July 26, 2021

Eating Bananas Properly, Sipping With Straws, Spraying Colognes on Buses, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle eating bananas properly, getting that last sip of a drink with a straw, spraying colognes on buses, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we had your address.)


Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle eating bananas properly, getting that last sip of a drink with a straw, spraying colognes on buses, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we had your address.)

Have a question for us? Call or text (267) CALL-RBW or visit ask.wyrbw.com

 

EPISODE CONTENTS

  • AMUSE-BOUCHE: Bananas
  • A QUESTION OF ETIQUETTE: Getting a massage
  • QUESTIONS FROM THE WILDERNESS: What's the correct way to imbibe the last sip of a drink with a straw? What should I do about paying my hairstylist who won't tell me how much I owe? How do I determine the correct spelling when someone's written their own name two different ways?
  • VENT OR REPENT: A revision of a previous vent, Cologne on a bus
  • CORDIALS OF KINDNESS: Thanks to nature, A nice note

 

THINGS MENTIONED DURING THE SHOW

 

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO...

 

CREDITS

Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian

 

TRANSCRIPT

Episode 98

 

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Transcript

Nick: Do you eat bananas the wrong way? Do you spray cologne on the bus? Do you forget to tip your hairstylist? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out.

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody, it's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse-bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about bananas.

Leah: I feel like it was so straight forward until I now know that it's not. [laughs]

Nick: So the question today is: how should you eat a banana? Do you use your hands to peel it? Should you use a knife and fork? And if you peel it, which end do you start from?

Leah: I mean, I'm just gonna say what I do and then we can figure out why it was wrong.

Nick: Okay, let's start there. Okay. So, yeah, I'm going to hand you a banana. Leah, please eat this banana.

Leah: I'm just gonna peel it from the top where it connects to the bunch. Boom!

Nick: Okay. From the stem end.

Leah: The stem end is how I'm gonna peel it. And sometimes you got to get a knife because it's wild, but normally I would just use my hands.

Nick: So the stem end is actually the bottom of the banana, based on how it actually grows, but we'll set that aside for a moment.

Leah: The part that connects to the bunch?

Nick: Yeah, that's at the bottom of the banana. If you look at a banana tree and a banana growing, that's the bottom of the banana. The top of the banana is, like, the black part. Did I just blow your mind?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: laughs]

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, bananas grow that way.

Leah: Oh, wow.

Nick: Yes. The stem is on the bottom. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but ...

Leah: I feel like life just changed.

Nick: Your life will forever be bifurcated by this moment. It's gonna be like Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors: before and after, yeah. So people have a lot to say about bananas. And there is a bit of variation based on American banana eating and European banana eating, believe it or not. So everyone agrees that if it's informal, we're at a picnic, it's children, you're alone, you can do whatever you want, you can eat it with your hands. Even Emily, Emily Post, even she will agree, if it's a snack, you can use your fingers to peel it and you can eat the banana that way. So I think which end you start with is kind of like the toilet paper roll question. Most people—myself included—I go from the stem end because that's just like what I grew up doing. I find it easier. I prefer it. And also I don't like that little black thing in the bottom that sometimes catches at the very end of the banana.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: You know, that's part of the flower. So I don't like that. I use the stem. Some people say that the other way, the reverse way to how most of us do it is preferred and quote, "Easier." And you can try it yourself. I tried it this morning. I didn't think it was better. Some people argued that monkeys eat it that way, and so therefore, that's how we should do it. And I just want to stop everybody right there. Monkeys don't eat bananas in the wild. Like, that's not a thing. And also, since when is the monkey way of doing anything the way we should be doing anything? So, like, I don't know why we looked at monkeys for how we should eat our food. So Miss Manners has weighed in on this question, and she says you can do it either way. So either way, you want to start from the banana, have at it.

Nick: So, okay, fine, we've now peeled our banana. So now the question is: how do we eat the banana out of the peel when it's informal? And most of the etiquette greats say that you have to manually break off a piece of banana with your fingers and then eat it with your fingers. You're not allowed to eat the banana directly from the banana.

Leah: I mean, I feel like there should be a little bit of room for negotiation because it makes such a nice holder. If you just keep it in the banana, it's like a cone.

Nick: Yes, you keep it in the cone with one hand, but then you break off the pieces of the banana with your other hand. This is what people say you should do.

Leah: No, I understand that, but I'm saying you could also just hold it and eat it if maybe you have something in your other hand.

Nick: Right. Yeah, I guess it's sort of equivalent to can I eat ice cream out of a cone, or do I have to eat ice cream and then also use a spoon to eat ice cream out of the cone as well?

