July 20, 2020

Sliding Into a Stranger’s DMs, Leaving Dirty Dishes at the Office, Using Wedding Gifts Before the Wedding, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this bonus episode, Nick and Leah answer listener questions about sliding into people's DMs, dealing with a coworker's dirty dishes, following up on whether gifts were received, and much more. Please subscribe! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we had your address.)


QUESTIONS FROM THE WILDERNESS:

  • Is it rude to slide into someone's DMs?
  • Is it OK to ask about the cost of a "market price" or a daily special item at a restaurant?
  • Would it be rude to leave a coworker's dirty dishes on their desk if they don't wash them?
  • How can I make sure a gift I sent was actually received?
  • At the gate of my gated community, is it OK to drive ahead of guests waiting to be buzzed in?
  • Can you use a wedding gift card before the wedding?

THINGS MENTIONED DURING THE SHOW

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO...

CREDITS

Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian


Transcript

[Musical Interlude]

Nick: Hey, everybody, it's Nick Leighton.

Leah: I'm Leah Bonnema!

Nick: We're in New York today, and we got so many great questions from you guys in the wilderness-

Leah: [Howling]

Nick: -that we have a bonus episode!

Leah: Yes!

Nick: So, here is our first question. "Is it rude to slide into someone's DMs?"

Leah: I just wrote, "Depends on what you're saying."

Nick: True. [Giggling] Well, first, let us explain what 'sliding into someone's DMs' means. Do you have a definition?

Leah: You know one of the things I like about you?

Nick: What?

Leah: I mean one of the many things.

Nick: Yes, let's list them! [Giggling]

Leah: I honestly- I couldn't list them all. I'd have to write them out, and I didn't want to take forever.

Nick: Yes, that's so true!

Leah: I feel you're so good at being like, "Let's get the ... What are the facts of this?"

Nick: Yeah, let's break it down.

Leah: Yes, break it down from the top, in order. I think it's such a wonderful, amazing skill set.

Nick: Well, we want to help people who may not know what 'sliding into DMs' is because, otherwise, they'll be lost. So, the idea is DM is direct message. Direct messages happen typically on a social media platform, like your Instagrams, your Twitters, your Facebook. We have our public profiles that you can comment on, but then, these profiles, you have a way where you can do a little one-on-one messaging. That's a direct message. When we talk about sliding into someone's DMs, usually it's a little flirty, a little intimate.

Leah: Yeah, it has a connotation.

Nick: You wanna take that relationship to the next level.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Leah's looking at me. [Giggling]

Leah: No, I thought you were gonna say something else.

Nick: So, I guess the question is, is it rude to do it? No, no, it's not rude. It's no more rude than walking up to somebody at a bar and saying hello, but then, what you say from there, that's where things can go off the rails.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Do you have any guidelines for people?

Leah: We're answering this as if it's for sure romantic, correct?

Nick: I mean, I don't know when you slide into someone's DMs, and it's not romantic.

Leah: Okay, so I think don't slide-

Nick: Before we get there, I guess there are times when you would slide into someone's DMs professionally.

Leah: Right?

Nick: You might do that. Right? I don't think there's a third category.

Leah: No. I think that's it.

Nick: You don't slide into someone's DMs, who's a friend of yours. Then, I don't know why you would slide in someone's DMs if you're just an acquaintance.

Leah: Yeah, no, I think those are the two reasons.

Nick: I think this question-writer wants to know about the romantic type of sliding.

Leah: I think that the main thing is a) what you say, and b) is this person's profile making it ... Don't slide into a DM , when it's clear they have no interest in a DM slide.

Nick: Okay, how would we know that?

Leah: I've had people slide into my DMs-

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: -who've seen me comedy shows, which a) I'm always complimented. I'm really ... If you don't say anything foul, I'm complimented. I appreciate it.

Nick: The absence of negative words [Giggling] is a compliment.

Leah: Yeah, or foul, you know what I mean? Some people are gross, and you're like, "What?! Don't be gross!" But someone will say, "Oh, I saw your comedy show ..." I very clearly state that I'm in a relationship and I'm happy, so it's not appropriate to slide into my DMs!

