Playing Duck Duck Goose, Sending Out-of-Office Emails, Taking Free Food Samples, and More

Nick: Do you say the wrong thing after "duck?" Do you annoy people with your out of office emails? Do you steal people's cabs? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So as you know, Leah, the amuse bouche is a time where we get to explore other cultures, how other people do certain things. Right?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And we've gone all over the world.

Leah: We have. I'm now wringing my hands because I just feel I'm excited yet nervous.

Nick: So for today, I want to take you to Minnesota.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Have you been?

Leah: No!

Nick: You've never been? How interesting. Even all your cross-country drives, you've never crossed through?

Leah: Well, I always drive across in the winter months, so I drop down. But I've always wanted to go to Minnesota.

Nick: Oh, you gotta go. Oh, it's great. So here we are in Minnesota, and I want to sit down in a big circle. So we're gonna have you, and we're gonna have a bunch of people all in a circle. And I'm gonna be standing, and I'm gonna be walking around this circle and I'm gonna be tapping people on the head and I'm gonna say "Duck, duck." And then what's the next word?

Leah: "Goose."

Nick: No. [laughs]

Leah: Duck, duck, goose!

Nick: It is not in Minnesota.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: It is "Gray duck."

Leah: I'm sorry for the blank air. I just—duck, duck, gray duck?

Nick: Yes. That is the name of the game. Yes. It is not duck, duck, goose. It is duck, duck, gray duck.

Leah: What's wrong with a goose?

Nick: [laughs] Am I blowing your mind right now?

Leah: I can feel, like, my synopses, like, they were firing and then they all just sort of exploded.

Nick: So this is super specific to Minnesota. There are some places, like, on the edges of Wisconsin that, like, also play duck, duck, grey duck. But ...

Leah: It really sounds like you're making this up.

Nick: I really am not. No, no. No, this is really a thing. And so the question is, like, where does this come from? I mean, how did this happen? How did only people in Minnesota start playing duck, duck, gray duck? And there are different explanations for this. None of them are super satisfying, but the one that I think is probably the best is that in Minnesota, there's a lot of Swedish immigrants. People from Sweden settled in Minnesota. And in Sweden, there is a version of the game apparently called duck, duck, gray duck, or "anka- anka-grå-anka." And as we remember …

Leah: Kalle anka!

Nick: Like kale anka. Same Anka. Yes. "Duck" in Swedish. Yeah, we're learning Swedish on this show. Who knew?

Leah: I love it.

Nick: So they do also have duck, duck, goose in Sweden. But actually, I spoke with one of my Swedish friends, and I was like, "Hey, did you play duck, duck, gray duck growing up?" And she was like, "What is that?" She had never heard of duck, duck, goose before, and she didn't know it was a thing. And so I don't know what to make of that. Is this just like somebody who grew up not knowing about duck, duck, goose? Like, it just never occurred to her. So, like, listeners in Europe, are you familiar with duck, duck, goose? Is this like an American-only thing? It can't be. This has to be global.

Leah: Well, and the thing is that you—if you're thinking, am I familiar with this? The rest of it is when you duck, duck, goose—or apparently in a very small—gray duck, the gray duck then has to get up and chase you around the circle.

Nick: Oh, right. Yes. Oh, to explain the rest of the game. Yes. Once I tap you on the head and I say something other than duck, so goose or gray duck, then I run around the circle. You have to stand up, run around, and try to catch me before I sit in your spot.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Yes, that is the game.

Leah: And it's so fun. I mean, hours of enjoyment.

Nick: I mean, I wouldn't go that far.

Leah: Oh, I had a great time.

Nick: I mean, I guess it depends on how old you are. I think there is an age where it has diminishing returns. Maybe I just don't like that much cardio.

Leah: I mean, I was always "red rover, red rover, send whoever over," and then try to break through arms.

Nick: Oh, that game I can get behind. Yeah.

Leah: But you still got that adrenaline rush from duck, duck, goose.

Nick: That's true. Now Minnesotans actually are surprised when they discover that the rest of the world does not call it duck, duck, gray duck. And there comes a point where, like, they have this realization and they're like, "I had no idea." And same for the rest of us. Like, I was actually not familiar with this until relatively recently. Like, this recently came to my attention, and I was like, isn't that delightful? I would argue that duck, duck, gray duck is a superior game, and I actually think it should replace duck, duck goose, because you can have way more fun with it because you can say other words that sound like gray duck. So it can be duck, duck, green duck. Duck, duck, graceful duck. And you can try to, like, psych people out, you know? You can try to trick people. Like, there's more strategy with duck, duck, gray duck. Whereas duck, duck, goose. As soon as you start making the G sound, it's over. That's the end of the game.

Leah: I didn't know you were allowed to say a word that wasn't those words. Because you could say duck, duck, good day. Good day.

Nick: I mean, I guess that's true. What are the official rules of duck, duck, goose? What are the Olympic rules?

Leah: What are the Olympic rules? Because if we can do that in any of the games, then you could also do that with a "guh" sound.

Nick: Oh, that's true. Yeah, I do—okay, that might be a loophole.