Leah: Right. And which I think, no, you don't need to use a spoon.

Nick: Right. I personally have no problem just like, if it's a casual snack, I'm on the go, running to the gym, I'm gonna eat a banana just like how we all eat bananas: straight from the banana. I'm not gonna actually get my hands dirty by touching the banana.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Like, the actual banana fruit part, and then putting it in my mouth. Like, I don't want that. So I don't know if I necessarily agree with Amy and Emily and Latisha. But yes, they say that you should manually break off little pieces of banana and then eat it with your fingers. Okay, fine. So when things get a little more formal, though, this is when the advice gets a little more muddled. So Amy Vanderbilt, she says that she will allow you, when you're seated, to break off pieces of banana like you would if it was more informal. So she'll allow you to do that at a table or she says, quote, "Particularly in Europe, you would use a fruit knife and a fruit fork," and you would then cut the banana through the peel into, quote, "manageable lengths." And then you would use your knife and fork to peel each section and then eat it with a fork. So this requires you to have a fruit knife and a fruit fork, which I mean, who has these things? Like who needs these things?

Leah: And a lot of extra time. You would also have to have a lot of extra time.

Nick: And Letitia Baldrige, normally I'm on board with her, but she says that you remove the skin from the banana, and then you put that on the side of your plate. And then you cut the banana up with your fork and knife, and you do all of that and then you eat the banana. And that feels like you're actually, like, carving up your steak all together.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Before you eat it. Like, you're preparing it, like you're, like, making a meal for a child. And I don't think we want to do that. Like, we're not gonna cut up an entire banana and then eat it. Although, doesn't it seem strange to, like, slice off one little disc of a banana and then eat that and then go back for another slice? Like, that also seems insane. But she says you prepare your entire banana, you cut the whole thing on your plate and then you can eat it with your fork. But then let's turn to Miss Manners, as we so often do. So she says that in America, bananas are generally a snack. And so we just eat them like snacks, and you can use your hands. And if we eat fruit at a table, usually it's already peeled and cut for us. Like, we're not doing that ourselves in the United States. So in Europe, though, she does agree that formal banana eating does require doing the entire operation with a fruit knife and a fruit fork. But she says, quote, "Trust Miss Manners, you don't want to hear about it." And I think what she's basically saying is that, like, formal banana eating is ridiculous. And she's right. It is.

Leah: And you know if she thinks it's ridiculous, it's really ridiculous. Also, it's already so packaged so perfectly to eat on the go. Why would you work against its nature?

Nick: Oh, philosophical. Yes!

Leah: Very—it's a very deep question.

Nick: Yes, don't fight the inherent nature of the banana. But also, who is serving bananas at a formal meal? Like, who is this person?

Leah: I don't know.

Nick: Where is this happening? I think there was a time when bananas were new. Like, I think they hit the United States at the end of the 1800s. I think there was a World's Fair where there was, like, the first banana tree that was on public display, and everybody went wild for it. And the idea of shipping fruit across oceans on boats was, like, an insane thing. So I think if you were very wealthy, you had the opportunity to get your hands on some bananas and you wanted to serve them and impress your guests, then, okay, yes. Now it is a formal meal where we are serving bananas. Okay, fine. But cut to today, bananas, 79 cents a pound. I don't think we are serving them at a dinner party, so it's all moot. But if you want to know how to do it, this is what you have to do.

Leah: If you're in Europe and you see a fruit knife and a banana ...

Nick: Yes.

Leah: You now know.

Nick: It's bananas.

Leah: It is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. [laughs]


Nick: And we're back, and now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep massage.

Nick: Yes! Today I want to talk about getting a massage, a professional massage. So Leah, have you had a professional massage?

Leah: Yes, I've had many.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, me too. It's definitely one of my favorite things. I enjoy it. I need it. All this editing of these podcast episodes, you know, makes my neck very tense. So you need somebody to get in there, absolutely. But I think a lot of people would love to have a massage but are maybe a little nervous about the idea, because they don't know what to do. They don't want to embarrass themselves. They feel like they're going to be judged. They don't know what to expect. So let's talk about it, because let's make people feel comfortable.

Leah: Yes, let's.

Nick: Well, let's start with just arrival. I think we want to arrive on time, because I think if there's one thing to know about getting a professional massage is that these people watch the clock like no other professional. Like, not even NASA is watching a countdown clock as closely as a massage therapist. And that's fine. I mean, time is money and their time is valuable. And I get that. But it is really true. Like, that massage? It is on time. And as soon as that second hand sweeps to the minute when your massage is over, their hands are off of you, and they've timed it perfectly.

