May 23, 2022

Drinking Tea with Milk, Wearing Bright Colors At Funerals, Parking In Someone Else's Spot, and More

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle drinking tea with milk, wearing bright nail polish to funerals, parking in someone else's reserved spot, and much more.

Etiquette, manners, and beyond! In this episode, Nick and Leah tackle drinking tea with milk, wearing bright nail polish to funerals, parking in someone else's reserved spot, and much more. Please follow us! (We'd send you a hand-written thank you note if we could.)

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  • AMUSE-BOUCHE: Drinking tea with milk
  • A QUESTION OF ETIQUETTE: Dressing rooms
  • QUESTIONS FROM THE WILDERNESS: What do I do about a friend who wants us to pay for her birthday party and get her a gift? What do I do about someone who thinks we never sent them a thank you note for their wedding present? Is it OK to wear bright nail polish to a funeral?
  • VENT OR REPENT: Finding a car in your spot, Drag racing in New York
  • CORDIALS OF KINDNESS: Dog communities, A thoughtful gift







Hosts: Nick Leighton & Leah Bonnema

Producer & Editor: Nick Leighton

Theme Music: Rob Paravonian



Episode 140


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Nick: Do you pour your tea and milk in the wrong order? Do you demand gifts from your friends? Do you wear bright nail polish to funerals? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse-bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about tea.

Leah: Woo!

Nick: So in a previous episode we talked about how to hold the teacup, and so for today I want to talk about how to fill the teacup. So Leah, are you a tiffy or a miffy?

Leah: [laughs] Oh, I—a tiffy or a miffy. They both sound like a very good time.

Nick: Have you heard these terms?

Leah: No, I haven't. I have not, but I love them and I'm hoping to integrate them into my regular daily life.

Nick: So these terms refer to whether or not you put your tea in first—a tiffy—or milk in first—a miffy—when you're having tea. So Leah, are you a tiffy or a miffy?

Leah: Can I ask a question first?

Nick: Absolutely.

Leah: So I'm gonna assume that tiffy or miffy is only when we're talking about tea where the tea is steeping in a pot. It's not as if we're just doing a cup of tea with the tea bag in, because then obviously you would have to be a tiffy.

Nick: Right.

Leah: But if we're talking about, like, there's a pot of tea where that's where it's steeping, is that what we're talking about?

Nick: We're talking about a situation in which you have the option of pouring either tea or milk into your tea cup first.

Leah: But the tea is already brewed, is what I'm saying.

Nick: Yes, we have brewed tea. Yeah, if there's a tea bag, like, what is wrong with you? Right, of course.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: But yes, it's just a teapot of brewed tea ready to pour.

Leah: Well, that's how I have life tea bags. I'm not in the other—so okay, we're stepping out of my—I feel like I— not "I feel like," I know I'm a tiffy, but I feel like I'm supposed to be a miffy.

Nick: Well, that's the question today: which is correct?

Leah: I'm trying to remember all of the episodes of The Crown that I've watched.

Nick: There was a lot of tea drinking.

Leah: There's so much tea in there. I personally would tiffy, but I feel like—am I remembering that she miffied?

Nick: No. No, you're not. She's a tiffy.

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: Yeah. No, the royal family, they're all tiffys. And it's actually a bit of a snobby insult to call someone a milk-in-first sort of person. And so yeah, I guess it's considered more posh to be tiffy—tea in first. And the reason for this is a little murky, but most people explain it as when tea was new to Europe, our cups were so terrible that if you put in hot water first, it would shatter the cup. It would, like, break the cup. And so you needed to add a little milk first to prevent the thermal shock, and lower the temperature just enough so your cups wouldn't break. But then wealthy people had access to the better porcelain, and the better porcelain didn't do that. And so the wealthy people could put their tea in first, where all the lower-class people had to put their milk in first. And so that's one origin story for, like, miffy versus tiffy.

Nick: But I mean, is that really the case? I mean, people were drinking tea for many years before we started adding milk to it. Were cups just shattering all over the world? Is that what was happening? I don't know.

Leah: Chaos.

Nick: But this is one explanation. But there have been scientists that did actually do research and determined that milk in first actually does taste better, because when you add milk to the hot water, it actually changes the protein structure of the milk and can create a different texture and taste that some people actually can detect. And so scientists say that better tasting tea actually happens when you do the milk in first.

