Oct. 21, 2019

Removing Socks on Airplanes, Splitting Bills at Brunch, Hosting Weddings on Grass, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, we'll tackle using wooden Japanese chopsticks, asking people "What do you do?", cleaning your host's filthy home in the middle of the night, removing your socks on an airplane, splitting the bill at brunch, disclosing environmental hazards to your wedding guests, being too folksy in a restaurant, giving bad directions to strangers, and much more.

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  • AMUSE-BOUCHE: The correct way to use wooden chopsticks
  • A QUESTION OF ETIQUETTE: Asking people "What do you do?"
  • QUESTIONS FROM THE WILDERNESS: Can I clean my host's filthy home in the middle of the night? Is it OK to remove your socks on an airplane? What's the right way to split the bill at brunch? Should you disclose environmental hazards to your wedding guests?
  • VENT OR REPENT: Being too folksy in a restaurant, Giving bad directions to strangers




Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian


[String Music]

Nick: Do you scrape your chopsticks together at a sushi restaurant? Do you ask people what they do for a living? Do you take your socks off on an airplane? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out.

[Theme Song]

Here are some things that can make it better
When we have to live together
We can all use a little help
So people don't ask themselves
Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey everybody, welcome to the show. I'm Nick Leighton.

Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we're coming to you from New York today. And let's just get right down to it with our amuse-bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it.

Nick: So, at a Japanese restaurant if you're given a pair of wooden chopsticks, what's the first thing you do?

Leah: Take them out of the paper.

Nick: Alright. And then?

Leah: I feel like I'm not supposed to be smushing them together because you said that, but what if there's a little... sometimes they have that little extra little piece of wood sticking out.

Nick: Yeah. So, let's talk about Japanese chopstick etiquette.

Leah: Yes, please.

Nick: So, in a Japanese restaurant when you're given the Japanese wooden chopsticks, those are called waribashi (割り箸). And you split them apart...you do not scrape them. Scraping them is rude.

Leah: OK.

Nick: Don't do that.

Leah: What if they have a little splinter?

Nick: They won't because they are good quality. Because when you scrape them together, what you're saying to your host is, "You have given me cheap chopsticks."

Leah: I've seen the splinter.

Nick: Well, so then you're going to a cheap restaurant.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Right. Because if you do this in a restaurant, other diners will think you're only doing it because you're used to only going to cheap restaurants and so you don't...

Leah: I mean, I feel like that's completely accurate about me.

Nick: OK, touché. So for most people out there, don't scrape them. It is considered rude to scrape them...

Leah: OK.

Nick: ...because they should be giving you good quality disposable chopsticks.

Leah: OK.

Nick: As as long as we're on the topic, here's a couple things that you should not be doing with chopsticks: Never stick them in rice up and down. That's very rude.

Leah: I've never even seen that happen.

Nick: I've seen this happen, yeah. And the reason why you don't do that is it looks like incense in a grave and so this is very inauspicious. Similarly, you never pass food from one pair of chopsticks to another because this is also a funeral rite. So, you don't do that.

Leah: That's so interesting to know.

Nick: Yeah, you don't want to do that. And then there should typically be some serving piece if there's a communal platter. If there's not for some reason, you do not go in there with your chopsticks the way you would eat regular food. You flip them around and you use the back side of your chopsticks. It's like you don't double-dip...same idea.

Leah: Right, that makes complete sense.

Nick: And then lastly, if there's chopstick rests, use the chopstick rests. And if you have the little paper wrapper that your chopsticks came in and there's no chopstick rest, you can make a little chopstick rest out of the paper...that's OK.

Leah: Perfect. These are all very helpful.

Nick: We have learned so much.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Oh, and also don't spear food. Chopsticks are not harpoons, so don't do that.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: I feel the need to tell you this.

Leah: I actually... That's one thing I didn't do. I'm not spearing.

Nick: OK, good. Well, I'm delighted to hear that.

Leah: I did the first thing, but the last thing I haven't done.

Nick: OK, noted. And, after the break, there's much more things you probably haven't done. Stay tuned.

[Musical Interlude]

Nick: And we're back. And now I want to talk about a very tricky question. Leah, what do you do?