Leah: It's over.

Nick: Yeah. It's just like they're done and they're like, "I'll see you outside." So I think you just want to make sure you are on time because you should not expect that if you arrive late for you to get the entire massage experience, still. Like, that's just not gonna happen.

Leah: Oh, yeah. Absolutely not. I agree.

Nick: And I think you want to shower, you know, pretty clean, showered. I think that's a nice courtesy to your massage therapist.

Leah: Yeah, that was my first note: have showered.

Nick: Yeah. And, like, you want to minimize anything that is creating unnecessary smells: colognes, perfumes, nicotine, vaping, I think we want to kind of minimize all of that.

Leah: Yeah, because you're in a very small room with each other. If you're unfamiliar, you go into a small room.

Nick: Yes, I mean, I guess does anybody think you're having a massage in, like, an airplane hangar?

Leah: Well, I don't know. If people haven't been to one before, they may think it's like a—I have been to massage is where it was like a huge—where, like, tons of people were in the same room

Nick: Oh, like what?

Leah: In Chinatown.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: A lot of people were in the same room, and they were like very deep, deep tissue massages. We were all just, like, lined up on tables.

Nick: Okay. So I think one of the things on my list is, like, nakedness: yes or no? So what was the clothing situation in this group massage room?

Leah: Well, there were towels dropped, you know, in between—there were, like, sheets dropped in between each person. But I mean, you hear everybody.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I would say we were all in underwear.

Nick: Okay. So I think you can strip down to nothing, you can wear underwear. I think the key is that you want to just do what makes you comfortable, because I think the goal of the massage is for you to actually, like, relax. So if you want to leave your t-shirt on, like, have at it. I think that's also fine. I don't think you want to necessarily wear, like, a Gore-Tex rain slicker. But, you know.

Leah: Yeah, if you have a snowsuit on it's going to impede the massage.

Nick: It will definitely be harder, yes, to get really in there. But yeah, I think you should just wear whatever makes you comfortable. And depending also what you are going there for, or what you're interested in them working on, like, you may just not want to wear clothing around, like whatever area that is. So, you know, if you have an upper back issue, then you might want to not have your shirt on, kind of idea.

Leah: In that vein of, if you have a specific area, feel free to tell them, "Oh, my lower back is particularly bothering me," or "My right shoulder hurts," so they know where to focus.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, they're not mind readers, so they definitely want to know. Although I have been in massages where, like, they could tell my body was reacting in a certain way when they, like, hit a certain spot. So I think there is probably some feedback that they can get without you telling them. But it is much easier if you just explain, like, what are you there for? What do you want them to focus on or not focus on?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And definitely pressure. This will be a question that comes up. And your idea—I think it's like Thai spice. You know when you go to a Thai restaurant and they're like, "How spicy do you want it?" And your idea of, like, medium and theirs, it could be very different. And so similar to massages. You know, like, your medium pressure may be a very different idea than theirs. So even if you say, like, medium at the beginning of the massage, if it is not correct, it needs to be dialed up or down, like, you can absolutely say something during your massage.

Leah: Yeah, I think everybody's there for the same goal. They would love it for you to get what you want, and you're looking for your best experience.

Nick: And do you ask for a man or a woman massage therapist?

Leah: A woman.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I think you will be asked. And I think there is no wrong answer there.

Leah: It's whatever you're comfortable with. I actually go to places that I knew were all ladies.

Nick: Well, how do you go about talking during a massage? You know, I've definitely had massages where they're chatty.

Leah: Oh, I've had some chatty people, too.

Nick: Yeah, I don't care for that.

Leah: I didn't think you did. If I had to guess before you said ...

Nick: I know. So weird. What? Nick doesn't like that? Yeah, and I have said in a very nice, polite, nonjudgmental way, like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I would just rather have a more meditative experience." Or whatever I said. I said it very nicely, though, which was basically shorthand for, like, "Can you please stop talking?"

Leah: Right.

Nick: [laughs] And I have been places where they also play music, which was, like, the wrong music. I used to go to this one woman who was really into yacht rock. Do you know about yacht rock?

Leah: No. Oh, yacht rock!

Nick: Yeah, yacht rock.

Leah: Yes. Yeah, I know yacht rock, I've seen the commercials.