Leah: I mean, I don't even know—I guess you would have to know exactly how much milk you want to add because tea in first, then you add the milk knowing what color you're going for.

Nick: Yes. And I think at the end of the day, that's the argument why tiffy is correct. Because yeah, how would you know how much milk to add?

Leah: How would you know?

Nick: Because we don't do that for coffee. Like, are there people out there who add the milk first before their coffee? I don't think so.

Leah: I haven't met them.

Nick: So I think tea is also the same way. You just don't know how strong it is until you see it.

Leah: But I'm gonna start calling people "miffys" when I'm insulting them. "Oh, you seem like a milk in first kind of a person."

Nick: Oh, very Evelyn Waugh!

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So at the end of the day, which is actually correct? I mean, there's debate in households, there are miffys and tiffys. People have very strong feelings either way. And so this is just one of those things that exist in the world. I want you to know about it. And whenever you're pouring tea, just make a conscious choice about who you are—if you're a tiffy or a miffy. Don't do it unintentionally. Make a choice which team you're on and stick with it.

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: Me personally? I'm a towie—tea only. I don't do milk in my tea, so I opt out of this whole argument.

Leah: You know I hate to bring up a similarity, Nick. Again.

Nick: Do you not do milk either?

Leah: I also don't do milk in my tea. I do milk in my coffee. So I was comparing.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, interesting!

Leah: I mean, we both don't do hot tubs, and we both don't do milk in our tea.

Nick: I mean, the similarities just keep coming. Are we the same person?

Leah: Are we the same person?

Nick: No.

Leah: Only opposite.

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back, and now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and piles? No. Deep and—deep and through many doors.

Nick: Okay. Well, for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about dressing rooms.

Leah: Sometimes it feels very high stakes in there. I'm gonna be honest.

Nick: Yeah. So I'm thinking dressing rooms in a department store, in a boutique, probably clothing. Probably clothing is the category, right? Are the dressing rooms for anything else? Not really.

Leah: I was gonna say I can't think of any other kind of dressing rooms.

Nick: Yeah. Scuba suits? No.

Leah: It's still clothing. I mean, I think the same rules will apply.

Nick: Okay. Well, so let's talk about it.

Leah: This is, I think, not—just as a quickie throw out there, if you're the kind of person who just walks into a dressing room and is—don't fling open the doors. Assume that there's probably somebody in there.

Nick: Oh! Yes, that's valid.

Leah: Because there are dressing rooms where the person working out front will be like, "Go to number six. Check out number one." But then there are dressing rooms where you just go in there.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And I've definitely been in dressing rooms with people who are just throwing open doors or curtains when there are curtains. And you're like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey!"

Nick: Yeah, I think we want to do a foot check first.

Leah: Do a foot check.

Nick: And I think we want to do, like, a "Oh, is there anybody in here?" verbal check.

Leah: Yeah. "Hey, somebody. What's up?"

Nick: Now what about a buffer? Do you have to have a buffer stall? Is this an occasion when we also buffer?

Leah: If there is room to buffer, I would buffer.

Nick: Okay. I feel like I don't need a buffer as much in a dressing room situation, but yeah, maybe—maybe that is nice.

Leah: I don't feel like I need one as much, but if there's room, why would I not? Just because if I'm the person changing and I know there's a whole line, and then the only other person in there comes and stands directly next to me I think, "What's going on right now?"

Nick: Yeah, I'm gonna get murdered.

Leah: Why—is somebody about to jump over the top of this and change with me? Like, what's happening?

Nick: So a couple of things on my little bullet point list that I would love to discuss. The first is, if you're on your phone, I know people like to do photoshoots in there, want to FaceTime with friends. "How does this look?" And I think that's fine, but I think we do need to be mindful that, like, you are now probably being louder than you normally would be if you were not on your phone. And you might also be taking up more time than you ordinarily would. So we have to be mindful of, like, other people waiting.

Leah: Yeah, I haven't had that happen yet, but now that you say it, I'm sure that happens all the time. People want people to see pics.

Nick: Oh, for sure. Oh, absolutely. And I think if you're gonna take video or photos in a dressing room area, I think you need to be very careful about not getting anybody else in the shot.

