Pluralizing Names on Cards, Tipping Mariachi Bands, Wrapping Other People's Gifts, and More

Nick: Do you add unnecessary apostrophes? Do you request songs and not tip? Do you do menu items in restaurants? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

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Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: So for today's amuse bouche, I want to talk about holiday cards.

Leah: You know I love them.

Nick: I do. And the specific aspect I want to touch on is how to pluralize names on holiday cards.

Leah: Fantastic. So timely, so perfect, so of the moment.

Nick: Oh yes, very zeitgeist. And so I want to talk about taking a name and making it plural. So like the Smiths, the Lopezes, the Bushes, and how do you do it? And the rule is very simple, but I get questions about this every year, and apparently there's a lot of confusion about it. And so let's just, like, talk about it.

Leah: Let's! That's why we're here.

Nick: So the rule is basically never use an apostrophe. There is no need for an apostrophe here.

Leah: I like a straight, hard rule.

Nick: Right? I mean, those are my favorite. So when it comes to apostrophes, the only time you'll use them is if it's actually in the name. So like "the O'Malleys— O-apostrophe-M. But other than that, yes, you're not gonna use an apostrophe, because apostrophe signals possession, not pluralization. And so we're talking about the family, not the family's possessions.

Leah: And that's a possession as in something of theirs, not as in by the devil.

Nick: Oh! Important clarification.

Leah: I want to clarify that.

Nick: And so in general, we just add an S. S is your default setting. And so the Smiths—add an S. If the name ends in Y, add an S. So like the Murphys. If the name ends in S, then we add an E-S. So the Joneses, J-O-N-E-S-E-S. And then if the name ends in X, Z, CH, SH, then we will also add an ES. So it's gonna be like the Foxes—ES. The Bushes—ES. And when in doubt, just don't do it at all, and just go The Whatever family.

Leah: I was gonna say ...

Nick: The Bonnema family.

Leah: [laughs] It's always a way out.

Nick: Right? So you don't need an apostrophe. It is not necessary. Don't use it. It's gonna be either S or ES.

Leah: I love it. I love a good rule.

Nick: Right? Very simple. And as long as we are on the topic, I do want everybody to remember that we do need to personalize our holiday cards a little bit. We cannot rely on the pre-printed message inside. Do not just sign your name. Gotta give me a little something more.

Leah: You know, usually I say, "Oh, people have so much going on," but I really agree with Nick. Like, we want a little something.

Nick: Give me something, because otherwise this is a bulk mailing.

Leah: Even if it's just like, "Kisses to your dog's face." Like, just something.

Nick: Something. Right. I mean just a little something that indicates that you know you're sending this to me, specifically. That's all.

Leah: Agreed.

Nick: Right? And listeners, if Leah is saying she agrees, then you know, you know this is the rule. And then I also just want to touch briefly upon how to insert these cards into envelopes, because I am aware, based on the volume of mail I receive, that many people do it wrong still. And so the way to do it is the crease goes down and the front of the card goes towards the back of the envelope. So that if you are right handed and you're holding the envelope in your left hand, you'll be removing the card with your right hand, and it will be in the correct orientation to be reading immediately, no flipping required.

Leah: Crease down.

Nick: Crease down.

Leah: Card to the back.

Nick: Well, so it's the card-to-the-back instruction which I think is tripping people up. Everybody understands what crease down is.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: It's what is the front of the card and what is the back of the envelope. So the front of the card is at the back of the envelope. Isn't this hard to describe? This is a little hard to describe.

Leah: Well, front of the card to the back of the envelope.

Nick: Yeah. It's just as it's being removed, it is in the correct orientation.

Leah: Well, I mean, Nick, I'm left handed.

Nick: Well, interestingly, I don't know if you notice this, but when I send you a card, I actually deliberately put the card in the envelope in the orientation that is appropriate for you, specifically. So I do it reversed. So you might think, "Oh, Nick is doing it wrong," but I'm actually doing it on purpose for you.

Leah: I mean, you're so ...

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Your attention to details is honestly unlike no other I've ever met.

Nick: And that's a good example of you're allowed to break the rules when you know the rules. So, like, I know the rules, and I'm breaking the rules because I know you're left handed.

Leah: Which is lovely of you!

Nick: Isn't that thoughtful? I'm so thoughtful. So happy holidays, everybody. Oh, and PS, I would be delighted to be added to your holiday card list. So if you want to just, like, add me to your list, I love getting holiday cards.