Nick: So yacht rock, it's actually one of my favorite musical genres. If you're not familiar, it's kind of that era from, like, 1976 to 1984. Think of the Doobie Brothers' "What A Fool Believes," or "Heart to Heart" by Kenny Loggins. Like, those songs. I'll post links to those in the show notes so you can follow along. But, like, it's very smooth rock that you might want to enjoy on your yacht. And so this one woman, she was all about yacht rock. And it feels like it would be the right massage music, but for me it just, like, was not because, like, the lyrics, if you actually have time to listen to the lyrics of these songs? Not relaxing. Like, they're just ridiculous. And so I was like, "Oh, this is taking me out of the moment." So you can also request different music or different whale sounds or different rainforest or whatever you want. Like, don't feel like you got to get stuck with the yacht rock.

Leah: I also, as you said that, I've had two very different kinds of messages. One is where I just need to, like, relax.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: And you want that sort of like, as you said, whale sounds or maybe a rainforest with, like, a bell from far away. I don't know what it is. But then I have other things where I'm showing up and we need to work something out.

Nick: Right. True. Yeah, that's more like a sports massage versus a spa massage.

Leah: Yeah, because I was thinking about this woman who was fantastic, and I used to go to, who was a sports person. And she definitely played, like, more, like, an album of, like, a guitar person. But it actually fit what we were doing, because it was usually, like, trying to, like, remove a huge—one huge knot, you know what I mean? So we were, like, going in. It was like teamwork. We're gonna realign my back. You know what I mean?

Nick: So acoustic guitar felt like the right soundtrack for this?

Leah: Yeah, it felt like we were all just gonna kind of like get in there, you know?

Nick: Okay. [laughs]

Leah: But then where you're like, I'm just here to relax kind of a ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: Then you're like, "Can I get the whale sounds?"

Nick: Yeah, a little more cetaceous.

Leah: Obviously, I'd be like, "Can I get the whale sounds?" That's how I would say it. [laughs]

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I never walk in and I'm like, "Hey, let's get this one."

Nick: "Whale sounds! What, what!" So speaking of different types of massages, that leads me to tipping. So I think whether or not you tip or not depends on the type of environment you're in. So if this is like a physical therapy office, and it's a medical massage where there's, like, insurance billing codes, then you actually typically would not tip on that, because that's really more of a medical experience. But if it's more of a spa massage, then yes, you absolutely need to tip. You cannot not tip. And some people would say 15 percent. I think 20 percent is sort of where you need to start. 20 percent is perfectly acceptable. You can even dial it up to 25 if it was, like, incredible. But I think that's the zone, at least for me.

Leah: Yeah, I think when I am like, "I need a massage," I look at the price and I add the tip in. If I can't afford the tip, then I can't do it. You know what I mean? It has to be a part of the deal, because these people give it their all.

Nick: Well, that's a good approach to everything that involves tipping. Like, if you can't afford the dinner with the tip, then you shouldn't go.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Like the tipping is part of—you have to tip. You've got to budget the tip.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. So, yeah, don't not tip.

Leah: Yeah, I just think of it as, like, the price of the massage. Don't be like, "Oh, it's only a $30 massage." You're like, "No, it's $30 plus whatever."

Nick: Right. $36 if we're doing the math. So if you are using a coupon, you need to tip on the pre-coupon amount, by the way. So if you got a 20 percent off coupon, like, what you're tipping on still needs to, like, be the full amount. So, like, please don't discount your tip by the coupon amount, too.

Leah: Good point to bring up.

Nick: And same thing with gift certificates. I think a lot of people get gift certificates for massages, and that's a very nice gift. I would certainly enjoy that. Feel free to send me those. Our P.O. box is on our website. But if you use a gift certificate, very often, the tip is sort of not gonna be included in that. Like, that's just gonna be for the massage. So you also need a tip if you're using a gift certificate.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And then the last thing on my list was just like, it's okay to drool and snore. I think that's OK.

Leah: There's a lot of drooling. When you're—you just can't ...

Nick: I mean, it's not a lot of drooling, Leah.

Leah: But I mean, any drooling, as far as I'm concerned, is a lot of drooling. You know what I mean? Anything—anytime—and you're like, "Oops!"

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, so if there's a puddle? I mean, okay.

Leah: Maybe look into that. I also think, like, I've definitely had people that made me uncomfortable.

Nick: Oh, okay. Yeah. No, that definitely can happen. Sure.

Leah: Don't go back there. [laughs]

Nick: Well, I—also, before you even get there, like, if something is making you uncomfortable, it is perfectly fine to say something in the moment. I don't think we need to endure being uncomfortable. And that goes for the pressure. Is it too much, or it's painful? Or something is happening or said that makes you uncomfortable, like, there's no need to just stick around just to be, quote unquote "polite." So definitely, if you feel like something's not right ...

Leah: Pop off that table.