Leah: Yeah, and I would just do it in your own little cubicle, because it will make other people anxious if you're out there in the big mirror taking and then people are walking.

Nick: Right. I have been in dressing rooms where the person in the next stall was on the phone the whole time just having a conversation, just catching up with somebody. And I don't care for that.

Leah: I don't care for that either.

Nick: So I think we just need to be mindful of, like, oh, we're still in public.

Leah: Yeah, we're still sharing airspace. Sharing airspace that other people are now forced to be in with you.

Nick: Right. Yes. Oh, it's in the same category as, like, not having loud conversations in elevators or loud conversations in bathrooms, or anywhere where you're now imposing on other people.

Leah: Sometimes there's dressing rooms where you're really on your own.

Nick: Right.

Leah: And then there's dressing rooms where people are knocking. "Do you need anything? Can I get you anything? How is that size?"

Nick: And apparently, people who work in stores, one of their major pet peeves—and there's a lot that I was looking up, one of them is when they come up to your dressing room and they're like, "Hey, do you need anything?" And you don't say anything back. Apparently, this is very common that you just, like, play possum and just don't say anything. Don't do that. Acknowledge that you have been addressed and be like, "No, I'm good." But to say nothing, that's super rude.

Leah: Yeah, that's weird too.

Nick: Right? Very weird.

Leah: We're all pretending I'm not in here.

Nick: Yeah. And it was like, "Oh, but you are." So ...

Leah: "I could see your feet."

Nick: "Are you okay?"

Leah: I always just say "I'm good, thanks."

Nick: Yeah, that's all you need to say. But apparently, not saying anything? Very common.

Leah: And then I think if you do want help with something, that's the time to be like, "Oh, I really love this. Can I get it in another size?"

Nick: Yeah. No, if they offer assistance and you need it, then absolutely take them up on it. Sure, no problem.

Leah: And then I do—I have been in places where people I think they have to be in there asking questions, and you kind of just want to be left alone because you're trying on different outfits and it's terrorizing. That's how I feel in dressing rooms. I hate shopping. I hate shopping. So I just want to get in and get out. So I'll just be like, "I'm good. I'm just checking these things out. Thank you so much. I don't need any help." And then I always—I feel like I always hang everything back up. And then I usually ...

Nick: Oh.

Leah: And I'm definitely always hanging everything back up. But then I always try to put it on the—usually there's, like, a rack that you bring your clothes to and you hang. And then some places they say, "No, no, no. Let me get it."

Nick: Right. I mean, I think you need to do something with the clothing. You cannot wad it up in a big ball in the corner.

Leah: Which people are clearly doing. I'm seeing it.

Nick: Oh. No. People? Like, do you do this at home? Is this what your house looks like? I mean, I hope not.

Leah: I mean, I do do it at home, but I do not do it in public, let me tell you that.

Nick: [laughs] Yes. You need to treat the clothes with a certain amount of respect.

Leah: Some places they don't want you to put them on the whatever that thing is in the middle where it's like you can bring your clothes out to. And they'll say, "Oh, just leave it in your room." But I'd still hang it up.

Nick: Yes. I mean, follow instructions but yeah, don't just wad it on the floor.

Leah: Mm-mm.

Nick: Relatedly, and this is a bigger issue with, like, men's shirts, is that there's often a lot of the garbage that comes with the men's shirt. There's the plastic collar thing, and then there's, like, the plastic things around the buttons, and then there's a thousand pins keeping it all together. And people just whip these things out, and now they're all over the floor of the dressing room. And so that's inconsiderate. I think allowing pins to stab your fellow shoppers is rude. So you want to be very mindful when that's happening.

Leah: Yeah, that's—I never even thought of that.

Nick: Yeah, it's a big hazard with men's clothing. Like, a nice way to handle it is ask the store do they have the shirt that you want to try on already open, and so you can just take it off a hanger rather than unpackaging it all. But if you do unpackage it, there's just gonna be a lot of trash that's associated with that, and that should also not go on the floor.

Leah: Yeah, I feel like there should be nothing on the floor when you exit your cubicle.

Nick: Yes. It should be a "Leave it how you found it." It's like a nature walk. Take only pictures. And then lastly, I just want to mention that in Japan, you need to have your shoes off. I don't think there's a dressing room in the entire country where you're allowed to have shoes on in a dressing room. So just know if you're gonna be buying clothing in Japan, you gotta take off your shoes. It's like the one time that a Japanese person will probably yell at you. So make sure no shoes Japanese dressing room.

