Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle eating escargot, traveling with co-workers, sharing hot tubs, and much more.
Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle eating escargot, traveling with co-workers, sharing hot tubs, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)
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Nick: Do you eat escargot like Vivian Ward? Do you show up late for business trips? Do you leave people hanging with your RSVPs? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!
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Were you raised by wolves?
Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.
Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.
Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse-bouche.
Leah: Let's get in it!
Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about escargot.
Nick: So have you ever had escargot?
Leah: I have not.
Nick: Now you, of course, remember this very famous scene from Pretty Woman?
Leah: Yeah. Like, flicks up in the air?
Nick: That's right.
Nick: She's like, "Slippery little suckers!" And then, like, the waiter catches it and he's like, "This happens all the time."
Nick: So escargot, for anybody who doesn't know, it's basically snails. It's cooked snails. And there's a lot of different ways around the world where it's prepared. But today, we're gonna talk about the very French way where it's, like, served in a very special dish, and it's served in the shell and all of that. And so you've ordered escargot—and you're probably in a restaurant. It would be a pretty bold, aggressive move at a dinner party, but I guess it would happen. And so you're at a restaurant, and you've decided, "I want to have escargot." And so a very hot dish right out of the oven is gonna arrive, and it's gonna be in a special dish that has six little indentations.
Nick: And inside of each shell is gonna be the snail, and probably a lot of butter with garlic and parsley. And they're also probably gonna bring you a special set of tongs, which are designed exclusively for this dish. And this is what Julia Roberts had so much trouble with at her fateful dinner. And so there's also gonna be a special fork that's gonna be on the right side that's gonna have two tines to it. And it's kind of like a pick. And it's on the right side away from the other forks because there's no corresponding knife that goes with it. That's why it goes on the right side, because you're gonna use your right hand with that. And so that's the logic there.
Nick: And so what you do is you take the tongs with your left hand. And Leah, you're left handed, so reverse all of this.
Nick: But for most right handers, tongs in the left hand, you're gonna pick up the snail in their shell, and you're gonna keep it level because you want to keep all the butter inside of the shell. And then with your right hand, you're gonna take the pick and you're gonna scoop out the snail out of the shell. And it's actually not gonna be too difficult to get out because it is swimming in butter. And butter is a pretty good lubricant, so it'll come out pretty easily. And so you will remove it from the shell, and if you'd like you can pour—with your tongs in the left hand—a little of the butter over the snail. And then in one bite, like it's an oyster, you're gonna put the whole thing in your mouth and then you're gonna eat the snail. And that's what it is.
Leah: Does it taste like oysters?
Nick: People describe it like a cross between fish and chicken with maybe, like, a little mushroom quality to it. It's worth trying. I mean, if you've never had it, you should absolutely have it.
Leah: I love anything with butter!
Nick: Well, and that's the thing. I mean, butter is definitely, like, the star of the show here. And speaking of butter, there's going to be a lot of garlic butter left after you're done with all of the snails. And so it is proper and okay to take the shell that will still have snail butter garlicky stuff in it and drink from it.
Leah: Oh, wow! I mean, that seems like really the main event for me.
Nick: And then there will also be bread. There will definitely be bread at the table as well. And Miss Manners says quote, "Now comes the real conflict of the conscience. As you know, Ms. Manners does not approve of sopping up sauces with bread. However, she approves of garlic butter. That is why you see her turning discreetly away from you at the table, and also why you hear her offering to clear the snail dishes from the table." So what she's saying is she takes all the snail dishes into the kitchen and then, like, licks the plates, I guess?
Leah: I know. I was like, what, is she stealing your butter garlic?
Nick: [laughs] I think that's what she's doing, yeah. Is she eating off of everybody's plates?
Leah: That's what it seems like.
Nick: Although etiquette doesn't care what you do when you're alone. So if Miss Manners wants to lick everybody's plates, I guess have at it.
Leah: I mean, there are few things better in this world than garlic and butter, so I was hoping you were gonna say after the snail is gone, you're allowed to take the shell that's full of garlic and butter and put it in your bag and take it home for later. [laughs]
Nick: Okay. That is not something that was on my list.