Nick: Yeah. Say something, get out of there, yeah. And as a reminder, I think health and safety always trumps etiquette. So yeah, don't feel like you're obligated just to stick around because you don't want to offend them.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. So that's massages. Did I miss anything, Leah?

Leah: I think a big one is to remember to turn your phone off.

Nick: Oh, of course! Well I mean, I didn't mention that because, like, of course you would. But I guess people don't. I think probably people check email, like, throughout their entire massage.

Leah: Or they forget that maybe the notifications are on, or something's on and it's, like, beeping.

Nick: Oh, that. Yeah.

Leah: Like, turn it off, off.

Nick: Yeah, totally power down, yeah. And power down, especially if you leave your phone in another room or a locker. Like, no one in this spa environment wants to hear your phone, you know, going off in a locker that's now locked and they can't get into it.

Leah: Yeah, this is everybody's relaxing time. And if you haven't been to a massage, and just to say they will ask you whether you want oil or lotion or not. So I've never had somebody put—in case you were, like, worried about a smell or if you're allergic to something, they'll ask you.

Nick: Yes. You will definitely be given a lot of choices up top: man or woman, lotion or oil, type of pressure, et cetera, et cetera.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So yes, there will definitely be options, most likely, to sort of curate your massage experience. But I think you've never had one, I think you should have one. I think you might like it, everybody. So give it a try.

Leah: Definitely resets. I even—sometimes when you have no time, I'll hop into a nail salon and get that 10-minute neck massage. Ooh!

Nick: Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, there is something to be said for just, like, a little me time.

Leah: Yeah, just a quickie. Feels good, loosens you up, feel refreshed.

Nick: What more could you want?

Leah: My face sticks to the little white thing they put on the chair, and I think that's relaxing.

Nick: [laughs] And attractive!

Leah: [laughs]


Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is, quote, "What is the polite way to imbibe the last bit of a drink with a straw? Is it possible? Do we allow slurping? Should it be drunk straight from the glass, or do we leave it?"

Leah: [laughs] This is what I wrote. I wrote—I circled the, "Or do we leave it," and then I wrote next to it, "Oh, let's not leave it. Let's not take all the fun out of life." [laughs]

Nick: Okay. So that's the Leah Bonnema answer, okay.

Leah: I mean, we're probably—if we have a straw, if it's a straw drink, we're probably with friends or close family.

Nick: Okay, that's a very interesting point. Are we in a formal setting with straws? Usually not. That's true.

Leah: I can't even think of a formal setting where I've had a straw.

Nick: Yeah. Like, we're not at Eleven Madison sipping a Coke. Okay, that's a very interesting twist. Had not thought of that. I'm intrigued.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] The first thing—the first thing I wrote was slurping is super cultural. Like, there's definitely places in the world where slurping is totally fine. You're in Japan, you're eating ramen? Slurp. Have at it. Show your appreciation to the ramen chef. But in the United States, yeah, we typically don't like to make noise while we eat. Blame the Victorians but, like, that's just not what we do. We don't, like, bang our fork on the plate, we don't slurp up soup, we just don't make noise. We try and pretend like we're not doing a bodily function at the table. Like, that's a lot of table manners. So I think what do we do? Yeah, what do we do?

Leah: I have seen people pull the straw out and drink the end.

Nick: Right. I mean, I'm picturing a milkshake. Like, in my head, that's what I'm picturing with this straw beverage and slurping, I'm not picturing, like, a soda. But I guess it applies to every liquid of all viscosities?

Leah: Although it's harder to get out the end of a milkshake.

Nick: Right. And that's why I was like, "Oh, just leave it."

Leah: Oh, don't leave it! Don't leave it!

Nick: But now I'm taking this glass with the milkshake, and now I have to not only rotate it up to my mouth, but I probably actually have to rotate it up 90 degrees.

Leah: Yeah, and then it's gonna hit your nose.

Nick: And I have to, like, wait to have the liquid slide down the glass. And, like, that's awkward.

Leah: Well, maybe then you should just slurp it, because who is going to leave a milkshake? You got a lovely chocolate milkshake from In-N-Out, and you're just gonna leave some on the bottom?

Nick: So I did try practicing different slurping techniques with the straw in advance of our conversation. And I did try different speeds of sipping to see, like, oh, does that make a difference? Like, if I go very slowly and deliberately, like, would that make less of a slurping sound? No, it really doesn't. Because the glass, an empty glass actually acts like a microphone.

Leah: Oh.

Nick: Like an amplifying vessel, like a guitar, resonating the sound wave up it and magnifying it. So it's just like, there's no way to win.