Nick: I see, and that's motivation. Okay.

Leah: Yeah. If somebody is posting pictures predominantly of like their wedding, and they're a happy couple, don't slide into that DM for that reason.

Nick: Yeah, okay. That's true. Maybe look for some clues, yeah.

Leah: Yeah. Look- be a little aware!

Nick: Right. Okay.

Leah: I would say that's fair.

Nick: Yeah, and I guess if you don't get a response from your DM slide, I would take that as a hint.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: I don't think we pursue it further.

Leah: I love when people post ... It's usually, a lot of my female friends will post DM slides they get-

Nick: Oh!

Leah: -that they haven't responded to, and people just keep coming at them, and they just get madder, and madder [Giggling], and it's just post the whole thing. You're like, "Wow!" Just because you've slidden into the DM doesn't mean they have to respond.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. The floodgates aren't open. I think, if you do get a response, that is also not your opportunity to then unleash the hounds. That's not full license to get inappropriate.

Leah: I totally agree. But I do think you want to throw out a little, "Hello, what's up?" Give it a shot.

Nick: Yeah, give it a shot. Now, somebody mentioned that you've got to stick with one platform. So, if you slide into somebody's DMs on Instagram, you should not also slide into their DMs on Twitter.

Leah: Yeah-

Nick: You can't multi-platform your DM sliding.

Leah: No.

Nick: If you're gonna do it, pick the one you think is gonna have the best success rate for you.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Then, another person was saying that if you see someone on Tinder and they don't swipe right on you, do not use that as a reason to slide into their DMs.

Leah: Oh, yeah. No!

Nick: They didn't miss your profile on Tinder.

Leah: [Laughing]

Nick: So, don't use their Instagram profile that was linked and be like, "Oh, I don't know if you saw my profile ... Hey, what's up?" Don't do that.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Apparently, that's a no. But other than that, I think fortune favors the bold, and as long as you are as respectful as you would be in real life, if you saw this person, then I think this is fine.

Leah: I absolutely agree.

Nick: Yeah. So, our next question is: "At a restaurant, when the price of an item on the menu is listed as market price, is it rude to ask the waiter to clarify the cost? Similarly, if the waiter tells you the specials but doesn't give a price. Is it rude to ask?"

Leah: [Singing] Nick, please answer this question because I thought the exact same thing.

Nick: Really?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Okay. No, it is not rude at all. Yeah, go ahead and ask. Usually, market price, that would almost always, I think, refer to fish.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: I'm trying to think when I've seen a menu where it wasn't a fish thing that was market price. Sometimes, it'll be written on the menu as "MP," so that's what that means. Basically, there are some items, like fish, that the price varies based on the day, and it varies based on the weight of the cut. You just have to ask what they have, because the price also might change throughout the evening, depending on what parts of the fish are left. So, yeah, just ask. It's not rude.

I think what's rude is how you respond. So, if they're like, "Oh yes, the fresh-caught sole is $49.95," and you're like, "What?! Is it panko-crusted, or diamond-crusted?" No ... Don't make a big scene about the price. Don't feign shock, or like, "Ohhh ..." No. Just accept the information neutrally, and then, you can make a decision, but I think it's totally fine to ask.

Leah: Great!

Nick: Yeah. Now, I think if you are dining with somebody, and you know they're paying - this is a work thing, or this is a date - I think you probably wouldn't ask because you probably shouldn't order that item, right? If you're on a date, the market-price fish entree is not going to be on the cheaper side. It's definitely going to be on the high end of all the entree options, and it'll definitely be noted by your host that you ordered the market-price something, if they did not. You follow?

Leah: Yeah. No, I never order from the specials, or the market-price items if somebody else is paying.

Nick: I mean, I think it's fine to order from the specials, if the prices of the specials are sort of in the world of everything else.

Leah: Right. I mean if it's announced in a way, where I'm like, "Oh, that could be ..."