Leah: "Can I just take this? It's like a little butter garlic shot?"
Nick: And then with the bread, if you are gonna sop it up, you do have some choices. A little more elegant would be to break out some pieces of bread, put it in the dish, and then use your pick, your fork, to use it as like a little rake and then mop it up that way. As opposed to, like, dipping bread directly with your fingers. But sopping with the garlic butter? Yeah, it's a shame to waste it. So you're allowed to eat it in some form, depending on how elegant the meal that's happening.
Leah: Dip it!
Nick: And Letitia Baldridge, another etiquette guru, she has something to say about the garlic part, which is quote, "Anyone planning a love tryst after dinner should either refrain from eating snails, or be certain that the other person orders them, too."
Leah: There it is. Find your garlic partner.
Nick: [laughs] Find your garlic partner. Love is.
Leah: I can't wait to try. I'm gonna try these.
Nick: Yeah, it's definitely worth trying. And it's actually not necessarily a fancy dish. I mean, it is certainly served at fancy restaurants, but it's also served in casual places, too.
Leah: I want to give it a shot.
Nick: Butter shot.
Leah: Butter garlic shot!
Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.
Leah: Deep and all across the country.
Nick: So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about traveling with coworkers.
Leah: Yes. And I just recently traveled with a coworker who I didn't know previous to the event, and I felt like it actually went very well. So I thought it would be a fun topic to discuss.
Nick: Okay! So what did you learn on your journey?
Leah: So the situation was I was doing a gig out of town that took traveling, and the booker said, "Hey, there's this other woman on the gig. Do you want to be put in touch?" I said, "Yes." So this woman and I, having not known each other previously, decided to travel with each other. And what we did was we immediately sort of divvied up who was in control of what, who was in charge of what.
Leah: And we both said—which I was very proud of, and I'm gonna throw it to Were You Raised By Wolves, we both up top said sort of what it was that we needed in a traveling situation.
Nick: Oh, that's helpful. Yeah, set some expectations.
Leah: And then it also worked out very nice that both she and I had the same feelings about being on time.
Nick: Oh, yeah. That's important.
Leah: Yeah. I said I would rather leave early and have so much extra time, and she's like, "Oh, I'm that kind of person, too." So I mean, all of these things were discussed in advance. We discussed are we—how we're gonna do food between the two of us. We discussed lodging. And then we also discussed making business calls around the other person. Was that appropriate? "Hey, do you mind if I make calls?" Which I thought was great. We just talked about it. Boom!
Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think the first thing on my list was the on-time thing, because I think it's always important to be on time, but certainly in a professional setting, when you're with a coworker or even could be a boss, like, you can't make people wait for you.
Leah: No, you cannot.
Nick: Like, it's so unprofessional and disrespectful. And so you gotta be on time.
Leah: And then just like little things that were nice. Like, if one of us went and got coffee, we would always get coffee for the other person. You know, just like little nice things that you don't have to do, but I thought it made the trip much more amiable. Can I use "amiable" in that situation? You know what I mean? Just polite.
Nick: Yeah. I mean, it's nice to be considerate.
Leah: Being aware of the other person.
Nick: Yeah. I think being aware? That's always good. And being mindful that not everybody wants to be with their colleagues 24-7.
Nick: So I think when you are, like, booking the flights, like, don't insist on having seats near them. Like, I definitely would maybe want my own seat assignment far away on the plane, right? Like, I'm gonna have a whole business trip with you. Like, can I at least have these five hours to myself? So I think you definitely want to be mindful of other people's sort of rhythms. And similarly, like, at the end of the workday, there is a tendency to be like, "Oh, let's grab drinks or dinner together because we're all in this trip together." But, like, not everybody on the trip is gonna want that.
Nick: So kind of like see where people are at with that. Like, oh, do they want to continue hanging out? Or, like, does everybody just want to go back to their hotel rooms and, like, have some alone time?