Leah: I don't think you're allowed to throw in extra words.

Nick: Oh, I think you're—I think you're allowed. No? I mean, it's a variation.

Leah: Is it a variation, or ...

Nick: But that's true. The purest essence of the game does require you to just say "goose."

Leah: And the—for those of you who have never played, you don't—it's just not—it's not two ducks and a goose. You could duck for a minute.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: So people don't know when the goose is coming.

Nick: Yeah, you just keep ducking. Duck, duck ...

Leah: [laughs] Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck.

Nick: Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. No, the goose is supposed to be a surprise.

Leah: I think the—the skill of the game is that you don't change your demeanor ...

Nick: Yes.

Leah: ... when you're about to goose.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You lull them into the duck.

Nick: Duck, duck, goose.

Leah: Yeah. Boom! Because they—the amount of time it takes them to get up, you should be a quarter around that circle.

Nick: Yeah. Actually, it is sort of an unfair game because I'm seated, and now I have to stand up and start running? And, like, how would I ever catch you?

Leah: That's why people are trying to read if you're gonna say a different word by, like, sort of being up, you know, two feet. So that's why I think you don't get an option to use another word.

Nick: So I think this is delightful. I think everybody should try "duck, duck, gray duck" next time they are playing this game. Try it as a variation. Celebrate our friends in Minnesota.

Leah: And ducks!

Nick: And ducks. Yes, let's celebrate ducks. And geese.

Leah: And geese.

Nick: How inclusive.

Leah: You're really lucky I held myself back from making a duck quack at the end of that.

Nick: Am I, though?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Let's hear it, Leah. Let's hear it.

Leah: I'm afraid I would have to work through a bunch of them to be like, "Oh, that's what they sound like."

Nick: Oh, take me on the journey.

Leah: No, I don't—bawk! No, that's wrong. That was a bawk.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I almost need to hear one first. Bawk! No, that was—that was like now I'm in a chicken barn.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Honk? No. [laughs]

Nick: Think of the Aflac advertisements.

Leah: Aflac!

Nick: Okay. Audience, I apologize sincerely for having to witness that.

Leah: Aflac! Aflac!

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: That's closer, right?

Nick: Yeah. Okay. Make way for ducklings. Thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and out of office.

Nick: That's right. So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about out of office emails.

Leah: Which I think is interesting because this did come up on a Tamron Hall show that we did together, Nick.

Nick: It did. Yes. One of the guests was brought on because she had very creative out of office emails.

Leah: Creative writing.

Nick: It was creative writing. Her boss was not thrilled with the creativity that was being used. So yeah, I think we should talk about it, because I send a lot of email, I get a lot of out of office returned, and there is definitely good messages and bad messages. So I have thoughts.

Leah: I would love to hear them.

Nick: Okay. Well, I think the first thought I had is you need to use out of office emails if you are going to be out of office and not replying. Or if you got fired or left your job, there needs to be a message. I cannot tell you how many times I've, like, been working with somebody for a long time, and I'm waiting on them for something and I get no response. And I finally have to call and then, like, their voicemail box is full and I have to speak with somebody else in the office who's like, "Oh, Chad hasn't worked here for three months."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And it's like, oh, no wonder nobody got back to me, but where was that email? Why didn't the email bounce? Or why was nobody reading his email? Or why wasn't there a auto reply? Like, why am I just finding out? And this is surprisingly common, so do not let this happen. If you are a businessperson working business, don't have this happen to your email. Like, there—there needs to be a mechanism to not leave people hanging.

Leah: Although I will say if you fire me, am I gonna set up my email to help your company figure this out? I don't know.

Nick: No. No, I won't do that. But then I want your email to bounce, or I want your email to forward somewhere else, or I want an auto reply set up on your behalf. "Unfortunately, Leah's behavior at the company picnic was unacceptable and she's no longer employed with Acme Corp. Please contact Brenda."

Leah: You could set up a thing that said, "This is Chad. I have been fired. Maybe don't continue doing business with this rude company."

Nick: I mean, fine. But then I get that message and I know okay, Chad is no longer there. That's all I need. I just need that information. And I guess that is the point of the auto reply is that okay, the email was received. You will not be getting a reply until I am back, which is on this date. And in the meantime, if this is urgent, here's how you can get help. That's all we need.

Leah: Yeah. That's the important information.

Nick: Yeah. And I don't need to know why you're gone.

Leah: I do!

Nick: I don't need to know that.

Leah: I do.

Nick: You need to know?

Leah: I would like to know.

Nick: You want to know? You want to know I'm on a yoga retreat in Bali, or whatever people are saying?

Leah: I do.

Nick: Okay. But you also want a little comedy in your out of office email, right?

Leah: I want some detail. What are you doing? Are you coming back? Where are you at?

Nick: And you want whimsy? Do you want poems?

Leah: I'll take a poem.

Nick: Really?

Leah: You want to give me a couplet?

Nick: Okay. And unrelated to the out of office, or do you actually want the out of office email in the style of a haiku?