Leah: No glitter!

Nick: Oh, that's true. If your holiday card has glitter, then ignore all of that. I do not want your holiday cards. I'm so sorry.

Leah: And also, as a reminder, Nick thinks that things are glitter that I wouldn't even have put under the glitter category. So even if your—your card slightly sparkles with joy, Nick is gonna count that as glitter and send you a video of him throwing it away.

Nick: Yes. You think Leah's joking, but no. There's a lot of videos of me throwing things away.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, I don't even make it back to my apartment. I'm in, like, the garbage room in my building filming a video of it going right down the trash chute.

Leah: And that wasn't y'alls' cards, that was my card.

Nick: [laughs] So happy holidays!

Leah: [laughs] [sings] Happy holidays!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep in for some musica.

Nick: Si! So for today's question of etiquette, we got a great question from one of you, which was, "Please consider discussing the proper etiquette surrounding mariachi bands, including tipping, requesting music, applauding, and what to do when they're performing for you."

Leah: Nick and I were at a restaurant with a mariachi band.

Nick: We were. What was that, El Campadre in Los Angeles?

Leah: El Compadre. Yep.

Nick: That was a great time. I had a great time.

Leah: I had a great time, too! Yay, I'm so glad.

Nick: Yeah. No, it was super fun. So mariachi, if you're not familiar, it is a genre of music. It often involves violins and trumpets and guitars. And everyone sings. And it's actually on the UNESCO list of intangible cultural heritage for Mexico. So it's important.

Leah: We were actually right next to the mariachi band.

Nick: We were quite close, yes.

Leah: And so I feel like we can answer this with recent experience.

Nick: Yes. Ripped from the headlines of our lives. So our writer had some specific questions. One of them was: if you accept for them to perform for you, are you supposed to give them your full attention while they play and not eat during the set?

Leah: I don't think so.

Nick: So I guess it depends on where is this happening. So we were in a restaurant, and this question implies that, like, oh, we're in a restaurant. I think that they are part of the ambiance in a restaurant. It's not a concert, so I feel like it's okay to not necessarily give them your full attention.

Leah: Yeah, I think if you requested a song ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: ... I would full attention up into the first chorus.

Nick: Okay, interesting.

Leah: Because, you know, they're doing a song for you. Give them a little appreciation, a little smile, da, da, da. And then I feel like then you could be like ...

Nick: Turn to your companion. Get some salsa.

Leah: Get some salsa. I mean, one wants to dip their chip.

Nick: Right. I mean, I think if you've requested the song, though, it does feel like you need to give them more attention than you ordinarily would had you not requested the song.

Leah: Yes, but I think—I think that if you don't request the song, they don't expect people to be watching them.

Nick: If you do not request the song, then yes, you can just continue on with your evening, and enjoy them, make eye contact and sort of acknowledge their existence. But you do not have to, like, sit politely until they're done.

Leah: Yeah, because you won't eat.

Nick: But if you requested the song, I feel like that performance is for you. And so ...

Leah: You think you can't eat?

Nick: I feel like—oh, can you not eat? I mean, I feel like it'd be a little awkward to be like, "Oh, please do this song," and then now I ignore you, and I go back to my food.

Leah: Oh, I'm not gonna ignore you. I'm gonna face you for the first verse and the chorus.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I'm gonna smile and I'm gonna clap.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then I'm going to lean over my queso.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I'm gonna dip my chip, and then I'm gonna go back to looking. And then maybe I'll say, "How great"! to my friends and family.

Nick: Right. But we're giving attention in all of this.

Leah: I'm giving attention, but I'm not gonna not eat for the whole song.

Nick: Correct. Okay, yeah. I think it's okay to be eating while it's happening. Sure. But I think we still need to be checking in with them during my song.

Leah: I'm gonna check in. We requested. And then I'm gonna tip at the end. We requested.

Nick: Great segue. So our letter-writer wants to know what's the best way to tip, especially knowing that most mariachi bands are at least four people. Do you tip per person, per song, or for the whole group?

Leah: If I request a song, I would tip specifically because I requested a song.

Nick: Yes. And that's actually not even a tip at that point. That is a payment for the thing you ordered.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Right? I mean, like, you have requested a song, and so if you've done that, then yeah, you absolutely have to, like, pay them at the end. And call it whatever you want to call it but yes, you have to do that. And you just hand it to one person, and they'll distribute it among themselves. And you would do it right after the end of the song.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Or if you requested, like, several songs all at once, then I guess you could wait until your set was done. But once they have completed the assignment, then I think we then pay them.