Leah: Are you leaving them at the front or do you take them off in your cubicle?

Nick: There will be an opportunity to remove your shoes while you're, like, approaching the dressing area.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: And so it'll be very obvious, like, where that's gonna happen. Yeah, you don't take your shoes off, like, when you enter the store, most likely. Unless it's like a tatami store. But yes, as you're about to try something on, there will be an opportunity to, like, take off your shoes. And so take advantage of that because they really take the whole shoes in the dressing room thing very seriously.

Leah: Good to know!

Nick: FYI.

Leah: I love knowing that because I hate the idea that I would be yelled at anywhere. So I like to know in advance how to not be yelled at.

Nick: Well, that's what I'm here for.

Leah: Our show is now called Ways to Not Be Yelled At.

Nick: [laughs] Right. I mean, it's not not that.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "A friend of mine celebrates her birthday every year, and each year she comes up with increasingly ridiculous requests. For example, it started out with asking us to bring our own drinks, then has escalated into us bringing our own drinks and food for a barbecue. On top of this, she still expects us to bring a gift. Is this rude? If so, how can I bring this up politely? She's a close friend, so I don't want to miss her birthday. But this really goes against my morals."

Leah: I feel like on my birthday I'm never expecting gifts. The gift is getting to hang out with my friends.

Nick: Yes. And that actually is the gift I want. Yes.

Leah: And I assume it's not like a potluck where she's saying, "Hey, I'm gonna do a potluck for my birthday." She's saying, "Hey, you guys bring all the barbecue."

Nick: Yeah. No, she's definitely, like, demanding a certain event is happening.

Leah: I mean, it just seems like she's asking people to stock the birthday.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Food and drinks and presents.

Nick: Right. She's asking other people to throw her a birthday party. That's basically what's happening. Right. And so what do you do about it? I mean, we have a friend that, like, doesn't want to do it but still likes their friend. So how do we reconcile these two very competing ideas?

Leah: One thing I just want to throw out is: are we absolutely sure our friend is expecting us to bring a gift? Maybe they just wanted the barbecue. "For my birthday, I want to do barbecue, and that's the gift."

Nick: I think that's a totally valid question. I mean, our letter-writer feels like there is the expectation of a gift. It was right in their letter. But whether or not maybe that's true or not, that's a good question. Maybe there is not actually that expectation, and our letter-writer is sort of assuming that.

Leah: Because if you're supposed to bring food and drink and gift, that's three gifts.

Nick: Yes, I do feel like all of it is part of the gift then. Right. I mean, I guess if there is the expectation for a gift, I mean, it doesn't have to be extravagant. You know, it could be a token thing.

Leah: Yeah. You could bring the barbecue, and then make some cookies and have a card.

Nick: Yeah. I think that could be sort of the way to go with that. The other idea I had was: maybe you and your friends should actually throw a party for her more formally. Like, "Hey, we want to throw you a birthday party. And so just show up at this place at this time, and we're gonna throw a birthday party for you." And then that way you can throw a party that meets your budget and your morals, and you can just invite the birthday person to the party and then how nice!

Leah: But if this person keeps being like, "This is what I want to do this year. This is what you need to bring and, you know, bring me a gift!" If that's really how direct this person is asking for stuff ...

Nick: Then I think you just go with it. Like, if this is a friend of yours, you know that's the deal. That's the cost of this friendship. And so get on board or don't get on board but, like, that's the train that's leaving the station.

Leah: I mean, how could I bring this up politely?

Nick: No.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] No, you could. I mean, you could have a polite-yet-direct conversation with your friend.

Leah: I mean, you could say, "I really want to—you know, you're one of my close friends. I obviously want to be a part of your birthday party." You know, is it a budget thing where you'd be like, I can't get you what I wanted to get you and this barbecue?

Nick: I think because morals was brought up in the letter, I feel like it's just the principle of the thing.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: It's not even the cost. I think it's just like, "Oh, I have a friend that's demanding not only do I show up at a certain time, but that I also pay for it and supply the food and drink and bring a gift. And I don't love any of that." I feel like that's kind of the issue. And yeah, I don't think you have to love any of that. I don't love any of that. But that sounds like that's kind of the deal. And so unless you want to have a polite-yet-direct conversation with your friend about all of that, then you've just got to live with it because, like, what are your choices? You can do nothing or you can say something that's polite and direct.