Leah: I would actually like the out of office email. Now this brings up a point that you made on the Tamron Hall Show that I think is great. If you're my doctor ...

Nick: Right. I do not want whimsy from my doctor or my accountant or my banker or, like, if you're handling something that's important to me—financial, health, law—yeah, I don't want something clever with your out of office reply.

Leah: Actually, this made me just take a cold, hard look at myself and ...

Nick: Oh, finally!

Leah: I actually think if you're handling—you're my doctor or you're my accountant, I really want you to lean into the whimsy because that makes me feel like you're the kind of person I value in my life.

Nick: I see.

Leah: And I know that people that have whimsy are also very intelligent. It doesn't make them any less of anything. I know what you're doing now, Nick.

Nick: I feel a little attacked.

Leah: Well, if the shoe fits.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Wow! Now I really feel attacked. Wow!

Leah: Well, no, you're attacking whimsy! You're not attacked. You weren't attacking whimsy. You were just saying if you handle something important, don't be any fun.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And so I would like to say, but that's because of the kind of person I am.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: My business is not—people expect me—I—so I always used to spend agonizing over my email. You know what I mean? I gotta make this look serious. And then I was working with somebody and they go, "That's not what people expect from you. You're the comic. You can just be yourself." And I felt so relieved.

Nick: You don't need punctuation.

Leah: I don't—you don't need—why are you capitalizing that sentence? And then so I'm happy to get it from anybody in return. That would say—I would say most of the world wants you to act functional.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: Quel dommage. Quel dommage.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yeah, I guess what I want is just to know what's up, and I want that message to not take up a lot of my time. And so if you have a, you know, 20-couplet poem where the time you're returning to the office is buried somewhere in that, like, don't make me read the whole poem. But if it's sort of like the information that's important up top, and then you want to just, like, go off on your whatever you're doing in multiple paragraphs and I can skip it, then I guess I'm fine with that.

Leah: I agree with what you're saying that, like, businesspeople act a certain way, and that way is not writing things in couplets.

Nick: Right.

Leah: I am also a person who chose not to be in the business world in that way. So that's why I ...

Nick: Fair. Okay.

Leah: But I mean, you could be like—I don't think you should write, like, Paradise Lost underneath it. But I mean, if—you know what I mean? If you were like, "I have gone far away, but I will be back late Wednesday." Okay, I got it.

Nick: Okay, fine.

Leah: Obviously, if I had more time to work on that, but you know what I'm saying? I'll be back Wednesday. You get it.

Nick: Yeah. But I guess yeah, from my doctor I don't want, like, "I'm on a quest right now abroad." I don't—I don't need that from my doctor.

Leah: I want it for my doctor so bad. Like, show me you're a human being.

Nick: [laughs] No, I just want—show me you're competent and knowledgeable.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So one thing I also want is to know kind of like when you're back or when I might anticipate, you know, a reply. And definitely do not overpromise. I cannot tell you how many emails I see where somebody writes, "Oh, I'm gonna respond immediately upon my return." That's a lie. You know it, I know it, we all know it. You're not gonna respond to this the day you're back. And if your idea of "immediately" is, like, within two weeks then, like, let's not use the word "immediately." Just be like, "I'll be back on this date. Thank you." And I assume you're gonna get to it, you know, promptly. But, like, that gives you a little flexibility. But I don't like when people are like, "Oh, I'll deal with this ASAP upon my return." It's like, no, you're not.

Leah: I mean, I don't know what kind of person you are, you writing the letter. If you think you're gonna respond to 350,000 emails in 24 hours? But otherwise, I think, you know, let's be realistic with who we are.

Nick: Let's not make promises we can't keep.

Leah: I agree.

Nick: And then I think this is a style note, but for me, I kind of want you to sign the message. A lot of these are just sort of like, "I'm out of the office. Bye." And it's not, like, "Best wishes," or, like, "From Nick." It just is sort of like this very cold message, and I kind of want a little more letter with it.

Leah: A little something. You want a little something.

Nick: Like, "Dear you. Thank you so much for your email. I am out of the office until this date. If you have any questions, please contact Leah. Here's her email address and phone number. Best wishes, Nick." Like, that's all. That's good.

Leah: I think that's lovely.

Nick: Right?

Leah: I do think that what you're saying, if your job is like ...

Nick: Are we still on this?

Leah: Yeah. No. Yeah, because you gotta think about it deeply, you know what I mean? It's why it's a deep dive, Nick.

Nick: Oh, true.

Leah: Like, I was thinking, like, if my lawyer sent out a couplet.

Nick: Right?

Leah: To everybody, I would be like, "That's not—" I send out the couplet. You represent me by sending out a regular email.

Nick: Right. Yeah. Unless they're, like, your lawyer for your poetry work.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And then it's sort of like—but then it's like, I don't need the competition.

Leah: Then you're like, "No, I send it. You make sure I copyrighted it or whatever."

Nick: Yeah. And also, I mean, this is sort of unrelated, but I don't like the idea of professionals that I've hired ever going on vacation. I like the fiction that they're always working.

Leah: Mmm.