Leah: I think also you could tip—if you request a bunch, I wonder if you could tip up top and just sort of—so they know. Like, say you're across the room and you go over and you say, "Could you play this song and this song or something I love?" And then you just, like, slip them then. And that way you go back to your table, you can eat. They can fit it in wherever they want.

Nick: That's good. I'm on board with that. Right, because then I don't have to, like, come back up to the stage to, like, pay you. Yeah.

Leah: And they don't have to come over necessarily for both, or play them back to back. They can fit it into their repertoire.

Nick: And if they do come up to your table and say, like, "Oh, would you like a song?" That is your clue that, like, oh, you would need to pay for it if you want that. So just know that that's a clue.

Leah: And you can just say, "No, thank you!"

Nick: "No, thanks!" But yeah, be polite about it, but that's fine. And then our letter-writer asks, when a song ends, should you put down your silverware and clap for them, even if they're on the other side of the restaurant?

Leah: I do.

Nick: Yeah. I think it—well, I think it depends on, like, how big is this restaurant? Is everyone else doing it? But yeah, I think if there was a big finish and everybody's, like, applauding, then yeah, I think you should join in.

Leah: I say you don't have to wait for other people to be applauding, because if everybody's waiting for everybody else, then people aren't getting their applause. And as a performer, it just feels nice, even if you're far away and it's a gentle clap.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: If you want to clap, clap.

Nick: Okay. All right, I stand corrected on that. All right. So it is nice. It is nice to acknowledge the performance.

Leah: Just like I'll sing for the birthday across the room.

Nick: [laughs] You sure will!

Leah: [laughs] I think that also happened at El Compadre. We sang.

Nick: Yes, there was a lot of birthdays. I pretended to sing, but you went, like, full four-part harmony on that.

Leah: I just like to celebrate people.

Nick: Yeah. That's why we're different.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] And then a couple other things on my list. Singing along. I think there's a difference between singing with them and then singing over them. So I think we just want to be mindful of where that line is.

Leah: Yeah, I don't know if we actually need to sing along at all.

Nick: I mean, I personally wouldn't, but I feel like people do. Do people not sing along? I think people do.

Leah: I've never seen anybody sing along. I mean, maybe at the beginning of the song or maybe on a chorus.

Nick: I mean, if you know the song. If it's "La Cucaracha," a very famous song, and you knew the words, I feel like people do participate.

Leah: Okay. I mean, I'm eating and giving positive feedback to them.

Nick: Okay. That's how you're contributing.

Leah: Yeah. And I'll clap. And if the birthday song comes up, I'll sing the birthday song.

Nick: I guess read the room on that. Are the musicians encouraging people to sing along or not? I guess that's really the question. If they're not encouraging it, they're not soliciting it, then I guess we would not sing along. We would let the professionals do it.

Leah: I will say this. If a song by Tito and Tarantula comes up, I'll probably sing, like, the first three lines and do a little shoulder shake.

Nick: Okay. Okay. All right, well, we all have our lines. And that's it. I think that's kind of like the basics.

Leah: Now I want to go back to El Compadre right now.

Nick: Yeah, I was actually thinking about it the other day. I was like, "Oh, that was kind of a fun night." Yeah, Leah and I went there after our live show in Los Angeles. So we were kind of like exhausted and tired, but also energized. It was like, you know, you're having all the emotions. And it was like the perfect place.

Leah: And it was fun because, you know, Nick knows restaurants in New York and, like, always has good recommendations for places. And I don't really go out to eat a lot, so I was happy to actually have an idea.

Nick: Yeah, it was a great idea.

Leah: Thank you.

Nick: Yeah, that was wonderful. So next time in Los Angeles, we'll definitely go back.

Leah: I look forward to it.

Nick: Likewise!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "People have started sending gifts to my child—very kind, very generous—but are expecting me to wrap them. Yesterday, a package arrived addressed to my 10-year-old child. I wasn't home yet, so my child opened it and found a gift intended for Christmas. But it was unwrapped, and only had a store gift receipt and a little gift note slipped inside the box to indicate it was a Christmas gift. As I was heading home, the gift giver reached out to say that a gift had been delivered to our home and would I please wrap it. Since my daughter had already told me about the gift, which was a book, I instead told the gift giver that the gift had arrived, that my child had opened it and that she was thrilled and loved the gift. The gift giver told me that I would have to tell my child to wrap up the gift and put it under the tree and wait until Christmas. I was hoping that was a joke, but I'm not at all sure it was. I have gifts to send out to the people who have been doing this to me. Could I send the gifts unwrapped and tell them to wrap them themselves? This seems wild!"