Leah: I'm a comic.

Nick: So, this is a very rude question. And I don't think people realize how rude this question is, but you should never ask what someone does for a living. It's rude. It's like asking someone how much money do they make. Like, it's attempting to put someone in a little socio-economic box.

Leah: Right.

Nick: And this is rude. So, you shouldn't do that.

Leah: But, I think people... Like, I'm always interested about... I want to hear about... I want to ask questions when I meet new people because I want to learn about them and show my interest.

Nick: Yes, and you should always want to find common ground.

Leah: So, I'm not asking what's your job, how much money do you make. I want to know. "where does your time go?"

Nick: Yes, and there's lots of alternative questions you can ask. I was actually looking online about other things you can ask. Some of them are insane.

Transcription service:

So people who say that this is a rude question suggests you should ask one of the following: "What did you want to be when you grew up?"

Leah: OK.

Nick: Like, "what dreams from your childhood have not come true for you?"

Leah: So, if someone asked me that, I would put them on my possible serial killer list immediately.

Nick: And "how do you feel your life has worked out so far?"

Leah: These are all way worse.

Nick: Horrible.

Leah: Way worse.

Nick: Horrible. "What's your favorite word?"

Leah: This would be a question you asked when you first met somebody? "What's your favorite..." instead of... You know, there's a little bit where it's...

Nick: "Leah, Nice to meet you. How do you feel like your life has worked out so far?"

Leah: I literally would be like, "I have to go."

Nick: These are horrible questions, yeah.

Leah: You know, because I don't think... I understand why it's rude, you know, if you are trying to put somebody into a socio-economic box or be like, "Oh, you're... you know that I don't want to talk to a juggler," you know what I mean?

Nick: Well, people who don't like this in particular: lawyers, because they're like, "Oh, here comes lawyer jokes," or doctors...they're like, "Oh, now I get to hear about your medical problems and you want me to diagnose things."

Leah: Right.

Nick: And this happens a lot for those professions.

Leah: Well, it happens to comedians all the time. "Tell me a joke. Tell me a joke." So I often just make up things that I do.

Nick: For a living?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So what do you say?

Leah: Sometimes I'll be like, "You know that..." and then I just pick a thing that I see. I'll be like, "You know, like the plastic end where a door doesn't bounce on something? I invented that."

Nick: Wow.

Leah: And then people go, "Really?" And I'll go, "No."

Nick: And you're like, "I'm a comedian." And they're like, "That was funny."

Leah: No, I just I understand why people don't want to do it for that reason.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Because then people say ridiculous things and because you're in a social setting, then you're obligated to just be like, "Oh, OK. Ha ha." You know what I mean? But sometimes I just feel like sometimes you're just trying to get into a conversation and to open with, like, "what's your favorite vegetable?" It's just... are we playing improv games?

Nick: Yeah, that's strange.

Leah: So it's, you know, what's the...

Nick: Okra.

Leah: I guess you could say, "So, James...tell me about yourself."

Nick: So I have spent a lot of time in the Hamptons working, not vacationing. And you meet a lot of people who don't do anything for a living. There's just a lot of wealthy people there. And so the question I always asked was, "how do you spend your days?"

Leah: I like that very much.

Nick: And so it kind of lets it be open ended. And you're not, you know, putting them in a box and they could be like, "I'm launching a handbag line for my charity" or "I'm unemployed" or whatever it is. So I like the "how do you spend your days?" question.

Leah: I like you very much.

Nick: Or "how do you spend your free time?" I think can be nice.

Leah: Yeah, that's nice, too.

Nick: And if somebody wants to talk about their job, they bring it up.

Leah: Oh, for sure.

Nick: Real fast. And so, it's fine. And I think it's similar to asking somebody where they went to school. I think, you know, "Oh, where did you go to school?" This is also loaded.

Leah: Yeah, that feels very loaded.

Nick: Because you're also just trying to put someone in the socio-economic box.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: We didn't all go to the Harvard of Canada.