Nick: And so I don't love the idea where you are highlighting the fact that you are currently taking time off for yourself. Like, obviously you should do that, everybody should do that. But, like, I kind of just like the idea of, like, oh, you are always just available. And, like, it's fine for you to be out of the office, but I would much rather you say, like, "Oh, I'm out of the office at an off-site meeting, rather than, like, "I'm out of office in Tuscany doing wine tasting." Part of me, like, I don't want to know about you having a nice time.

Leah: You know, am I doing a 180 in the middle of this?

Nick: Do you agree with me on this?

Leah: I really don't want to.

Nick: [laughs] I know. You're struggling with all your being!

Leah: But I think that I would like to send out emails with juicy details.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But for people who I've hired or I'm working in that way, I guess I would like—oh no, is this what I'm gonna think? Because I'm gonna have to—I like the idea of it just being like, "I'm off site."

Nick: Yeah. Right?

Leah: "I'll get back to you on May 23."

Nick: "Thank you so much. Best wishes."

Leah: "Thank you so much."

Nick: Okay. So I think to summarize, if you are in the business of being whimsical, if that's sort of like part of your brand, then yes, your emails should reflect—oh actually, your emails should reflect you and who you are. And so if you are full of whimsy and you skip to work, well then your emails should reflect that. If you are all business, then your emails should reflect that. Like, if you got an email from me that was, like, misspelled and had bad grammar, and then was full of emoji, like, that would be a little weird, right?

Leah: [laughs] I would—I would think that somebody broke into your home and you had been hacked.

Nick: Right. And so you want my out of office email to just be part of the same personal branding, you know? You don't want your out of office to come out of left field. So I think however you send regular emails, whatever tone that is, I think that's what you should do for your out of office. And for me, I just like dealing with professional people, so I guess that's why I want out of office emails to be brief, respectful of my time and professional.

Leah: I agree that they should be brief. I think—and I agree with you. Unfortunately, I agree with you. I will just say that I think that some people are professionals in a way that is just not as straightforward, "I'm out. I'll be back. Here's the date."

Nick: Fine.

Leah: You can be professional and still a little colorful is what I'm saying.

Nick: Okay. All right. We can agree to meet at that place.

Leah: But I hate to say I think you're right.

Nick: I love it. Thank you! [laughs]

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "I wanted to ask a question that came up when I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. The woman in front of me was picking up a prescription, and I was surprised when she piled 10-plus additional non-medication items for the pharmacy tech to ring up. She was moving slowly and seemed to have no awareness of the people waiting behind her. When the tech bagged her items, she asked him for another bag so that she could redistribute everything. To me, it's obvious that she should have picked up her prescriptions and gone to the regular cash register to check out the other items, which was not at all crowded. She finally looked back at me and moved out of the way so that I could pick up my prescriptions after receiving the second bag. It made me curious to think what you think the appropriate number of extra items and the type of items you think are acceptable to bring up to the pharmacy."

Leah: I actually didn't know that you were allowed to ring up other items.

Nick: Oh, you didn't know about this loophole?

Leah: For a very long time. And then I saw somebody else doing it and I was like, what?

Nick: Yeah. No, it's a weird loophole that should not exist.

Leah: And I can see a world—you're waiting in line in the pharmacy. You're by the pharmacy. Maybe it's like a vitamin.

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: Or it's like a ...

Nick: ChapStick.

Leah: ChapStick.

Nick: It's a magazine. Aspirin. Something within reach of the checkout.

Leah: Or it's like, you know, every pharmacy I've ever been, you gotta walk through an aisle to get to the window. And, you know, it's one of those things, those pharmacy things—Advil, you know, whatever—I'll take deodorant. In the vein of pharmacy.

Nick: Okay, so we're not gonna have candy corn.

Leah: We're not bringing the corn.

Nick: We're gonna have …

Leah: You're not gonna go over and get a jug of milk.

Nick: Okay. Oh, so for you it's the type of item that matters.

Leah: Well, I also just—I think it could be, like, one or two items.

Nick: Now I was gonna say I will let you have three items, three individual items, three boops of the scanner. So it's not like multiple packs of something. I will let you do prescription and then beep, beep, beep.

Leah: I mean, that seems generous.

Nick: Right? I'm just feeling very charitable today. And ideally, yes, you are correct. They should be pharmacy-adjacent items, or something that's sold at that counter. So, like, very often there's, like, candy there or magazines or whatever else they have. But I feel like all of that is fair game. But yeah, I don't think we're plopping down a basket on the counter.

Leah: Yeah, we're not bringing a basket to the pharmacy counter. See, there's no candy and magazines near any of my pharmacies. So that's just for me, it's in other areas.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. Also, I think you should always pick up your prescription before you do your shopping.

Leah: That's what I was gonna say. You go there first, you knock it out.

Nick: Because what if it's not ready?

Leah: Yeah, I'm a hundred percent on—I'm a hundred percent on board with this.

Nick: Right?

Leah: I always go there first, I check it.

Nick: You gotta know, is there a line? You know, let's just get that done.

Leah: Get it done.

Nick: Right. And then you do your other shopping.