Leah: It does seem wild.

Nick: It does seem wild. And what is also wild is that this is not the first question we've received on this topic, recently. Another person wrote in with basically the exact same scenario where, like, the grandparents keep sending gifts unwrapped and are like, "You wrap them"

Leah: It's also wild to be like, "Oh—" you're like, "Oh hey, my kid got the mail and already saw it." "Well, tell your kid that they need to wrap it up."

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, tough luck.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. I mean, that's wild too. Yeah, you're gonna tell a 10 year old like, "Oh no, too bad?"

Leah: I love that our letter writer said, "I was hoping that was a joke, but I'm not at all sure it was." And you're like, I don't think they were joking at all.

Nick: No, not a joke. Yeah, definitely not a joke.

Leah: But I mean, we could treat it like we thought it was a joke. LOLOLOL!

Nick: So yeah, what's the etiquette here? Let's not create more work for people. I think that's the general etiquette rule.

Leah: I was thinking about this, you know, because I love the holidays. There are some places where you cannot get something wrapped.

Nick: Sure, that does exist.

Leah: On the internet. And if that was a thing, I would message my friend and be like, "I really love this thing for your kid. The site that has it does not have wrapping. May I send it to you and could you wrap it?"

Nick: Love that. I think that's a very nice way to handle that.

Leah: And then I think it would be—that's like a whole other conversation.

Nick: Yeah. I think just to assume or to direct people to sort of do your wrapping? Yeah, I don't love that.

Leah: And then I feel like it's a little different if it's like, your mom.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: Because then you sort of are just stuck in the—well, that's my mom. Just because it's so hard to sort of tell relatives what to do. [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. I could see how it's a little harder to be like, "Mom, stop doing this."

Leah: [laughs] But I mean, I can't imagine a friend not asking me first, and then sending it and then being like, "Well, tell your kid they gotta wrap and put it under the tree."

Nick: Yeah. So what do we do then? Because our letter writer says, like, well, I've got gifts to send to these people. Can I do this back to them?

Leah: You know, I always want to say be the change you want to see in the world.

Nick: Model good behavior? That's so unsatisfying.

Leah: It's so unsatisfying. But ...

Nick: That would be the move.

Leah: I feel like it's the move.

Nick: And I would probably make sure that the wrapping is really nice, just to make a point.

Leah: Yeah. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I think you would do that. I think it is nice to have the gift ready to roll. If you do not want to wrap the gift, then I think then the cardboard box on the outside is the wrapping. And then you would just tell them, "Oh, put the whole box under the tree. Open it at Christmas."

Leah: Yes. Open it at Christmas.

Nick: I think that would be the move. Do it that way.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So yeah, it is wild. Let's avoid doing this if we can.

Leah: Yeah. And then sometimes it can't be avoided because of where it's coming from. But then you just ask in advance.

Nick: Asking for permission. Yeah.

Leah: And then also they know it's coming, they can hide it from their kids.

Nick: Yeah. And then if a gift has already been opened—by a child or adult or anybody—that's it. That ship has sailed.

Leah: Ship's left the harbor. She's out at sea.

Nick: Yeah, the horse is out of the barn.

Leah: The sheep are grazing in the field.

Nick: The whipped cream is out of the can.

Leah: You definitely can't get that back in.

Nick: Nope. Any others to add to that list, Leah?

Leah: I mean, I feel like I could really actually go on forever if you want.

Nick: Give me another one.

Leah: Okay. The chickens are out of the henhouse.

Nick: Is that a thing? That's not a thing.

Leah: They go out.

Nick: Right. But then they go back at the end of the day.

Leah: I mean, technically, a ship will also go back.

Nick: Oh, that's right. A horse can go back to the barn.

Leah: And the sheep goes—I guess, do we—do we want to only do things that can never go back in? Because if we're doing never go back in, then the only one that works is your whipped cream.

Nick: That's true. Okay. So just can't get that whipped cream back in the can. I mean, you really shouldn't be having canned whipped cream in the first place.

Leah: No, but it's fun.

Nick: Is it, though?