Leah: Yeah, I think basically it would be like I would say, "Hey, I'm gonna go grab some food. Do you want to come?"
Nick: Sure. Yeah, the invitation is nice but, like, don't insist.
Nick: And don't be offended if they're like, "No, thank you."
Leah: Yeah. And I think it's very fair, you know, I would say, like, "Oh, hey. I need to go do this for 15 minutes to clear my mind." You know, just very straight up and communicative.
Nick: And I think if you're traveling with a boss, I think it's a slightly different flavor of travel.
Leah: I can imagine.
Nick: Like, I feel like you really need to make an effort to probably be even more professional and, like, not keep your boss waiting. And I can imagine, like, a scenario where, like, you're checking your bag and it's too big for the carry on and now you're gate checking, and now your boss is like, "What are you doing?" So you definitely have to, like, convey an even higher sense of competence and professionalism, like, the entire time and, like, look nice on the plane and, like, always be on time in the lobby kind of thing. So I think if you're traveling with a boss, like, you even have to step it up even harder.
Leah: Oh! Honestly, just be comfortable on the plane. They gotta understand that.
Nick: Well, yeah. I mean, I think we could debate that.
Leah: I mean, that's why I don't have a boss.
Nick: [laughs] Right. Yeah. No, being self-employed is really more your vibe.
Leah: Because I'd be like, "Look, you know what? I gotta wear sweatpants on a plane. I can't be uncomfortable for that long.
Nick: And then I think it's just important to remember that a colleague is not necessarily a friend. And so you want to just maintain professional boundaries throughout the entire trip, not necessarily get too familiar, and want to just remember, like, oh, this is still, like, work time, and this is still like an office. It just happens to not be in the office.
Leah: It's just moving.
Nick: It's a moving office.
Nick: So that's traveling with a coworker.
Leah: [laughs] It does seem like it's—I was just so proud of this experience. First time I've traveled with a complete stranger in a long time, and I thought it was nice to have such a smooth experience. And it was all because we discussed all of the responsibilities and all of the expectations up top.
Nick: Communication! It makes the world go round.
Leah: I mean, it really changes the whole game.
Nick: The whole game.
Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.
Nick: So our first question is quote, "My girlfriend and I are fortunate enough to have a hot tub in our new building. This is a first for both of us, and we are both very excited about it. Yesterday, the two of us were in the hot tub, and another man came into the pool area, looked around and then put his things down and got in next to us. This struck me as a bit odd. I feel like in my experience—which is mostly at hotels—if there are two people already in the hot tub who are having a conversation, I usually consider it taken. This is because if I were to get into the hot tub, I would be listening to their whole conversation, possibly making it uncomfortable.
Nick: "Additionally, I also feel like being in a hot tub with someone is an intimate experience. Usually, they're quite small, and you are very aware of everyone else's space. Is there etiquette around this? Am I the weird hot tub hog in this scenario? Obviously, I would never tell someone that they can't come in, but I'm curious if there are societal norms here."
Leah: Up top, I love the phrase "Hot tub hog!"
Nick: Hot tub hog! Soo-ee!
Leah: They're an H.T.H.
Nick: Yeah. I mean, Marin County, where I'm from, we are famous for our hot tubs, but actually I don't like hot tubs.
Leah: I don't either.
Nick: I don't like the idea of, like, sitting in, like, warm water that's sort of been sitting there.
Leah: We have—the things that are similar about us are oddly interesting. Both of us don't like hot tubs.
Nick: Yeah, that is interesting. We're very similar.
Leah: I'm not getting in one.
Nick: Yeah, I would fall into the "I'd rather not" category.
Leah: That's exactly it. I'd rather not.
Nick: So there is indeed etiquette, you know, because there's etiquette for everything. I mean, we just want to be mindful of other people. You know, that's kind of the baseline. So I guess the question here is: how big is this hot tub? Obviously, it can fit three people, so it's at least a three person-er.
Leah: I also feel like—I feel like there's two things happening here. I feel like in other cultures where they do more, like, baths, that it's very normal for multiple strangers to get in a hot tub together.