Leah: And then you go to the regular cash out for that.

Nick: Yeah. No, I think that's the rule. So—okay, so I think we settled this. We will allow—I mean, do you agree with three or you want two?

Leah: I think three is very generous of you.

Nick: Or is it three items including the prescription you just got?

Leah: No, because you could technically pick up 10 prescriptions.

Nick: That's true. That's allowed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this only applies if people are behind you. If this is an empty, abandoned pharmacy then, like, oh, okay. Like, if the tech—actually, no, that's not the rule because the tech probably has other things to be doing, too. So, you know, we want to let them go back to their job to fill other people's prescriptions. So we don't want to tie up too much of their time.

Leah: Yeah, they're filling prescriptions. That's why they're there.

Nick: Yeah. So they're busy. Yeah. So I—okay, three items, that's it. And I'll allow milk. I'll allow non-adjacent items that you happen to already have with you.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: But it does feel more provocative to the person behind you.

Leah: It does feel provocative.

Nick: If you plop down a yogurt. Yeah, it does.

Leah: It just feels like you did it backwards.

Nick: But you'll allow a health and beauty product? That's close enough for you?

Leah: Health and beauty? Yeah, it's in the same vein.

Nick: Interesting. Okay. I mean, I feel like first aid is allowed.

Leah: First aid is always allowed because you might have a question about it.

Nick: Ah!

Leah: What they're there for is if you have a question about something. Like, I've brought up something that wasn't from the pharmacy that I had to get a prescription for, but I had a question about it. "Is this for this?"

Nick: Mmm.

Leah: I've done it multiple times as somebody who has worked for themselves their whole lives and not always had health care. The pharmacist is your doctor.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And they'll always go, like, "Oh, this is for this. Oh, no. You know, it would be great for that." And then one time I brought up these eyedrops and the person looked at me and goes, "Oh, no. You need to go to an emergency room now."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: They were like, "You're having an allergic reaction, and your face is closing over." I, like, came up with these little eye drops.

Nick: [laughs] And they're like, "Yeah, that's not gonna cut it."

Leah: And I go, "I could just use the eye drops." And she was like, "No. No, you cannot."

Nick: So yeah, that's a legitimate use of the pharmacy technician. Yeah. So okay, that's the rule: three items max. Ideally, pharmacy-adjacent thematic items.

Leah: Because that's what they're there for.

Nick: And for everything else, yeah, go to the regular cash register.

Leah: And I mean, not that Nick and I have to tell you how to live your life, but it is؅I feel like the correct flow of life is to go to the pharmacy first.

Nick: Yeah. It just makes sense.

Leah: Check your thing. Although I—you know, I did say that about the yogurt, but I get the idea if you run in, you just gotta grab one yogurt. You're like, "I just gotta get a yogurt and I just gotta get my prescription." Fine. You grab the Dahi, you get in line. Ba, boom, boom, boom. You're in a hurry.

Nick: Right.

Leah: One item.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. So our next question is quote. "When you accept a free sample of food at the store, do you stand there and let the worker know your thoughts about the food's taste, or do you graciously accept the sample and walk away to eat it?"

Leah: Great question.

Nick: Great question. I figured that you were gonna have some thoughts or anxiety about this.

Leah: I do. I'm glad that you know me so well.

Nick: Mm-hmm. So thoughts?

Leah: You know, we joined Costco when we moved to Los Angeles.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: And then I actually just went by myself for the first time.

Nick: Oh, how was that?

Leah: It's a whole different experience because, you know, you've been—you've been let loose. You're just walking around. There's no timeline. Nobody's telling you to put that back.

Nick: Oh, you don't have that little toddler harness? [laughs]

Leah: Yeah. When you go with somebody else, that you're a team. You're being like, "That's not what we came for. What—why are we looking at TVs?"

Nick: Checks and balances. Okay.

Leah: But when you go, you're just walking around to the different—and the thing is is that I know that the—I'm not gonna give an honest opinion if I don't like the food. I'm not. I can't. I can't be like ...

Nick: Right, you're gonna lie to them.

Leah: So I used to feel like I had to stand there and be like, "So good!" But then I realized they need to move people through.

Nick: Well, you shouldn't stand there and say, "So good" while you're blocking the tray for everybody else.

Leah: Yeah, you gotta step to the side. But then they're focusing on the next person. So I think you could just say, "Thank you so much," and sort of move on.

Nick: Yeah. I think we want to treat them like humans. This is not like a vending machine.

Leah: Well, of course.

Nick: So I think we have to acknowledge their existence. Well, I think a lot of people who probably work this job do not have their humanity acknowledged. People are just, like, grabbing food, shoving it in their face, and walking away and saying nothing.

Leah: I do not like that one bit.

Nick: Yeah. So don't do that. I think we need to make eye contact, and I think we need to say thank you. And then we step away. And rarely are these people, like, employed by the company. And so your feedback is not going to R&D. Like, it's just samples. It's not like a focus group. And so yeah, I think, yes, if you liked it, I'm sure they love hearing that. If you hate it, I don't think they can really do anything with that information.

