Overreacting to Messy Houseguests, Skipping a Friend’s Wedding, Wiping Down Sticky Trucks, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "I am a character artist who very rarely gives away art for free. Recently, I drew a character for a new friend to surprise them. They received it well at first, showering it in compliments, and I was delighted by the feedback. Twenty minutes later, however, I get a text asking if I'd be willing to, quote, 'make adjustments' on the gift. My personal stance is that if you want an artwork to be tailored to your exact specifications, you pay for it, as I didn't have to make them anything in the first place. It comes across that they do not value my time, and it nullifies the compliments they gave earlier now that I know what they truly think. Had it been a commission or even a trade, I would be more than happy to make changes. Am I the only one who finds this rude? I feel like it's an unspoken rule of the art world. How on Earth do I respond?"

Leah: I do not like this, Nick.

Nick: No. No, it's rude. [laughs]

Leah: It is so rude!

Nick: Also, I think this is a spoken rule of the art world. It's not unspoken. It's spoken.

Leah: Absolutely.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, basically, it's sort of like, "Thank you so much for the gift. I have notes."

Leah: "I have notes."

Nick: So yeah, this is rude, and I think you are totally within your rights to be annoyed by this.

Leah: I alsoójust as a side note, I wouldn't let it nullify the compliments.

Nick: Yes, I think that's a good point. I think the compliments were indeed sincere. They did like whatever they liked about it. They just had some ideas for how we could improve it.

Leah: And not that that makes it any less rude, but I still want you to have your compliments.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Leah: I think a way that we could doóit's almost like you want to shake people, to be like, "Do you realize what you're saying?"

Nick: Right. I don't think this gift recipient realizes what they're doing. I think they're like, "Oh, you're an artist, so you do art. And so therefore, you could do what I'm requesting." Which is true, but it's missing the point of the gift part.

Leah: I do think there is a part of this that is when you have a differentówhen it's not, like, something that people do themselves or understand, they don't understand that it's work.

Nick: Oh, yeah. No, that's a great point. Yeah, people don't realize thatóespecially for creatives, people who are in creative fields, they don't realize, like, oh, no, that also is training, effort, work.

Leah: Time.

Nick: Time. Yeah, it's really time. And yeah, people don't realize, like, oh, no, my time as a writer, as a podcaster, as a comic, that's how I earn my living. And so, like, it's not just something I give away for free to everyone all the time.

Leah: Yeah, it's not even just rude, it's also disrespectful.

Nick: Yeah. MaybeóI think you hit it on the head. That's what's the problem. It just is disrespectful. It is not recognizing that I am an artist, and what I gave you is part of my art.

Leah: I don't like it. I think we could shake them up by being like, "Oh, this was a gift."

Nick: Yeah, I think that could be part of the response. Yeah. "Oh, so sorry. Since this was a gift, I didn't go into it expecting to do revisions. Surely you understand."

Leah: That's a Nick. That's a great Nick. "Surely you understand."

Nick: Yeah, I think we just leave it at that. Like, just "It was a gift, so I wasn't planning on doing anything else for you. So sorry it didn't meet your needs."

Leah: [laughs] We could also do the classic LOLOLOLOL.

Nick: Oh, just assume they're joking? [laughs] Yeah, you could do that. Like, "Oh! Oh, how funny. Oh, thoseóoh, I got your text. Oh, hilarious! Hope you enjoy your gift."

Leah: "Hope you enjoy your gift, LOLOLOL."

Nick: But yeah, I think that's the response. Like, "Oh, you know, sorry for any confusion. Like, this was just a gift, something I wanted to do for you, so I wasn't planning on doing revisions. Hope you enjoyed it anyway."

Leah: "Hope you enjoy it anyway." And then never give them anything again.

Nick: Never. Oh yeah, of course. Yeah. Under no circumstances are we ever gonna do anything for this person again.

Leah: Ugh!

Nick: Ugh!

Leah: People.

Nick: Next question.

Leah: I'm kidding. You know I love people. Just some people really ...