Leah: No, you have three choices, but she already said you can do nothing and be like this is, as you said, the cost of this friendship.

Nick: Right.

Leah: This is who she is.

Nick: Yep.

Leah: She wants to have this whole thing to do. She wants to tell everybody what she wants.

Nick: Yep.

Leah: You can—even though you said you don't want to miss her birthday, you can not go.

Nick: Oh, that's true. Yeah, that is on the table.

Leah: And then you can say, "Hey, I can't make that. Would love to take you out for dinner on blank date."

Nick: Hmm. Okay.

Leah: And then have it on your terms. Or the only other third option is to sit down and say, "Hey, blank."

Nick: Right. Whatever that blank is. And as long as blank is polite, direct, non-judgmental, value-neutral, I guess that's the conversation.

Leah: And my guess is this friend who's like this is gonna say, "But that's what I want."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think you know what type of mileage you're gonna get out of that conversation with this friend. And so I guess you'd have to decide is it worth it?

Leah: So I think our letter-writer also just wants to know whether or not we think it's rude that the friend keeps planning and expecting presents at the same time.

Nick: Yes. Oh, I'll give you that. Absolutely.

Leah: I also—I mean, I genuinely don't know anybody who expects presents anymore.

Nick: Yeah, I think that is not wonderful to demand presents. Although we live in a world in which people are registering for things with no occasion. I've seen on Facebook people just putting a registry for gifts and there's no reason for it. There's no birth, there's no marriage, there's no housewarming, it's just here's a gift registry on a Tuesday. So there is definitely some people out there who just feel like oh, people should buy me stuff. And so, you know, that's a thing that happens in the world.

Leah: Well, I do think some of the registries are for people who think that things should be celebrated where it's not always marriage or birth. You know, it's like new job or new life.

Nick: Oh, sure. Yes. No, there's a lot of people that are using registries for a lot of different reasons—or no reasons.

Leah: But I've definitely seen when people are just like, "If you ever wanted to buy me something randomly, here's my Amazon wish list."

Nick: Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Yes. That. And it's kind of like I don't know what we do with that. So I do think this type of person does exist in the world. And I think you have to just decide how much engagement you want to have with that type of person.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I was married about six months ago, and we wrote and mailed all of our thank-you notes within three weeks after the wedding. The other day, one of my parents' friends made a comment to my mom about never receiving a thank-you note for their wedding gift. I am 1,000 percent certain that I mailed it. I remember writing it, putting it in the mailbox, and even referenced an old checklist to confirm. It is possible that the letter was lost in the mail. I'm afraid that they truly believe we never sent them a thank-you note and they're now a little hostile about this, which really upsets me. How do I handle this situation?"

Leah: Congratulations to you both.

Nick: Three weeks! I guess somebody was a little busy. Hmm. It took a while. No, I'm kidding!

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: That's wonderful that you got them out faster than average. Three weeks is great.

Leah: I'm gonna give you three years.

Nick: Oh, three years? Do not listen to Leah Bonnema. I'm gonna bleep you. Oh, gosh! Why would you even say that? Don't even put that in the universe.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: But checklists? I mean, I love this letter-writer. I mean, how great is this?

Leah: I mean, this person is so clearly on top of it. I think they told your mother.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So you can contact them and say, "Hey, mom said that you didn't get a thank-you note from us. I'm so upset. I wrote one, I mailed it, I double-checked on my list. I'm 100 percent sure it went out. Must have been lost in the mail."

Nick: Yeah, I think we definitely need to not drop this. Yeah, we do need to let them know that we now know, and we are so sorry about this.

Leah: Yeah. And then they should drop it.

Nick: They should definitely drop it and not be hostile. Correct. Now would you send a new note? How would you want to communicate this to these hostile people?

Leah: I mean, Leah today, who's had a very irritating morning, would answer that question depending on how they responded to me when I said, "Hey, I heard you told my mother that you're upset."

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then I would check their response. And then depending on their response, maybe they get another one.

Nick: I see. Okay.