Leah: Yeah, that's not gonna help them. So that's why if you—if you feel the need to be honest and you don't like it, I think keep it moving. But I will say some people really are really into the spiel of what the thing is.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And so for those people, I stand there. I'm gonna be a great audience member.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I mean, I step out of the way so the next person comes up. But I sit there, I listen. I go, "Oh, I can taste that." You know what I mean? Because they're doing their—their thing.

Nick: Yeah, I guess that's—that's courteous to let them have a stage.

Leah: Pay to play. I took the quesadilla.

Nick: Oh, true. Yeah, that's true. That's the least you can do.

Leah: That's the least I can do is hear about the Colby cheese they're using. You know?

Nick: That's true. Yeah. No, tell me where it's sourced.

Leah: I want to know!

Nick: Okay, so I think that's what we do. This is the rules for samples.

Leah: Right. We're maintaining eye—we say thank you. We—and then if there are people that really want to let you know, we listen. If we have something negative to say, we move down the aisle and keep it to ourselves.

Nick: Right. And we don't buy the thing.

Leah: We just don't buy the thing.

Nick: That's it.

Leah: I tried something the other day that I literally—I had to hold my mouth to not go, "Ugh!"

Nick: [laughs] What was it?

Leah: It was something that was like what it looked like was not the texture.

Nick: Oh, that's always a surprise.

Leah: And it was a surprise texture.

Nick: Yeah. Especially when something is, like, gummier or softer than you were expecting. Like, when you were expecting a crunch and it is not?

Leah: Oh, it's scary. [laughs]

Nick: Okay. [laughs]

Leah: But I just went, "Oh!" And then I just moved.

Nick: That's what you gotta do. So the next thing I want to address briefly is a recent question we had. So Leah, you'll recall we had a question about a birthday party where somebody sent a birthday card with a fake return address.

Leah: Oh, yes. Yes!

Nick: Yes. And this was bonkers, but we were so in shock, we missed a key detail.

Leah: Oh, did we?

Nick: We did. And I think, you know, we often say, like, "Oh, I'm in shock." And our audience may think, like, "Oh, are they really?" No, we really are. We really are in shock because the detail we missed—I was so numb. I was so numb, and I don't know how I missed this. The detail we missed, Leah, was that this birthday party was a surprise birthday party, and the idea of sending a card in the mail was to ruin the surprise.

Leah: No!

Nick: I totally missed that.

Leah: No!

Nick: Isn't that taking it to such a new level?

Leah: I'm holding my eyeballs.

Nick: Isn't that wild?

Leah: I—that—I mean.

Nick: [laughs] Isn't that incredible that Lisa was so mad she wasn't invited that she sent the birthday card, which was like, "Happy birthday, hope your party is fun" in advance of the party?

Leah: This diabolical ...

Nick: That is so diabolical! I mean, on some level, slow clap.

Leah: I can't believe we missed it!

Nick: We totally—well, because we were so in shock about all the other insane things that were happening.

Leah: It was a lot of insane at the same time.

Nick: So yeah, I just totally—I totally—so thank you, listeners. A lot of listeners saw that and was like, "You guys missed, like, the most horrible thing of all." So yeah, it was a surprise birthday party, and the surprise was gonna be ruined by the card saying there was a party. Wow!

Leah: Wow! Wow!

Nick: I know. Isn't that incredible? Yeah. We were so numb. We were so numb.

Leah: We were numb, Nick. We were numb.

Nick: [laughs] We just missed it. We just, like, totally missed it. So yeah, I mean, that really just took it—I mean, wow. I mean, that—it was already bonkers, and this just, like—it just—there is—is there a word for a new level of bonkers?

Leah: You know what I was just thinking of for a new level?

Nick: Hmm?

Leah: Because I froze when you were saying that. And then I put my hands to my eyes, since our listeners can't see me, and I felt frozen like petrified wood.

Nick: Mmm!

Leah: So it's like so bonkers that you turn into petrified wood.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: But that's not catchy. But that's the visual.

Nick: Well, being petrified, maybe that's what it is.

Leah: Because bonkers is like I'm exploding, but then it's like my brain exploded, but then I froze because I was like, "What?"

Nick: So thank you, listeners, for pointing this out.

Leah: I'm so glad people pointed it out.

Nick: Yeah. Really missed it. Really missed that detail.

Leah: I wish we could find this person.

Nick: Yeah. Now this is a house call. Now—now we actually have to show up.

Leah: It's almost so—you know, when we want to do a house call and be like, "What were you thinking?" Like, we are getting a very clear picture of ...

Nick: Oh, we know what you were thinking.

Leah: We get it a hundred percent. So this is more of a person where it's not a house call. It's like we are undercover, and we're parked down the block.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Eating food, and then we, like, follow them around to take notes on how they're living their whole life.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. So we're in an unmarked van.

Leah: Yeah, we are. [laughs]

Nick: Okay. All right, I'm down. Let's do it.

Leah: I mean, that's what that feels like.

Nick: Oh, this feels bonkers. That's what this feels like. I feel petrified.