Nick: Oh, sure. Yes. This is not like Budapest or Finland. Yeah.
Leah: Right. But it could be somebody from Finland or Budapest who's at the hot tub.
Nick: Oh, okay. Yes. No, if that is what is happening, then okay, we have some cultural differences.
Leah: I also wouldn't get into a hot tub with strangers, but if I was in a hot tub and a stranger got in, I would have to be like to myself, "Oh, it's slightly uncomfortable they're here, but I don't own this hot tub."
Nick: Yeah. I mean, I do see the intimacy involved in sharing a small puddle of warm water. So I get that. And they also, in this letter, call out the idea of overhearing a conversation, and somehow it's about participating in the conversation that is bothering them. Like, there's no way to keep that private.
Leah: I think we completely ignore each other if we're in a hot tub at the same time. And we don't—you know, I would switch my conversation to something that's not intimate.
Nick: Yes. I think we would definitely need to not do that, or do anything that was super uncomfortable for other people listening.
Leah: Yeah. And then if I was the third person, I don't think I would jump into the conversation.
Nick: Definitely not. No. You would have to pretend like this is not happening.
Nick: I mean, it's a very American approach of having the fiction that something's not happening.
Leah: [laughs] Yeah.
Nick: You know? So it's like, we would just pretend like, oh, we're not, like, a foot away sharing the same warm water.
Leah: I was recently in Palm Springs, and there was a pool and a hot tub.
Leah: And multiple families would get in the hot tub together.
Leah: So it was never—there would be two people in there, and I would always see another group come and sit in.
Nick: Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, this is a shared hot tub, so you do need to be prepared for it to be shared. And it is more like a quieter experience, I guess. Less talking, more relaxation. I think that's the vibe if somebody's joining you.
Leah: I would get why you wouldn't want somebody to join you and why it feels—I wouldn't get in with other people, but it is a shared space.
Nick: Yeah, I wouldn't get in if somebody was already in there, but then you would want to limit your hot tub time to, like, 20 minutes.
Nick: 30 minutes max. I think that's how you would address it. Like, everybody gets their time but, like, don't hog it.
Leah: But I wouldn't expect that other people were on the same thought wave as me that we're not sharing.
Nick: Is there a way to make the hot tub so unappealing that no one would want to get in with you?
Leah: I mean, what are you gonna do? Lay across the whole hot tub?
Nick: Yeah, I don't know. Or bring something in there with you.
Leah: Like a sign?
Nick: [laughs] Like a sign. "Closed."
Leah: Or they could get into the hot tub, and you could be like, "Oh," you just talk to your friend. "I recently had chicken pox."
Nick: "Oh, like, feeling like I shouldn't have eaten that third burrito today."
Leah: [laughs] Yeah. I mean, I feel like we haven't really come to—basically we're saying, like, yes, we agree with you, it's uncomfortable, but also it's a shared space.
Nick: Yeah. So tough it out. Sorry.
Leah: [laughs] I love it when you come in with the tough love. Yeah. So tough it out.
Nick: Yeah, tough it out. Yeah. I mean, well, because what are your options? You can say something like, "Oh, we just wanted to have private hot tub time right now." Like, okay, you could say that to your neighbor, I guess. But it's not your hot tub. I guess you could say, like, "Oh, we'll be out in 10 minutes," before they get in.
Leah: I don't think you can say that when it's not yours.
Nick: Yeah, it's also not yours. So, sorry.
Leah: But also, we totally get it. We'd rather people didn't get into hot tubs with us. And I would not get in when somebody else was in there. But I think some people are going to, and there's really nothing to be done about it because it is a shared space.
Nick: That's it! So our next question is quote, "How do you handle friends who leave you hanging with their RSVP until the last minute? I have one particular friend who rarely gives me a straight answer when I invite her to events such as meals at my house, leaving me hanging until very late, when I really need that time to plan and prepare. Her excuses are usually along the lines of, "I need to see how many chores I'll have that day." When she invites us to events, I always try and respond quickly with a yes or a no. But her failure to reciprocate is wearing on me."