Nick: Yeah, people. Am I right?

Leah: Wow!

Nick: Wow. So our next question is quote, "My husband and I are very tidy people, which makes us unsure if we're overreacting to this. We recently had 16 houseguests over at our place, and our septic tank alarm went off one day. In order to get to the tank alarm, I had to go through the bunk room where my sister and her husband and two kids were staying in order to reach the utility room. Normally, I try to put it out of my mind what people are doing in our guestrooms when they're staying for my sanity, so I would normally not have seen this, but is there a quote-unquote, 'normal' state of affairs for a family of four sharing a room? Are we wrong to be completely appalled?"

Leah: So they sent a photo.

Nick: Oh, they sure did. And thank you for sending backup material to us. We like supporting documentation.

Leah: We really do. That way we can get the full picture, the vibe.

Nick: So Leah, describe to our listeners what you see.

Leah: So I would say it's like almost a nautically-themed room.

Nick: Oh, that's true. Yeah, it has a bit of a Cape Cod vibe. Yes.

Leah: Yes. It's blue and white with, like, some wood.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then it'sóit's got these very cute in-the-wall bunk beds.

Nick: Yes. They're built in. It's almost like a ship.

Leah: And then they have steps that are actually like an angle going up to the top bunks, which hello! Love that.

Nick: Yeah. And very nice railings. Like, very, very tasteful guest room here.

Leah: Which is not what the point was, but I just want to say cute room.

Nick: [laughs] And on the floor, I would sayóI would say 50 percent of the floor is covered with clothes that have been dropped, open suitcases. I see some shopping bags, see some toys.

Leah: I will say I don't see any food. There's no, like, food or beverages or there's no, like, garbage.

Nick: No, actually nothing like that. I don't even see any glassware. Yeah. This is purely dry goods and sundries.

Leah: Yeah. There's not evenóthere's not like a bottle of water on the drawers or anything.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: There's nothing leaving wood stains.

Nick: Yeah. So this is not tidy, but it could be worse.

Leah: I don't think I would be appalled.

Nick: "Appalled" is a strong word. I'm not appalled by this. No.

Leah: I think they didn't know you were coming in and, you know, they're, like, running around. They got two kids. Everybody's like, chaotic.

Nick: Right. Yes. I mean, I think when we're houseguests, I think there is sort of the idea of, like, we want to be respectful of the space, but also there's expectation of privacy. So, like, as a host, you're not really supposed to go into the guest room when they're guests. And so you weren't supposed to see this.

Leah: Obviously, the septic tank with 16 people.

Nick: Sixteen people! I mean, no wonder it gave it up.

Leah: Help me! Help me! You had to get in there.

Nick: As it gurgles below the surface. [laughs] Yeah. I mean, I can imagine 16 people in a house, septic system. Yeah, that's a recipe for trouble.

Leah: I am a messy person.

Nick: I'móbefore I agree with you. I'm just kind of thinking through last time I was at your place. And that's after you tidied it up for me. Right?

Leah: Are you serious?

Nick: Well, because, like, you have a lot of things.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: You areóyou are a collector. You are not a minimalist. We are not doing Konmari method. We're not doing Swedish death cleaning. We are a bit of a maximalist.

Leah: I love that you think this is 50 percent less than what I had in my half-the-size apartment in New York. But that's fine.

Nick: Which is wild that your small apartment in Queens contained more objects. But I will say it was fairly organized. There were neat piles of things when I came over. But maybe that was for my benefit.

Leah: You're making it sound like there was stuff on the floor, Nick. There was nothing on the floor when you came over.

Nick: There was nothing on the floor. That is true. No, it was tidy.

Leah: The amountóI mean, you're making it sound like you had to walk throughóIt wasóthere wasóit was nothing on the floor.

Nick: That is true. Absolutely. Except just a human-sized dog bed.

Leah: Yes. Those piles wereóare there on purpose. I don't even know what the piles are.

Nick: And they were thematic.

Leah: They were thematic. Okay.