Leah: [laughs] Oh, thank you, listeners, for catching it!

Nick: Yes. So listeners, if you have any other things you've caught or you've got questions for us, vents or repents, we'll take it all. Send it to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: [sighs] I was hoping I could get a really good vent because I actually have something I have to repent about.

Nick: Uh-huh. But you don't.

Leah: None of them outweigh the repent.

Nick: Wow! What happened?

Leah: I made a boo boo.

Nick: Okay, well let's—let's fix the boo boo.

Leah: I fixed it. I sent a letter.

Nick: Oh, a letter! Oh gosh. What happened?

Leah: So a friend of mine called me. They were in the middle of a thing.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And they called me for a pep talk.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I was driving. I picked right up.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then they told me what was going on and I gave them a pep talk. I got in there, you know what I mean? Pep talk pep talk pep talk pep talk. So I knew the state of their mind, and then we sort of just started talking about, like, regular life stuff.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: It was just sort of like a polite, like, meander. And then he was like, "How are you?" And I should have just been like, "I'm great, go back and deal with your thing." You know, because I knew they were in this thing. And then I started complaining about something I was going—dealing with, because I was just sort of—I was thinking about it when they called, so I was sort of in this anxiety cloud. And then I just started going down this road, and they were like, "I kind of have to go back and deal with this thing."

Nick: Ah.

Leah: And then I was like, "Of course you do! I'm horrible!" I felt so bad about it because I was just like—you know when you're just like, "Oh, and I'm this thing," you know, and you're like, why? Why? So I was like, "Of course." You know, and then I hung up, and then I wrung my hands and I said, "Leah d'Alessandro Bonnema, they specifically called you for one thing. You did the thing and then you forgot what was going on. And then you got—you went into your thing. It was not time to go into your thing."

Nick: Okay. I mean, I could see why it happened, but yeah, I guess it would have been better to just like, keep the focus on their thing.

Leah: Keep the focus on their thing. Zip of the lips.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I just felt like a bad friend.

Nick: Okay, so you sent them a letter afterwards?

Leah: Yeah, I just sent a little card. "Hey, love ya."

Nick: Oh, through—in the mail?

Leah: In the mail.

Nick: Wow, that's nice!

Leah: I mean ...

Nick: Okay. I like that.

Leah: I was—so I learned my lesson. I'm not gonna do it. Not that they were like, "Don't do that." You know what I mean? They let their needs—they're like, "Hey." And I was like, "Oh, of course." That's—I need people to tell me because then I can—that's why I like direct people. I don't have to worry.

Nick: Right.

Leah: You've told me. And now I'll fix it.

Nick: This is why being direct is more polite.

Leah: It's just so easy to deal with. You know what I mean? But I just wanted to be like, you know? But anyway, I felt really bad about it.

Nick: Well, I would like to talk about something I don't feel bad about. I would like to vent. So I was in New York City, as I so often am, and I needed to get uptown. And it was one of these weekends that was pouring rain and there was, like, a billion parades and things happening in New York City. So there was, like, some bike thing where every street was closed. And so I needed to get a cab. And so I am standing on the corner, and now I'm, like, about to be late. And it's sort of like that's not a feeling I like to have. And I'm trying to get a cab, and of course, like, no cars are coming because, like, all the streets down below are, like, blocked off for this bike thing. And I turn my head to the right to see, like, oh, is somebody coming down, like, the side street—because I'm on the corner. And I turn back around, and out of nowhere, out of nowhere, there are three people wearing white sports jerseys, and they see a cab and they flag it down, and the cab starts slowing down and they're about to grab it and I was there, like, I am wet.

Leah: Oh no!

Nick: And I have been here a long time.

Leah: Oh no.

Nick: And no, this is not happening. So I basically just walk past them, and as I'm walking away, like, "Sorry, guys. I've been waiting here a long time. I'm wet. So sorry." And, like, it was, like, not a conversation. It was just like, "Oh, no. I was here first and I'm taking this cab. That's just what's happening." And wouldn't you know it though, the door to the cab was locked.

Leah: No!

Nick: Because what should have happened was, "Sorry, everybody. I'm taking this cab." Door opens, me in it, Slam, drive away. That would have been, like, the nice way for that to go down.

Leah: Yes! Yes!

Nick: That is not how that went down. It was, "Sorry, I'm taking this cab." Trying to pull the door open. Try to pull the door open. Try to pull the door open. Then he unlocks it, but it's open while I'm doing it, so it doesn't work. So, like, now we're doing that a couple times. And then—and then the door opens, and now we're at a red light so it's me in the cab, and these three people who were, like, a little stunned about, like, oh—because I think they probably thought I was stealing their cab.

Leah: Oh, for sure.

Nick: I'm sure they thought that. And it was like, just for the record, I was so there a long time. I was not stealing their cab. But I'm in the cab, and I'm looking down on my phone because I can tell in the corner of my eye the gestures and the things that are happening outside of this cab I do not want to see. I do not want them to see that I see. And so it was a very long light, probably another minute of this.

Leah: Oh, no!