Nick: Yeah, like if there's a supplement, or there's like truffle shavings, you probably should maybe not do that.

Leah: Yeah. They're like, "This fish has gold ..."

Nick: Yes. "Would you like it with gold leaf or platinum?" [Giggling] Our next question is: "I work in an office with a kitchenette, and coworkers seem constitutionally incapable of washing their own dishes. Would it be too aggressive to place dirty dishes on the offending coworkers' desks?" Leah, would it be too aggressive?

Leah: A) I would watch that as a sketch.

Nick: Sure [Giggling]

Leah: I would say that I enjoy it emotionally.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Because people that are in a group space and don't wash their own dishes mind-boggles me. I just-

Nick: Very common.

Leah: Who's gonna clean up after them? I just ... So, I get the want to do that.

Nick: Yes. This would feel very satisfying.

Leah:I do think it's maybe not appropriate for the response.

Nick:I mean, it's aggressive.

Leah: It is aggressive!

Nick: It's aggressive, and I would go so far as to say it's too aggressive.

Leah: Yeah, it just seems not ... It doesn't seem the appropriate way to handle it. Not that I wouldn't enjoy it, as a person viewing this situation, but it doesn't seem-

Nick: Right. So, how would you handle it? Do you have thoughts?

Leah: I think you could put a sign up that says, "Please wash your dishes.

Nick: We could definitely do the sign thing, yes. I mean, chances are, this office already has the sign, which is like, "Your mom doesn't work here. Please wash your own dishes."

Leah: I mean, if there's already a sign, and people aren't washing their dishes ...

Nick: Well, here's the thing. Everyone knows that you're supposed to wash your dishes at an office. This is not some secret. This is not some thing that people don't know. So, people are just sort of choosing not to do it or being absent-minded about it. Having the sign, I don't know if it's really moving the needle because this is a major problem in offices all over. Most of our audience works in an office that has a dish problem. This is universal. So, not all the signs in the world are really going to fix this.

Leah: I'm just gonna throw this out there.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: This is between sign and putting on their desk-

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Say Chad was eating some oatmeal, in the kitchen area, that he had just got out of the microwave, and then, he leaves the bowl and walks off.

Nick: Ugh, Chad!

Leah: You think Chad is getting some bad karma points, but Chad's gonna leave it, and you're about to lose your mind because Chad always leaves it. What about putting a note on the bowl that says, "Save for Chad," and put it to the side.

Nick: Uhhhh ...

Leah: You're not putting it on Chad's desk, but next time Chad's back, he's gonna see that and be like, "Oh, I guess I gotta wash this."

Nick: Save for Chad.

Leah: Chad's bowl.

Nick: I like that, but ... I mean, it's also an aggressive move. It's aggressive.

Leah: It's aggressive, but it's not as aggressive- because the only other option, if the sign's not working, is to let it ... You can't go over to somebody's desk and be like, "What's up with your dishes?"

Nick: Well, can we say something to Chad, which is not, "What's up with your dishes?"

Leah: I guess we could.

Nick: I don't know. So, I was doing some brainstorming, and I had some ideas. One was let's put up a dish rack, because I think, very often, there's not a dish rack. I think if there's a dish rack that encourages people.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So, that's an idea. Another idea is let's appeal to the powers that be. Is there a boss? Is there an HR department? Let's send one of those mass emails about how we're all supposed to behave, which sometimes helps.

Leah: I love that idea. Get a dish rack and be like, "Hey, can you guys send an email that there's a dish rack, and people should do their dishes?"

Nick: Somebody online was saying that there should just be a policy that dishes are thrown away at the end of the day if they're dirty. Just throw it away.

Leah: That seems ...

Nick: Got a dirty dish in the sink at 5:00? Just toss it. Yeah.

Leah: Oh if they're somebody's personal?

Nick: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Leah: Oh, if they're somebody's personal, I think that's fair.

Nick: Yeah, so that's an idea. I mean, it feels a little wasteful-

Leah: I mean, obviously, we shouldn't just be throwing away dishes that, if it's like communal dishes that get washed.