Leah: But I mean, catch me on a different day and I'd say, "Of course, just send another one out."

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. I mean, etiquette can depend on the day, I guess. I would probably send them a new note. And in that note, I would apologize that they hadn't received the first note. And then I would go on to explain how much I love the Lladro figurines that they sent. And so kind of do a two-part note that covers both bases. And then I would take this envelope with my note, and then I would put it in a larger envelope that had a tracking number on it. And then I would mail it to them with, like, signature required. And so I know that they received it. Is that a little aggressive? Signature required is a little aggressive.

Leah: I don't know. I mean, it's quite possible that these people who go tattletale to your mother actually got it and blanked it.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess that's possible. Although I think people who keep track of such things and, you know, I count myself among them, I know if I got the note or not, and then I can mentally check it off my internal mental checklist. And it's not an open item.

Leah: That I think you don't need signature required. You could just do a tracking number.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, even, like, a tracking number is a little aggressive.

Leah: Even a tracking number is aggressive.

Nick: But, you know, I kind of like it. It's like, ever-so-slightly aggressive, but there's plausible deniability. And so that's a nice balance sometimes.

Leah: Then you can just say, "I just wanted to make sure you got it."

Nick: Exactly.

Leah: "So you didn't have to go talk to my mother again."

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I guess I'm a little aggressive today, too. I guess it really does depend on the day. Yeah, because I think on another day, I would not be like, "Oh, you should totally send it return receipt, certified registered mail." Actually, you should hand-deliver it. You should actually get a process server and subpoena them. [laughs] I mean, these are all great options. Actually, process server. That's the answer here. Next question.

Leah: I mean, our letter-writer is clearly so on top of it. There's a checklist.

Nick: Well, what I actually am bothered by is that one of the nice things about always trying to do the right thing, the courteous thing, is that you then get a reputation for being that type of person. Like, Leah, you are known as being a nice, mindful person who's always on time. And so when something happens—if you were late for some reason—you would always be given the benefit of the doubt. Always. Nobody would be like, "Oh, Leah Bonnema, that's just who she is." Nobody would ever say that. And I can't imagine that our letter-writer, who has checklists, who got her notes done so quickly, is the type of person that doesn't have this reputation in her community. And so that this family friend thinks that she is this type of person, that bothers me. Because it's like, do you not even know me and my character? You think this is a character flaw? Like, do I have nothing in the bank with you? Is my reputation meaningless? And so I'm actually bothered by that aspect of this question.

Leah: I feel like you have verbalized perfectly what was bubbling up inside of me, because something bothered me about the person going to the mom when our letter-writer is clearly so conscientious. And you put the perfect words to it. And also, thank you so much for the compliment.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: But that's what it is. It's like, obviously you're not this type of person. Why are they going talking to your mom?

Nick: Yeah, yeah. No, I don't love any of that. So I think just send them a new note. And whether or not you want to serve them in person or not, it's up to you. And then I think just close the book on this one.

Leah: And then never invite them to anything ever again.

Nick: Oh, yeah. I don't think they're gonna be on your Christmas card list now.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So ...

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: Our next question ...

Leah: Nick and I are coming in hot today!

Nick: [laughs] So our next question is quote, "In two weeks, I'm going to be going to a memorial service for my husband's grandfather. The weekend before, I'll be getting my biweekly dip powder redo on my nails. I've really enjoyed expressing myself with bold and bright nail colors like teal with coral accents, or a bold, vibrant fuchsia. But it occurs to me that this might be disrespectful to the tone of the setting. Generally, it seems like most funerals have done away with the all-black attire for something more casual. But I worry that this might be pushing the limits, and I think I might just have to resign myself to boring soft pink nails for the next few weeks. Your thoughts?"

Leah: I think that if you're worried about it, just don't do it.

Nick: Yeah, trust your gut on this one. And I think the reason why we want to wear dark colors at funerals is that that's kind of the tradition for a lot of people. And I think a lot of people, especially the people who are mourning, do find that there's comfort in those traditions. And so I think following those traditions would be, like, the right move here. And so not wearing a nail color that's too flashy or catches people's eyes in the wrong way, yeah, I think that's probably the way to go.

Leah: I think if you showed up at the funeral, you hadn't thought about it in advance, you had bright nails, oh well. You know what I mean? You're mourning, you have your ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: But if you're thinking about it this far in advance, you are already going to the salon to then—just change it for two weeks. You know what I mean? Because you're already thinking about it.

