Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this special Halloween-themed bonus segment, Nick and Leah answer listener questions how to choose appropriate costumes, whether gore is OK at the office, cultural appreciation versus appropriation, how old is too old for trick-or-treating, what to do about greedy children at your door, and more. Please subscribe!
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Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton
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Nick: Hey everybody. I'm Nick Leighton.
Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.
Nick: And we're coming to you from New York today and we had so many Halloween themed questions that we thought we'll put them all together for this little bonus episode.
Leah: So exciting.
Nick: Do you have a costume this year?
Leah: Not yet.
Nick: I'm going to be a blessing in disguise. So, our first question is a very good question: What sorts of costumes are acceptable for both adults and children?
Leah: Are we saying that the question is "we both are a child and an adult want to wear the same outfit?"
Nick: Oh, um...
Leah: Or are we saying "what's acceptable for adults? What's acceptable for children?"
Nick: I guess, the question in general is: "What is acceptable?"
Leah: OK. I feel like this is more of a "you question" because I obviously take issue with the idea of "what's acceptable."
Nick: So for me, I think context is key. So, I think if it's an office party, I think you've got to definitely be mindful that we're still in an office.
Nick: So, I don't think you can do anything gore. No knives, no blood. I don't think we do gore in the office.
Leah: Maybe a little bit of blood.
Leah: It's Halloween.
Nick: Yeah, I think in the office we don't.
Leah: Not even like if you're a vampire and you've got a little blood coming down the chin?
Nick: Maybe. Put that in the maybe category. OK.
Nick: And I think we don't do sexy anything for the office.
Nick: We agree on that.
Leah: Because there are some real sexy outfits out there.
Nick: There are some sexy beekeepers. There are some sexy actuaries.
Leah: People just did whatever sexy are like, "Oh."
Nick: OK. And I think in general, I think you just want to remember that everyone has a camera and that this photo will live on forever.
Nick: So, just keep that in mind. And so for that reason, and I shouldn't have to say this but I have to say it: No blackface.
Leah: Oh, I can't even believe we have to say this anymore.
Nick: But we do.
Leah: Apparently we do.
Nick: We really do.
Leah: What's going on?
Nick: You know, I don't know. But we're just going to say it so we're on the record: No blackface.
Leah: No blackface.
Nick: Full stop.
Leah: Full stop.
Nick: And relatedly, there is a question about cultural appropriation versus appreciation and Halloween costumes.
Nick: And I think in general, if you have to ask, "Is this OK?", "No" is always the answer.
Leah: Yes, I agree with you.
Nick: If there's any hesitation about appropriateness, like, "Oh, is this fine?" If you're asking this question? No. No, it's not fine.
Nick: And I think in general, any cultural costume is just not appropriate for Halloween. Halloween is not an occasion where it's ever appropriate. You can never actually be celebrating someone's culture on Halloween. I think just the nature of the holiday itself does not allow for cultural appreciation. You will inherently always be appropriation if it's on Halloween.
Nick: Right? Because like, think about if you were like wearing a Navajo regalia moccasin thing. On Halloween, even if you loved the Navajo Nation and you went to the pow wow every year, but wearing it on Halloween just does not feel appropriate.
Leah: I see the... That seems like a very astute comment.
Leah: Putting it on Halloween makes it a costume.
Nick: But if you were to wear that same thing, even if you were not Navajo yourself, but went to the pow wow and you wanted to wear that and you knew what you were wearing and why you were wearing it? That's great. I think that's totally fine. Like similarly, you should not wear a kimono on Halloween...
Nick: ...if you're not Japanese and are not from this tradition, I feel like this is the line you don't wanna cross.
Nick: So that's how I feel about that. Plenty more to say about cultural appropriation appreciation, but in general, if you have to ask? No.
Leah: Yeah, I think that's a great...
Nick: No is the answer.
Leah: I think you could be a little sexy at your work party. I don't want to shame, you know, people for showing their bods that they've worked really hard on.
Nick: How sexy is sexy then?
Leah: I mean, that's for them to decide.
Nick: What's the sexiest costume you've ever had?
Leah: I don't do sexy costumes.
Leah: You know, I like to do like... I guess I did in college.
Leah: But I think I was more just like, "What do I have lying around that I can throw a wig on?" You know what I mean?
Nick: Right. That's a good segue to our next question, which is: "If I'm invited to a costume party, but I don't want to dress up, can I still go?".
Leah: I don't see why you can make a little bit of an effort.
Nick: I think if you're not going to make an effort, you shouldn't go.
Leah: Yeah. It's a costume party.
Nick: And people who throw costume parties care about costume party.
Nick: No one casually throws a costume party.
Leah: You don't have to have like a full... You could just do like a little something something.
Nick: I don't think I want you stopping by CVS for a mask and showing up.
Leah: Yeah, but what if you... I think you could find a middle ground.
Nick: So, just some wigs line around your college dorm room? OK.
Leah: You know what I mean? With like a little... a little extra something or, you know I mean? You don't have to spend a year planning this thing and just have like a little few accents of something.
Nick: Ok. You want to be any more specific? Or are we going to keep it vague?
Leah: I mean, I don't have an example, but I mean, you could put some... I don't know what. But you could put a little effort in.
Nick: I think if you're going to go to a costume party, you should make a little bit of an effort.
Nick: I think you should make more of an effort than Leah does. But some effort is required.
Nick: OK. Our next question is: "How old is too old for trick-or-treating?"