Leah: I think what you do is you slurp that last, and then you make eye contact with people like, "Oh, whoops!" You know what I mean? Just, like, real cute.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Okay. I mean, I guess your original point, which is that whenever there's a straw, it's probably not super formal, so in that case, I guess have at it, depending on who you're dining with. If you're having a casual lunch with the boss, then I think we still don't want to slurp, we just leave it. But if we're with family, then okay, I guess. I don't know. I don't love giving permission for this.

Leah: I know you don't.

Nick: It makes me uncomfortable.

Leah: I know it makes you feel uncomfortable. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Well, I don't want to be a downer. I don't want to be like, "Oh, Nick is such a stickler. He won't even let me slurp my soda." Okay. But I don't know.

Leah: I think that's the delineation. If you're with, like, a Leah ...

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: Slurp. If you're with a Nick ...

Nick: What if you're dining with both of us?

Leah: I guess they should wait 'til you get up to go to the restroom.

Nick: Okay. All right, that's the solution. Great. Our next question is, quote, "I went to a new hairstylist for a cut and color, and at the end of the appointment, she asked how I wanted to pay. And she gave me three options: credit card, PayPal or Apple Pay. But she was running late for the next client, so she said, 'Just friend me on Facebook and I'll send you your total to pay later.' I thought this was odd, but figured she must trust me since I'm a friend of a friend and not a total stranger. And of course, I immediately friended her before I even left the salon, even. And then nothing. She accepted my friend request, posted a photo of my finished hair to her page, and has even liked and commented on things I've posted on Facebook since then. But it's been over a month now, and I still haven't paid her. I feel so awkward now. What do I do? Did she forget? Do I reach out and remind her? Am I rude for not paying her or saying something sooner? She did specifically say she would send me my total, and I don't know the cost since it's my first time to her, nor do I know her account names to just send her the money. I hate owing people, and she did do a wonderful job. So I would like to pay her and tip her for her service. What should I do?"

Leah: I underlined, "Do I reach out and remind her?" Yes!

Nick: Yes.

Leah: "Hey, I love my haircut. Just a reminder, you were gonna send me the bill so I can pay you. Let me know."

Nick: Yeah, that's it. Cut and paste exactly what Leah just said. Yeah, that's perfect. It's nonjudgmental, it's value neutral, it's a compliment in there, too. Yes, you absolutely need to pay, and you absolutely need to follow up. I definitely have people who do work for me who hate invoicing. It's just not their thing. A lot of people just feel very uncomfortable sending invoices. Me personally, I don't leave money on the field, so I am happy to let you know you owe me money. But a lot of people don't like that. They feel uncomfortable. And for those people, you just have to keep asking, "Like, please send me an invoice. I just want to pay you." And eventually they will.

Leah: Also, she could—you know, she had somebody coming in at the same time you were leaving, she might not exactly remember what happened.

Nick: I mean that's possible, although she did post a photo of this haircut on her Facebook so, like, she was there for that.

Leah: No, I mean, she knows that she—you know what I mean? So just remind her. Just remind her.

Nick: Yeah, that's all it needs. Another thought I had was, if you liked the cut and color, and she did a great job, and it's been more than a month, you might be due for another trim. In which case, ask just to just set up another appointment. And then at that appointment in person, you can pay for both.

Leah: Are people getting their hair cut every month?

Nick: I mean, I get my haircut trimmed every two weeks, but ...

Leah: Oh, wow!

Nick: Got to keep it high and tight.

Leah: High and tight!

Nick: Yeah. I'm even going today.

Leah: Oh, nice!

Nick: Yeah, and I'm four days late. I was supposed to have it the other day, yeah. He had to reschedule. Anyway ...

Leah: I have to find a new person in Los Angeles, because I had somebody who really gave me a whole new relationship with my hair in New York, and I stayed with her forever. And I got to find somebody new. I'm sure there's a myriad of choices, but ...

Nick: I mean, with your hair, it's just gonna be cheaper and easier to fly back to New York.

Leah: It really is. I should just go to New York.

Nick: You know, that's just the path of least resistance here. So anyway, yeah, so just remind, and that's all you need to do. And that's easy peasy.

Leah: Easy peasy.

Nick: So our next thing is actually a question from me, and I want to get Leah's take on this and our audience's take on this, because it was a little unusual. I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Here it is. And I'll quote myself. So here it is. Quote, "We recently received a small gift from one of our listeners, which was super nice. And let's just say her name was Michelle. So I'm about to write her a thank-you note, of course. And I noticed that on the return address, she spelled her name with one L, but on the card inside, she spelled her name with two Ls. And the penmanship is very neat, very nice, so it's definitely not a typo. So what is going on here, and what should I have done with my thank-you card?"