Nick: [laughs] All right. But you were saying you're a messy person.

Leah: But Iówhen left to my own devices, I take clothes off, I throw them on the floor, I look at clothes, I throw it on the floor and then it allóit continues until one day I go, "Ah!" And then I get all of it back up.

Nick: Got it. Okay, so it has to reach, like, a point of chaotic no return before you then pull it all back together.

Leah: Yes. Not dirtówhich I just did this yesterday, actually.

Nick: Ah, okay.

Leah: But we were at three different travels. I had three different suitcases out on the floor. [laughs]

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Half packed. But so that being said, I always understand, you know, I mean, you're running, you're, "Oh, I gotta do this, I gotta do this." But when I'm at somebody's house, I definitely put on the facade. Ióyou know, I feel like we play a role.

Nick: We do, yes.

Leah: When we are with other people.

Nick: And so you feel like when you are a houseguest in somebody else's house, you are playing the role of Leah Bonnema, tidy person?

Leah: Leah Bonnema, not as chaotic person.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. I mean, we want to be the best versions of ourselves when we are houseguests.

Leah: So I think houseguests, we sort ofóif we're not naturally that way, we sort of like, push things in the corner, pull up our bed, put things in a pile. And then I think the host also pretends not to notice.

Nick: Yeah, I think both of these things have to be true. And I think if this wasn't an emergency and you were like, "Oh hey, houseguests. I'm gonna need to go through your room to get to the utility room later," that would have been their signal to be like, "Oh, we should tidy up a little bit." And then if you had given them that heads up and the room looked like this, okay, maybe that's a little more of an opportunity to be more annoyed. But because this was a septic emergency, like, you didn't give them a heads up, and so the room was just in its natural state.

Leah: I don'tólike when I'm staying in a hotel, I feel like it's my space and I don't have housekeeping come in, so I never pick up. I just let sheer chaos reign.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But if I'm gonna have somebody come in, I immediately try to put things in a normal place.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think most people do that. I mean, I know most people who have, like, cleaning people who clean their homes, they always, like, clean before the cleaning person comes because they're like, "Oh, we don't want the cleaning person to think that we're slobs." So I think most people do have that instinct to be like, "Oh, let me tidy up a little bit."

Leah: And it'sóI think it's more than not wanting them to think that we're slobs. It's more like I don't want to give them anything extra. So I think it's sort of that. It's like, you know if somebody else is gonna be looking at your space, you want to sort of have a facade.

Nick: I mean, you make it seem like facade is like a fake thing.

Leah: It is fake.

Nick: But, like, this is part of your personality, though. This is the part of your personality that wants to be mindful of your host. And so, you know, you're gonna dial up that aspect of your personality, which maybe is often dormant, but it exists.

Leah: You're right. I feel like I'm being very dramatic. I'm being like, "Oh, we all have to put on a theater mask."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: But I do love beingóI want to be a great houseguest when I'm with people. And we are all sharing a space, so you want to sort of show your gratitude about being in their space by keeping it tidy.

Nick: Yes. And that's authentically you.

Leah: That is very me. I just like to be very, like, "I'm a messy person in a clean world, Nick."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: "Oh, to be left handed with a Scorpio rising sign." [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. Oh, to be Leah Bonnema. It's a blessing and a curse. So letter-writer? Yes, this is not the tidiest guest room in the world. You weren't supposed to see it. I think now this is just something you know about your sister and her family that, you know, they just live like this when they're houseguests. But I'm not that bothered by this, and if I'm not that bothered by this, I feel like it's okay.

Leah: I feel like five-years-ago Nick would have been bothered by it.

Nick: I am significantly mellower now. I mean, you'll agree, right?

Leah: Oh, that's why I said it.

Nick: I let so much more go at this point. Like, very rare is there a hill I want to die on anymore. There are no hills. My life is flat. I just live in a flat expanse now. So yeah, progress. We're all growing, Leah.

Leah: [laughs] Because five years ago you would have been like, "Set it all on fire."