Leah: I mean, I don't know, because some some kids look a lot older than they are.
Nick: Some are weathered. Some kids have lived.
Leah: You know... You're like, I feel like that's where the chemicals we're putting in the food. I don't know how old this child is.
Leah: They're like, "I'm three" and you're like, "I thought you were 18."
Nick: I think some communities actually do have an age limit, which is twelve.
Leah: Really? But the parents are with them.
Nick: The parents are with them, yeah.
Leah: I think if you're over... If you're dating age, you should have children with you.
Leah: Hopefully not your children, you know what I mean?
Leah: I don't mean you should have kids when you start dating. I just wanna make sure... Or if you do, I'm not judging. But I'm saying, if you're taking your younger sister or brother...
Leah: ...and you want to dress up, too...
Nick: Yes. If you're a chaperone...
Nick: ...for children. Yes. I mean, it's similar to like going to a child's playground. Like, you shouldn't go if you're not there with children.
Nick: Same rule.
Leah: Same rule.
Nick: I think the issue is like a lot of teenagers who are like trick-or-treating. And I think people find this objectionable. I think if you make an effort and like have a rockin' costume, that's great.
Nick: I think the older you are, if your costume is proportionately better.
Nick: Then you're still allowed.
Leah: Because I do think some people just love Halloween.
Nick: People definitely love Halloween.
Leah: And if you're a teenager and you want to make a full ensemble and live it up? I don't have a problem with it.
Nick: But if you're just showing up with some bunny ears and a pillowcase?
Leah: Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
Nick: No. Our next question is, "What do you do about trick-or-treaters who take more than one piece out of the bowl?"
Leah: I think it depends on, you know, I think some people say, "take it, take a few."
Leah: But what if you just had Tootsie Rolls? That was one Tootsie Roll?
Nick: The solution to this is you control the bowl. The bowl doesn't control you.
Leah: I think it depends on what you say.
Nick: I think you will have possession of the bowl and you dole out the candy.
Leah: Oh, you give it to them.
Nick: Yes, you control the bowl.
Nick: The bowl is yours.
Nick: You don't just push the bowl out through the doorframe and be like, "Here, take some candy at your leisure."
Nick: Yeah. No, no. You dole out...
Leah: This flips the whole game for me. This flips the whole game.
Nick: Well, you would just like have a bowl out and let them dig their paws in?
Nick: Well, that's wrong.
Nick: Well, that's how you get into trouble with people taking more than they should.
Leah: I mean, I grew up in a place that has like eight kids. So you're like, "take as much as you want. There's only eight of you in this town."
Nick: That's fair.
Leah: You know what I mean?
Nick: Yeah. And would you just go do the loop over and over and over?
Leah: You just do it once. But, you know, people gotta to get rid of their candy.
Nick: Right. So, what do you say to trick-or-treaters who don't like the candy you've given them?
Leah: This was unbelievable. I can't... I couldn't imagine if somebody said that.
Nick: I believe this happens a lot.
Leah: I would be like, "You're going first in the apocalypse." Like, this child is a mess.
Nick: Children are entitled. And I think children know good candy and they know bad candy. And if you give them bad candy, they're going to call you out.
Leah: If I did that in front of my parents, they would make me write a handwritten apology note. I would have to, like, rake that person's lawn for six years to just throw myself at their mercy for insulting a gift.
Nick: Yeah. I think I think this is a similar...
Leah: Somebody gives you something and you're like, "I don't like it"?
Nick: I think the rule is the same as if you're at a dinner party and you have cooked a meal and someone doesn't like what you've served and then says this to you. I think the same response, which is to apologize for not having what they would like in a tone, which is like, "are you kidding me? Are you kidding me with this critique?" I think that's the solution.
Leah: That's what the person giving the candy says.
Nick: That is the host says this, yes.
Leah: So you're like, "I don't like Baby Ruths."
Nick: And you're like," I am so sorry I have displeased you with the candy I have provided you for free." You say this in a nicer way.
Nick: That's the tone. Be like, "I am so sorry to disappoint you."
Leah: "I'm so sorry you're free candy wasn't up to your..."
Nick: Right, exactly.
Leah: OK. I would be blown away. I'd be like, "what?".
Nick: Yeah. I'd be like, "I'm sorry. Did I misunderstand the question?"
Leah: Am I getting punked right now?
Nick: "I'm giving you free things and you don't like these free things."
Leah: "This is incredible. Do you know that I had to work to pay for this?"
Nick: "Yes. With money."
Leah: "With money that I earned? And I'm giving you for free? And you're complaining?"
Nick: "Because all you had to do was show up at my door and reach for it?
Leah: "In your garbage outfit?"
Nick: Right. "That you just put together with some wigs that run a dorm room floor? What is this sexy beekeeper costume, anyway?" Well, hope everybody has a nice Halloween. If you have questions for us about other holidays, send them to us. You can send them to us through our website — wereyouraisedbywolves.com — or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message at (267) CALL-RBW.
Leah: We've a lot of holidays coming up, so they have questions, get them in now.
Nick: Yeah, we have so many holidays like there's Christmas...
Leah: New Years...
Nick: New Years... Valentine's Day...
Leah: I mean, that's far out. If you're asking about Valentine's Day now...
Nick: But how wonderful that you're planning ahead.
Leah: That's so true.
Nick: So, you should plan ahead and we'll see you next time. Bye!
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