Nick: Yeah. And I think because you are thinking about it and you think there might be a problem, well, then who needs the aggravation? Just err on the side of caution.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So do you have questions for us? Oh, yes you do! Let us know. You can let us know through our website: Or you can leave a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: [whispers] Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: Oh, I am gonna vent, Nick.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. It's been a day. What has happened?

Leah: Okay, let me just set the scene for our listeners about where I live and what the parking situation is here.

Nick: Okay, sure.

Leah: I live in downtown Hollywood.

Nick: Mm-hmm!

Leah: There is no street parking. It's permit parking, and then parking spots for my building. And also, we have events constantly in our area, so most of my street permit parking is usually taken up. So basically you have a spot, that spot is your entire life for where you're gonna put your car. That's what you're paying for in your rent.

Nick: Yeah. Okay.

Leah: Coming home from work on a Friday night, so it is—downtown Hollywood's poppin'.

Nick: Mm.

Leah: Somebody is in our parking spot.

Nick: [gasps] Oh, like in your building?

Leah: In our building.

Nick: In your parking lot.

Leah: Behind the—you know, you got a press in a little code.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Behind the gate!

Nick: Oh!

Leah: Somebody is in our parking spot. And not only are they in our parking spot, but they have pushed the mirrors in. Meaning "I'm gonna be here all night." You know what I mean? You don't push your mirrors in when you're running in to get something for 10 minutes.

Nick: Okay!

Leah: So it's late. I message our—you know, we have a building manager on site. I message her, and in the title I say, "If you're up, there's somebody in my spot."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then say, "Sorry it's so late. Just got home from work. Someone's in our spot. What do I do?" And then she writes back and says, "We give them 30 minutes, and in 30 minutes we call the towing company."

Nick: Absolutely.

Leah: So then I go look for the towing company. I take a picture of the license plate. It's a brand new Mercedes.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: So then my partner is like, "This person is in the building. That's why they closed their—" Well, our building manager assumed that they somehow had the old number, parked and were, like, running to do an errand or something.

Nick: Oh! Oh, no. My assumption is that they're a guest of somebody who lives in the building.

Leah: So he starts walking around and goes, "Black Mercedes, out of the spot!" And then we hear there's a party literally right next door to us.

Nick: Oh, yeah?

Leah: So he knocks on the door and he goes, "Does anybody there have a black Mercedes?" And they're all like, "What? What? What?" And he goes, "Do you have a black Mercedes? Because you're in our spot and you're about to be towed."

Nick: Yeah!

Leah: "And we're trying to give you a heads up. And they're like, "Oh, my goodness! Yeah, we're in your spot." And then went and moved it.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: So I messaged back my building manager. I say, "Hey, it was the woman in apartment number blank, and she's having a party. And she had one of her guests park there. And our building manager was like, "Oh, no. I'm gonna talk to her." And I just left that. I just messaged her back and said, "Thank you so much for helping me this late at night." And then I was like, woman in apartment number blank is gonna come to us at some point over the next two days and be like, "So sorry that you actually spent extra time late at night trying to find us instead of just towing us."

Nick: Oh, Leah. That's adorable that you think that!

Leah: I was like, "I'm gonna wake up. There's going to be, like, a ...

Nick: A gift basket?

Leah: ... a fruit basket." And be like, "So sorry. I really appreciate you going out of your way to not tow us, which is what would have happened had you not gone around the building looking for us because you're mindful, caring people."

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: I have not heard a single word.

Nick: Oh, of course not.

Leah: Can you imagine? You park in somebody's spot that they pay for late at night on a Friday night. Obviously, there's no parking in all of Hollywood. Then instead of you getting towed, which is what the protocol is, we find you to give you a heads up and then you don't say thank you?

Nick: Yeah, I don't think you were gonna get a thank you.

Leah: I mean, I would be mortified. I would be mortified.

Nick: Yes, because you're a nice person that doesn't do selfish things.

Leah: I feel like I want to mention to her that maybe she should be a little bit mortified.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, you're never gonna get that satisfaction from this type of person. So to seek it is gonna be totally futile.

Leah: Well, I feel much better now that I got it out here.