Nick: Set it on fire. Give me the address. I'm showing up. What are their names? Let me teach them how to fold clothing. Yeah, I would have been that person. And yet here we are today, and I'm like, "It's fine." Maybe is this like the Leah Bonnema effect?

Leah: I think some people are gonna think it's not a good effect. They're gonna be like, "You know what?"

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, it's like, "Nick, we're so disappointed at you. We used to rely on you to uphold society." And I'm like, "Eh, let it all burn."

Leah: You're like, "Just shut the door. No one can see it."

Nick: Yeah. Well, etiquette does work that way, you know? If there's an etiquette crime but no one sees, is there an etiquette crime? I don't know. So our next question is quote, "My fiancÈ and I are getting married in a few months. We sent out save the dates to our wedding about a year in advance. We invited one of our good friendsólet's call him Chad. Chad and my fiancÈ have been friends for over five years, and we have all celebrated birthdays, graduations and vacationed together. Chad texted us last month to let us know that he would not be able to come to our wedding because he and his new fiancÈólet's call her Lisaówould be returning from their honeymoon on that day. I was shocked because he was told about our wedding date before he was even engaged, so this scenario seemed entirely avoidable. Secondly, that message seemed more well suited for a phone call rather than a text message. To make matters worse, the following week, Chad asked if he and Lisa can stay overnight at our apartment for an upcoming trip where they have an early morning flight. We live close to the airport. I would prefer to not have them stay because it feels as though they want to benefit from our friendship after they could not be inconvenienced by attending our very important day. My feelings are hurt. Is this a negative tit-for-tat mentality? How can I politely decline? Help!"

Leah: I wish we could have our letter-writer on speed dial because I feel likeóI feel like this person is a new fiancÈ since we announced our wedding.

Nick: [gasps] Oh, yeah. Oh, I think that is the timeline.

Leah: So they even got married in the amount of time between we announced our wedding, because they're going on their honeymoon.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what's happening.

Leah: So did we go to that wedding? Were we invited to that wedding?

Nick: Oh, isn't that a good question? It does not sound like we did. No. Because we didn't know really about the honeymoon. And I know anytime I know somebody getting married, I'm, like, always asking, like, "Oh, where are you gonna honeymoon? When are you honeymooning? How long?" Like, I always ask for the details. Like, I want all the details. So it would be surprising if a friend of five years is getting married and having honeymoon and you didn't know anything about the honeymoon or the dates. Yeah. Hmm!

Leah: I think it's perfectly fine to be completely honest, and that's that we're pretty hurt that you're canceling out on coming on our wedding, and so this is sort of a weird time for you to come stay with us.

Nick: Okay. Polite-yet-direct approach.

Leah: And I think that's where we could have said, "You know, you didn't even call us to talk about it. You just texted us."

Nick: Yeah. This would have been a better phone call. Yeah. Also, what seems missing is I don't see an apology here.

Leah: I see no apology.

Nick: Doesn't seem like Chad is that apologetic about missing your wedding.

Leah: And then I think that gives them an opportunity to maybe shake them into being like, "Oh, my goodness, get on the phone. Ióyou know, I should have more explained. We could only go this date because of this, and I am very sorry."

Nick: Right. Yeah, I would like a little explanation, like, "Oh, we booked it on points, so this was the only dates. And we really tried to make it work, but we couldn't. We're so sorry." Yeah, something.

Leah: And if it's not that, you know, they shouldn't be staying at your house.

Nick: Uh, yeah. I mean, definitely the relationship has changed, and so maybe we don't have a you-can-be-our-houseguest-before-you-have-an-early-morning-flight kind of friends.

Leah: Yeah, I don't want to use the word they "shouldn't" be our house guests, but I mean, we get to decide if that's that friendship anymore.

Nick: Yes, that is up to you. Yeah, that's true.