Leah: It's fun. If you put it directly into your mouth.

Nick: It will come as no surprise never done that.

Leah: You've never ...

Nick: No.

Leah: ... sprayed whipped cream straight into your mouth?

Nick: No. Why would that come up?

Leah: How would it not come up?

Nick: How does that come up for you?

Leah: You don't just see, like, a whipped cream can and go, "I gotta spray that in my mouth?"

Nick: Where am I where that's happening?

Leah: Anywhere.

Nick: Where am I where there's whipped cream?

Leah: Literally anywhere.

Nick: [laughs] Just all these whipped cream cans everywhere?

Leah: Wow. Okay. Okay.

Nick: Yeah. I think maybe my college didn't have a huge, like, Greek life.

Leah: Nick, I didn't go to a college with a Greek life.

Nick: [laughs] Well, somehow you've been around a lot of whipped cream cans.

Leah: I mean, they've been places. You know, you see one, you think, "I gotta spray this in my mouth."

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, I'm working on my New Year's resolutions, and so maybe we'll add this to the list.

Leah: Just try it once.

Nick: Yeah, I'd be delighted to. I think we'll just add it to the list of things I've never done. I assume you've done the cheese version, too?

Leah: No.

Nick: Oh, okay.

Leah: Have you done the cheese version?

Nick: Of course not.

Leah: I don't actually think I've ever had spray cheese. And you know what? I'm actually happy to put that on my list of things to do this Christmas.

Nick: Okay, wonderful. And I guess I'm surprised for you, because I feel like that's just part of the same world as ...

Leah: No, they're actually not in the same world at all. But ...

Nick: How is that not the same universe?

Leah: I guess you don't get nuance. [sighs]

Nick: I do not understand nuance of liquefied food items that are directly into your face. I guess from an etiquette perspective, I guess, what is the etiquette of spraying whipped cream in your face? I think this is a good question.

Leah: Well, now that I brought it up, I realize, like, sorry for the other people that are using the—but I mean, everybody here knows I'm a barbarian.

Nick: Is this a communal whipped cream can, or is this individual? Do I have one at every place setting?

Leah: It's not at a place setting. It's in a refrigerator.

Nick: Right. But let's say I'm serving whipped cream in a can at my formal dinner party, and so I believe I would place it on the—is it a beverage? Do I put it on the right or the left?

Leah: Oh. So, like, if everybody got their own?

Nick: Well, that's my question. Is this communal? Is this like a butter dish that's at the center of the table and we're passing it around like port? Like, "Oh, do you know the Bishop of Norwich?" Or is it like everybody has their own individual can, and that at the place setting I guess we would put the whipped cream on the left?

Leah: It feels right on the left.

Nick: I just feel like it would go near the bread plate. I feel like that's where that goes.

Leah: I would put it on the left.

Nick: And so if it's communal, then, like, would we—I mean, I would want to decant the whipped cream into a spoon first before I—like, to spray it directly in my mouth doesn't feel correct at a dinner party.

Leah: Well, the thing is is that never in my life have I been at a dinner party and there's been a communal can, and I reached across the table and sprayed it in my mouth. Like, those are not the situations.

Nick: Right. The formal dinner parties you're going to, everybody has their own individual can of whipped cream.

Leah: Yes, because I roll like that.

Nick: Yeah. No, you're—you're in that circle. Okay. Well, I think we have given our audience a lot to think about.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I have a question, and perhaps it's just my own pet peeve. So tell me if it's just me. I am a hairstylist, and I start at 10:00 am. This is what time the salon opens. I often have clients that arrive for their 10:00 am appointment at 9:45. This only bothers me because it's before the salon even opens. Is it inconsiderate to arrive 15 minutes early like this? Perhaps it's just me, but if I'm arriving somewhere before they open, I'm waiting in my car or walking to the nearest coffee shop until at least opening time."

Leah: I think they think they're being polite.

Nick: Yes. And they are on some level, I would much rather my client be early than late.

Leah: Yeah, because they're getting there early, they know they're the first one of the day. If they were late, then all the other ones being late.

Nick: It cascades. Sure.

Leah: But everybody needs that moment before they begin their day where they, like, have their second.

Nick: Right. Yes. I'm not ready to be on until the designated time.

Leah: So I think you could just leave a sign in the door that says, "We open at 10."

Nick: Yeah, I think that's fair. Right?

Leah: I mean, you'd have to, like, drop a curtain or something.