Leah: My guess ...

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: Is I would go with the spelling in the card.

Nick: Right. Yes, that feels more correct, right?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: But what is going on? Because it's not one of those names like Bobby and Robert, and we've just done, like, one way in one place and one way in another place. Like, this is missing a letter, which feels fundamental to how you spell your name.

Leah: Right.

Nick: So all right. So you would use the interior card spelling as the spelling.

Leah: Because I feel like that's—out of the two items, the interior card and the envelope, I feel like the interior card people spend more time on.

Nick: Okay. All right, so you think maybe it was a typo on the return address?

Leah: Like, they were just writing fast and it was like, a—if it was an L, it was, like, supposed to be like an L squared, and they just ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Or like, you know how sometimes you're writing on the envelope and there's like a little bump underneath it because you've already put the card in and, you know, maybe her hand skipped, or his hand.

Nick: Well, pause for a moment. You should write the envelope before the card goes in.

Leah: I'm just saying it happens.

Nick: I mean, okay. We're gonna put that aside for a second.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So here's what I did: I wrote the address on my card the way she wrote her address. And I wrote the interior of the card the way she wrote the interior of her card.

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: So I actually spelled it two different ways to mirror the way she did it. I have no idea if that's correct or not, but that was what I chose to do. So I don't know. I don't know if that was right. So she may get this and be like, "Oh, he spelled my name wrong," but I tried.

Leah: I mean, you did exactly what she did.

Nick: Right. But if she had a typo, now I have a typo. The other thing I was thinking of doing, but I thought, "Oh, this is probably even weirder," is to call it out somewhere on my card, and be like, "Oh, you spelled it this way this place and this way this place. So I'm spelling it this way. Hope it's correct!" To acknowledge that maybe I'm spelling your name wrong, but I thought now that's just drawing more attention to this than necessary. And so I thought, oh, let's not do that. But that was also a thought I had.

Leah: No, I can see having that thought. I feel like that's something that I would be like, "Should I be saying that I don't know which one it is because she wrote it?"

Nick: And then I should actually call you and be like, "I'm writing you a note, so could you tell me how to spell your name?"

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And then I show up at her house and check the other mail that's in her mailbox.

Leah: You just, like, go through her trash in the back. I mean, maybe she'll hear this and then she'll know how hard you tried.

Nick: I tried very hard. So yes, if you get a note from me out there and I spelled your name wrong, know that that was not a mistake. I did it because you did it.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So do you have any questions for us that may be a mistake? Let us know. You can let us know through our website, Wereyouraisedbywolves.com, or you can send us a text message or leave us a voicemail: (267) CALL-RBW.


Nick: And we're back, and now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: [whispers] Vent or Repent.

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna vent.

Nick: Bring it, I'm ready.

Leah: So this is actually a callback.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: I would like to call back to the time where I was in the washroom.

Nick: Mm-hmm. Which time? The time when you didn't flush?

Leah: I didn't flush.

Nick: That time? Okay.

Leah: And you actually brought this up, that was it a vent or a repent, because ...

Nick: Right, yes.

Leah: I felt so bad!

Nick: Well, you were shamed.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Publicly shamed, yeah.

Leah: And so yesterday, I was using a public washroom.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: And I came in after a woman, who—it wasn't totally flushed. It was kind of flushed. And I get it, because sometimes the flushes aren't strong, it doesn't go all the way down. And then as I dealt with the situation, I remembered that I was repentant. And it was at that moment that it hit me: what kind of a person calls out the person? I would never stick my head back out of the bathroom and be like, "Hey, did you not know how this works?" It just hit me in that moment. Why did I feel bad? She was rude.

Nick: Yes. Yeah, yeah. No, it is very rude to accuse someone of not flushing.

Leah: In front of other people.

Nick: Oh, this was—when you were shamed before, this was in front of other people?

Leah: There was other people in the bathroom.

Nick: Oh, I don't remember that detail. Oh, that's even worse! Oh, you were publicly shamed!

Leah: Yes, and I felt ashamed, and I was like, yes, I didn't try hard enough, I should have, you know, worked harder. But as it happened yesterday, also I was like, what's the big deal?

Nick: Well, I don't think we want to live in a world in which we just decide not to flush.

Leah: Yeah, but it wasn't not flushed. Like, there wasn't—you know, I just—it really flipped for me yesterday when I was on the other end of it. And I was like, imagine if I stuck my head out of the stall.