Leah: I think it's very fair just to let people know they've hurt your feelings, and so this is not a good time for them to just sleep at your house.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think that is a totally valid approach that will definitely put a chill on the relationship moving forward. And so I think you can decide, like, "Oh, do we really want to actually, like, aggressively reseat these people in our personal theaters, or do we want to just kind of take a step back and not necessarily make things explicit?" Because what you could say via text back is, like, "Oh, we hope your honeymoon planning is going well, but about your request, you know, we're so busy with our own wedding planning that, like, that night isn't gonna work for us. Hope you understand. Safe travels." And we could just decline.

Leah: I think that's good, but I think that actually has the opposite effect. I think if you're no longer invested in the relationship, that's fine to send, but then you're just gonna think about how you don't like it.

Nick: Ah, that's true. Well, yeah, I guess it comes down to is this a relationship that still matters to you? In which case the polite-yet-direct is good because it gives them an opportunity to understand what they did to hurt you, and try to make amends, to repair the relationship moving forward. But yeah, if we actually have decided, oh, "Oh we are just done. We're done with Chad and Lisa," then my vaguer approach is fine because you're just like, "No, it's not gonna work for us. Safe travels. Bye!" And then it's just like we decline to hang out with you forever now.

Leah: Yes, I agree with that a hundred percent.

Nick: And I guess it comes down to do you want closure or not? Because etiquette is often not about having closure. And so it kind of depends on what kind of closure, if any, you require.

Leah: I would love to know the follow up on this one.

Nick: Well, definitely whether or not you were invited to their wedding I think is a really good question, because it doesn't sound like you were.

Leah: It really just seems like it all just happened in the middle of you planning your wedding. New fiancÈ, but then they're about to be theóthey're about to be married because they're going on their honeymoon. Unless they're doing the honeymoon before the wedding, which is not historically what happens.

Nick: But I mean, are there rules anymore about weddings? Honeymoon whenever you want. I guess that's just called a vacation.

Leah: And I don't think it's a tit-for-tat mentality. I think it's that you've been hurt.

Nick: Yeah, it is not tit for tat. It's, "Oh, you did something to change our relationship. And so now our relationship has changed."

Leah: And that you're expecting the same relationship than before you changed it.

Nick: Right. And so that is not available to you anymore. So yeah, that's not tit for tat. It's a, "Oh, you changed the rules, and so the game has changed."

Leah: Without even calling me. You texted me.

Nick: Yeah. Phone call would have been better.

Leah: Much better.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I work alone at a job where I drive a pickup truck during most of my shift. Someone is always in the truck 24/7, so I share this work truck with the same three or four people during any given week. I only see them one at a time for about five minutes a day to exchange relevant information and hand over the truck. It is par for the course that some of these folks are cleaner and more conscientious than others, but it is obvious through my own cleanup routine exactly who the filthy one is. This person occasionally leaves trash or small messes in the vehicle, which I then remove for my own comfort and that of my teammates. This is not a big deal, however, it is obvious from my own cleanup efforts that he does not wash his hands. Every time I get the truck after him, every touched surface is coated in a thin layer of grime, which I then have to remove. There are some upholstered surfaces that he has touched that cannot be thoroughly cleaned with the wipes provided, so it gets more disgusting every week. Mass emails from my boss reminding everyone to clean up after themselves have reduced the trash cleanup, which I'm grateful for. But is there a polite way to call this person out for leaving his dirty hand scum or all over the place, or do I just resign myself to cleaning up after him like a child for all eternity?"

Leah: Some people got those sticky hands!

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, it would be nice to not have a sticky car to drive.

Leah: They didówhen the boss sent out an email asking to pick up, it seems that they actually picked up a little bit.

Nick: Mmm, okay. So they can be trained.

Leah: So I wonder if they justóit hasn't come on their radar that they'reóthat they're Sticky McGicky.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. I mean, they don't realize that, like, "Oh, the seat is not a napkin for the buffalo wings I'm eating while I'm driving."

Leah: Well, my guess is that it's also all over the steering wheel.

Nick: Yeah. Steering wheel, radio buttons. Yeah. Yeah, maybe they don't realize, which okay, I guess we can accept that that level of obliviousness exists in the world.