Nick: Oh, no. If it's washed, we're happy to put that away in the cupboard. No, no, it's if it's a dirty dish.

Leah: No, I mean like say the company provides plates for people. I don't think the company should just be throwing- to make a point.

Nick: Oh, yeah. Well, I don't think you'd really be making a point, if I'm throwing away the company's dishes.

Leah: Yeah, the stuff that I own. It would have to be like somebody's personal favorite mug.

Nick: Right. Then, I was thinking, well, what if we use positive reinforcement? So, what if we had a jar, and for every day that all the dishes were done, we put a dollar in the jar. Then, at the end the month, there's a pizza party, if we all do it every day. But if someone leaves a dish out, then the money gets donated to charity.

Leah: I mean, wouldn't we want the money to go to charity anyway? Well, but a pizza party. I mean ...

Leah: I know, but I think the money should have something else happen instead of go to something good.

Nick: Oh, so we need to have it go to something bad.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Okay, so we want to-

Leah: The money goes to-

Nick: Take food away from orphans.

Leah: [Laughing] Yeah. The money goes to replacing whoever- the person who leaves their dish out; they're hiring a new person for that position [Giggling]

Nick: [Giggling] Okay. All right, let's put it on the whiteboard.

Leah: I really love these ideas. These are all great ideas!

Nick: Yeah. Then, I guess it is conceivable that somebody leaves dishes in the sink and doesn't realize that there actually isn't anybody who doesn't do the dishes. There isn't a custodian at the end of the day who does everybody's dishes. I guess it is possible that maybe they just don't know.

Leah: I think that that email from HR, or whoever-

Nick: Yeah, that should remind them. Yeah, that's true. I'm just trying to-. I'm trying to do a Leah Bonnema 'give someone the benefit of doubt ...' But, yeah, this is a very common office problem, which has no great solution, unfortunately.

Leah: As far as you said about can you say something to somebody? This is where I would do something with humor, but it's also not within the road that we have been working towards of being direct-

Nick: Well, I think you can be direct and funny, yeah.

Leah: But, I mean, you'd be like, "Oh, my God! You just never wash your dishes! Do you think somebody's washing them?!

Nick: Okay, no ... That's not gonna-

Leah: Then, you just say it really, like, "Aaahhh," but that's just not appropriate.

Nick: No. That's not what we want. No. Our next question [Giggling] is ... I think we exhausted-

Leah: I really love your ideas.

Nick: Thank you so much. Yeah, I don't know how helpful they are. I don't think- I like pizza party. I'm going to stick with pizza party.

Leah: I do. I think that's great. I also think that if it's talked about that much, an email goes out; we're putting a dollar in every time; if somebody doesn't get it at that point, then you can break the plate over their head.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I guess, at that point, then you have permission to leave the dirty dishes on their desk.

Leah: Yeah, it's too far!

Nick: Okay. Our next question is: "Over the past couple months, I sent two very generous gifts to family members. One was a gift card for a wedding that was delivered over email, so it should have been received instantaneously. The other was a gift basket for my aunt's birthday, which email notification said was delivered two days ago. There's been no acknowledgment from either one. I even texted my aunt, today, because it's her actual birthday, to wish her happy birthday and mentioned we sent something in the mail and hope she likes it. She said, "Thanks for the birthday wishes," but no mention of the gift! So, the question is, is there a polite way to check and make sure that these gifts were actually received? I know via email that they were. but should I just embrace the fact that they're gifts that I'm giving them for their benefit and not so that I can receive gratitude? What should I do?"

Leah: I think these are two different things.

Nick: There's two slightly different things happening here, yeah.

Leah: You needing- wanting to know if something has arrived?

Nick: That's fair.

Leah: I think you're absolutely fair, and people should be able to acknowledge that.

Nick: Yeah, yeah. I think, for the first question: how do we acknowledge that this thing has arrived, especially when it's e-mail, I think we pretend that it went to their spam folder, and we ask, like, "Oh, hey, I sent you this gift card. Would you check your spam folder in case it ended up there?" I think that's a nice way to ask, like, "Oh, did you get this thing," which you clearly did and forgot to thank me for, but I'm giving you a way to save face.