Leah: I think we just tell somebody we need to know by a certain day.
Nick: Yeah, give somebody a deadline. And if that deadline passes, that's your answer.
Leah: And then I think if they continue to do that, then we don't invite them anymore.
Nick: Well, I think you can continue to invite them, but just maintain that boundary. "Hey, I would love to have you over for dinner on Friday night. Please let me know by the end of the day on Wednesday." And then if they don't get back to you, well then that's a no. And if they get back to you on Thursday, you'd be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I needed to know by yesterday, but I'll let you know about the next time." And they'll either never attend one of your events, or they'll get the message that, like, oh, they need to let you know.
Leah: Yeah, I think that's perfect. The, "Oh, I needed to know by Wednesday," I think it's my version of not inviting them. Like, we don't then change it, we just say, "Oh, this is a closed situation now."
Nick: Because you do need to buy groceries and, like, plan your meal. Or invite somebody else for that spot who would be delighted to attend. So yeah, you can't live a life in which people just don't get back to you.
Leah: Yeah. And I think that's perfect. "Hey, I needed to know by yesterday, but I'll let you know next time." Because then you're, like, letting them know, I'll let you know next time. And then that's boom. Done.
Nick: Yeah. Do that.
Leah: Yeah, do that.
Nick: Yeah, just do that. Yeah. This is a problem, though. And let's talk about it from the other perspective. If you do this, don't do this. Because people need to plan their lives, and you are basically hanging them up. And that is rude.
Leah: I've definitely had situations where I had something that was a pending thing.
Leah: And I've said—I will explain the situation and I'll say, "I won't know until then. If that's a problem, I don't want to put you out in any way. I would like to be able to make it, but I'm not sure. And if that's a problem, you need to know now. I totally understand." So I'll explain it. I'll ask them if that's uncomfortable, and if they would rather, then I'll just say no this time and I'll try next time.
Nick: Right. And if you're invited to something and you're not sure if you can make it and they don't give you a deadline—because most hosts aren't gonna give you a deadline, like, that's not necessary in society, because everybody should understand that invitations do require prompt responses—but if you're not sure about your RSVP in the moment, you can ask, "When do I need to let you know by?"
Nick: And ask for that deadline.
Leah: I feel like I say that a lot. "When do you need to know by?"
Nick: Yeah. And I think that's great, because then everybody knows, and they give you a deadline which you have to keep. And if you can make it, great! And if not, fine. But we can't just have this vague "maybe" hanging out there.
Leah: No, especially not "I don't know what kind of chores I'm doing that day." Like, it's obviously not a situation.
Nick: Oh, yeah! Let's talk about that for a second. Chores? I mean, what is that? This is not pressing.
Leah: You're either gonna schedule your laundry on a different day or not, you know? Let me know.
Nick: Yeah. This doesn't sound like a medical appointment that can't be moved.
Leah: Yeah, this is not an emergency sitch.
Nick: No, this is mopping.
Leah: [laughs] No, this is mopping.
Nick: Right? Yeah, it's Swiffer wet. You can do that the next day.
Leah: For real.
Nick: So our next question is quote, "Who has the right of way with a cart at a grocery store? Is it the people in the aisles or is it people on the perimeter? Sometimes when I'm shopping in the perimeter, someone will come out of an aisle with their cart and almost hit me and give me a look like I should have stopped. But it seems the aisles are the side streets and the carts should yield to the main road or the perimeter that surrounds all the aisles. I really want to know who has the right of way so I can do the right thing while grocery shopping."
Leah: I think I agree with the statement that the aisles are the side streets and the perimeter is the main road.
Leah: However, I always yield because I assume that people aren't paying attention, and I don't want to get involved in a car crash.
Nick: Yeah. I thought this question was very interesting because is a supermarket a road? And is it traffic? Is that the right analogy to be making in the first place? I guess, yes?
Leah: Well, it is a flow. You know, we have people who are going down one side of the aisle. You know, when you're going—everybody's going down one side of the aisle, and there's the other person coming down the other side and you're like, "What are you doing right now?"