Leah: Right. I don't bring it up because I don't want people to be anxious around me. What's really funny is that people will go... I never bring it up... And then you didn't do this. But often I've had more than once you will be like, "oh, you went to college?" And then be like, "oh, where'd you go?" And then I say, and they go, "That's a good school." You're like, "Uh, you've got to watch the way that you were saying those things to me."

Nick: So rude.

Leah: Yeah. I'll be like, "Yeah, yeah yeah...

Nick: "...I went to college."

Leah: The only way that I can respond to that is like super rude or completely ignore it.

Nick: And I think if you went to a good school, just own it. Don't be one of these people who were like, "Yeah, I went to school in New Haven." "I went to school in Cambridge." It's like, "We know. Okay. You went to Harvard or Yale. Okay, fine, fine." But also, the further out you are from graduation, the less it matters.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: I think, like, once you're 24, you have to now make it in the world on your own where you went to school is not reflective on you as a person anymore.

Leah: I mean, that seems a little low...24.

Nick: Where's the line for you? Where does it not matter where you went to school?

Leah: 55?

Nick: 55, OK. So, I guess it still matters for all of us. Okay.

Leah: I mean, it's not if... You know, I don't ask people. It's not a thing that I...

Nick: No, no. Because also there are a lot of people who are not smart that went to good schools.

Leah: Yeah. And there are also...

Nick: And a lot of brilliant people who went to... didn't go to school at all.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So, yeah...it doesn't really have any bearing for sure, yeah. Many people think I'm an admission mistake. So, you know, I'm happy for that.

Leah: An admission mistake.

Nick: And after the break, there's many more mistakes that we can correct. Stay tuned.

[Musical Interlude]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time we're going to take some questions from the wilderness.

Leah: I love this part so much.

Nick: This is the best part of the show. I mean, the other stuff is good, but this is the best.

Leah: Because it's so nice that people write in.

Nick: So our first question is: "If you're a house guest in their home and it's so messy and gross, is it OK to clean it in the middle of the night when they're sleeping?"

Leah: This question makes me laugh because it comes with such a visual of a person sneaking out in the middle of the night...

Nick: Swiffering...

Leah: Yeah, just Swiffering.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Oh, I love it so much.

Nick: So, do you have thoughts on this?

Leah: I feel like have at it. Also, if I...

Nick: Have at it?

Leah: If I woke up and somebody clean my apartment, I'd be like, "Oh, thanks." Obviously, I would clean my apartment before they came.

Nick: Right. This is a hypothetical question.

Leah: Yeah, no, I actually do. I feel like you didn't believe me on that. But I... Say, for example, someone came to visit and you as the host had been exhausted. All these things were happening. And your guest knew that. And your guest was like, "Look, I don't need you to do anything. Let me help out. And I'm just going to sneak around in the middle of the night and clean up after you, you monster."

Nick: So the sneaking around part in the middle of the night strongly suggests that what you're doing is not going to be okay with the host.

Leah: You know, if you were like, "I can't sleep because I have anxiety..."

Nick: About your dirt.

Leah: You could just leave that part of the sentence out. "And so I didn't know how to best use my time. So I clean. I hope that's OK."

Nick: I feel like there's no way to do this on the sly.

Leah: Oh, no. I mean...

Nick: And there's no way to do this without an implicit critique of your host.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Like... And everybody has different levels of cleanliness. Like your level of "I clean my house" maybe my level of "Oh my God, someone lives here?" Like we might just have different ideas of...

Leah: I'm pretty sure that's true.

Nick: I mean, apparently your bed touches three of the four walls in your bedroom. Do you get to the fourth wall? Do you get back there? How much how many cookies are back there?

Leah: I'm going to be honest. My significant other is a much better... Without him, I would just be...

Nick: It would be feral.

Leah: It would be... I'd probably live in the dark. I just would be like, "I don't know. Is that broken?" I can't.

Nick: "What are light bulbs?" So I think, yeah, you can't necessarily clean someone's house in the middle of the night. I think you should never be a return houseguest. I think you would decline all future invitations if you were so bothered by this and just stay in a hotel.

Leah: Yeah. Also, someone's giving you a free place to stay. So...

Nick: There's the gift horse in the mouth thing, yeah.

Leah: You know what I mean? Also, New York apartments are small.