Leah: Yeah. I mean, I've had people ask me, and I'm glad they did because I didn't get it.

Nick: Okay, or that is also a possibility. It was not received.

Leah: I didn't see it. I thought it was ... I recently had a friend ask me if I got something in the mail because she said, "It says it was delivered," and I hadn't gotten it.

Nick: Oh, okay.

Leah: So, I think you can just straight-up ask: "Hey, I just want to make sure you got this ..."

Nick: Right. She did that with the aunt, and the aunt ignored it and didn't then acknowledge the gift.

Leah: Well, I would follow up with a text that said, "Can you let me know if you got it, if it was received? I worry about the mail."

Nick: Uh, okay ... In this birthday text for the aunt's birthday, we did mention the gift in the text, but we actually did not ask, point blank, "Did you receive it?"

Leah: Yeah, I would ask point blank. I think you have every right to ask that.

Nick: Yes. However, if I receive a text, and you reference a gift, and then, there's no further conversation about this reference to a gift? I mean, c'mon! The aunt knows a gift is involved here.

Leah: Well, I think the aunt was saying, "Thank you for the birthday wishes." I would still follow up and asked, point blank.

Nick: Yeah, I guess you could.

Leah: You could just be like, "Okay, great! Hope you have a great birthday. Let me know when you get the gift."

Nick: Okay, yeah, you could end it that way. Although, she got the gift. She received the gift. The gift with received.

Leah: I'd like to believe that she didn't, or she didn't read the question appropriately.

Nick: Okay, she read the text message too fast.

Leah: Yeah. I'm gonna give everybody one- you know what I mean?

Nick: Yeah, because, otherwise, what do you do? You just be mad about it?

Leah: Or not know?

Nick: Right.

Leah: Because mail is a little, you know? Sometimes, people don't get things, or someone's neighbor picks it up. You know what I mean?

Nick: Yes. I mean, theft happens. I get it. I guess it's just with the aunt question, I'm bothered that I mentioned that I sent you a gift in this text message, and you were like, "Thanks for the birthday wishes," and you don't acknowledge the fact that I mentioned a specific gift in my message.

Leah: That's why I think you should give her one chance.

Nick: Yeah, okay ...

Leah: Say, "Please let me know when it arrives."

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Then, you've given her a second chance-

Nick: To be like, "Oh! It just showed up three days ago ..."

Leah: Or, "Oh, I got it. Thank you so much!" Then, if she behaves in the same way again-

Nick: Well, then, that's weird!

Leah: Then maybe we will not be sending gifts anymore.

Nick: Yeah, or your gift was incredibly inappropriate.

Leah: Which I don't think is what it was.

Nick: Probably not. No. Our next question is: "I live in a gated community. My gate opens with a remote control in my car. Visitors can stop at the gate and either punch in a code or call a resident to buzz them in. When I'm approaching the gate, and I see a car stopped, either punching in the code or calling a resident, am I rude to use my remote to open the gate and let myself in first? Should I wait for the other car? Sometimes, it is unclear if my remote has opened the gate, or they have opened it with the code, or the resident has buzzed them in. I usually will go first, but the gate always stays open behind me, so the person can still drive in. Also, there is an entrance to my development that visitors must go through first before making it to this particular gate, so I have no fear of letting in dangerous or nefarious visitors who follow me in."

Ooh, okay. So, I'm a little unclear on the exact geography here of what's happening; like how much room and how many lanes there are.

Leah: Me, too.

Nick: Because it sounds like I can pull around the other car and go through the gate.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: There's enough room for me to drive around this person.

Leah: And it says second gate.

Nick: It's been at the second gate. Yeah, this is a very fancy, highly secure - multiple layers of security - development.

Leah: You know ... I'm a wait-in-liner.

Nick: Right. [Giggling] That's true.