Nick: Yeah. Oh, I've definitely had plenty of "What are you doing right now?" moments in supermarkets. Sure.
Leah: Because in general, most of us are moving in the same direction. And I would say that people that are just walking straight along the perimeter are in a straight path. They're, like, going from one end to the other. So if you're coming up on the aisle, it feels like you should pause and look.
Nick: Right, yeah. I mean, intuitively that feels correct, that the perimeter is more of the main road, and when you are now turning onto the main road, there's a stop sign for you before you get on the main road. Okay.
Leah: For me, though, I think that you're correct, and I think you can rest in being correct, but know that a lot of these people are lawless. They're lawless, and you're probably gonna want to pause because I find not worth getting in an argument about it.
Nick: Right. Yeah. I mean, the safest thing to do is to treat all intersections as a four-way stop, or at least there's a yield sign, a four way yield.
Leah: Because the only other option is to just smash through their cart and be like, "Well, I had the right of way."
Nick: I mean, if you could land that? Yeah, I would love to see what happens next.
Nick: Can you imagine?
Leah: But I do think that that is correct.
Nick: Yeah, I think that is probably correct. One thing I was thinking, though, is: is the rule anytime you're changing directions? Because, like, when you're coming out of an aisle, you are now gonna be making a turn. And so you should always yield before you turn. Like, is that fair?
Leah: I think that's exactly what it is, because your lane is ending.
Nick: So what happens if you actually are crossing the main road into a new set of aisles? You know, sometimes there's big supermarkets that have a main road in the middle of all the aisles.
Leah: Well, then I think you still yield.
Nick: I guess you do need to yield. Okay. Okay.
Leah: Just like you would in a road if you were crossing a big road and you were on a side street.
Nick: Okay. Well then, I guess this was easy then. Yes, the perimeters are the main roads, have the right of way. Aisles, secondary roads, should always yield.
Leah: And also, not to complicate things, but ...
Nick: Oh, let's complicate things! Come on!
Leah: Often, if you're coming out of a side street aisle.
Leah: And you're coming into the big perimeter lane.
Leah: That perimeter lane is going two ways.
Leah: So if you're going left, you often have to cross the people who are going in the other direction to then turn your car into the further away one to then make the way down to whatever aisle you want to go next. So you're actually looking for two lanes of people.
Nick: And that light is so fast, and so you can only get one cart in per light, and then there's pedestrians in the way.
Leah: And then there's somebody on a skateboard and a scooter.
Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think the problem here is that, in the real world, there are hypothetically cops who can enforce the traffic rules. And in the supermarket, we're left to our own devices, and we can see what happens when we're left to our own devices to enforce societal norms.
Leah: But I think that's another way to look at it: people coming out of the aisles actually have two lanes that they're looking—people coming from either side of the perimeter. So they would stop.
Nick: I mean, unless you're in New York City, aisles are also pretty wide, are two-ways.
Leah: Yeah, but they're not—it's not too different. When they come out, it's not two different lanes that they're crossing, because they're only going in one direction.
Nick: Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay.
Leah: I just think the aisles should be pausing. They're probably not because people.
Nick: Right. [laughs]
Leah: But I think you can rest comfortably knowing that you are correct.
Nick: Yes. Yes. And I think whenever something like this happens, the quick response is never to blame the other person with a look or a gesture.
Leah: No. You go, "Oh, I'm so sorry you didn't know how lanes work!"
Nick: [laughs] Okay. I mean ...
Leah: I mean, I don't think that was it either, but that's what I think.
Nick: Yeah, I don't know if that was it.
Leah: You can think in your mind to keep it light.
Nick: Right. So do you have any questions for us? Maybe they're complicated. Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.
Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.
Leah: Vent or repent!
Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?
Leah: Oh, Nick, I'm gonna—I'm gonna vent.
Nick: Okay. So what has happened to you?
Leah: So this is very specific to being at a comedy show.