Nick: Well, I don't know where this person is. I mean, she could be in a 20-bedroom house in Wichita for all I know. Paying less in rent than we do.

Leah: Ahh. Do you think this person is the house or the the guests?

Nick: This is the guest.

Leah: You know, I just think it's such a funny visual that I just enjoy the idea that somebody would do it.

Nick: Sneaking around cleaning.

Leah: Also, sometimes it's like super nice. You wake up and someone did your dishes. How lovely.

Nick: Dishes feel like a slightly different question.

Leah: But I just feel like there's ends to this. Like, are you just doing dishes? Or are you...

Nick: Are you repainting the foyer?

Leah: Yes. Exactly.

Nick: Right. And separately, I do know situations where people are houseguests and then they rearrange your furniture.

Leah: Oh.

Nick: So, that's also feels like a line.

Leah: That's, I mean... That's unbelievable to me. If I woke up and someone rearranged my furniture, I'd be like, "OK..."

Nick: What if it looked better?

Leah: I don't know. That would really throw me off.

Nick: You'd be like, "Oh, the couch does look better on that wall."

Leah: Yeah. It would be like a weird thing to have to be like, "Oh man." Because I'd be angry, but then I'd be like...

Nick: "That's so rude, but it looks good."

Leah: "But it's so much better."

Nick: Our next question is: "Is it OK to take your shoes off on an airplane?"

Leah: You know your feet.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: You know if you have feet that are appalling or not.

Nick: I mean, I think if you're asking this question, you already know the answer. You're asking this because someone else has done this near you.

Leah: Yeah. And you were appalled.

Nick: And you were offended and horrified.

Leah: I've been horrified by people who take their... I always like to have the medical caveat, you know, they've like...they need to make sure blood is running to their feet.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: I get taking the shoes off. If you don't have socks on?

Nick: Socks...

Leah: The the shoes stay on. You're not putting bare feet in a plane. There are people right next to you. I've seen that. Unbelievable.

Nick: Yeah. I think there are some ground rules, which is you must keep your socks on at all times.

Leah: Must.

Nick: And you cannot remove your shoes if your feet smell.

Leah: Yeah. If you have... Andyou and you know, don't pretend you don't know.

Nick: You know, you want to think that people aren't oblivious, but I think some people are oblivious.

Leah: I think they don't care.

Nick: That's true, that's true. And also, the idea of leaving your seat in socks is wrong.

Leah: I assume they put their shoes back.

Nick: I do not think you should leave your seat without shoes on. Can you imagine stepping in an airplane bathroom in socks?

Leah: No.

Nick: That feels very provocative.

Leah: Provocative, indeed.

Nick: Very provocative.

Leah: I don't take my shoes off on planes.

Nick: Now, I don't like to take my shoes off on planes because it's a safety thing. I have seen people evacuate airplanes in bare feet in snow and you're like, "that's not me."

Leah: Also did you see the movie Die Hard? We should not be taking our shoes off ever.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: What if there's a situation?

Nick: Right. Actually, flight attendants will tell you, this is not an ethical question...this is just a safety question, you should never take your shoes off during takeoff or landing. Like wait until you're firmly airborne before you take your shoes off.

Leah: Yeah, that sounds... I mean...

Nick: Correct.

Leah: ...I don't even take naps on planes in case the pilots need me. I'm going to be honest.

Nick: And definitely we want you bringing the plane down.

Leah: They were like, "We're out and we're out of people. We're just gonna bring Leah Bonnema in 12C? You've watched a lot of movies. Do you want to land this plane?" "Yeah, I got it. I'm awake."

Nick: Honestly, do you think you could have called upon? If, like, you were the last person available?

Leah: I feel like I could be helpful in some way.

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: I don't know how...someone would really have to talk me through it.

Nick: I feel like you could follow instructions.

Leah: Yeah, I feel like I can follow instructions.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Also, I feel like a lot of things are ideally automated.

Nick: Uh, huh. So, just push the buttons in the plane land itself.

Leah: I just want people to know that I'm available if they need help.

Nick: You are a giver and are happy to pitch in.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Any way you can.

Leah: Any way I can.