Nick: Yeah. Or you have to pretend you don't hear them knocking on the door.

Leah: Because—yeah, which is—that's just too much work. That ruins your time.

Nick: I'm reminded of this Mervyn's commercial. Do you have Mervyn's on the East Coast? Probably not.

Leah: Are you saying Mervyn's?

Nick: Mervyn's, yes. This was a chain of department stores that was based in Northern California. And they had a famous ad campaign which was a woman who was showing up for a sale and was getting there, like, four hours before the store opened. And then it was a shot of her at the glass, and then she would be right up at the glass, and she would be saying, "Open, open, open." And then she'd be using her hands to try to make the doors open as she said, "Open." And so there's like, the open, open, open lady. I think anybody of a certain age from Northern California remembers this. So that's what I was thinking. Like, all these people are arriving at the salon, and they're like, "Open, open, open," trying to will the door to open before the time.

Leah: I'm gonna have to google it.

Nick: Oh, I'll post a link to one of these commercials in the show notes. Yeah. Oh, very famous.

Leah: I see. I'm getting—I'm definitely getting a vibe.

Nick: Oh, yeah. And this woman has, like, a very, like, late-'80s/'90s bob haircut and—oh, yeah. No, it's very of a time.

Leah: But I don't think that these people are doing that. I think they are just trying to be polite.

Nick: Yeah. So I think it's also fair to say, like, "Hey, just so you know, like, love your punctuality, but we don't open 'til 10:00, so if you get here early, that's great. Like, feel free to grab a cup of coffee at the place next door."

Leah: Yeah. And I think we could just say that, and then people will be like, "Oh, yeah, of course. You're setting your day up for yourself."

Nick: Yeah. And I think that's fair. I think everybody understands that.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. So I think you're allowed to have a pet peeve, and I think we can solve it this way.

Leah: Yeah. And then boom!

Nick: Boom! So you out there, do you have any good questions for us? Yes, you do! Send them to us. You can send it to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: [whispers] Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I would love it if you had the opportunity to go first, Nick.

Nick: I would be delighted. So I would like to vent. And this is the part of the show where I think I'm allowed to just complain about something that's very petty and small that probably doesn't bother most people, but it increasingly bothers me to the point where it's like nails on a chalkboard every time it happens. And I'm not allowed to say anything to the people who do it because, like, what am I gonna say? But it bothers me so much, and I just hope that any of my friends who listen to the show, who are listening to this right now, just file this away. Because the next time we're dining, when you're ordering, I really don't want you to order by saying you're gonna "do the chicken," or you're gonna "take the beef," or "give me the pasta." I just do not like when people order in this way.

Leah: Whew!

Nick: I just—I really—it just hits in some visceral, deep brainstem place.

Leah: [laughs] I love the idea that, like, your lizard brain would be having people order.

Nick: Yes. No, it's just like, "Oh, I'll do the chicken." "Oh, what can we get you, ma'am?" "Oh, give me the pasta." I mean, what is that?

Leah: I think it has maybe come out of my mouth where I'll say, "Oh, thank you so much. I'm gonna do the chicken."

Nick: Right, exactly that. I just died a little inside.

Leah: Now that I know that you dislike it so much, I'm gonna make sure it's committed to my repertoire.

Nick: [laughs] So what I say, which I highly recommend for everybody else, is, "May I have the beef, please?" "May I have the whatever, please?" That would be the template I would like everybody to use.

Leah: I often use that.

Nick: Okay, then that is wonderful.

Leah: But sometimes something else just comes out.

Nick: If you must, I will allow, "I'd like the chicken, please." Or, "I'll have the beef, please." I guess I will allow an "I'll have." I mean, I do want to, like, crawl up into a little ball when I say that. So I don't love that. But ...

Leah: I've never said "I'll have." I don't like "I'll have" as much as "I'mma do."

Nick: "I'mma do."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: "I'mma do the sushi." Okay.

Leah: "Uh. I'mma do the sushi platter."

Nick: Yeah. I don't—I just—yeah. So maybe this is, like, not an American thing, because, like, in the United States, we're just so casual now. Even in fine dining, like, it's actually pretty casual and relaxed. And so maybe the idea that, like, oh, we're ordering in a formal way, just, like, is not what we're doing anymore. In which case maybe I'm just the minority saying, like, "Oh, may I please have this?" But I think it's just much nicer.

Leah: Even if you say, like, "please" at the end of it?