Leah: So I was at a gig last weekend, and we're going to put it in as one of the top 10 worst gigs.
Nick: [laughs] Okay. For you.
Leah: I think for everybody involved.
Nick: [laughs] Okay. Oh, no! Wow!
Leah: So this is a thing that I cannot stand, I think it's so rude. It's when people go to comedy shows, and they essentially hold the whole room hostage because they need to constantly comment. And they're loud, and they make it so other people can't hear, and they are interrupting the comments. They're usually inebriated, and nobody can deal with them because they're so ornery. So basically it's like, 90 minutes of dealing with two people who just wanted to make the whole night about themselves. I cannot stand it!
Nick: I mean, who can?
Nick: No one likes this.
Leah: And you can't, like, violently lash out at them because that's a no win.
Nick: That's rude, yeah.
Leah: It's just gonna escalate.
Leah: And, well, you know, beyond rude. At a certain point you're gonna be rude because they're unbelievably rude for your entire time on stage. It's just that you don't want to escalate it.
Leah: So you're, like, literally caught, and so is everybody else in the room. It's people who go to comedy shows who sort of need to make it about them. Don't do that!
Leah: I got offstage, and I always try to watch other comics out of respect if I don't have another show to go to, and I said, "Hey, love you guys. I gotta leave. I can't look at these people in the face on the way out. I'm gonna get in a fistfight." And I left.
Nick: And I guess you weren't alone. I mean, I think everybody was having problems with these people.
Leah: Oh, the next day I saw the other people, and they were like, "You're so lucky you left. They came up to us after the show. They were absolutely horrible. They told us, like, how to live our lives." I went up to the staff and I said, "Hey, somebody needs to deal with this situation."
Leah: "They're ruining the entire show!"
Nick: And other people can't be happy about this who paid good money.
Leah: Nobody else was happy. Everybody else paid. Like, the idea that you would think that you're the only person who paid, and that the other people in the room don't matter at all, or that they in any way want to hear you, is unbelievable to me.
Nick: Well, I mean, sorry that made your top 10.
Nick: So for me, I would also like to vent.
Leah: Thank goodness.
Nick: And so I was recently home in California. And I had just landed at SFO, San Francisco International Airport, and I'm waiting to pick up the Airporter that takes you to Marin. And if you're familiar with the Marin Airporter, it has a big rainbow on it. It's kind of the thing. It's kind of nice. And so I landed and I'm waiting for the bus, and there's another person waiting for the bus who I think has never taken it before. And he wanted to know, like, how long I'd been waiting.
Nick: And he asked in such an aggressive, New York way with a very thick New York accent. And it was, like, very interesting because it was like, "Oh, you are not from here."
Nick: Was basically my take away. But also interesting is the bus arrived, and then the driver came and, like, takes the luggage to put it in the bottom, and was so nice and friendly and cheerful that I felt suspicious about it. I was like, "What is this attitude?" And I think I just realized that, like, it takes me a little while when I arrive from New York to kind of recalibrate in terms of, like, how other people in the world operate. But it was very jarring for me. It was like, "Why is this person nice and in a good mood and likes their job? What is happening?" It was very strange. So we're on the bus, and the aggressive person who wanted to know when the bus was leaving was in the seat in front of me. And he proceeded to have the loudest, most obnoxious phone call the entire bus ride.
Nick: 45 minutes of bus ride. And I think it's an unspoken rule on the Marin Airporter that you're, like, not supposed to be on your phone. Like, you can text or call a person when you get on the bridge—the Golden Gate Bridge. "Letting you know I'm on the bridge now. This is my ETA at my stop." Like, I think you're allowed to do that, but you are not allowed to have a 45-minute phone call. And it was so bad, and the other person was so loud that the bus driver actually got on the intercom and was like, "Oh, just to remind everybody: there's no speaker phones allowed." This guy was not using a speakerphone. [laughs] It was just loud enough that everyone thought it was a speakerphone.