Nick: Our next question has to do with brunch. And so Amy wants to know: Basically, at the end of the meal when everybody's splitting it, are we splitting it? Are we not splitting it? What do we do about that $5 difference? What do we do about the guy who orders the steak and wine and what do we do about the person that had consommé? Bill splitting etiquette: What say you?

Leah: Normally, I feel like one just is like, "let's just split it." But sometimes there's people that are heavy drinkers and it's not like an all-you-can-drink mimosa. And there are people that don't drink. And it makes a very big difference.

Nick: Alcohol on the bill makes a huge difference, yeah.

Leah: So, I do think that comes into play. Also, sometimes there's like very heavy meat eaters, like those people that always get the steak. "I'm just gonna get the steak." And then if I just get like... I'm a veggie platter person, I don't know why I'm paying three times as much.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So I feel like in extreme circumstances, you know, I'm like, oh, you know, I don't know how that's brought up, but I think ideally everybody knows that. But otherwise, just... I feel like we could just split it.

Nick: Yeah, I think the key is at the time when the check comes, whatever happens needs to be swift, so it needs to be just like, "oh, this is how we're doing it and this is fair." We cannot bring up the calculator. We cannot use itemization. We cannot bring out the Plates app or... we shouldn't do any of that. That's too much detail. So, I think if it feels like everybody's within a few dollars, then here's we're just tossing in credit cards.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: I think if we have the steak and wine person and the salad and water person, then some calculation. Do you like the idea of like, "Oh, I'll take care of the tip...You don't tip."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: That can sometimes even it out.

Leah: Yeah, I feel like that evens it out.

Nick: And I think that a bigger meal, what's nice is one person just pays. "Oh, I'll just pay it and I'll Venmo everybody else."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And if you do that then I think you could privately later do an exact calculation of what actually everybody had.

Leah: Yep.

Nick: And I think that's fine.

Leah: I'm fine with all those.

Nick: But as long as the calculation and the math does not take place at the check event.

Leah: Yep.

Nick: That's the key. So, that's what we say about that.

Leah: I also think it's very important to realize that like... I feel like we shouldn't have to say this, but you have to tip, So, if you're like "I'm giving $5" and you're like, "No, no, your meal was $5." I don't know where meals are five dollars, but... you also have to pay tip. If you can't do that, don't go to the meal.

Nick: Yes. Under no circumstances should your waiter be penalized for you feeling like you're being screwed by your friends.

Leah: Right.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's a very valid point. I guess this probably happens a lot.

Leah: Oh, it happens a lot because I've found myself... I've definitely covered tips.

Nick: Yeah. There's also the hazard where the one person that's sort of trying to collect from everybody and then ends up stuck doing the entire tip because no one tipped.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah, so don't do that. Tip your waiter. Our next question is: "Is it bad etiquette to not tell your guests what type of surface a wedding is taking place on? I just ruined a great pair of shoes because nobody told me the wedding was going to be in a muddy field."

Leah: I love this. I love all the ones where I get a full visual.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: It's my favorite.

Nick: I can picture this.

Leah: Oh, I see this to the detail.

Nick: This could be a man or woman. I don't know.

Leah: Yeah, I don't know. Could be both.

Nick: Yeah, shoes are shoes. So, yeah I think it's nice to disclose what surface something is taking place on.

Leah: I also can't imagine a place where they didn't. Who's not disclosing?

Nick: Oh, there's wedding invitations that just like, "Oh it's happening at this place at this time." And you show up and like, oh, it's outdoors and it's on grass.

Leah: I've personally never gotten a wedding invitation... and I have gotten wedding invitations... where the outdoors wedding wasn't specified.

Nick: You should always specify.

Leah: Yeah, I've always been told. So, this hasn't happened.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Because every time I've been invited to something that wasn't on a quote unquote, regular surface, I wasn't surprised by it. That was in the description of the event.

Nick: So, I think you should definitely be clear about it. And I do see some coy references in some invitations which are like, "stilettos not advised" or "pack your flip flops." And it's like, "hmm." Just say what you mean.

Leah: Right.

Nick: Like "stilettos, not advised"? OK, most men are going to just glance right over that.