Leah: I really am. Unless you're in a rush, it's ... What's it gonna be? 30 seconds?

Nick: Yeah, hopefully not that long; although 30 seconds, if you just sit for 30 seconds doing nothing, that does feel like a very long time.

Leah: It does feel like a very long time, but if you feel like you're being rude, or it's come up enough that you have to ask-

Nick: Right.

Leah: -then wait the 30 seconds.

Nick: I think the way I would think about this is if I end up at the same barbecue as this other car, and then we both drive up together, and then we both park, and then we see each other, and then we're going to the same party, what would I have wanted to do to make that less awkward?

Leah: I think that's perfect.

Nick: So, whatever that would be, that's what I would do. If you feel like just letting them go first is the more polite thing and less awkward, I would do that. If, somehow, there's enough space for everybody, and it doesn't feel aggressive to drive around them, then I guess that's fine. Whatever would be that would make a barbecue meeting fine. The Barbecue Test; we're gonna call it the Barbecue Test.

Leah: I love the Barbecue Test. I agree wholeheartedly.

Nick: I think that's how I would roll with that. Yeah.

Leah: Perfect.

Nick: Our next question is: "What is the etiquette on using gifts or gift cards prior to a wedding? Should you wait until after the ceremony?

Leah: Nick, why don't you share your feelings on this one?

Nick: Oh, I want you to start because I want to see how you would use logic ñ or the correct answer - to arrive at something here. Do you not know? Are you conflicted? Do you feel like there could be two answers to this?

Leah: [Giggling] The last time, I didn't think there was a conflict-

Nick: That's true. You're full of surprises, yeah. You're going to get married. I've sent you a gift card. Are you going to wait until after the ceremony to cash it in and use it?

Leah: I mean, the person doesn't- [inaudible] doesn't even know.

Nick: Well, that's why they're asking us. That's what we're here for.

Leah: No, I'm saying the person who sent you the gift card, they don't get an alert when you use it.

Nick: True. Oh, so you say it's fine to use it because no one will know ...

Leah: No, I'm saying why would it matter to the person who gave it to you?

Nick: Well, I think the flipside of this question is: are we allowed to use gifts for an occasion that has not yet happened? So, it's like, this is for a wedding, but the wedding hasn't actually happened yet. Therefore, these gifts are not activated yet.

Leah: As a person who waits in line behind people where I can just use a clicker, I would never open a gift before the day that it was for.

Nick: Really?! Okay, so you're going to have the Christmas Day rules apply for all occasions.

Leah: Oh, I enforce it with people that live with me, and it has been very difficult to enforce.

Nick: [Giggling]

Leah: I have rained it down upon-

Nick: Not even one gift for Christmas Eve? No?

Leah: One gift, Christmas Eve.

Nick: Okay, so you will allow the one gift, Christmas Eve exception.

Leah: Nobody gets a birthday present early.

Nick: Okay, okay.

Leah: They are for that occasion.

Nick: I can see, if you are following Christmas rules, where the gift that is being given is for a certain day, and so, you can only open that gift on that day- if you extrapolate that to weddings, I can see how you've arrived at that.

Leah: Right.

Nick: And how, in your head, that makes sense.

Leah: I follow Christmas rules across the board, all occasions.

Nick: 365, right.

Leah: [Giggling] Yes.

Nick: I think the problem is, though, the thank you notes you write for a Christmas gift- as a society, we've agreed that you send those after Christmas. A thank you note for a wedding gift, as a society, we have not agreed that those are sent after the wedding. Those are sent as soon as you receive the gift.

Leah: Right. I also ... A lot of my close friends whose weddings I've been to were from a small town. They've been in people's backyards-

Nick: Sure.

Leah: -or in the woods. People genuinely brought the presents to the wedding-

Nick: I see.

Leah: There was a gift table.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Then, people opened the gifts that night.

Nick: Right, and the gift was lumber.

Leah: Which is a great gift-

Nick: [Giggling]

Leah: -because it will keep you warm all winter!

Nick: [Giggling] Right. I mean, great. If you register for lumber? Happy to buy it for you.

