leah: I feel like you're not obligated to pay for it because they should have run it by you, but if it would make you feel better, I think you could say, "I really don't want you to wear this." However nice way you think to say it.

Nick: [laughs] Not that way.

Leah: Yeah, that's not it. But "Oh, we didn't want people to wear bright colors because of my dress and, you know, let me buy you another suit." I don't think you're obligated to do it because really they are sort of out of line, but I think it will make you feel better.

Nick: Yes. I think if this person was a recipient of the invitation and wedding website and just missed it, I do think you are off the hook, technically. Now I don't think we need to make this person buy a new suit. I would be happy if they wore an older suit that they may already own. I think that would be okay. I don't think I need them to go out shopping. And yeah, do you feel obligated to pay for it? Yeah, I don't think you're obligated. I think you could certainly help make that process easier in some way. So that's either: "Let me take you shopping," or "Let me help you get it tailored," or "Let me, like, set up an appointment at some store that has suiting." You know, I think you could do things short of paying for it itself.

Leah: I assume they didn't tell the wedding officiant to buy an expensive suit. "Please buy a neon expensive suit and have it handmade." I assume that didn't happen. I don't think they're obligated to pay for it at all.

Nick: Yeah. No.

Leah: But sometimes it just makes it—I almost want to take back what I said. I think you could just say—as Nick said—wear an old suit.

Nick: Yeah, like, wear an old suit. That's fine.

Leah: What did you say?

Nick: So I told her basically that: that you are not obligated to buy something if this person, like, received all the information and just missed it or chose to ignore it, and that there's no obligation. If you feel like for harmony or for expediency or for ease, you wanted to offer to pay for it or contribute in some way, like, that would be fine. And then I did add at the end that in 10 years, no one's gonna remember this. Like, when you think about weddings from 10 years ago, the takeaway is just sort of like the feeling that you had at that event. You don't remember the specifics. You don't remember what the dessert was. You don't remember the signature cocktail. You don't even remember what you were wearing. So, like, none of it actually matters at the end of the day. And I think if we just keep our eye on the prize, which is like, what is this event really about, which is, like, making a promise to somebody in front of your community, then let's just, like, remember that, and who cares what this person's wearing? And it'll be a great story. So, you know, on some level, it's okay. Like, let's not worry about it. Let's not sweat it. It'll be a beautiful day.

Leah: Hmm. So the first part is exactly what I said.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: We were totally in agreement.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: But I would maybe just pay for it to make it easy.

Nick: Yeah. You're not obligated to do so but, you know, if you wanted to, and that was just, like, easier to get what you wanted in terms of the look for your wedding, then just do it.

Leah: I always feel like with these, I feel like we're missing a part of the story. You know, you want to know, how did this person come upon the idea of making a customed neon suit?

Nick: Yeah. And thought, "Oh, this is the thing for this event."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: "For these people."

Leah: Like, were they asked to make a custom suit?

Nick: They were definitely not asked to. I can't imagine.

Leah: Right? I can't imagine.

Nick: Because if you open that door then yeah, you're gonna get a neon flower suit with blue lapels. That's a world we live in.

Leah: And I assume this was all on their own. And they must have, must have known what you were wearing and then what you asked your guests.

Nick: So what I'm picturing is: this is one of their friends, and typically you would ask a friend to officiate if they were good friends, and if they had some sort of charisma of some sort. And so I can picture that we all have this friend in our world who is like that friend that's, like, a little bigger than life, a little, like, louder than average. And this is that type of person where it's like, "Oh yeah, of course, Chad is gonna wear the loud suit of this wedding. Like, that's so Chad." And so I think Chad was just being Chad. And I think Chad was like, "Oh yeah, that's for the guests. Gray suits? Sure. Guests do that. But I'm not a guest. I'm the officiant. I have a different role here. I'm exempt from all that." And so I think that was what he was thinking, and I think he thought it was fine. And I bet he also thought it would be a fun surprise for him to show up being dressed in this sort of outlandish way. And he thought that was actually gonna be kind of a fun thing to sort of spring on them. And I think if anybody knows anything about weddings and planning weddings, they do not like surprises. So that was a bit of a misstep. But I think in his head, that's kind of probably what he was thinking. It was like, "Oh, this is gonna be like a fun, bold surprise for them."

Leah: I like that line of thinking, that that's how he got there.

Nick: Because otherwise, this is malicious. No!

Leah: Yeah, there's no way it was malicious.

Nick: No, you don't do neon flowers for malicious purposes. That's crazy.

Leah: [laughs] So I think that, yeah, I would love to know how it went.

Nick: Yes, please let us know how it worked out. And you out there, if you ever hear something on our show and you want to know what was the aftermath?

Leah: Aftermath!

Nick: We're happy to reach out to the people, see how things went. Was our advice good? Was it garbage? We're always happy to find out. So you can do that through our website or send in your own question: WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!