Nick: So—and I was just, like, pretending to be on my phone. We're just on my phone. We're just driving away. Just that's what's happening. So I do not feel bad about it. I was there first. They did try to steal my cab, but it wasn't as slick as I wanted it to be.

Leah: Oh! Oh! With the door. I know that one when you're—they're unlocking it, and then you're pulling at the same time.

Nick: Yep. So that happened. But yeah, don't steal people's cabs. Don't upstream them. You know, don't, like, be further down the block, try and steal. Like, don't do it, especially on a rainy day, because you're gonna get somebody like me coming along and I'm not gonna take it from you.

Leah: Woo! Nick is fire! He will not—he's gonna walk by. Nope!

Nick: Nope. My cab. I'm wet. I was here first. Bye. "I said, 'Good day.'" [laughs] Welcome to New York!

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned so much in this episode, Nick, I'm gonna have to lay down on the floor afterwards.

Nick: Wow. Was this like, super informative for you today?

Leah: I mean, they're always informative. I just think that I learned things on, like, a molecular level.

Nick: You learned something about yourself.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Yeah. So give me an example.

Leah: Well, on the light note, I learned that we completely missed, like, the cornerstone of a question because we were so busy being shocked about the exterior.

Nick: Everything else.

Leah: And I love that our audience caught it. And then I learned about duck, duck, gray duck.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: What a game! I'm gonna go to Minnesota specifically to be like, "Are we playing this here?" And then I learned that on the outside, I think I do like whimsy—and I do, and I want people to be able to be creative, but you pulled me to the fact that I actually don't want this kind of information in certain relationships.

Nick: Okay. All right. All right, we learned something about ourselves.

Leah: I feel weird about that, but as you were saying that, I actually thought of one relationship where they gave me too much information and I thought I shouldn't know this about you.

Nick: Too much.

Leah: This is not our exchange.

Nick: This is not our thing. Yeah. Okay. Well, I learned that you like red rover, red rover.

Leah: I mean, we could take it a step further. I love red rover, red rover. I used to just love running down the hill and directly into people.

Nick: And that's an adult game. I feel like adults can play this game. I feel like there's no age limit for this.

Leah: You could if you're—I mean, I would put on a helmet and, like, pads if I was playing it now.

Nick: Well, sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's put some money on it.

Leah: [laughs] Let's put some money on it. I'm just gonna go fully throwing my body weight on you.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So this week, it's homework amnesty. Now I'm aware that some of you do not do your homework every week, and so this week is your opportunity to make it up to me.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So if there's ever been an assignment that you didn't get to, you know, if you haven't signed up for our newsletter, if you haven't joined us on Patreon, if you haven't told some friends about us, if you haven't followed us on social media, this is your week to make it up. So please take advantage of this very special one-week-only homework amnesty.

Leah: I want you all to know that Nick gives me homework separately. Like, he'll be like, "Leah, that—that cord needs a label maker." Like, there's ...

Nick: [laughs] Yes. Oh, I'm all about delegating tasks.

Leah: We're all getting tasks.

Nick: Yes. No. No, this is—this is my love language.

Leah: [laughs] Oh, I like to think of it that way.

Nick: Yes. This is my love language. Yes. Me telling you how you should improve your life is my way of showing affection.

Leah: I think that's a very important thing that we highlight that. That is very true.

Nick: No, it really is. No, it really is. It really does come from a good place. So please do that, and we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I want to thank—I'm pretty sure we want to thank ...

Nick: Oh?

Leah: Our incredible audience.

Nick: Oh, yes.

Leah: Who came out to see us at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles.

Nick: Oh, it was such a fun show. Yes. Thank you to everybody who came out for our live show in LA. I had a great time.

Leah: I had a great time, and I just—every time, I—we just have the loveliest people.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: It's so nice to meet everybody and chat. And I mean, I'm so filled with joy and gratitude.

Nick: And people came in from, like, Massachusetts, Idaho, Texas.

Leah: We had a woman from Texas come in. It was her birthday.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, isn't that amazing? Well, I mean, I'm so thrilled that you wanted to spend your birthday with us.

Leah: Thrilled and honored.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Also, I want to say thank you to Dynasty Typewriter. They were terrific.

Nick: Very terrific. And I gotta say, backstage? They had snacks, they had water, still and sparkling. Like, it was a pretty nice green room, I gotta say. I think the best we've had.

Leah: It's definitely the best we've had. And there was amenities in the bathroom.

Nick: There were amenities. Yeah. They had, like, floss and toothpaste, like, a lot of stuff back there. Yeah. You don't know what you were missing.

Leah: You do not know what you were missing. But also, I think a fun note, they had floss, but both Nick and I travel with our own floss.

Nick: Obviously. Yeah. No, there's a brand I like.

Leah: There's a brand I like, and I do not leave home without it. I have one in every bag.

Nick: Yeah. BYOF, obviously.

Leah: Which I think is funny because I do not own a wallet, but I have floss in every single bag.

Nick: [laughs] Hey, you do what you gotta do. So thank you, everybody in Los Angeles. It was so fun, and hope to see y' all at the next live show.

Leah: Yay!