Leah: So it's either do we want to bring it up ourselves, or do we want to ask our boss, "Hey, can we also mention that maybe, like, a wet wipe situation?"

Nick: Yeah. I feel like you know this person and you know what that conversation is likely to result in. So I feel like if you could have a polite conversation with them, which is like, "Hey, I noticed that sometimes after you're driving, some of the surfaces are, you know, a little sticky. It's hard to clean up with the wipes, especially the fabric. Could you be a little more mindful?" And you could see how far you get with that.

Leah: Yeah, I think it reallyóbecause if it was likeósay it was Nick, and he was leaving the car really sticky.

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: Because we are friendly.

Nick: Uh-huh. Friendly. Uh-huh. [laughs]

Leah: I'd be likeóI'd be like, "Nick!"

Nick: Right.

Leah: "You're Sticky McGee. What's going on?"

Nick: Right.

Leah: I'd, like, make a joke out of it, and then be like, "Wipeówipe down your wheel, my guy."

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, a good "my guy," I guess, could be well placed here.

Leah: Like a jovial, you know, non judgmental, but, like, "Come on, you know better."

Nick: Right. Yeah, "Come on!"

Leah: "Come on!"

Nick: Yeah, I think that could be the spirit. Yeah.

Leah: Depending on what your relationship is.

Nick: Yes. I mean, if you only see this person for five minutes? Yeah, you may not have that relationship. In which case, I think it's not a terrible idea to, like, loop in your boss, which is like, "Hey, Chad's been leaving grease all over the cab, and so can you reach out to him privately and be like, 'Hey, here's how you need to leave this truck when you're done with it.'" Maybe that would do the trick.

Leah: Also, our boss doesn't know who's leaving the sticks because they're not in the middle of the transfer.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So we could even say, so as to not point fingers, be like, "Hey, since you sent out the email about the trash it's gotten so much better. There's still like aóthere's still a glazing."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: "Could weóand then I've been trying to wipe it up, but itóyou know, could we send out another email that's like, 'Thanks so much for picking up. Also, bit of a glaze.'"

Nick: Right. Or even, like, let's actually put in official protocols, which is like, when you turn over the truck, here's a little checklist. You know, check the odometer, check the fuel level, clean up trash, use the wet wipes to wipe down all surfaces. And as a reminder, please do not use cloth seats as napkins.

Leah: Because then that way one person's not getting singled out.

Nick: Right. Yeah, I guess you could do the mass email, see if that actually makes a difference. And if it doesn't, then we have to tattle, because we do not need to resign ourselves to cleaning up after this person, quote, "like a child for all eternity."

Leah: No.

Nick: Like, we don't live in that world.

Leah: Also, eventually it's gonna have heavy wear and tear on the vehicle. Like, you can only have so many layers of ick.

Nick: I mean, you could have a lot, though.

Leah: You know the difference.

Nick: I know. No, it's gross. So good luck with that. Keep us posted.

Leah: Please keep us posted.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "Friends of mine are having their first child soon. One friend group all pooled together to purchase a gift off of their baby registryóa stroller. I just received a very kind thank-you note in the mail. The issue? It names a number of items that I did not gift. The stroller has not yet arrived. I asked the friend who coordinated the purchase, and he confirmed shipping was still pending. My first instinct was to shrug it off and not say anything. I don't want to embarrass them, and they certainly have more pressing things to deal withóthe baby is due any day now. But I don't like the idea of taking credit for something I didn't do. Moreover, the note cited a number of very costly baby items, so someone else is deeply deserving of the gratitude for all of these gifts. How should I bring it up?"

Leah: I would want the people who gave those things to get credit. I wouldn't want to take credit.

Nick: Yes, I think it's important to clarify what happened.

Leah: I would want to say something like, "Thank you so much for your kind note. I do want to let you know that I didn't give you, that. I gave you the stroller. And I want to make sure your friends who gave you that get credit." And then I would say, "I have aóyou have something coming from me."