Leah: [Giggling]

Nick: I think, for this wedding question, though, open them up, cash them in. No problem. And I think it's actually super-nice, in your thank you note that you will be writing promptly, that you indicate - if it was a gift card - what you bought with the gift card. So, be like, "Hey, thank you so much for the Williams-Sonoma gift card! We are now the proud owner of a KitchenAid mixer in red, which is our favorite color, and we cannot wait to have you over and show you the brownies that we're currently perfecting ..." Like, whatever it is. But I think telling them how you used their gift card would be very nice. So, that would be my suggestion. Unless you think your wedding is not happening for some reason; unless you think that you might be calling it off, and you've got to return all these gifts, I think you can use them.

Leah: I thought you were like, "This is so clear cut," and I'm like, "No, I'm going to wait until the day ..."

Nick: [Giggling] Well, a lot of people, I think, might do that. Then, the problem is, are you writing thank you cards that are generic? "Thank you, for the gift." I don't want that thank you card!

Leah: No, but that would ... Then write it after the wedding.

Nick: Oh! So, now you're going to be waiting upwards of six months to write me a thank you note?

Leah: Why did I get the gift six months early?

Nick: I mean, I would send a gift six months early. Sure. If you send me a wedding invitation, I'm free to buy you a gift at that moment and any point up to the wedding. No problem. I could do that. I would send it early. Sure.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: So, don't make me wait for a thank you note! Yeah, I think if other people out there feel this way, this is not good. No! Because now you're compounding late thank you notes with everything else.

Leah: Right. No, I know that's your issue.

Nick: Not my ... This is not my issue! Don't put this on me! This is society! I'm representing-

Leah: No, I'm saying ... Yeah, but what if people like to open their wedding presents on their wedding, and then write a thank you note? I don't think that that is egregious.

Nick: I think it's egregious because there is no way to send prompt thank you notes if that's what you're doing.

Leah: What if ... I'm just throwing things out now.

Nick: Yeah, bring it.

Leah: I just didn't know that people were getting wedding presents ... In my mind, this was like two or three days.

Nick: Oh, no, no. This could be months!

Leah: Okay. See, I have to rethink because that wasn't in-

Nick: Okay ... Because very often, people send out the invitations and, as part of that, it's like, "Oh, here's our registry details." We've already indicated how the gift thing is going down as part of the initial "We're getting married" announcement.

Leah: Okay, so in this-

Nick: Way that it's often done ...

Leah: -new world that I am walking into-

Nick: Right [Giggling].

Leah: -where a gift could come that early-

Nick: Yes.

Leah: -then, I think yes, open; have at it.

Nick: Okay, thank you.

Leah: Then, just so you know, I've always written a specific thank you note with what I got with a gift card.

Nick: Yes, and just in case we're not clear on this topic, thank you notes require specificity about what was given. You can never refer to it as "the gift." You've got to be specific. Gotta call it out.

Leah: I think sometimes, I've written "the gift," when it was cash.

Nick: Uh, I would refer to cash as generosity.

Leah: I always say, "Thank you for your generous gift."

Nick: Okay, right [Giggling]

Leah: I just- I hate to write, "Thanks for that cold, hard MO-NEY!" [Laughing]

Nick: Makin' it rain!

Leah: I just never in my mind would think of, you know ... Now, I understand this whole other world where people plan in advance. Then, you have at it.

Nick: Well, we've all grown. So, these were fun questions!

Leah: These were great.

Nick: And provocative. I feel like there's a lot of different ways we could have come down on all these. I imagine our audience might have some additional thoughts for us that they want to send us.

Leah: Yeah! I love seeing things from a different angle.

Nick: Yes. If you have seen any of these things from a different angle, let us know. Also let us know if you have any questions for us. We would love to think about them from lots of angles.

Leah: That would be fantastic!

Nick: Send them to us through our website, wereyouraisedbywolves.com, or you can email us, or you can text us, or leave us a voicemail: (267) CALL-RBW (267-225-5729) We'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

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