Leah: They're like, "Oh, it doesn't mean I'm going to be sinking into the grass. I should wear..."

Nick: Right, it's not quicksand. So, yeah, I think you should also sort of be as clear as possible to give your guests all the information. Similarly, I was at a wedding in Maine this past summer, a lovely wedding if you're listening, and there were mosquitoes. Now, I knew that about Maine weddings and so obviously I was like, "I'll wear bug spray." Some guests didn't know or didn't think about it. I'm not sure of the people throwing the wedding should necessarily disclose mosquitoness, but a lot of people were from out of town, so I don't know how you handle that sort of environmental issue.

Leah: Well, I've been to a lot of Maine weddings.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: And I mean, I know that there's mosquitoes, but the wedding hosts have always provided.

Nick: Yes...

Leah: Like their little bracelets that are citronella bracelets.

Nick: Yeah, there was lots of bug spray available for anybody who needed it...

Leah: I think that's fine.

Nick: That was fine then.

Leah: Yeah. I think that if you provide things for your guests, then we're good.

Nick: And just to be clear it was a lovely wedding. Everyone had a lovely time

Leah: Oh, no you told me how lovely it was. It was as if it's breezy, then that's not even gonna be an issue.

Nick: Yeah, and there were fans and stuff. But yeah, I think any environmental concerns that may come up at your wedding, you should disclose that in advance so your guests can sort of plan accordingly.

Leah: Yeah. Or handle like you have the citronella candles in advance, etc.

Nick: Correct. OK, well, thanks for all these great questions, everybody.

Leah: Thank you so much.

Nick: I enjoyed these a lot.

Leah: These are terrific.

Nick: And so if you have questions, and of course you do, send them to us. You can send them to us through our web site - wereyouraisedbywolves.com - or you can send us a text message or leave us voicemail at (267) CALL-RBW. And after the break, there's much more. Stay tuned.

[Musical Interlude]

Nick: And we're back. And now is the part of the show where we like to play a game we call event or repent. And this is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette thing that has happened to us in the past week or so, or we can repent for some bad etiquette faux pas we've committed. Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I would like for you to go first.

Nick: Oh. All right. Happy to. I'm going to vent. Shocker. And I'm going to vent about a recent dining experience here in New York in which the waiter got a little folksy. And I do not care for this.

Leah: "I do not care for this."

Nick: I do not care for this.

Leah: Can this be a part of our new hashtags? "I do not care for it."

Nick: I do not care for this. So, it happened at multiple points in the meal. But the two that stick in my craw were I was enjoying my entree. Well, I wasn't really enjoying it...it was fine. And I was eating my entree, basically done, and she comes up and she's like, "still workin' on that?" And I do not like the implication that this is a job. This is a chore. That this is some task I need to get through. I don't like the phrasing, "Workin' on it." I just don't like it. And then at the end of the meal, I guess we shared a dessert, and she said, "Oh, guess you guys didn't like it, huh?" Cause I guess we had finished the dessert. I was like, what are we doing? What kind of comment is this? Why are you commenting on our finishing this entree?

Leah: Because then it gives you work to be like, "oh, it was great." You know what I mean? Now you have to come in with a reasons?

Nick: Yeah. I don't want to have a conversation about did we enjoy it? Did we not enjoy it? Do I want to laugh at your joke? It's like a bad Southwest Airlines joke. Like, I don't I don't need this relationship.

Leah: Right.

Nick: Right. So I don't like the folksiness. You can say like, "may I?" if you want to clear my dish. I also don't even like the phrase like, "get it out of your way." Like, "Oh, this plate is in my way of all these other things I want to be doing on the table. I want to play mahjong now, so can we get all these plates out of the way of the table?" I don't care for this, yeah. So that is my vent. So, if you ever see me at a restaurant, don't say that to me now. Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm going to repent.

Nick: Oh, OK. I think, is this our first repent?

Leah: It's our first repent and I actually already repented in person.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: In New York, so often you have to shut down people around you to survive being on a train all the time. You know what I mean? There's...

Nick: Yes.

Leah: People are yelling. I feel like some people are like yelling at you. So, a lot of times I don't pay attention unless something feels like an immediate threat.