Nick: And so after that announcement, the guy obviously thought, "Well, I'm not on a speakerphone, so that announcement isn't for me." And it's like, "No, buddy. That announcement is for you, and can you please stop?" And so in my mind, my internal monologue was, "Okay, is this a teachable moment for Were You Raised By Wolves? Should I have a polite yet direct conversation with this person and demonstrate how it's done? Or do I just, like, change seats and go to the back of the bus and not deal with it? So I chose to just go to the back of the bus and not deal with it.
Nick: And I was like, "I don't need to engage with this. I don't need to explain what a polite yet direct conversation is. I will just go elsewhere where I'm not bothered." But how rude! I mean, just a classic. It's a classic tale of being on your phone when you're not supposed to be.
Leah: How rude!
Nick: How rude! So that's the Marin Airporter. But lovely staff. The driver could not have been nicer.
Leah: I think that's so true when you leave New York and people are in a great mood, you're like, "Okay, what's going on here?"
Nick: "Okay. Yeah. What do you want from me? What is this really about? I don't believe this." Yeah. But it's amazing. After about two hours, then I kind of get a little more recalibrated.
Nick: It's when actually I put on, like, a fleece. Like, I don't wear fleece in New York, but I always bring a fleece to California. So it's I think when I put on the fleece, then I kind of get into the vibe.
Leah: You need the outfit for the occasion.
Nick: Yeah. Dress it and soon you will be.
Leah: [laughs] Dress it and soon you will be. That's my new favorite.
Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?
Leah: I learned how to handle, how to attack a dish of the old escargots. And I feel like previously I may have been intimidated, previous to this episode. And now I feel like I could handle it, and I'm excited to try.
Nick: And I learned that both of us don't care for hot tubs.
Leah: I mean, the similarities keep coming.
Nick: It's amazing! Well, thank you, Leah!
Leah: Thank you, Nick!
Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery, if I could.
Leah: He would!
Nick: So for your homework this week, I want you to go to our website, and I want you to sign up for our newsletter, and I want you to click on "Monthly Membership" and see if that's something you'd like to do.
Leah: We would so appreciate it!
Nick: We would. And we'll see you next time!
Nick: All right Leah, it's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!
Leah: Okay, this was such a small thing that meant so much to me. And I feel like it's one of those examples of how just the simplest of kindness to strangers can turn their whole day around.
Leah: I know I'm going over my 30 seconds, but I think it's very emotional. I was driving down a road I'd never been in Los Angeles. It was like a three laner on each side. My GPS usually gives me a heads up which lane I should be in. There was a turn I had to get to, and if I didn't go to this turn, I had to go in the whole other direction. I was in the wrong lane. And I felt—I was late, which, you know, I was probably on time, but not being early is terrifying to me. And I just looked at the man next to me in the lane and I was like, I mouthed "I got to get over!" I was like, at my end. It was like one of those days. And he, with like this huge truck, he just, like, smiled and waved and he was like, "Get in! Get in!" And waited until the traffic moved to let me all the way in. And just, like, we both waved, and it was so lovely. And just then the rest of my day was, like, so much nicer. And I was just like, "Thank you!"
Nick: Well, isn't that nice?
Leah: It was so nice.
Nick: And for me, we got a lovely review, which is this—and the title is "It Scratches an Itch I Didn't Know I Had." And they write, "This show is the perfect combination of humor, information and second-hand voyeurism. Who doesn't love hearing about other people's social drama? I love it! I didn't think I'd love a show about manners and etiquette, but it's honestly so interesting and entertaining that I'm truly addicted. I wish I could attend a dinner party with Nick and Leah."
Leah: That is so sweet!
Nick: I mean, we should have a dinner party, Leah.
Leah: We should have a dinner party. I think that's a really fun idea. Maybe for the holidays, we could have a huge dinner party.
Nick: Okay. I mean, I'll get the place cards ready.
Leah: Let us know what location you think we should have it in, listeners.
Nick: [laughs] Oh, gosh. it's gonna be a big dinner party.
Leah: I'll just be there to have food on my shirt. [laughs]
Nick: So thank you. This is very nice.
Leah: So nice!