Nick: I mean, that's what this is for. And for me, I would also like to vent.

Leah: Tell us!

Nick: And my vent is also about vehicles. So in New York City, we do not expect pin-drop quiet. Like, that's just not what we expect. Noise is kind of the deal, and you actually do get used to it to the point where when you go somewhere else where it is quiet, you actually find it disturbing and uncomfortable because your brain gets used to a certain level of stimuli, and when it doesn't have that, your brain is like, "Are we dying?" And so that's the deal. There is just ambient noise in New York City. However, there is an issue in New York City, and it is becoming increasingly worse, where people are having drag races down the street.

Leah: [gasps]

Nick: People are modifying their Honda Civics. I don't know what they're doing to them, but they sound like race cars. They maybe are race cars, and they are racing down the street, 50, 60 miles an hour. Residential streets in New York City. And it's not just one car. It's, like, multiple cars, where you actually feel like you're on a racetrack. Like, it's Daytona. It's the Indy 500 out there. Like, it's the muffler sound. It's so loud and obnoxious, and it's at all hours. I mean, it's at all hours. And this is going on throughout the entire city, it's not just my neighborhood. And it's a major problem right now, and it is so rude because it is done with the explicit purpose of making noise and being obnoxious. Like, it's deliberate. It's not like, "Oh, I guess I should check out my muffler next time I'm bringing it in the shop." Like, "No, I purposely modified my Ford Focus so that it could make more noise." And so for that, it's rude, and I think I just want to vent about it.

Leah: Oh, how annoying!

Nick: It's annoying because it's real loud. I mean, it is like a decibel level that is probably unsafe.

Leah: I just imagine, like, some mom who just put their infant to bed who'd been, like, crying for 13 hours and they finally got them, like, nice and sleeping and they had their bottle. And then this drag car goes by on the street. I would want to go out there and just murder them!

Nick: Yeah, 10 of them in a row! And then they go around the block, around and around because, you know, you need to have a racetrack. So obviously, you gotta go around a couple of times, Oh, it's the worst.

Leah: You're like, "Hey, I'm doing a podcast in here!"

Nick: Well, I mean, our listeners don't know: we sometimes have to stop because of noise on the street. Because I'm just in my apartment right now. And, like, there are many times when there's a siren and we're like, "All right, Leah, hang on. Hold that thought. Let the siren pass and then we continue."

Leah: It's sirens for Nick and helicopters for me.

Nick: Right. Yeah. These are the hazards of being in LA and New York City trying to do a podcast not in the studio. Yeah. The things we do for y'all. But drag races? Ugh. I mean, it's really impossible.

Leah: Oh, FSR!

Nick: FSR!

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned miffy tiffy, tiffy miffy.

Nick: And which one are you?

Leah: I'm a tiffy.

Nick: And I learned that you still believe that people who act horribly will see the light and will apologize for their bad deeds.

Leah: Yes, I do believe that.

Nick: Oh, it's adorable!

Leah: I might walk over there and be like, "Hey, did you have something you wanted to say to me about saving your friend's car on my time?"

Nick: [laughs] Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would.

Nick: So for your homework this week, I want you to follow us on all the social medias and subscribe to our newsletter, and I want you to visit our website and click on "Monthly Membership" and see if that's something you'd like to do.

Leah: We'd so appreciate it.

Nick: We would! And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I would like to do a big shoutout of gratitude for the amazing dog community that I'm meeting here in Los Angeles.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: It's just like lovely people who sort of all come together for the love of their dogs. And we have helpful, sharing conversations. And in general, people have just been so nice. And it's really lifted my spirits in life.

Nick: Community. It's a nice thing.

Leah: It really is!

Nick: And for me, we got a lovely note from one of you all through, which as a reminder, you can send in some cordials of kindness, and it goes like this. Quote, "My husband recently extended a dinner invitation to a work friend's family. The other couple has a toddler son very close in age to our daughter. They brought the best hostess gift of a new small toy car for our daughter, while the son brought a similar one of his own so that the two could play together without the usual toy-sharing struggles of two year olds still learning. It was perfect."

Leah: How great! So great!

Nick: Isn't that lovely? I mean, thoughtfulness, small gesture, big impact? Love it!

Leah: Love it, and thank you for sharing that with us.

Nick: It's wonderful. So thank you.