Nick: "Give me the sushi, please."

Leah: I never say "give me the sushi." I'm gonna say "I'm gonna do Philly sushi roll, please."

Nick: I mean, I think we do need to say please.

Leah: Of course. I always say please. Nick, I'm a walking—I'm a walking please and thank you.

Nick: [laughs] That's true. So at least we need that. But yeah, it's the "I'll do," "I'll take," "Give me." I just—mmm. So let's just—maybe just as a request, everybody just try out a "may I." Just try a "may I" this week. See how it feels. Put it on for size. See if you like it.

Leah: I often say, "May I please have?" But if you're feeling sassy, I don't think "I'mma do" is at all the same as "give me."

Nick: "Give me" is the worst.

Leah: Yeah, that's—that's a—I mean ...

Nick: That's demanding. That's horrible. Like, that should not be said.

Leah: "I'mma do" is like, I'm being a silly gal.

Nick: But the idea that we're "doing" food? I don't think that's the verb.

Leah: Yeah, but Nick, I'm spraying food into my face, so I'mma doing it.

Nick: [laughs] Okay, this is a valid point. Okay. Yeah, I guess it depends on what type of meal we're about to enjoy. If it is aerosol based, then you're doing it.

Leah: [laughs] Okay, thank you.

Nick: Okay, fair enough.

Leah: I love that caveat.

Nick: And you, Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: What I did notice is that I just took your vent and was like, "Well, I don't think—" and then I was like, "Wow, I'm behaving like Nick does to me when I vent."

Nick: Oh, okay. Turnabout is fair play. Yeah. See what happens when you make me go first? Yeah.

Leah: "I'mma do—may I please have ..."

Nick: A vent or repent.

Leah: I'm gonna repent.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And this happened this morning.

Nick: Oh, ripped from the headlines.

Leah: Yeah. And since I am so quick to get very angry at other people driving, I'm always mad at people driving slow in the left lane. And I'm really angry about people that don't use their blinkers.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Really. I don't even understand what's going on. They don't get it. Signaling. We're signaling for the people. Anyway ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Since I'm so quick to judge ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: ... I feel like I should also reprimand myself.

Nick: Oh, I see where this is going. Okay.

Leah: I'm at a light.

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: I have a red light. I'm at the red.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: But I'm turning right.

Nick: Okay, right on red. It's allowed in California.

Leah: It's allowed in California. And it's taken me a long time to remember that just ...

Nick: 'Cause fun fact: New York City, not allowed.

Leah: No right on red. So you have to unlearn no right on red. So I was like, "Oh, I can go right on red." Every other line was stopped. There was, like, multiple—this was not just a one way and a one way. There was multiple ...

Nick: Big intersection.

Leah: So I was like, "I'm gonna go right on red. Nobody's going." So I went, and then I cut somebody off.

Nick: Oh! Okay.

Leah: I mean, we were all at a complete stop, so it wasn't like a traffic situation. You know, they were far enough away. But it wasn't my turn.

Nick: Okay, so you did a bad thing.

Leah: I did a bad thing, and I tried to apologize through the window.

Nick: Oh, how'd that go?

Leah: I hope they felt it.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then I was so embarrassed and mortified that I wanted to take a turn, because we were coming up to another light and they were gonna be directly behind me. And this is what ran through my head. I go, "We could stop and you could run up to the window and you could apologize again." And then I thought, that will probably scare them and they might kill you.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah.

Leah: And then I wanted to just take a left at the light. And then—because the left light was happening, and even though I wasn't going that way, so I didn't have to just sit there in my shame.

Nick: Ah. Okay.

Leah: And then I thought, no, you can sit here. You made a mistake. You tried to apologize, waved through the window. It wasn't like an egregious mistake. Like, nobody was gonna get in an accident. They were far enough away. It just wasn't your turn. So I just tried to apologize again through the rear view.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: And then I just was like, "I did a bad thing."

Nick: Okay, so you're just gonna wallow a bit.

Leah: I was the bad driver. It's gotta happen. It's gotta happen once for the eight million times that everybody else was horrible.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. A good ratio.

Leah: So there it is.

Nick: Okay. All right, so don't let it happen again, Leah.

Leah: I cut somebody off.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I appreciate that you're willing to walk the walk.

Leah: And I was so embarrassed about it that I literally was ready to go in a whole other direction.

Nick: Are you still looking for that, like, blue Ford Focus? What's the car that—what's your white whale? What's the car you're looking for?