Nick: Yeah. No, that is rude. However, I think we do have an obligation to try our best and to make sure it was successful if possible. I don't think we want to just flush and go and not monitor the situation on the way out.

Leah: Well, of course. But I think that we should assume that everybody, unless it's like a disaster area, which in neither case it was not, it was obvious that somebody had tried, you know?

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So if it's obvious that someone's giving it a go, I don't know if you need to, like, call them out in a bathroom. So I'm switching my old repent to a vent.

Nick: Okay. Let the record show.

Leah: Let the record show. [laughs]

Nick: So for me, I would also like to vent. So I am finding myself on a bus in New York City, and I'm playing Two Dots, which is one of my favorite games on iPhone. And if you never played, it's fun. You just, like, make little squares of dots. It's very addictive. So I'm playing Two Dots, and I hear a little sound behind me, and it's like a little spritz sound. I'm like, oh, you know, somebody's, like, Purelling their hands. Okay, fine. And I go back to Two Dots, and then I start to smell something, and it's like, oh, that's someone's cologne. Okay, that's a bold choice, a little cologne on the bus. All right. But then this scent gets stronger and stronger, and I'm pretty confident it was Dior Fahrenheit, which is one of the strongest scents one can buy. I think it's the strongest scent on the market. I'm just gonna say that. And if you're not familiar, it was, like, very hot in the late-'80s. Picture, like, people taking a break from selling junk bonds on Wall Street to go have a power lunch at Lutèce, and they're wearing Dior Fahrenheit. So it's that. It is very much that. And this scent got so strong. You know when a scent gets so strong your eyes start to water, and you start to worry if it's carcinogenic?

Leah: [laughs] Yes.

Nick: Like, it was that. I had to relocate. It was a crowded bus. I had to, like, excuse myself past 40 people to get way to the other end. And it was really intense. It was really intense. And it's the type of scent that you can still smell. Like, the molecules get on your clothing. Like, they attach themselves. And so for hours later, I could still smell it on my shirt. And it was like, oh, that's really intense. So just as a reminder—in case we need this reminder—like, please do not spray cologne on public transportation. Like, let's just not do that, everybody. Let's not. Especially if it's a scent from the '80s.

Leah: [laughs] It's so intense, and it gets stuck in your nose, and then you're just with it all day.

Nick: So, ugh!

Leah: Very good vent. Also, great PSA for anybody who just doesn't realize how intense cologne is.

Nick: Yes. Maybe you don't realize. This was an innocent mistake. You know, no judgment, just don't do it again.

Leah: I have a friend that wears such intense cologne, that when he's near me, if he, like, goes in to hug me or something, it gets in my nose and then I feel like I can't feel my upper lip for, like, an hour. It's so much.

Nick: God! Oh, what scent is that?

Leah: I don't know what scent it is, but it's like, whoo!

Nick: With numbing agents.

Leah: Yeah. So you're like, "I think my tongue is swelling. This is out of control."


Nick: So, Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I don't know if I'm gonna recover from learning that monkeys don't eat bananas in the wild.

Nick: It's true, yes. You have been lied to by children's books. Curious George? Deceit.

Leah: I can't. It's blowing my mind.

Nick: And I learned that at a dinner party that involves milkshakes, Leah is gonna be way more fun than I am.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. If I had your address, I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery.

Leah: He will.

Nick: I will. So for your homework this week, I want you to follow us on social media. That's your Facebook, your Instagram, your Twitter, and then share us with everybody you know.

Leah: We would love it.

Nick: We would. So please do that, and we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!


Nick: All right, Leah, it's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I want to switch my cordial of kindness from a person to—this week, I just really want to say shout out to nature.

Nick: Oh, broad!

Leah: I feel like I'm very—I always feel so grateful for nature, but I wanted—and I wanted to voice that because I just love being able to go walk outside in the trees. And I'm just always so—it's so amazing. And I love nature. And I just want to say I'm very grateful for nature.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I don't think that's what this is, this segment. But ...

Leah: I don't think so either, but I'm just overwhelmed by it. So I just had to say it out loud.

Nick: Okay, we'll let it slide. And for me, we got a lovely note, which is, quote, "My husband, nine-year-old son and I just took a five and a half hour drive to go camping, and we listened to your podcast the entire drive. Round trip. Before long, we were all singing the theme song, howling along with Leah and saying together with Nick, "Our next question is, quote." My husband said he could drive across the country listening only to this show, and I totally agree. Thanks, Nick and Leah, for this important and entertaining show that's perfect for all ages. You guys are simply the best."

Leah: That is so nice!

Nick: Isn't that nice? So thank you for that. That makes our day.