Nick: So you create a little bubble world of invisibility.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And anything outside of the bubble you do not see...

Leah: Yes.

Nick: ...unless something penetrates the bubble.

Leah: And sometimes people... This is something I struggled with because I feel like I need to recognize people and I want to hear? So, people will start a conversation in the form of a question. I feel I happens to women a lot. It's often men and then further down the line, it ends up being something inappropriate. So you got sucked in with a "do you know what time it is?" and then all of a sudden something horrific is being said to you.

Nick: Yeah, this is your small-townness coming through.

Leah: Yeah, so I have a lot of trouble with that line.

Nick: OK.

Leah: So, I was in a train station where there are multiple trains going in multiple directions and a man who had a child and a stroller and there were stairs in this asked me a question and I sort of didn't spend the time needed. It was a directions question. So, it wasn't going to lead to anywhere.

Nick: "Does this train go to Brooklyn?"

Leah: Yes. I didn't spend the time needed to answer it.

Nick: What did you say?

Leah: I was still in the bubble. I said yes.

Nick: OK. And then I continued on. And then I got to the other end of the station and I remembered, "oh, you're not going the direction you usually go." That man just carried a child and a stroller up and down stairs. And now you have sent him in the wrong direction where he's going to have to get out, swipe a card, and I hated myself.

Nick: So, you gave him bad information.

Leah: Yeah, I gave him that information because I wasn't fully listening. So, I feel like if you're not listening, don't answer the question. You can't give a half-assed question on people that are depending on you and carrying children. So I actually turned around. This was in court square, so I was already down to the G train. I sprinted all the way back. I found him, but I heard the train coming, so I ran to the other side of the tracks. I got there first and I yelled across the tracks - so I really repented - I was like, "I gave you the wrong information." And then I actually went over and I helped him carry the baby in the stroller back up and I said, "I apologize. I wasn't listening to you. I shouldn't have responded."

Nick: Wow. "I should have just ignored you in the first place."

Leah: "I should have either just completely ignore you or listened to what you're actually saying." But you can't go in the middle ground because people are carrying heavy objects up and down stairs.

Nick: OK, so you repented in real time.

Leah: I repented in real time.

Nick: Good.

Leah: And I fixed it.

Nick: OK. That's a good repent.

Leah: And moving forward, I will either just continue not listening to people and pretending that I'm listening to music.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Or I will fully listen and answer the question appropriately if people are depending on me when they are carrying lots of objects.

Nick: Eh, I prefer to ignore people.

Leah: Well, I mean, we're just gonna come in on one side or the other.

Nick: Ignore people.

Leah: I probably still won't be able to do it fully.

Nick: Well, that's why we're different. After the break, there's much more. Stay tuned.

[Musical Interlude]

Nick: So, Leah...what have we learned?

Leah: I was really delighted to learn more about chopsticks..like what things meant.

Nick: Oh, Japanese chopstick etiquette is vast. We only scratched the surface. You only got .01%

Leah: I'm very interested.

Nick: But, I think these are very good things to know...

Leah: Yes.

Nick: ...because obviously the Japanese people are probably the most polite people that we have on our planet.

Leah: And also, I would never have guessed that like passing was something that happened at a funeral.

Nick: I mean, how many Japanese journals have you been to?

Leah: I mean, so it's so... opening my world up.

Nick: I mean, hey, that's what the show about.

Leah: Thank you.

Nick: And I learned that if I go to bed and you're my houseguest, I will wake up to a clean apartment, which I'm not mad at. I'd be delighted to have you Swiffering.

Leah: How fun.

Nick: Yeah, how fun. I mean, I do like having cleaning people, so why not just make it my houseguest?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Well, thank you, Nick.

Nick: This was a treat.

Leah: I'm delighted.

Nick: And thanks you out there for listening. I had your address. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom engraved stationery. Please subscribe to the show and give us a rating and visit our Web site - wereyouraisedbywolves.com - where you can follow us on Instagram and buy some official merch and send us a question. And now hopefully nobody will ask, "Were you raised by wolves?" See you next time.

[Instrumental Theme Song]