Leah: Oh, you know what? My white whale has actually changed.

Nick: Oh, okay. What's the new one?

Leah: The new one is—and I'm really—I'm really sorry. And I want to say that, because I know that a lot of people have Prius.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: But for some reason in this city, every time I have trouble with a car, they're driving a Prius.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: And I want to be like, what is it about Prius drivers? Like, what is it that the personality of this horrible driver is also attracted to a Prius?

Nick: Interesting. Yeah, I wonder what the psychology is.

Leah: And I know—you know, I'm sure a lot of people listening, you make great gas mileage. I have a lot of friends who have Priuses. No disrespect.

Nick: Oh, we're gonna get a lot of letters now.

Leah: But let me tell you ...

Nick: Direct them to Leah. Do not send them to me.

Leah: No, Nick is not making this comment, but also, he did set me up for this. He did say—the last one was a Mini Cooper.

Nick: Oh, right. It was like a red Mini Cooper, right?

Leah: Which is funny, because today there was a red Mini Cooper next to me that I had to go around because she was sitting there on her phone, Nick. On her phone, when the light changed, and I was like ...

Nick: Oh, there's that Leah we missed. [laughs]

Leah: [laughs] I did apologize. And I was like, are you kidding me? Are you shooting a video? We're all waiting. So I went around her. That was a red—that was a Mini red Cooper.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, it's good to have enemies.

Leah: But I do apologize to the white Kia Sorrento.

Nick: Okay. All right. Let the record show.

Leah: Also, I know Prius is a great car. And in other cities, I haven't—I've noticed that in other cities, the Prius drivers are on par with everybody else, statistically seemingly the same. In Los Angeles. I don't know what's going on.

Nick: Nobody does.

Leah: [laughs] Nobody does.

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned that you think that spraying spray cheese into your mouth and spraying whipped cream into your mouth would be the same thing.

Nick: I mean, they're definitely adjacent.

Leah: I just don't think they are.

Nick: Okay. And I learned that you have never done the cheese version.

Leah: It's possible that at some point in my life, somebody has put spray cheese on a cracker.

Nick: No, I'm talking about can in your face.

Leah: Yeah, but I've never put a spray cheese can in my face.

Nick: That feels unlikely.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, someone didn't hold the door open for me at a coffee shop, which means somebody is not listening to our show. Which means there are still people out there that we have not reached, which means we need your help. So please, tell a few friends about our show, and get them to listen, because we need more people listening so that we can stop animals like this from slamming doors in my face.

Leah: You could also repost us into your stories and say, "Check out this show!"

Nick: Yeah. Forward us on the social media. Tell people about us. We need more people listening because we need to fix this.

Leah: And Nick needs ...

Nick: The validation.

Leah: The emotional void filled.

Nick: [laughs] Yes. It's really mostly that. So please do that. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So this cordless of kindness goes out to Chris and Michael, who I met originally through Wolves.

Nick: Hmm?

Leah: They came out to a comedy show and they—you know, they ingratiated me into Los Angeles when I moved here, invited me out.

Nick: Oh, is this Chris that has the bootleg merchandise?

Leah: Yes!

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Chris is on our Patreon.

Nick: Sure. I know—I know these guys. Yeah.

Leah: Nick also bootlegs merchandise. It's absolutely fabulous. FSR.

Nick: I love it. No, but yeah, Chris has made some unauthorized Wolves merchandise, which very flattering.

Leah: Well, he wore it to our show.

Nick: No. Wonderful. I love it. Yeah. No, I am flattered that you like us enough to create unauthorized merchandise. I think that's great. That means we really achieved something.

Leah: It really filled my heart.

Nick: Yeah, that's great. All right, so continue.

Leah: Well, they're wonderful, and they have just been so kind and generous and really supportive. And I just wanted to say how grateful I am for their friendship.

Nick: That's very nice. And for me, I want to read a nice review we just got, which is quote, "Hi, I'm only 12 and this is my favorite podcast. Even though there are so many podcasts, I never miss an episode and I listen to it all week. Then when I finish the new one, I listen to the old ones. Thank you so much."

Leah: That is the most wonderful. So sweet!

Nick: Isn't that nice? I mean, that's wonderful.

Leah: Thank you so much!

Nick: Yes, thank you so much for listening. And so we really appreciate it.

Leah: Oh, I'm so delighted by that letter.

Nick: Right? So thank you.