Nick: The other idea I had is, presumably because this is a shower and we don't give our own showers, there is a host of this event who is not the people having the baby. And can we ask them, or can we let them know? Like, "Hey, I just got a note from Chad and Lisa, and it mentioned all these things I didn't give. So, like, FYI." And then have that host sort of figure it out. They might actually be in the best position to straighten this out.

Leah: Well, I mean, if somebody's a close friend of mine, I love that idea. I recognize the wonderfulness of that idea.

Nick: Okay. However ...

Leah: Also, like, if it was aóif it was a close friend of mine gettingóhaving a baby, I would just let them know.

Nick: Yeah, I guess you could do that. Yeah. Sure. Fine.

Leah: If it was somebody that I barely knew, you know, then I would be like, "Hey," you know? But somebody I'm a good friend with, why would I just not tell them?

Nick: Yeah, this wasóyeah, Linda in accounting, who you only saw once at the Christmas party, and you went to her shower. Then sure.

Leah: Then I would try to go through the host first. But I justóthe main goal would be I wouldn't want to take credit for something that somebody else did. I would want them to get the credit.

Nick: That is the main point. Yes, we do need to clarify it, because we do not want to let them think that you gave gifts you didn't give, because they will eventually figure it out, because the people that gave those very expensive gifts, when they don't get a thank-you note, they will probably reach out and be like, "Hey, just want to make sure you got the thing I sent." And they'll be like, "Oh, we got it. We didn't know it was from you. We thought Leah gave that to us, and she never said anything."

Leah: Yes. Yes.

Nick: Hmm. And that's not a good look.

Leah: No, not a good look.

Nick: Yeah, so that's how that goes.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: Mmm. So our next thing is a bit of aftermath.

Leah: Aftermath!

Nick: Which we have not done in a while ...

Leah: We haven't!

Nick: But this is our opportunity to sort of like, go back to a question that was in a previous episode. And this question was about the dinner party that happened where you asked me to stay for dinner, and you gave me dinner, but then you put me in the kitchen. And then you went in the dining room and you closed the door, and I ate dinner alone without you.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: And so we asked you all, like, what is happening? And so we've gotten great responses in. One example is somebody actually thought that maybe what happened is that this is really a different relationship where these people actually thought this was more of a business relationship and not like a friendship, and so, like, that might explain, like, why they, like, just put you in the kitchen. It's still weird but, like, oh, that's an interesting angle. Like, "Oh, we actually just feel differently about this relationship."

Leah: I really like the second one because it's, "I know you love your listeners, but is it possible that the guest was really not a guest?"

Nick: Yeah. Were they invited over, or did they just drop by unannounced?

Leah: I just can't believe that of our listeners.

Nick: I mean, that feels so inconceivable that one of our listeners would drop by unannounced and then be like, "Give me food."

Leah: But it is true that I do have a bias when reading. I come in with ...

Nick: It's not a bias. That is informed by who we know our listeners are.

Leah: [laughs] But it's true that IóI do come in on their side immediately.

Nick: Yes. Yeah, we do like to give our listeners the benefit of the doubt. Yes. Also, I do feel it's totally inconceivable that if you listen to our show regularly that you would drop by somebody's house unannounced and invite yourself to dinner, and then be like, "Why are they being weird about it?" But then we did get quite a few notes that were in this flavor.

Leah: Oh, this one really gave me a giggle. This kept me going. I love this one. "My theory is that you were invited into a vampire's home, but they were trying to save your family for another meal. They already had tonight's dinner thawing, so they ate their guest while you were in a separate room. And they'll invite you back next week. I would like to suggest skipping all future invites." [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Good advice. Good advice! And interestingly, quite a few people actually suggested something about vampires. This was not the only vampire email we got.

Leah: Oh, I love that. I love that!

Nick: So I actually think that might be the most plausible explanation: Vampires.

Leah: This feels really good.

Nick: So thank you for these, and if you have more theories, send them in. And of course, send us your questions, your vents, your repents, and all of the fun things we ask for on our website. You can visit our website at WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!